NationStates Jolt Archive

Have you ever come up with inventions so silly, that you're doubting your own sanity? Please make this thread as stupid/moronic/deadly, yet creative, as possible. I'm tired of debating about libertarians, Jesus crying or homosexuality, so hopefully this will give people an opportunity to relax a bit.
PS: The Republic of Sarkasis is interested in the manufacturing of non-lethal weapons.


"Drag & Drop Dead"
A mouse-driven user interface gesture that allows the user to grab a visual item with a single click, move it, and then release it at a different location, possibly withing another document or application. Upon releasing the graphical item, the mouse sends an electric discharge of 1500 volts, killing the user instantly.

"Boomering"
Cellphone ring option. When equipped with the Boomering (TM) and receiving an incoming call, the cellphone sends a powerful sonic wave that curves timespace and turns the user's head inside-out. The cellphone then lights up its display in a very pleasant way.

"Tsunameat"
With the Tsunameat food processor, you can turn any rotten, direwater-soaked carcass into delicious meatballs. Spaghetti not included. Discounts for citizens of India, Indonesia and Sri Lanka.

"Pol Pot's Stripped Poker Game"
Wanna play stripped poker "the Pol Pot way"? Try this wonderful deck of poker cards. Each card is exactly like the other one, with 2 blank sides. Any non-comforming card will be executed immediately. Bets are limited to plain rice, human parts. Winner goes to reeducation camp.

real inventions or fake ones?

Real.
The two basket mouse catcher. - Balance one small waste basket on the counter with some bait inside. below that have a taller wastebasket set to catch the first.
Results - when mouse goes inside to get bait, it tips the top basket down into the taller one, the mouse, now trapped inside a container it can't leap out of, awaits it's fate... and the up side, it's not messy. you can easily re-set it and catch another one. (caught 8 mice in my friends place within one week.)

JuNii,

That idea sounds like it might be great...however, I'm having trouble visualize how that works...I don't understand how you're setting this up.

Care to describe in greater detail or possibly pleasure us with pictures?

The The Thing That Does That: It has many purposes and performs sevral functions, most of which may or may not be vague in nature, and perhaps useful for many tasks. Its is an Unspecified Object, capable of turning on or off at the flick of a switch, button, knob or string pull. Powered by undistilled confusion, its patent number is: N

The Remover Installer: The Invention We've All Been Waiting For! (maybe) It simultaneously removes and installs anything desired. Useful for Windows Operating Systems and consumption of alcohol or marijauna.


(Never ask a sufferer of Bipolar disorder for a straight answer....)

JuNii,

That idea sounds like it might be great...however, I'm having trouble visualize how that works...I don't understand how you're setting this up.

Care to describe in greater detail or possibly pleasure us with pictures?Ok... I'll try... no pics cus no digital camera.

get a small wastebasket. the ones you normally see in the office. and a taller-larger Kitchen sized one that the smaller one will fit inside. plastic is best for then the mouse can't climb out.

when you find the mice trail, (usually kitchen counter.) put some Potato chips or nuts (sunflower seeds, peanuts.) at the bottom of the small trash can. balance that on the edge of the counter on it's side with the opening away from the edge. and place the larger wastebasket underneith. this will serve two purposes. one it will hold the wastebasket on it's end and prevent it from tipping over when it falls. and two, it increases the wall sides so that the mouse can't jump out.

how it works. the mouse, on it's nightly forage for food will smell the chips in the wastebasket on the counter. it will enter the wastebasket and it's added weight at the back end will cause the waste basket to fall into the taller basket. the poor mouse can now munch on the chips while waiting for you to check the trap unable to climb, jump or chew it's way out.

if you want, you can rig a lid on the larger basket to close for added security. but that requires more rigging that might go wrong.

Ah, that's pretty neat. I get it now. Plus, you don't have to pay for cat food.

However, this may work for you, but in my experience, I've never seen a mouse up on a counter or any elevated area...although, I once found a mouse who had an interesting meeting with the fan in the back of the refridgerator...wasn't pretty...

Ah, that's pretty neat. I get it now. Plus, you don't have to pay for cat food.

However, this may work for you, but in my experience, I've never seen a mouse up on a counter or any elevated area...although, I once found a mouse who had an interesting meeting with the fan in the back of the refridgerator...wasn't pretty...look closer... if you want, leave a test. put one whole chip/small cookie on the countertop and one in the cabinet over night.

check on it in the morning.

