NationStates Jolt Archive

For some time now, beginning noticeably about half a year ago, most of my feelings have gradually weakened. I generally get less affected emotionally by whatever happens now than ever. While I can still experience some emotions very stongly, it takes much more than before until it happens.

Anger is an exception. Unlike the other emotions, it haven't merely weakened or had the "threshold" needed to be crossed before it becomes strong increased. It has completely dissapeared. No matter what happens, I cannot feel anger anymore. Instead I become ice-cold, devoid of all nearly all emotion. (I get terribly frustrated and irritated over the fact that I can't get angry when I feel I should)

It's horrible not to be able to feel anger anymore. It feels like there is a large, gaping hole where anger used to be. It is an ability that I have lost, and no matter if it is generally positive or negative, loosing an ability is seldom something you appreciate. In some situations, I truly feel like I should get angry; truly want to get angry. But I can't, no matter how hard I try.


This is a huge problem, mainly because:

1. Before, whenever someone did something really nasty to me, anger strongly motivated me, and helped me fight back when I needed too, even when the situation felt hopeless. Now those situations often simply feel hopeless, and I often end up doing nothing. I sometimes get irritated and frustrated far beyond what I had thought was possible before.

In cases involving one particular person, so irritated that it causes me to have homicidal fantasies whenever he irritates me, and since there is no safe way to relieve myself of the irritation and frustration, I have ended up enduring irritation and frustration so strong that I concider it mental torture on a regular basis during the lastest term at school. (if it happens again during the next term one time too many, I'm sure my otherwise very strong, but now somewhat fragile self-control will finally shatter and I will end up doing something that hurts the particular person in question a lot)


2. I feel terribly powerless in some undescribable way. Something happens that makes me react strongly, and I feel a faint reminder of, let's call it the "background feeling" of anger, but not the "core" of anger itself. I want to feel the rest of it, but I can't. I'm left with a strong desire to become angry that I can't fulfill. If I wouldn't have felt so apathetic, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stand the frustration.


3. I have had a lot of nasty experiences from the last 7 months. I have a huge pile of thoughts and more-or-less repressed feelings piled up that I can hardly relieve myself from. I wish I could just loosen the pressure in a raging fury, but I can't do so anymore. It has begun noticeably affecting the sanity of my thoughts at times.



Do anyone else here have problems feeling anger? Anyone have an idea of any way to solve this problem?

If you don't act on anger in some way it gets converted to stress. If you experience stress on a frequent basis you get depression instead of anger.

Two things you must do.

1) Differentiate between positive (justifiable) anger and negative (misplaced) anger.

2) Act on your anger. If it's justifiable then take appropriate (not commiting murder in front of witnesses in a fit of rage, but rather using the law or working around the law to solve the problem) action. If it's misplaced anger then you need to reflect on why you're really upset and correct the problem.

DIF, have you considered seeing someone about depression? Obviously it would be foolish of me to try to diagnose you on the basis of a single post --especially since I am not a psychiatrist -- but the symptom of "dead (or deadened) feelings" screams depression to me.

Just my two cents worth.

If you don't act on anger in some way it gets converted to stress. If you experience stress on a frequent basis you get depression instead of anger.

Two things you must do.

1) Differentiate between positive (justifiable) anger and negative (misplaced) anger.

2) Act on your anger. If it's justifiable then take appropriate (not commiting murder in front of witnesses in a fit of rage, but rather using the law or working around the law to solve the problem) action. If it's misplaced anger then you need to reflect on why you're really upset and correct the problem.I have experienced plenty of depression during the last 7 months. That's what I think led to the loss of emotions. (hidden depression, as it's called) The problem is that it doesn't go away.


1. I do. While I used to feel both, I was able to deal with the misplaced anger pretty good through my self-control. I feel not being able to feel anger is far worse than having to deal with negative anger.

2. I don't feel anger anymore, so how could I act upon it? What I do feel that, while very different, in some ways have the same effects as anger is irritation. In my experience, when irritation becomes strong enough, it cripples your self-control far worse than strong anger ever could.

