NationStates Jolt Archive

There are stories about absurd laws, some of them true, some one them not. (My personal favorite is that somewhere in the USA, women are not allowed to parachute on Sundays.)

Ok, so now you're a legistlator. Make an absurd law!!


I've got two ideas. First, death threats would be considered murders. The rationale is that when someone utters or sends a death threat, he is confessing premeditated murder, but there's this small technicality that he hasn't been able to do it, as yet. This little matter should be ignored, because it's irrelevant. There is interesting precedent: the Supreme Court in Finland convicted a MC gang member for murder, when the gang member attempted the murder using a gun, which malfunctioned, such that the victim escaped unharmed. The fact that the gun had malfunctioned was beyond the control of the assailant. (In the same attack, several people were murdered.)

Another one would be this: banning reporting on the Israel-Palestinian conflict. BBC, for example, spends too much time reporting about this. The conflict will not be solved, as we see in the Balkans, where a similar conflict has been going on for a thousand years. It's simply not interesting, and it's just wrong that it gets the best prime time of a news broadcast.

You MUST have better ideas than mine. But, one absurd law is obligatory per message, ok?

Eating pickles with cheese melted on them is punishable by being pelted with cold eggs.

On February 29th, importing coffee is illegal.

One law:

Every year all public school teachers must be tested on their knowledge of the topic they teach. All who get less then 85% on their exams shall be banished, and lose their ability to teach.

Absurd law:

Horses and Monkeys are not permitted to be butchered for consumption on the steps of City Hall, but Whales are. Every Saturday will be national Eat a Humpback Day.

No buying alcohol from Sunday midnight until Monday. Oh, that one's already been done, I think. Whoops.

No paying attention to the U.S. Constitution at any time.

Sheep may not wear bondange gear.

There goes my Saturdays, 'cause of my own law. *Sighs*

No babies onboard airplanes. Reason being, they distract and annoy everyone, and are thus a threat to the pilot. Yeah..that's it.

American flag bumper stickers must be removed at night and carefully folded in the proper manner or the SUV owners employing them face deportation.

No paying attention to the U.S. Constitution at any time.

We already have that law. The only politicians who ignore it are Ron Paul and Tom Tancredo.

No buying alcohol from Sunday midnight until Monday. Oh, that one's already been done, I think. Whoops.

Yeah. It's still on the books here in Connecticut... :(

A ban on all Canadian beef.

No U.S. citizen may get to the top of Mount Everest, for the fear that he/she might get pictures of Area 51 on the summit.

You MUST have better ideas than mine. But, one absurd law is obligatory per message, ok?
From now on, election days are opposite days. You have to do the opposite of what you would do otherwise.

If you chew gum, you can only marry people who don't chew gum.

It is illegal to go duck hunting during rabbit season.

You may only greet another citizen with the phrase "Salutations, fellow Earthling."

No paying attention to the U.S. Constitution at any time.

Supreme Court's been doing that all week! :(

It is illegal to go duck hunting during rabbit season.


What about using poison blowgun darts to hunt Chimps in Mahwah, New Jersey?

Outlaw nudity in private bathrooms!

Outlaw eating salad on public benches when you're not wearing any shoes!

Outlaw the making of *clap* noises in public parks if you have hair shorter ten inches!

Outlaw the saying, "Woop, woop! I've got butter in my shoes and I don't know what to do about it!"

...

*runs*

American flag bumper stickers must be removed at night and carefully folded in the proper manner or the SUV owners employing them face deportation.
This gives me an idea: they should be banned altogether. Why? Because the manufacturer logo is higher, and therefore in a higher position, than the national flag. No national flag may ever be placed lower than any other banner, logo or emblem.

Speaking of stickers, I would also ban the manufacture of the "no cellphone" signs found at gas pumps. That cell phone igniting a spark is a myth. The fact it's based on is that people usually ignite a static charge spark using nothing but their clothes, when they sit back in the car.

Also, calling dried-up remains of coffee "instant coffee" or any sort of "coffee" would be banned. You can't call a mix of butter and margarine "Butterine" either, as show by the case of Voimariini (voi+margariini) in Finland.