Mice usually stick to the floorboards because it's usually safe (hides behind furniture) but when foraging, it will go where the food is. (kitchen counter/stove) the ones I caught at my friends place was all on the stove top. several bags of chips and cookies (single packs) were torn into which is why I suspected mice. (that and I saw one creeping around his Laserdisk collection.)

a really pathetic invention... humm how about shoes that have rollerskates built into the bottoms.

a really pathetic invention... humm how about shoes that have rollerskates built into the bottoms.you came up with that? I've seen kids being pulled by their parents... talk about lazy.

a really pathetic invention... humm how about shoes that have rollerskates built into the bottoms.
...
sorry, too late! those shoes are being sold in Australia now.

I'm sorry to say that but guys, you are lame.

I thought this forum would be bustling with crazy ideas about exploding squirrels and Jesus detectors.

you mean the political lie detector... watch any debate/speech given by the candidate. count the number of words they use, and the one who uses more words, Lied more. :D

I'm sorry to say that but guys, you are lame.

I thought this forum would be bustling with crazy ideas about exploding squirrels and Jesus detectors.

A Jesus Detector? I've gotta get me one of those!

Inspired by the name Boomering, my invention would also be for the phone. When a friend calls you on your cell, your cell causes their phone to ring also. Not only will it surprise them, it will probably cause hearing damage because the phone is against their ear.

...
sorry, too late! those shoes are being sold in Australia now.
...those shoes have been being sold in America for years now...

Well I saw an interesting invention on the 'net last week. I won't link for fear of being banned. However if one was to accidently google "Pete's new toy" and by happenstance click on the first link - which is to a site we're not allowed to mention - one would be treated to a video of a very sad man and his new toy.
But I of course am not recommending anyone here do that. Because that would be wrong.

Walk in Microwave
Helicopter Ejector seat-Its real
Ice Cube
Actually before my Email got deactivated and reactivated for inactivity i had a web page full of useless inventions..

Squabble shield comes to mind!

Nipple-trimming scissors - to keep unruley nipples short and neat.

Nipple-trimming scissors - to keep unruley nipples short and neat.

OUCH....

Nipple-trimming scissors - to keep unruley nipples short and neat.
You mean for nipples like these ones on the left?
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/images/fanfeb05.jpg

Fake hemorrhoids - "They throb like buggery! Feels like the real thing!"

You mean for nipples like these ones on the left?
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/images/fanfeb05.jpg
:eek: oh! my eyes! my eyes! how am I ever going to get that picture out of my head again?

:eek: oh! my eyes! my eyes! how am I ever going to get that picture out of my head again?
I doubt you ever will. I haven't been able to.
I think it's the best argument against ever wanting to get your nipples pierced that I've ever seen.

:eek: oh! my eyes! my eyes! how am I ever going to get that picture out of my head again?

LOL, these definately need trimmed. With that picture in mind maybe the scissors should be serrated too.

Real inventions: I am the co-inventor of the Poo Cannon(patent pending).
I invented several new games and sports; most of which were exceedingly violent and/or sexual.
I invented several pranks. To the best of my knowledge, I am the first person to ever glue someone's underwear on. :cool:

Things I'd like to invent:

Star Trek phasers(with stun setting). Oh, the evils I could accomplish with phasers. :)

The O-ray. It's a beam(probably untrasonic) that causes a human being's loins to rapidly vibrate in a highly arousing manner. It'll cause uncontrolled sexual arousal and climax in less than 1 minute. It'd be the Ultimate Non-lethal Weapon! Think how many wars the O-ray could prevent!!! :D

I'd like to invent the "Hair Insta-Killer™". A gizmo that will instantly & permanently remove any body hair you don't want.

And the "Ultra Stiffyfier™". The nifty little gizmo that will instantly colour & set your hair.

And never forget the "Mega-Cheap Dual Botatoo™". A handy, pocket sized device that will retail for about 1$. It never runs out of colour and shoepolish, and apart from making gratis tatoos, it shines your boots in less than 30 seconds. The 2$ version will also include a neverending beer supply and a toothbrush.

Damn my day would be so much easier if I had those things...