President Shrub
30-06-2005, 21:33
For more than 20 years, marijuana has been decriminalized in the Netherlands. In 2001, they were the first country to fully legalize gay marriage. Many Conservatives had speculated, for years, that such an event would lead to a societal collapse; a catastrophical, social, political, and economic calamity. Liberals also faulted them on this, citing Netherlands as living proof of their shortcomings. Well, what the Conservatives wisely predicted has happened. At 8 A.M., early this morning, the Netherlands government legalized polygamy. Within minutes, the streets were filled a massive, deluge of naked bodies, in a gargantuan orgy, the likes of which has not been seen since the Dionysian wine festivals of ancient Greece. Several hours later, they legalized beastiality. Shortly thereafter, various animals had joined said orgy, many of which were sickly and even rabid. Soon, that led to chaos.
It is estimated that roughly 30% of the Dutch population acquired rabies within minutes of the passing of the legislature. This resulted in omnipresent looting and cannibalism. At about 1 P.M., in a desperate attempt to save the country, the Netherlands government passed a bill to allow beastial divorce. But the problem only got worse, creating an enormous economic strain, because of the large number of cases filling their courts. By 5 P.M., the entire Netherlands government was rabid, and hence passed legislature legalizing "kitchen appliance" marriage.
Currently, the Dutch nation is being torn asunder. There are hundreds of historic windmills reduced to rubble all across the country. Bongs, clogs, and silly-looking hats drenched in blood are strewn about everywhere. Many peoople can be seen standing at the side of the road, marrying and copulating with refrigerators, microwaves, and unfortunately, even toasters. Many have said that this may, indeed, be the apocalypse for the Netherlands. The European Union has placed an international quarantine on the country, with teams of German volunteers surrounding its borders with machine guns and tanks.
The current scientific explanation, supported by research conducted by the Family Research Institute, as to why there has been such a delayed societal collapse has been described as the "Peak Gay Theory."
http://fapfap.org/peakgaytheory.gif
Disclaimer: This didn't really happen. I'm just using satire to make fun of you ignorant homophobes. Dit is een grap!
EDIT: In a related story: I was able to ask their Prime Minister why they actually call it the Netherlands. His response was, "Because the Nether-Regions didn't sound right."
It is estimated that roughly 30% of the Dutch population acquired rabies within minutes of the passing of the legislature. This resulted in omnipresent looting and cannibalism. At about 1 P.M., in a desperate attempt to save the country, the Netherlands government passed a bill to allow beastial divorce. But the problem only got worse, creating an enormous economic strain, because of the large number of cases filling their courts. By 5 P.M., the entire Netherlands government was rabid, and hence passed legislature legalizing "kitchen appliance" marriage.
Currently, the Dutch nation is being torn asunder. There are hundreds of historic windmills reduced to rubble all across the country. Bongs, clogs, and silly-looking hats drenched in blood are strewn about everywhere. Many peoople can be seen standing at the side of the road, marrying and copulating with refrigerators, microwaves, and unfortunately, even toasters. Many have said that this may, indeed, be the apocalypse for the Netherlands. The European Union has placed an international quarantine on the country, with teams of German volunteers surrounding its borders with machine guns and tanks.
The current scientific explanation, supported by research conducted by the Family Research Institute, as to why there has been such a delayed societal collapse has been described as the "Peak Gay Theory."
http://fapfap.org/peakgaytheory.gif
Disclaimer: This didn't really happen. I'm just using satire to make fun of you ignorant homophobes. Dit is een grap!
EDIT: In a related story: I was able to ask their Prime Minister why they actually call it the Netherlands. His response was, "Because the Nether-Regions didn't sound right."