Once upon a time,
there was a Good King ruling over a shitty little kingdom and having trouble with an Anarchist insurgency. Every now and then, the king would have to address the nation and dictate new boring laws, such as the "No throwing of disgusting, malaria-laced waste water through windows during the king's parade" law, and the "No slippery floor in weapon shops" edict. Just to show that he, the king, was in control of the situation. Which he wasn't, I tell you.

No matter how hard the king's troops tried to enforce the laws, kicking people in the balls until they throw up, there were still these pesky anarchists, who would do the exact opposite that the law said. They were trespassing the royal swamps, putting live chicken on fire, and making a lot of noise during the national "No Headache Day". They even invented the balloney bomb, for gawd's sake.

So one day, the good king adressed the nation and said: "For now on, I order every one of you to breathe."
All anarchists died after 5 minutes.
Fuckers.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world..........

From now on, election days are opposite days. You have to do the opposite of what you would do otherwise.

LOL!

Don't know why, but that one struck me as funnier than it probably should have.

Law:

Grand Theft Shopping Cart is punishable by a Mandatory Minimum Sentence of two (2) consecutive life sentences or Fifteen (15) hours of community service. Verdict can be appealed in rare occasions that the offender was born on Prime Number Calendar Dates, with the exception of the 1rst of any month - unless the crime is perpetrated while wearring any "Blue" article of clothing and/or "Pink" socks.

Sentencing decision of two consecutive life sentences or fifteen hours of community server made final by a Coin Toss, with the coin issued by the presiding judge and the "Heads" or "Tails" terms decided by the same. The offender may call it in the air.

Due to overpopulation, you must kill as many human beings except for politicians, until your all-knowing and benevolent government decides the population is at a decent and acceptable level again. We offer $100 per head, it's the capitalistic and American way!

In reality, governments just start wars to achieve this!

It will be illegal to have your picture taken with a rabbit during November.
I believe that's a Kansas law, but the month may be wrong.

Rain is forbidden on Sundays.

One can only be sentenced to death if the crime was commited on the 12/6 monday morning between six o'clock AM and seven o'clock AM. In addition it must have been foggy the same time five hundred years ago, unless the number of the year ends with 8, then it must have been cloudy.

Exact change only.

Eavesdropping is not allowed in sewers, unless the victim is a lawyer.

Voting is cumpolsury.

Suicide is illegal and criminals attempting suicide shall be sentenced to death (only overrides the previous law if the policeman was wearing boxers)

It is illegal to go duck hunting during rabbit season.
Loony Toons!

I remember an episode where Daffy was hunting Buggs during Rabbit Season. Buggs flipped the sign to 'Duck Season' and a whole bunch of hunters appeared randomly out of the bushes and shot Daffy.

Saying "Git'er'done" in any public place is punishable by public humiliation.

You can not walk on the side of a road without shoes on a Saturday, if you're wearing round sunglasses and have a walking stick.

Vowels replaced by farts.

One may never mix sugar and salt together.

Punishable by putting the offender in the stocks and forcing him or her to separate both substances, grain by grain, into two separate bowls.

One may never mix sugar and salt together.

Punishable by putting the offender in the stocks and forcing him or her to separate both substances, grain by grain, into two separate bowls.

Damn you. You just made pizza illegal. :(

All trees, shurbs and bushes must wear pink trousers on the 7th December. If they do not, it is punishable by flamigo.

All private gun ownership is banned.

no throwing old sinks at squirrels while on holiday to the carribean

no throwing old sinks at squirrels while on holiday to the carribean
That's not fair.

All private gun ownership is banned.

That's not absurd. That's the UK! :p

Wild animals to wear name tags, diapers.

Under no circumstances are politicians allowed to wear bowties.


All USC Justices must be completely nude under their robes except for fake collars. The only exception is Ginsburg who must attend wearing only a smile.

Every other leap year is to be held on April 31st.

