NationStates Jolt Archive

Well my birthday has come and gone..28 now (Damn I Don't Feel 28!!) and not one girlfriend. :(

So my question is (thread is open to everyone INCLUDING MODS!! ;) ) Anybody have any ideas on finding and KEEPING a girlfriend??

PMs, IM's and Thread Responses would be appreciated. (You may think it's kinda sad to post something like this. well maybe but I've had no luck i'm not getting any younger)

I've had serious issues concerning women(The old "How much money and what expensive car do you drive?" BS) and my mental state. (no i'm not psychotic or schizophrenic.. I was treated for depression)(EDIT: And Yes I'm Still A virgin, No I'm not under the belief of no sex before marriage)

So If ANYONE knows any ideas or tips. PLEASE post them!!!

Thank You In Advance.

Take a bath and get a job, hippie!

Otherwise, I have no advise. My wife frowns on me finding and/or keeping a girlfriend.

Take a bath and get a job, hippie!

Otherwise, I have no advise. My wife frowns on me finding and/or keeping a girlfriend.

1) I'm not a hippie (hippies have been dead since the sixties FYI)
2a.) I Take SHOWERS not BATHS!! (Don't have to worry about the ring around the bathtub lol)
2b.) I Have A Job

So Your response is Officially Refuted!! rofl :D

Thank You Come Again!! ;)

I'd be Patient.

1) I'm not a hippie (hippies have been dead since the sixties FYI)

??? no they haven't! if they died, it was in the late 70s, but there's plenty of them around my town.

Be yourself, talk to women, and never let your standards slip due to desperation.

The first and third are important when conducting the second if you want a good, stable long term relationship.

Go to a bar or something and meet women?

Go to a bar or something and meet women?

Been There Done That. (The Women I've seen at the bars are the one's who only want you for money and that's it you have no money (ie 6 figures) then they ain't interested. sad but true. So much for the singles scene in Toronto! Or the bars have gone to complete shit when it comes to clientele lol ;) :D

that sucks. im in your position, but im 13 years younger. lol. anyway, be yourself obviously, dont want a girl liking who you arent. be talkative, but try not to obsess TOO much. umm.... just keep on keepin on dude. best advice i could offer... and smell good.

maybe, you're gay? (no offense, theres nothing wrong with that if you are)

Been There Done That. (The Women I've seen at the bars are the one's who only want you for money and that's it you have no money (ie 6 figures) then they ain't interested. sad but true. So much for the singles scene in Toronto! Or the bars have gone to complete shit when it comes to clientele lol ;) :D
Join a class somewhere then. Art classes are great for that kind of thing. And you'll learn to paint.

Relationships with women require you to climb the "female social ladder". Dude, don't try to jump up the ladder, you'll hurt yourself.

1.
Try to have women around you. Any women will do. Ugly or beautiful, sportive or geeky, you can start with the ones that are easy to talk to (geeky ladies, your friend's sister, coworkers, whatever). The trick to be (and to look) totally inoffensive when you meet them. Let your mind be empty of desires.

2.
Then, try to establish a friendly relationship with some of them. You have to REFRAIN from the urge to have sex or even to fall in love. Believe me, even if you try to hide it, IT SHOWS. Desires can ruin the whole thing. It makes a female friend very unformfortable; especially if you "try to be extra nice". Would you "try to be extra nice" with your male friends? So turn the love/sex switches OFF for a while.

3.
Once you have managed to establish such a non-sexual, non-sentimental relationship (and FOR REAL, no bullshit or pretending), then learn to know them -- talk, LISTEN, do activities that you both like (sports, computer games, hiking, arts, whatever). Don't EVER become the little shy, generous guy who'll give lifts to a bunch of giggling girls and never say a word. It's a dead end. And don't play it gay; it's a dead end too.

4.
After a few months, something will happen to you. You'll be more confident. You'll probably become more popular too. You'll be more comfortable with women -- and IT SHOWS, believe me. Some of them might start to look interested to you.
And one more thing. When you meet new women, if they see women around you, if they see you interacting in a cozy way with them, they'll feel confident and talk to you more easily.

5.
Now you'll be able to get a girlfriend.

So give yourself one more year -- without a girlfriend, but with some real-life female friends. It'll pay off. Simply having women close to you will bring more women in your life.