Try acting "as if". If someone does something to hurt you act as if you're angry. Yell at him, make your feelings known. Even if you don't feel it strongly, act as if you do. You'll find the old emotions comming back in time.

Try to cultivate a sense of indignation when you're wronged. Assert your rights and when someone crosses the line think to yourself that you deserve better treatment then insist on getting it. Pretty soon it will come as second nature. You can actually train yourself to experience certain emotions. Use that fact.

I have experienced plenty of depression during the last 7 months. That's what I think led to the loss of emotions. (hidden depression, as it's called) The problem is that it doesn't go away.


1. I do. While I used to feel both, I was able to deal with the misplaced anger pretty good through my self-control. I feel not being able to feel anger is far worse than having to deal with negative anger.

2. I don't feel anger anymore, so how could I act upon it? What I do feel that, while very different, in some ways have the same effects as anger is irritation. In my experience, when irritation becomes strong enough, it cripples your self-control far worse than strong anger ever could.
This is gonna sound slightly insane, and I don't really like saying it, but...
It sounds like you need to do at least 2 things.

1. Start a fight. The harder the better. Keep fighting no matter what happens (but don't get busted if you can help it. Jail is overrated).

2. Spend all your evenings with friends. Try to get drunk as much as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, avoid going out all weekend. If you get a chance to screw someone, do it.

A couple of months like that will prolly solve your problem. The easiest way to fight numbness and creeping social isolation is to kick it in the teeth. It's worked for a few of my friends. Oh yea! Tell your close friends about it. Ask them to give you a swift kick in the arse when you need it.

Well, I simply say that what you really need to do is to focus inward and try to take control of your life. I would not advise doing anything rash, but instead try to focus your attention and energy on something that could be useful, also I find that religion is a good way to combat negative feelings. Pray for whatever the heck you want/need in order to make things better.
If that does not work then satanic rituals might be for you. After all there is nothing that creates a better feeling of pride than sacrificing a virgin on an unholy altar. :D

DIF, have you considered seeing someone about depression? Obviously it would be foolish of me to try to diagnose you on the basis of a single post --especially since I am not a psychiatrist -- but the symptom of "dead (or deadened) feelings" screams depression to me.

Just my two cents worth.

I have to say I agree with this post.

DIF, have you considered seeing someone about depression? Obviously it would be foolish of me to try to diagnose you on the basis of a single post --especially since I am not a psychiatrist -- but the symptom of "dead (or deadened) feelings" screams depression to me.

Just my two cents worth.
Please do see someone professional who can help you out of depression. It helps. I know what I'm talking about - much you have said is also true about me and I started getting serious help. It takes time, yes, but it will help you in the long run. Be it anger or happiness, those emotions are very important for a human being.
Wish you all the best.

DIF, this lack of emotive response to situations prompts me to say one thing - welcome to the world of the cynic. To your left is the emergency exit, which probably won't open when you most need it to. On your right is a big business oil tycoon, who probably doesn't give a rats ass about the environment but hey, what can you do about it? Nothing. Just in front is the guy who will always be better than you at everything, even if he is a pompous jerk off, and just behind is the nice guy, who deserves a kicking just because you can't vent frustration upon anyone else. Enjoy the ride (except you probably won't because lets face it, public transport has gone to the dogs) and try to feel something. :)

Try acting "as if". If someone does something to hurt you act as if you're angry. Yell at him, make your feelings known. Even if you don't feel it strongly, act as if you do. You'll find the old emotions comming back in time.

Try to cultivate a sense of indignation when you're wronged. Assert your rights and when someone crosses the line think to yourself that you deserve better treatment then insist on getting it. Pretty soon it will come as second nature. You can actually train yourself to experience certain emotions. Use that fact.Sounds like a good idea. That way, in the short term atleast two of the three main problems will be solved. I guess I could, to some degree, use irritation as a substitute for anger for now.

1. Start a fight. The harder the better. Keep fighting no matter what happens (but don't get busted if you can help it. Jail is overrated).

2. Spend all your evenings with friends. Try to get drunk as much as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, avoid going out all weekend. If you get a chance to screw someone, do it.