All politicians must be put through trials of dunking, fire, and stretching to see if they have ever eaten colby cheese on a Tuesday in August, while shoveling manure in a leotard.

obnoxious children who complain about meals are to be force-fed rich-grade poncey shit until they beg for school dinners.

the computer illiterate are to be genetically diagnosed at birth and to then have a brick tied between their hands so any computer they try to use at least gets a swift and relatively pain-free death.

politicains babies are to be boiled and eaten. why else do they boil up water at a birth and not know why?

finally, anyone naming thier dog with a fancy and/or 'posh' name is to be shot.
this includes the following in any combination:

fifi
zsa-zsa
trixie or trixibelle
princess this is a definite death-warrant from rusty nails to the scrotum
peaches
muffin
any kind of pie or cake
any sort of fruit, unless they bear resemblance
snuggle (often with a suffix of a poncy name)

i think these are all agreeable, and i'm not going to mention putting religious zealots in a pit to beat each other with scriptures because i'm sure we all KNOW that's what needs doing :D

Damn you. You just made pizza illegal. :(

Then bake a non-sugar alternative.

From now on, election days are opposite days. You have to do the opposite of what you would do otherwise.

The Floridans already do that.

One must not eat Altoids while riding a giraffe named Louie, if you fail to comply you will be forced to make and wear a coat made entirely of rabid squirrels for four weeks.

Also you must feed them your nuts
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which you will have to purchase at an inflated price

Also you must feed them your nuts

which you will have to purchase at an inflated price

Does this mean i can place compulsory ownership notices on other people's genitalia?
WOO-HOO! SEX FOR NERDY DICTATORS AT LAST!

Rhinoceroses are not allowed in Frangland courtrooms.

Rhinoceroses are not allowed in Frangland courtrooms.

What if they are a witness?

You must have a license to perform oral sex.

This license must be presented to any prospective date immediately upon request (and such request may only be made after a romantic interest has been expressed; requesting or giving a home phone number may qualify as "expressing a romantic interest" under some circumstances).

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

Taxation for all citizens will be reduced by half. All government officials will be taking a 25% pay cut. This law is to become effective on February 30th 2006.

Walt Disney did not exist.

No paying attention to the U.S. Constitution at any time.
That isnt a law yet? George Bush must be informed immediately!

Myrth must be an option in every opinion poll

Myrth must be an option in every opinion poll

As must Cat Food and Canadian Beef Mince

As must Cat Food and Canadian Beef Mince

And at least three (3) options "other".

holding toast between your toes on every other wendsday is punishable by being beaten with an x-box, unless the offender's dog has three or more consonants in it's name with the exception of D, R, and G

What if they are a witness?

there are no rhinoceroses in Frangland.

there are no rhinoceroses in Frangland.

What if they're imported?

What if they're imported?

Frangland does not import rhinoceroses due to the Mad Rhinoceros Disease outbreak.

Frangland does not import rhinoceroses due to the Mad Rhinoceros Disease outbreak.

What if somebody buys one on the black market?

No young children(those under the age of 10) or cell phones are allowed in restraunts other than those with the official title of "Family Restraunt" along with their names.

That's absurd, although I think it would make a LOT of people happy :P

Here are a few more:
All foreign words must be pronouced correctly. Failure to do so is punishable by a public flogging.
Failure to use decent English on the Internet shall result in compulsory attendance of an English class, working from the 1st grade level up to the college level of English.
In order to bury pets in your backyard, you must cover their grave with butter and sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while hula-hooping and throwing french fries at people for 5 minutes after the burial. Failure to do so will result in having to spend no less than one day wearing comically large star-shaped sunglasses.
In order to become President, one must be able to juggle chickens and pigs for 10 minutes straight, then run from one end of the nation and reach the other end before one week prior to the election date, traveling by foot all the way.
People who cannot utualize proper behavoirs to prevent computer viruses from infecting their computers will have to have a trained instructor hit them with a pear whenever they do something wrong on the computer.
Creation of absurd laws shall result in death by eating too much pie.

Creation of absurd laws shall result in death by eating too much pie.

Luckily for me, thats how I would want to go.

Claiming that pi is not equal to exactly 4 shall be punished by being forced to wear all of your clothes upside down (i.e. shirt on legs, socks on hands, hat glued to ass, etc.)

No using I.E. You may only use Firefox.

Oh wait, you said absurd, not awesome.

No eating fruit, ever. Punishable by sex with Mountain Gorillas covered with dung and wesel attractant.

No using I.E. You may only use Firefox.

