NationStates Jolt Archive


Breaking News: The Netherlands has collapsed!!

President Shrub
30-06-2005, 21:33
For more than 20 years, marijuana has been decriminalized in the Netherlands. In 2001, they were the first country to fully legalize gay marriage. Many Conservatives had speculated, for years, that such an event would lead to a societal collapse; a catastrophical, social, political, and economic calamity. Liberals also faulted them on this, citing Netherlands as living proof of their shortcomings. Well, what the Conservatives wisely predicted has happened. At 8 A.M., early this morning, the Netherlands government legalized polygamy. Within minutes, the streets were filled a massive, deluge of naked bodies, in a gargantuan orgy, the likes of which has not been seen since the Dionysian wine festivals of ancient Greece. Several hours later, they legalized beastiality. Shortly thereafter, various animals had joined said orgy, many of which were sickly and even rabid. Soon, that led to chaos.

It is estimated that roughly 30% of the Dutch population acquired rabies within minutes of the passing of the legislature. This resulted in omnipresent looting and cannibalism. At about 1 P.M., in a desperate attempt to save the country, the Netherlands government passed a bill to allow beastial divorce. But the problem only got worse, creating an enormous economic strain, because of the large number of cases filling their courts. By 5 P.M., the entire Netherlands government was rabid, and hence passed legislature legalizing "kitchen appliance" marriage.

Currently, the Dutch nation is being torn asunder. There are hundreds of historic windmills reduced to rubble all across the country. Bongs, clogs, and silly-looking hats drenched in blood are strewn about everywhere. Many peoople can be seen standing at the side of the road, marrying and copulating with refrigerators, microwaves, and unfortunately, even toasters. Many have said that this may, indeed, be the apocalypse for the Netherlands. The European Union has placed an international quarantine on the country, with teams of German volunteers surrounding its borders with machine guns and tanks.

The current scientific explanation, supported by research conducted by the Family Research Institute, as to why there has been such a delayed societal collapse has been described as the "Peak Gay Theory."

http://fapfap.org/peakgaytheory.gif

Disclaimer: This didn't really happen. I'm just using satire to make fun of you ignorant homophobes. Dit is een grap!

EDIT: In a related story: I was able to ask their Prime Minister why they actually call it the Netherlands. His response was, "Because the Nether-Regions didn't sound right."
Legless Pirates
30-06-2005, 21:34
Crap I missed the orgy
Vetalia
30-06-2005, 21:36
Orgies? Wine festivals? Polygamy? Time to move to the Netherlands!

Ironically enough, for all of its support for the actions of the evil "sodomites", they have some of the best living standards, economic growth, and crime rates in all of Europe. I wish the US would give us the same freedoms. (If we had let the South go during the 1860's we probably could have)
Bunnyducks
30-06-2005, 21:36
I have watched CNN and BBC, and none of this there.

Proof!!!!!

(was I first?)
Heron-Marked Warriors
30-06-2005, 21:37
OOH, Overkill, how fun you are. Yes indeed.
Drunk commies deleted
30-06-2005, 21:37
I have watched CNN and BBC, and none of this there.

Proof!!!!!

(was I first?)
First to be fooled into thinking the original post was serious I guess.
Corneliu
30-06-2005, 21:38
I have watched CNN and BBC, and none of this there.

Proof!!!!!

(was I first?)

First to not comprehend that it was a joke!
UberPenguinLand
30-06-2005, 21:38
I have watched CNN and BBC, and none of this there.

Proof!!!!!

(was I first?)

Please say you're kidding. But to the OP :D
Achtung 45
30-06-2005, 21:38
mmm, massive orgy with rabid animals :fluffle: <-- (execpt, pretend one is a cat)
Individualnost
30-06-2005, 21:39
Crap I missed the orgy
Crap I missed the beastiality
Frangland
30-06-2005, 21:39
that is awesome.