A couple of months like that will prolly solve your problem. The easiest way to fight numbness and creeping social isolation is to kick it in the teeth. It's worked for a few of my friends. Oh yea! Tell your close friends about it. Ask them to give you a swift kick in the arse when you need it.1. I don't think that would be too good of an idea, since chances are it would cause far too much trouble.

2. Now that would require quite an effort. I'm quite a loner whose needs for social interaction are reversed: Most people need to socialize but want to be alone at times; I need to be alone but want to socialize at times. I have a few close friends that I meet once in a while, but far from often. You could say my computer is my best friend. I spend most of my freetime alone as in front of it; one of the few things I deeply enjoy.

It's not social isolation I want to fight anyway; that's actually something I hardly have anything against. And following this advice would, with the exception of screwing someone (one of the few things I'm looking forward to and hope to achieve at one point atleast during my life), (and possibly also with the exception of getting drunk; that remains to see) probably make me (more) depressed, if anything.

DIF, this lack of emotive response to situations prompts me to say one thing - welcome to the world of the cynic. To your left is the emergency exit, which probably won't open when you most need it to. On your right is a big business oil tycoon, who probably doesn't give a rats ass about the environment but hey, what can you do about it? Nothing. Just in front is the guy who will always be better than you at everything, even if he is a pompous jerk off, and just behind is the nice guy, who deserves a kicking just because you can't vent frustration upon anyone else. Enjoy the ride (except you probably won't because lets face it, public transport has gone to the dogs) and try to feel something. :)Are you suggesting that I should become more cynical? That would hardly help. I am capable of feeling intense sadness anyway, something that happens once in a while. Besides, I am already slightly cynical, a bit paranoid, and once in a while have a period of more or less nihilistic thoughts. ;)

Are you suggesting that I should become more cynical? That would hardly help. I am capable of feeling intense sadness anyway, something that happens once in a while. Besides, I am already slightly cynical, a bit paranoid, and once in a while have a period of more or less nihilistic thoughts. ;)
I was suggesting that you hade become more cynical, and that this lack of anger was the sort of nihilism inherent in cynics.

I was suggesting that you hade become more cynical, and that this lack of anger was the sort of nihilism inherent in cynics.There's no question that I have become more cynical, but hardly that much. During most of my freetime (which currently means most of the time, since it's now summer) I think pretty positively, and I generally have fun (mostly in front of my computer) during it. The nihilistic thoughts seldom kick in unless I am deeply saddened, which doesn't happen especially often during my freetime, and mostly in short periods.

Oh, and please don't start fights just because you feel bad - that would definitely make others feel worse. (But you already said it'd be too much trouble!). Thank you :D

1. I don't think that would be too good of an idea, since chances are it would cause far too much trouble.

2. Now that would require quite an effort. I'm quite a loner whose needs for social interaction are reversed: Most people need to socialize but want to be alone at times; I need to be alone but want to socialize at times. I have a few close friends that I meet once in a while, but far from often. You could say my computer is my best friend. I spend most of my freetime alone as in front of it; one of the few things I deeply enjoy.

It's not social isolation I want to fight anyway; that's actually something I hardly have anything against. And following this advice would, with the exception of screwing someone (one of the few things I'm looking forward to and hope to achieve at one point atleast during my life), (and possibly also with the exception of getting drunk; that remains to see) probably make me (more) depressed, if anything.
1. You missed the point. The point is to get in too deep. Find a biker or something, and pick a fight. And no! I'm not in any way advocating you go out and find some little four eyes you can scar for life. Picking a fight with a guy who likes to fight isn't being a psycho. There's a defference. And no, I'm not suggesting you should bring a hunting knife, bazooka or a tank. Just get in a fucking fist fight. You don't even have to win. In fact, it prolly better if you don't. The point is to make you feel alive, and NOTHING makes you feel alive like fighting.

2. Again, you missed the point. If you were social, you wouldn't have written that first post. The point is to reverse your habits. I'm not expecting you to like it. I'm sure you'll hate it most of the time. But humans easily get adicted to social interaction and loneliness. I suspected - and you reassured me just now - that you were adicted to your solitude. Sure, some extremely rare individuals can cope with that, but humans aren't meant to spend most of their time alone. 99.999999999999999999999999999% of everyone on the planet goes slowly nuts that way. You need to reverse the habit.
The goal isn't to go out every day or become an alcoholic. A couple of months living like that will wear you out, but it will also make you adicted to hanging out with people more often. And THAT will most likely solve your problem.