Oh wait, you said absurd, not awesome.
Been using Firefox for 3 months now since stupid IE died after installed Visio 2003 (demo) over a Office 2000 install.
I think tab browsing is the most effective way of browsing a forum. I am currently looking at 8 threads, each one on its tab, and it just works so well.
It's weird because most of the times I don't even realize which program I am using!

Firefox users are to remain silent about their choice of browser, lest they piss off IE users who are sick of hearing them act like their browser is God's gift to the Internet.
Shoes may only be worn on the left foot. Socks may only be worn on the right foot. Non-compliance shall result in having a gecko stapled to your head.
In order to eat turkey on Thanksgiving, you must wear a turkey suit in order to mourn for the dead animal. In order to eat Turkey on Thanksgiving, you must assemble enough people to eat said country in less than 24 hours.
If you want to cross the street on the second Sunday of August, you have to tap your feet together, whistle, and spin around three time. If you do not, winged monkeys will follow you for two weeks and constantly recite Shakespeare's plays.
Giving the 33rd oldest Congressman a thumbs-up will result in having a potato being superglued to your hand.
Forcing children to play edutainment games will result in your foot being replaced with a parakeet.
You must ride a pogo stick to church on the 5th sunday of every month. Failure to find a 5th Sunday of a month will result in having hot fudge poured on your head.

Failing to dance on Sundays and only Sundays will result in the offender being shinned in the: If Male: Nuts. If female: Stomach

Anyone caught using AOL is sentenced to 200 hours of computer knowledge courses

Ihatevacations']Anyone caught using AOL is sentenced to 200 hours of computer knowledge courses

Bah, too light. Try having their head replaced with a kneecap. A troll kneecap. And have them do it themselves.

Bah, too light. Try having their head replaced with a kneecap. A troll kneecap. And have them do it themselves.

Buit that's beyone their mental capacity!

I'd make it illegal to have more than 1 person romantically interested in a particular person at a particular time.

Sure, all the romance novels would go kaput, but it would make things a whole lot easier for the lonely.

Thou shalt not breed tribbles without a licence.

Been using Firefox for 3 months now since stupid IE died after installed Visio 2003 (demo) over a Office 2000 install.
I think tab browsing is the most effective way of browsing a forum. I am currently looking at 8 threads, each one on its tab, and it just works so well.
It's weird because most of the times I don't even realize which program I am using!
You're going seriously off-topic.

In Perkeleenmaa, each topic must have a moderator, who moves off-topic messages to new threads as soon as possible. All posts by new users must be premoderated. To moderate, a license is required. The exam is simple: the moderator-aspirant drinks enough alcohol so that he can't walk straight; if he can still moderate reasonably, he passes. Then, it is not necessary to kick out bad moderators because they've done stupid moderations when drunk. There shall be no non-drinkers' option.

Bump

Actual asburd laws:

In Huntsville, Alabama, it is illegal to move your bed without getting a permit from the police.

In Greene, NY, one cannot walk backwards and eat peanuts on a sidewalk during a concert. (WTF?)

In Salem, WV, it is illegal to leave your home without knowing your destination.

My absurd law: It is illegal to eat ketchup on the days a koala escapes the zoo OR when you are wearing black shoes.

every friday the 13th everyone must do everything backwards... or face a fate worse than death..... un-death :eek:

every friday the 13th everyone must do everything backwards... or face a fate worse than death..... un-death :eek:

ahh but if you have to to everything backwards would you have to do backwards backwards?

Every other day everyone has to bulldoze their house and rebuild it on the other side of the street or face punishment by being sent into space then put on the moon with nothing but an oxygen tank, spacesuit and a ferret.

ahh but if you have to to everything backwards would you have to do backwards backwards?
you eat breakfast at the end of the day by profusely throwing up, of course ;)




i'm just not looking forward to using the toilet :eek: :eek:

Bump

Actual asburd laws:

In Huntsville, Alabama, it is illegal to move your bed without getting a permit from the police.

In Greene, NY, one cannot walk backwards and eat peanuts on a sidewalk during a concert. (WTF?)

In Salem, WV, it is illegal to leave your home without knowing your destination.