Your first problem is that you're looking for Canadian women. :p

Not being a man and being 12 years younger than you kinda limits the amount of advice I could give you. But good luck!

Usually just walk up and talk to a girl your age, at a party or something like that, or at starbucks use a pick up line like what time is it, oh good, because I had to be at obsure event at x:xx time, have you heard of obsure event? Well, and describe from there. Thats whats worked for me.

Your first problem is that you're looking for Canadian women. :p

Not being a man and being 12 years younger than you kinda limits the amount of advice I could give you. But good luck!

what's wrong with canadian women? lol methinks you just a BIT jealous!!! lol ;) :D

By the way, here is a compilation of places NO-ONE around me has ever picked up a woman to establish a successful relationship. Most of these places are for "good looking persons who look for equally good looking persons and nothing else".
1) bar
2) singles bar
3) pool bar
4) at the pool, gym
5) dances, dance floor

Here is a list of known GOOD spots:
1) bus stops, buses, public transports
2) at work
3) at work, but women that aren't part of your company (company-next-door, people who work in the same building or area, and who you see every day)
4) friends of friends
5) party
6) internet dating (YES it works sometimes, I know 3 persons who did it)
7) tourism / tourists / visiting places
8) in shops, restaurants
9) sports (squash seems to work fine)
10) theme parks, boardwalks, fun places

Relationships with women require you to climb the "female social ladder". Dude, don't try to jump up the ladder, you'll hurt yourself.

1.
Try to have women around you. Any women will do. Ugly or beautiful, sportive or geeky, you can start with the ones that are easy to talk to (geeky ladies, your friend's sister, coworkers, whatever). The trick to be (and to look) totally inoffensive when you meet them. Let your mind be empty of desires.

2.
Then, try to establish a friendly relationship with some of them. You have to REFRAIN from the urge to have sex or even to fall in love. Believe me, even if you try to hide it, IT SHOWS. Desires can ruin the whole thing. It makes a female friend very unformfortable; especially if you "try to be extra nice". Would you "try to be extra nice" with your male friends? So turn the love/sex switches OFF for a while.


3.
Once you have managed to establish such a non-sexual, non-sentimental relationship (and FOR REAL, no bullshit or pretending), then learn to know them -- talk, LISTEN, do activities that you both like (sports, computer games, hiking, arts, whatever). Don't EVER become the little shy, generous guy who'll give lifts to a bunch of giggling girls and never say a word. It's a dead end. And don't play it gay; it's a dead end too.

4.
After a few months, something will happen to you. You'll be more confident. You'll probably become more popular too. You'll be more comfortable with women -- and IT SHOWS, believe me. Some of them might start to look interested to you.
And one more thing. When you meet new women, if they see women around you, if they see you interacting in a cozy way with them, they'll feel confident and talk to you more easily.

5.
Now you'll be able to get a girlfriend.



So give yourself one more year -- without a girlfriend, but with some real-life female friends. It'll pay off. Simply having women close to you will bring more women in your life.


1)Should I Try Zen meditation Techniques to empty my mind? (seriously It's hard NOT to think of desires when it comes to women)

2) I haven't had a girlfriend so how do I know if the love/sex switch is on?

3) I don't even know if i could even ACT gay( I'm straight). and as for being shy..guilty as charged.

4) They say weddings and funerals are hotspots for single women. Any truth to that hypothesis??

5) I sure hope so I want a relationship, not a fling and definately not a one time stand.

I hope so I haven't been known as a 'chick magnet' and during highschool i was avoided like the plague.

I've heard women go wild for registered sex offenders. Try to get on that list. If not, just fake it and put a sign up in your yard.

No, seriously, I don't know. I have no idea why my girlfriend likes me. I don't know shit about women. But she got me to start playing NS, which is good enough for me.

Okay, so that last post sounded a little mean in retrospect. Even though (like I said) I know nothing about women, I'll say one thing:

Work on yourself first. Don't just go out and try to get women. Ask yourself what you deserve, and change yourself in order to feel like you deserve what you want. Only that way can you have the confidence to actually act and make something happen. That's all I have; good luck.

