NationStates Jolt Archive


Return to Traditional Family.

Guerraheim
10-07-2005, 04:17
I've seen many threads here that lament the decline in traditional family values in America today. What I want to know is, does anyone have a solution to the problem? How can we undo the hedonistic corruption that has consumed our culture?

I believe it is time to loudly proclaim the only valid bases of marriage, sex, and propogation are the benifit of the family. There will be detractors, but they must be shouted down, as their influence will surely decline after a return to family values triggers the return of family influence.

Every patriotic American knows that that which reduces the power of government is good, yet we continue to praise such degeneracy as marriages of "love." "Love," was only invented as a way for liberal European governments to break up the power of the traditional family. The traditional family that we know to be a man, a wife, their children, their spouses and children, the man's younger syblings and their spouses and children, the man's concubines, their children, and the children of the local dead and destitute to act as servants.

Now that powerful institution of the family has been broken down into tiny social units hardly worthy of the name. A man, his wife, and their pre-adult children? A harlot and her bastards? A widower who has yet to take other wives so he can pay attention to his children like a wet nurse? These aren't families. They aren't even a decent game of bridge.

Who could object to this revitalizing of the American family? Only realtors afraid that they will no longer be able to rent out studio apartments, and liberal politicians and propogandists like Senator Richard Santorum or Patrick Robertson.

Surely men will cheer to realize that they're entitled to all the women they can afford as is their ancient birthright as ordained by God.

Surely women will see how much happier their lives will be when they can stop complaining of their husbands that "he doesn't listen to me" "he doesn't understand me" "he just doesn't want to communicate." She can indulge in all of those womanly concerns with a household full of women who know exactly what she's going through with the exact same man.

Will teenagers not be relieved to hear that their long awkward nightmare of social rejection and humiliation known as dating will be a thing of the past? Boys and girls will not need to waste years of time and effort learning social skills that are only useful once in their lives and otherwise lead to a string of painful failures. No, every woman will find a husband by being sold to him by her father.

Young men will not need to waste all that awkward tension on grand gestures that will almost certainly be taken the wrong way. He need only strike a deal with her father, using the same social skills that will stand him in good stead his whole life as he learns to bargain for used cars, the price of a house, or the number of grapefruits that are to be exchanged for a goat.

Imagine what it will mean for your efforts to find a house? You won't find a house. You'll just build another room onto your parents house. Think of the money you'll save!

Wondering who'll take care of you when you're old? Your children will. They'll have no choice, they live in your house!

Wondering how to talk to your daughters about sex? Tell them that if they have it you won't be able to get a good price for them and they'll end up married to a shoe shiner or a janitor. Either that, or you'll have to kill her because she's making you look bad in front of the neighbors.

All these reasons and more herald the return to family values! Stand up and tell the degenerates around you that you will tolerate this decline no longer. You're children will never move out of the house. You're moving back in with your parents. You're selling your daughters and adopting an unwanted Chinese baby girl who you will raise to be your housekeeper.

Family Values Again! Family Values Forever!
Felinisia
10-07-2005, 04:22
wow...
Sarkasis
10-07-2005, 04:23
Reminds me of life and traditions in the tribal areas of Pakistan (familial house with all the 4 generations crammed together).
CSW
10-07-2005, 04:35
Sarcasm alert.


Nicely played. :D
Ashmoria
10-07-2005, 04:38
YEAH now those are traditional family values!
Deleuze
10-07-2005, 04:41
Jonathan Swift much?
Tribe Ravenclaw
10-07-2005, 04:43
At first I thought you were insane.

Then I thought that you were completely insane.

Then I read about the multiple wives thing, and thought you were suicidal.

But then I realised you were joking. A very good one too :D. Good job...
Esotericain
10-07-2005, 04:44
Beautiful.

The "family" as it has scome to be pictured is a mythical beast. It is conservative government propaganda. The most common type of marriage in history, as already said is one with a single man and many wives. IN fact, in all the wars humanity has went through a widow raising children is more common than we all believe, not to mention the short life expectancy and various diseases that couldn't be treated. We've been brainswashed and put to sleep, and now its time to wake up.
The Celtic Union1
10-07-2005, 04:44
Jonathan Swift much?

lol i only read the first sentence lots of text looked so daunting now i see.
Monkeypimp
10-07-2005, 04:47
Sarcasm alert.


Nicely played. :D

I'd tend to agree. No one can possibly be that crazy..... can they..?