I think the last one is a court precedent or something such that loitering would be reduced. The context is left out, and this is why it seems absurd. Just making up circumstances is not enough. You'll have to provide the context.

ObLaw: Advertisers give up their right to receive payment, if they use the word "free" whenever any payment is required before getting the "free" item, service or other. If the word "FREE" is capitalized, it must appear as an integral part of a complete sentence, which is also capitalized. For example, "FREE GIFT" is outlawed, but "WE PROVIDE THE FREE SERVICE OF USING THIS FORUM SHOULD YOU OBEY OUR FORUM RULES" is allowed.

I've found some gems from otherwise sane Finnish law:

Maakaari 1734/2 11L 2 §: Paimeneksi pantakoon naisia, jos mahdollista on, eikä poikia, [kymmenen talarin] sakon uhalla. "For herding cattle, women should be employed, not boys, under the threat of (10 talar) fine." I can't imagine how they would convert the 1734 Realm of Sweden talars to euros, should someone violate this law.

Ibid, 4 §: "rengastamattomat siat saa kiinni ottaa kuka tahtoo ja voipi, ennen muita se, joka tiluksiltansa ne tapaa ja vahinkoa kärsii, ja olkoon ottajalla sama oikeus kuin [siltavoudilla]" - anyone is permitted to catch pigs without nose rings, with the same rights as a law enforcer.

Ibid, 21L 1 §: "Jos mehiläiset lentävät toisen metsään ja omistaja niitä seuraa niiden puulle ja reiälle asti, merkitsee sen puun ja ilmoittaa asian kylänmiehille, niin älköön kenelläkään olko valtaa kieltää niitä häneltä. Jos mehiläisparvi on asettunut .. rauhoitettuun puuhun -- Jos se on muu puu hakatkoon sen kumoon ja ottakoon vapaasti mehiläisensä." In other words, if you keep bees, and the bees escape, you are allowed to cut down any tree (not in a government conservation programme) to retrieve your bees.

Ibid, 2L 3 §: "Kun talonpoika on rakentanut huoneet niin, kuin on sanottu, pitäköön ne kunnossa. Jos on jotakin puutteellista hoidossa tahi rakentamisessa, niin korjatkoon." If you are a peasant, you are legally obliged to keep your house in a good condition, and fix any imperfections in the building. So, if you're a peasant, but not otherwise, you legally are obliged to fix the torn wallpaper or kill the wasp nest in the attic.

Guns will be outlawed. No law abiding citizen will have a gun. :rolleyes:

Bump

Actual asburd laws:

In Huntsville, Alabama, it is illegal to move your bed without getting a permit from the police.

OOPS, I have broken this law. :(

A real-life absurd law.

In Halifax (Canada), a century-old law defines the official weight of a raisin bread, as well as the exact number of raisins that must be put in it.

(There must have been a hell lot of abuse from the bakers, I guess...)

Burping in the library is punishable by having a carrot shoved up your left nostril.

Dr. Ferris smiled. . . . . ."We've waited a long time to get something on you. You honest men are such a problem and such a headache. But we knew you'd slip sooner or later - and this is just what we wanted."

"You seem to be pleased about it."

"Don't I have good reason to be?"

"But, after all, I did break one of your laws."

"Well, what do you think they're for?"

Dr. Ferris did not notice the sudden look on Rearden's face, the look of a man hit by the first vision of that which he had sought to see. Dr. Ferris was past the stage of seeing; he was intent upon delivering the last blows to an animal caught in a trap.

"Did you really think that we want those laws to be observed?" said Dr. Ferris. "We want them broken. You'd better get it straight that it's not a bunch of boy scouts you're up against - then you'll know that this is not the age for beautiful gestures. We're after power and we mean it. You fellows were pikers, but we know the real trick, and you'd better get wise to it. There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted - and you create a nation of law-breakers - and then you cash in on guilt. Now, that's the system, Mr. Rearden, that's the game, and once you understand it, you'll be much easier to deal with."

Dr. Ferris smiled. . . . . ."We've waited a long time to get something on you. You honest men are such a problem and such a headache. But we knew you'd slip sooner or later - and this is just what we wanted."

"You seem to be pleased about it."

"Don't I have good reason to be?"

"But, after all, I did break one of your laws."