By the way, here is a compilation of places NO-ONE around me has ever picked up a woman to establish a successful relationship. Most of these places are for "good looking persons who look for equally good looking persons and nothing else".
1) bar
2) singles bar
3) pool bar
4) at the pool, gym
5) dances, dance floor

Here is a list of known GOOD spots:
1) bus stops, buses, public transports
2) at work
3) at work, but women that aren't part of your company (company-next-door, people who work in the same building or area, and who you see every day)
4) friends of friends
5) party
6) internet dating (YES it works sometimes, I know 3 persons who did it)
7) tourism / tourists / visiting places
8) in shops, restaurants
9) sports (squash seems to work fine)
10) theme parks, boardwalks, fun places

Sounds good except #2, 3 and 6. #2 and #3 because all the attractive girls are 'jailbait' and I had problems with internet dating. (I dunno once bitten twice shy sorta thing)

Okay, so that last post sounded a little mean in retrospect. Even though (like I said) I know nothing about women, I'll say one thing:

Work on yourself first. Don't just go out and try to get women. Ask yourself what you deserve, and change yourself in order to feel like you deserve what you want. Only that way can you have the confidence to actually act and make something happen. That's all I have; good luck.

I knew you were joking Con. no worries man. and trust me i've done a lot of soul searching within myself to figure everything out.. but it kinda has the habit of blowing up in my face *sigh* :(

Sarkasis has some good advice, glad he took the time to write it out so I didn't have to.

A little note on the internet dating thing....I did it....paid my twenty bucks for a month....after three weeks I took my profile off 'searchable' mode...not because I didn't get any results but because I didn't want any more.

I've established promising relationships with three different women who have lots in common with me..... I've actually met two and been out on dates with one. Things look promising with the one I've been out with and I'm actually worried how to cool things with the other two if things continue as they are.

Some things to know though...post a picture....several if you can...even if you feel you're half brother to Quasimodo post a picture...of yourself. Be specific about your likes and dislikes and be honest about yourself. When you do reach out be honest... about everything, lies are no way to start a relationship. Don't be too eager....get to know who you correspond with and work into things slowly....you've gone this long, what's another month or two.

And aside from the internet dating one more piece of advice...get out...do something...anything... that gets you outside among people, interacting with them. Off the computer, away from the video system and out in the real world. Better chance of meeting someone and it helps build social skills that will help when you do connect with someone.

Canadian girls kick ass (I know because I am one lol)

Check your posture. Nothing says loser quicker than a guy slouching.

Do something. Anything. Sports, activities, anything. It'll give you something to talk about as an ice breaker. I play darts in the winter. Almost everybody I meet thinks it's about as dumb as the stereotype, but I have fun, they see I have fun, and I appear as a fun chick who is independent enough to do her own thing and really don't care what people think.

Smile and laugh. Look confident. You don't have to have to be the hottest thing out there, but as long as you think you look smashing, she will too. For the longest time I had approximately zero self-esteem. People could tell me I looked great but until I started to believe it myself I came off as a sorry ass.

Now go have fun, smile, and they will come to you. Honestly.

Here's what you do: Er...crap. Can't think if anything, sorry. If it makes you feel better I'm in the same postition except I'm 15 years younger and no depression.

And to whomever said making female friends works, it doesn't. I have plenty, still nothing. Could be the fact that I live in a different world. *The adolescent world*

Canadian girls kick ass (I know because I am one lol)

Check your posture. Nothing says loser quicker than a guy slouching.

Do something. Anything. Sports, activities, anything. It'll give you something to talk about as an ice breaker. I play darts in the winter. Almost everybody I meet thinks it's about as dumb as the stereotype, but I have fun, they see I have fun, and I appear as a fun chick who is independent enough to do her own thing and really don't care what people think.

Smile and laugh. Look confident. You don't have to have to be the hottest thing out there, but as long as you think you look smashing, she will too. For the longest time I had approximately zero self-esteem. People could tell me I looked great but until I started to believe it myself I came off as a sorry ass.

Now go have fun, smile, and they will come to you. Honestly.

Well I Do have a knack for darts, but haven't played in awhile and dunno where I can find a place here to play most bars don't have dartboards.(same with the irish bars as well surprisingly) (rather not play in a league...they take winning WAY too seriously)

EDIT: I have put up a poll for SERIOUS responses. This after all is a serious thread on a very delicate and serious issue.