I say again: The best and easiest cure is to kick yourself in the ass and have your mates help you. Getting involved in sports and politics will help as well. Not because sports are great or politics can save your life, but because you don't do that shit alone.

Alternatively, get professional help... But I'll wager a month's pay my idea works 10 times better.

Actually, I think that your suggestions are a bit wrong, The Similized World. One thing is that fighting someone although it may have some benefits, ultimately is not the best thing to do, he will get hurt and starting fights with random people is most certainly insane as well losing a fight could hurt self-esteem. As well, I would say that the percent of the population that goes slowly insane in social isolation is far below that number(I prefer to be by myself). The problem is most likely solved for this person by doing stuff such as exercise, prayer, and other stuff that can build confidence and purpose(it does not have to be religious I just use my religion in that way many times). I think that to handle depression in the way that you describe can be a bit self-destructive and probably can not be a long term solution. The key is purpose and confidence(try to get some form of success and long term goal).

Actually, I think that your suggestions are a bit wrong, The Similized World. One thing is that fighting someone although it may have some benefits, ultimately is not the best thing to do, he will get hurt and starting fights with random people is most certainly insane as well losing a fight could hurt self-esteem. As well, I would say that the percent of the population that goes slowly insane in social isolation is far below that number(I prefer to be by myself). The problem is most likely solved for this person by doing stuff such as exercise, prayer, and other stuff that can build confidence and purpose(it does not have to be religious I just use my religion in that way many times). I think that to handle depression in the way that you describe can be a bit self-destructive and probably can not be a long term solution. The key is purpose and confidence(try to get some form of success and long term goal).
BAd wording on my part. I didn't mean everyone was going nuts from isolation. I meant people who doesn't socialize goes bonkers. It wasn't any sort of statement on global mental health. If it had been, I would've said religion, not isolation ;)

I don't see how picking a fight is a problem. If he picked a fight with me, I'd prolly be secretly grateful. The trick is to pick a fight with someone who's world won't collapse, and really. That sort of people usually try to talk their way out of trouble.
I fail to see what difference it makes if he wins or looses. The point is to do something completely extrodinary. Something dangerous. Something that will fuck him up no matter what happens. It works because it takes guts to do it. There's no shame in loosing a fight. It's annoying as hell, but there's no shame in it. I can't really relate to your way of thinking.

Anyway, sure it's self destructive. It's part of the point. It's also really really stressing, and downright fun. Like I already said, my suggestions isn't my advice on how to spend the rest of his natural life. I'm pretty sure I mentioned 2-3 months. No more. The trick is to kill his current routine, and kill it dead. He needs to become active again, and as far as I can tell, it's almost impossible for people to kickstart their life in a more conventional way.

I'd say praying is the last thing he needs. Praying is a solitary thing. This guy needs to get his ass out of his front door, and stay out there. A lot of partying, a lot of time spend doing real things outside with good friends, is the easiest way. And it helps being drunk often.
Again, I'm not encouraging heavy drinking on a permanent basis, nor am I saying he should never spend a week alone. All I'm saying is he needs to kill his normal routine for a couple of months so he can get back in touch with what it is to be alive.

I can not really relate to your thinking either. A fight may raise the blood but it is ultimately an attempt by a thrill-seeker or adrenaline junkie to get a temporary high. I disagree with such an idea. A jump start is not necessarily the best thing. He may get started but the idea is of course self destructive and the type of mind that would agree to it would probably have problems with long term purpose. Prayer does help to deal with emotional problems, by putting faith in a higher power we achieve some peace and hope for a better future, the problem is not that his life needs a kick-start it is just a minor problem of lack of emotion(something that might take care of itself under favorable conditions anyway) and if he can develope something to care for I think that he will be better off because a goal is something that is easy to become interested in(if he only tries to achieve it).