"Well, what do you think they're for?"

Dr. Ferris did not notice the sudden look on Rearden's face, the look of a man hit by the first vision of that which he had sought to see. Dr. Ferris was past the stage of seeing; he was intent upon delivering the last blows to an animal caught in a trap.

"Did you really think that we want those laws to be observed?" said Dr. Ferris. "We want them broken. You'd better get it straight that it's not a bunch of boy scouts you're up against - then you'll know that this is not the age for beautiful gestures. We're after power and we mean it. You fellows were pikers, but we know the real trick, and you'd better get wise to it. There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted - and you create a nation of law-breakers - and then you cash in on guilt. Now, that's the system, Mr. Rearden, that's the game, and once you understand it, you'll be much easier to deal with."

No offense, but, man, that was a terrible absurd law.

No offense, but, man, that was a terrible absurd law.

I agree.

In Huntsville, Alabama, it is illegal to move your bed without getting a permit from the police.
Time to get arrested

It is illegal to tie your pet alligator to a fire hydrant, except on alternate sundays or during a lunar eclipse.

No talking in a movie theatre: penalty is death by magumba!

im president of the model congress @ my school (atleast for next year).. ive dealt with a ton of pretty crazy bills that ppl wanted to pass into laws. one of the craziest was

A GOVERNMENT FUNDED REALTIY TV SHOW: Who Wants to be an American Citizen?>>> build a 100 ft wide and 3 ft deep river of combustible liquid across US borders (complete with an on/off switch to light it up). Then have a 20 story electric fence on our side of each border, and every 1/2 mile a motion-sensor laser-tower. Not to mention a few land mines and roving rabid packs of trained attack dogs. We then place cameras ever 1/10 of a mile and make a reality tv show out of the immigrants who try to come to America illegally. The catch is, if they do survive, they are caught and are made to flip a coin... heads: they can stay in america and are given 1 million dollars, and a ferrari. Tails: they are catapulted back over the border they came from. Seems like an interesting way to solve the illegal immigration problem in america, and a good way to finance the deficit (as it will be governmentally funded and controlled)


other great bills included:
-govt. funded prostitution
-air-dropping all convicts and criminals on France
-declaring war on Antarctica
-declaring war and Canada for the sake of manifest destiny (again)
-changing our national anthem to 'cant touch this' by mc hammer

1. Butchering of cows may only be done in the wild and only by use of rubber mallets.

2. No cow may be butchered which has noticed you.

other great bills included:
-govt. funded prostitution
-air-dropping all convicts and criminals on France
-declaring war on Antarctica
-declaring war and Canada for the sake of manifest destiny (again)
-changing our national anthem to 'cant touch this' by mc hammer
Wow, you are sooo first-degree. :rolleyes:

Wow, you are sooo first-degree. :rolleyes:


first-degree??????? :confused:

Parents may not shoot nor throw paper products in a restaurant. Punishable by
$250 fine.

Making a reference to some obscure pop-culture item from the 1970's or earlier shall be punished by a forced 3 day seminar entitled "Get some new material, dammit!"

Anyone who confuses more than 5 people simultaneously must engage in at least 5 minutes of sympathetic confusion. Those people who aren't sufficiently confused in their sympathy must be spun in a circle at high velocity.

Ihatevacations']Saying "Git'er'done" in any public place is punishable by public humiliation.

Everytime somebody says "Giterdone", an angel loses it's wings. Oh, the wings don't just magicly disappear. No, they are torn off painfully. Meanwhile, the angel is yelling "OH MY GOD! THE PAIN! THE HORROR! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! WHY? WHY? OH THE PAIN!", as he/she falls to the floor in a bloody heap. All because some redneck hillybillie decided to say "Gitterdone" for a cheap laugh.

Back on topic:

It is illegal to cross the Minnesota State border with a duck on your head. Oh, wait, actually a law(I kid you not)

How's about:

Eating Elephant meat is only permissable in the presence of a Court Judge, and must be consumed within a designated time period of 30 minutes.

Every citizen must learn the art of Yogic Flying (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogic_flying)


Failure to comply will result in the offender(s) being forced to watch every Doug Henning TV appearence, ever, for a period of 8 days, during which time they may not sleep and will have their eyelids propped open by toothpicks.