Speaking of the Dutch, my sister works at Oostburg High School in Wisconsin... this is their school logo:

http://www.oostburg.k12.wi.us/ohs/index.htm

notice the winged clog in the upper-left corner
Kroblexskij
30-06-2005, 21:40
hehehe crude looking graph
President Shrub
30-06-2005, 21:40
You know, when people actually believe, even for a moment, that Dutchmen are humping toasters in the Netherlands just because someone posted that on an online forum, I totally lose my faith in humanity.

Somebody could tell you, "DUDE! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!"

And you'd say, "HOLY SHIT, MAN! I BETTER CHECK THE HOMELAND SECURITY WEBSITE!!!"
Revionia
30-06-2005, 21:40
Too good to be true :(
Gataway_Driver
30-06-2005, 21:41
IMO Your best post yet Shrub
Cruso
30-06-2005, 21:41
I wish the US would give us the same freedoms. (If we had let the South go during the 1860's we probably could have)

Wow, what a thought. That would be a whole other america, wouldn't it?
HC Eredivisie
30-06-2005, 21:42
I missed all of this.

Not funny, BTW.
Bunnyducks
30-06-2005, 21:42
LOL
First to be fooled into thinking the original post was serious I guess.
First to be fooled I took it seriously.

First to not comprehend that it was a joke!
Right, now, this I don't even laugh at. You DO trust everything you are told to... *I kid, I kid! :)*
New Sans
30-06-2005, 21:43
Wow, spring break all over again awesome.
The Lone Alliance
30-06-2005, 21:52
Wow, spring break all over again awesome.
Best. Reply. Yet.
Frangland
30-06-2005, 21:58
hehehe crude looking graph

check out some of the names of the students... half are dutch (seemingly)

i think they're called the Oostburg Dutchmen or Flying Dutchmen or something like that

i'm surprised their school colors aren't orange and blue
President Shrub
30-06-2005, 23:11
check out some of the names of the students... half are dutch (seemingly)

i think they're called the Oostburg Dutchmen or Flying Dutchmen or something like that

i'm surprised their school colors aren't orange and blue
What's their mascot? A man on a catapult?

Because, so far as I know (and I could be wrong), Dutch people don't fly. They must've been high or tripping when they came up with that slogan.

You don't fly, do you, Dutchies?

EDIT: And Frangland, WTH is a "tater circle"? It says they serve them on the lunch page. I think the freaky-deaky Dutch webmaster meant "tater tot."
Legless Pirates
30-06-2005, 23:14
What's their mascot? A man on a catapult?

Because, so far as I know (and I could be wrong), Dutch people don't fly. They must've been high or tripping when they came up with that slogan.

You don't fly, do you, Dutchies?
We fly like penguins
President Shrub
30-06-2005, 23:16
We fly like penguins
You mean like this one?!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/penguinswing.html
Sarkasis
30-06-2005, 23:20
Your graphic is flawed. The scale isn't consistent to the right.
Normally you'd have it graded from "Atheist" to "Satanist", but with intermediate values such as "Mailman", "Politician" and "Lawyer".
Please correct it, or I'll send the Math Police.
President Shrub
30-06-2005, 23:34
Your graphic is flawed. The scale isn't consistent to the right.
Normally you'd have it graded from "Atheist" to "Satanist", but with intermediate values such as "Mailman", "Politician" and "Lawyer".
Please correct it, or I'll send the Math Police.
Canadian, right?

Yes, the reason you think it's flawed is because that graph wasn't drawn according to the metric system!
Paternia
30-06-2005, 23:51
You know, when people actually believe, even for a moment, that Dutchmen are humping toasters in the Netherlands just because someone posted that on an online forum, I totally lose my faith in humanity.

Somebody could tell you, "DUDE! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!"

And you'd say, "HOLY SHIT, MAN! I BETTER CHECK THE HOMELAND SECURITY WEBSITE!!!"

Well, they're Dutch, it isn't THAT hard to believe.