Well it is NS.. :(
Ekatherine
10-07-2005, 04:52
Beautiful.

The "family" as it has scome to be pictured is a mythical beast. It is conservative government propaganda. The most common type of marriage in history, as already said is one with a single man and many wives. IN fact, in all the wars humanity has went through a widow raising children is more common than we all believe, not to mention the short life expectancy and various diseases that couldn't be treated. We've been brainswashed and put to sleep, and now its time to wake up.

Mmmm... right... Was it a joke again?
Katzistanza
10-07-2005, 05:19
::stands and claps::

Smashing good, ol' sport! I tip my hat to you
Lokiaa
10-07-2005, 05:25
Hmmmm...interesting... :p Sure, it insults traditional family supporters like me, but I bursted out laughing when you started saying it would be easier if we banned dating and just let Fathers decide who we marry. :)
Kroisistan
10-07-2005, 05:33
Chuckes. Many chuckles.

I thouroughly enjoyed it. :D
Squirrel Nuts
10-07-2005, 05:34
Sounds like we are making a grave mistake. Thank you for showing us the way to a happier healthier family. I will revert immediately.
Guerraheim
10-07-2005, 20:09
Jonathan Swift much?

I guess I'll have to pay more attention to what falls within the bounds of the loonies' beliefs if I want my sarcasm to be taken seriously and agreed with though. So far the only people who don't get the joke seem to be those who didn't read it.
Bloodthirsty squirrels
10-07-2005, 20:13
+5 for sarcasm
Cabra West
10-07-2005, 20:18
Did any of you ever read Margaret Atwood's "The handmaid's tale"?
A utopic story of what life would be like if Christian fundamentalists actually got the say in Northern America. Scary. And very, very much like the original post here...
Dobbsworld
10-07-2005, 21:15
Definitely among the finer examples of crisp, dry wit I've encountered for quite some time. I was caught off-guard, and accidentally closed my browser window while laughing.

Kudos,

Dobbs.
Domici
10-07-2005, 22:05
Did any of you ever read Margaret Atwood's "The handmaid's tale"?
A utopic story of what life would be like if Christian fundamentalists actually got the say in Northern America. Scary. And very, very much like the original post here...

Never heard of it before. But I'll definitly look it up. As soon as I get a break from my assigned reading that is. *Sigh* My reading list really is getting to be as long as my arm.

BTW. The term is dystopic. If Pat Robertson had written it it would be utopic. :)
Taldaan
10-07-2005, 22:05
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. Have a cookie.
Begark
10-07-2005, 22:11
NS is so crazy that it took me a couple of paragraphs to see it was satire. But it's some of the best satire I've seen in some time, so have a cookie.
Achtung 45
10-07-2005, 22:13
Define "Traditional Family"...Is it a White, Protestant, slave-owning, God-fearing, conservative family with 16 kids...all from a brother and a sister? On second thought, this rant is so ignorant and sarcastic it hardly deserves a reply. EDIT: On third thought, it is sarcastic. But the complaining seems legitimate enough, it's almost perfect.
Megaloria
10-07-2005, 22:13
What we really need is a return to Family Matters! Carl Winslow in '08!
Swimmingpool
10-07-2005, 22:32
Hmmmm...interesting... :p Sure, it insults traditional family supporters like me, but I bursted out laughing when you started saying it would be easier if we banned dating and just let Fathers decide who we marry.
And yet in many conservative parts of the world this is the norm!
Sdaeriji
10-07-2005, 22:32
liberal politicians and propogandists like Senator Richard Santorum

Best part of that entire post. :D
Turquoise Days
10-07-2005, 22:48
<snip>
LMAO Ver' good mate, ver' good.

Wait, is this irony or sarcasm or both??? *confused*
Sdaeriji
10-07-2005, 22:55
LMAO Ver' good mate, ver' good.

Wait, is this irony or sarcasm or both??? *confused*

Sarcirony.
Turquoise Days
10-07-2005, 22:57
Sarcirony.
Or ironasm. lol. Where's that 'Make up a word' thread gone...
Megaloria
10-07-2005, 23:08
Or ironasm. lol. Where's that 'Make up a word' thread gone...

No, Ironasm is what happens when robots become sexually aroused.
Guerraheim
11-07-2005, 00:05
What we really need is a return to Family Matters! Carl Winslow in '08!

The show where the younger daughter acted up and was banished from the house and the rest of the family was forbidden to ever speak of her again? Yup, that's a show with real family values. Good call.