All non-"Gangsta" rap is to be banned.

It is illegal for forty year-old (and up) mothers to enjoy The Offspring.

In the state of Oklahoma, it is illegal to be a woman.

Only rich people can run for President!

Then bake a non-sugar alternative.

Er... the sugar is in the sauce!
One simply cannot make a good pizza with certain toppings but without sauce!

Thou shalt not breed tribbles without a licence.

Point of order: as tribbles are born pregnant, one cannot "breed" them per se.

Anyone who says they love a "new song" that is in reality a remake will be forced to watch "Xanadu" until they can answer a multiple choice exam regarding it.

The penalty is to be raised for a cover of a song from an epic band such as Led Zeppelin or The Who... :p

Some real laws!

On Alpha Prime, it is illegal to walk backwards down the street in the nude wearing a wineglass on your head after 9 P.M.

It is legal to kill people on three conditions:
a) The victim must be between 35 and 50 years of age;
b) The victim must be informed before the deed is done;
c) The victim must be a poodle.

On Aptopia it is illegal to be both feminist and a homosexual. You can be one or the other, but not both.

On Aurora, you may follow whatever religion you choose, provided that it is not Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Shintoism, Jainism, paganism, Confucianism, Taoism, daltonism, rheumatism...

On my own home moon, Ganymede, impersonating an alligator can be punishable by having tomatoes thrown at you.

Also, any offense committed on the NS forums is punishable by death.

Grand Theft Ursine is only punishable if the theft occured during the hours of 3 PM and 4:30 PM.

Suicide is illegal and criminals attempting suicide shall be sentenced to death (only overrides the previous law if the policeman was wearing boxers)
that was a british law

and randomly, where is the moral compass?

Showing around photos of one's baby and saying things like "Isnt she the cutest thing?" is illegal. The offender has to write "All rugrats look the same" 10.000 times.

Er... the sugar is in the sauce!
One simply cannot make a good pizza with certain toppings but without sauce!

Actual Italian Pizza has no sauce. It's crust, cheese, olive oil, and Garlic.

No buying alcohol from Sunday midnight until Monday. Oh, that one's already been done, I think. Whoops.

real laws in South Carolina:

Alcoholic beverages cannot be purchased on Sundays. The only exceptions are that you can buy beer in some counties along the coast, and you can buy alcohol on military bases and in restaraunts.

A man is permitted to beat his wife on the courthouse steps with a stick no thicker than his thumb. (hence the "rule of thumb")

my own absurd law:

anyone seen picking their nose in the car will have their own nose removed and replaced with that of michael jackson :eek:

Actual Italian Pizza has no sauce. It's crust, cheese, olive oil, and Garlic.

It also sucks. :D

Let's be real here: there is only pizza from Philadelphia to Boston, with the centre being NYC to New Haven.

Chicago makes a cousin to pizza.

Everything else is mere shadow.

Showing around photos of one's baby and saying things like "Isnt she the cutest thing?" is illegal. The offender has to write "All rugrats look the same" 10.000 times.
Speaking of which:

It is illegal to dress up as a baby for anyone older than 16, unless the room is locked, shrouded from view and no cameras or any other recording equipment is allowed in. Violators will be punished by excision of the sphincter.

Also, all supporters of the death penalty must be willing to carry out hanging, drawing and quartering. Otherwise you are not allowed to support the death penalty.

Prison guard duty will be compulsory in Perkeleenmaa. Everyone should be "familiar with the enemies behind the wire" (quoting Theodor Eicke), otherwise no one is morally justified to demand any penalty of incarceration.

It also sucks. :D

Let's be real here: there is only pizza from Philadelphia to Boston, with the centre being NYC to New Haven.

Chicago makes a cousin to pizza.

Everything else is mere shadow.

Have you ever had it? It's the best type of Pizza ever! Down with sauce!

A man is permitted to beat his wife on the courthouse steps with a stick no thicker than his thumb. (hence the "rule of thumb")
Interestingly, in Finnish, the expression with the same meaning is "rule of fist" (nyrkkisääntö). This seems to go the other way around; anything equal or worse than a fist is not allowed.

ObLaw: You are allowed to keep chickens on the rooftop, if the rooftop is higher than three stories, irrespective of other regulations. However, each chicken must have a registry tag.

jam may not be consumed with noodles before the hour of 7 in the evening

Everybody must include the world 'Scololicious' in every sentence.

Have you ever had it? It's the best type of Pizza ever! Down with sauce!

Yes, and I used to sling dough in high school/early college.
White pies are good for certain toppings only. Try a white chicken pie someday. (blah!)

how scololicious!

Have you ever had it? It's the best type of Pizza ever! Down with sauce!

Agreed! After trying some classic pizza in Rome I can't get a taste for American pizza anymore. :(

Being that threesomes, like youth are wasted on the young, all men partaking in such acts must be over the age of 60 if the other two participants are women during the first quarter of the lunar cycle. Failure to comply will result in imprisonment in a pawnshop under the supervision of Zed and the Gimp.


- All Canadian lumberjacks caught clad in woman's clothing in alcohol serving establishments, or in high heels, suspenders, and a bra shall be banished to Yorkshire for a period of no less than the time it takes the lumberjack to conceive thirty-seven (37) offspring with either a Cornish woman or a goat.



- Hungarians shall not be permitted to purchase tobacco in British shops on January 15th in the city of London or Manchester

- The title of "the Man" shall be reserved for Rufus Thomas. All others falsely claiming the title of "the Man" shall face the wrath of a man reciting Ezekiel 25:17.


"

Stupendous Badassness' Pirate Friday Ordinance

A)Henceforth, every Friday shall be known as "Talk like a Pirate Day."

B)All verbal communication must be accompanied by appropriate pirate expressions, such as "shiver me timbers" or "ahoy maties." "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!" is especially commendable.

C)Period dress is not permitted and is punishable by a public flogging of no fewer than twenty lashes.

D)Each infraction of this ordinance shall be punishable by walking the plank, excepting that a suitable pirate jig be performed by the offender immediately thereafter.

On the 25th may ever year,all fellow reds must break into a day long rendition of YNWA.
A mank or a bitter can be legally shot with a bow and arrow from a distance of 12 feet aslong as the arrow is red and it is a sunday

Also, calling dried-up remains of coffee "instant coffee" or any sort of "coffee" would be banned. You can't call a mix of butter and margarine "Butterine" either, as show by the case of Voimariini (voi+margariini) in Finland.
Damn man, I know this thread is loooooooooong but I just had to post. That coffee was proper and HOT! >:[ I have to make another cup.

No person under 18 can live within 100 metres of the current residence of Michael Jackson.

The penalty of a person's death is immediate un-death.

All un-dead are to be considered dangerous, and to be killed as quickly as possible. 100 US dollars are to be provided for proof of elimination per un-dead person.

The definition of the word 'person' is to be expanded to include both those who are living and those who are un-dead.

I think it's time the zombie hunters of the world had a steady line of work.

No parking air on the wednesday except when it's green, the'n no parking on camels

no wearing of green hats on the 29th sunday in the year if also wearing a spandex gorrilla suit

Any person telling anyone to go outside because the weather's "great" when the weather is actually unfavourable (raining, snowing, sleeting, hailing, too hot, too cold, too windy, too calm, cloudy, too bright, too humid, too dry, or inconsistent/changable) shall be forced to play checkers outside in a hurricane until such time as offender can officially be declared the victor.

EDIT: excepting if offfender's name is Victor to begin with.

by the 30th of June everyone must have (to avoid execution) two cacti, one-scaled down dry brick wall on their studies windowledge and it must be really foggy outside.
How convenient, that just suits me! :D

hmm, the power of the slightly dampened haddock

Hmm...

All Christians must burn a flag once a year and all flag burners must burn at least one page of the bible monthly.

I was going to make an absurd law, but Congress beat me to it. :p

Actual law, used to be in force here: All peasants must grow hop shoots, which will be collected as tax. This was because the army needed some flavoring for their beer.

ObLaw: All bottles or other liquid containers must be recycleable. Each container must be registered, and thus has a serial number. Failure to produce a registered container to a recycling station within half a year results in a revocation of the right to buy anything liquid sold in containers.