NationStates Jolt Archive

The other day, I was riding the bus and I saw a car, called, "Evolution." It was a very Asian-looking car. Fairly compact yellow sportscar. And I thought, what would "Creationism", the car, look like?

I'm thinking a tank with a DVD player. And it will have a voice-activated system, with Attorney Ashcroft as the car's voice. "And Jesus spake: The door is ajar. And Jesus spake: The door is ajar."

And the car alarm would be Ashcroft singing, "Let the eagles soooar!" That would scare away any car-thieves, and it would definitely cause several people to call the police.

What do you think? Does anyone have any other ideas?

Horse and buggy, The amish seem to get along well enough...

Horse and buggy, The amish seem to get along well enough...
God. No one would buy that.

But I guess that's a good idea, because it would be just as popular as Creationism, haha!

And the car alarm would be Ashcroft singing, "Let the eagles soooar!" That would scare away any car-thieves, and it would definitely cause several people to call the police.

Hee! :p

There would never be any new features. Each model would be identical to the previous year's.

Or some car with square wheels. That will probably roll just as well as Creationism theory, and so they can argue how it isn't proven that normal wheels are any better.

EDIT: on our normal (non-special-bumpy roads) that is

Or some car with square wheels. That will probably roll just as well as Creationism theory, and so they can argue how it isn't proven that normal wheels are any better.

http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20040403/mathtrek.asp

It would have rolling crosses instead of tires. Chrome-plate, with black rubber tread along the edge. And a chrome-plate cruciform Jesus mounted on each cross.

Or some car with square wheels. That will probably roll just as well as Creationism theory, and so they can argue how it isn't proven that normal wheels are any better.

dang it, we were thinking along similar lines, but yours was definitely better.

Or some car with square wheels. That will probably roll just as well as Creationism theory, and so they can argue how it isn't proven that normal wheels are any better.
They'll say that god intended the roads to be (the shape below), and that all the roads should be repaved.

____ ____ ____ ____
/ \ / \ / \ / \
/ \/ \/ \/ \
Edit: Jolt screwed up my picture, but it's basically a cycloid.
Edit #2: Wrong curve, and Shmarmia beat me to it.

It would have to be alternitivly powered, any good youth-earth creationist couldn't ride around with a tank full of satan's lies!

http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20040403/mathtrek.asp
Oh yeah. IF THE GROUND HAD THOSE BUMPS, LIKE THE PAGE SAYS.

It would have to be alternitivly powered, any good youth-earth creationist couldn't ride around with a tank full of satan's lies!
a new v-chip for the radio.

And the horn would be Ashcroft yelling, "DIE COMMIE!"

A true Creationist car would be perfect in every way.

The car would have had no R&D costs, there would be no need for marketing as everyone would want the car, there would be no back seat as this may entice sin.

Also cars of different brands would continually crash into each other to prove that their God is superiour.

But we all know GM (Holden) rules :)

Actually, Dobbsworld, that wasn't dumb. Since you say the roads were something like that in the middle ages, it actually makes a lot of sense to have the car sold then because that was before the advent of evolutionary theory and everybody was a creationist.

It would have to be alternitivly powered, any good youth-earth creationist couldn't ride around with a tank full of satan's lies!

Well, i figure there would be a bumpersticker on the fuel tank saying "only powered by oil that was formed during deluge" :p :D

It would have to run on Ethanol or Solar power. If Creationism were true, there'd be no such thing as Oil. Maybe they could run it off all the hot air they produce while trying to convince the rest of the world about their beliefs.

DAMN! DAMN! someone beat me to it.

"Damn you Mendoza! Damn you to Heck!"

It would have to run on Ethanol or Solar power. If Creationism were true, there'd be no such thing as Oil.

Yes, I know. But check out the 'Creationism finally extinct thread', Creationists believe coal and oil were formed during Deluge. It's totally inconsistent, but they believe it... :rolleyes:

It would have to run on Ethanol or Solar power. If Creationism were true, there'd be no such thing as Oil. Maybe they could run it off all the hot air they produce while trying to convince the rest of the world about their beliefs.

DAMN! DAMN! someone beat me to it.

"Damn you Mendoza! Damn you to Heck!"
They might not even have cars at all, since god didn't create them. By the way, who or what is "Mendoza"?

I'll bet if it took an auto manufacturer six days to build just one of them, it would be PERFECT in every way. Think how much it would cost?

I'll bet if it took an auto manufacturer six days to build just one of them, it would be PERFECT in every way. Think how much it would cost?

Isn't some Italian-imported car hand-made, with a waiting list as long as Route 66?

It would have to run on hydrogen or some shit, since oil is technically the BLACK BLOOD OF SATAN SENT TO HIDE US FROM THE TRUTH. (That their god is playing a big trick on us.)

They might not even have cars at all, since god didn't create them. By the way, who or what is "Mendoza"?

Mendoza: Its a quote from the Simpsons. I'm bad for non-seqiturs.

Back on topic: So they'd jet propel themselves along on their own farts then? Or would hot air ballons be the preferred method of transport? I try very hard to respect all points of view, but this is one topic where I refuse to even pretend to be civil to the oppososing viewpoint. The sooner such literalists remove themselves from the genepool, the better. There can't be more than million or two Creationists out there, Surely euthanasia is the best option for humanity: Lets put THEM out of OUR misery.

There can't be more than million or two Creationists out there
There have to be more than that. have you ever been to middle america? honestly, my friend's grandmother is a flat-earth baptist. real quote from her "in the bible, it says four corners of the earth, and therefore the earth is flat."

there are way more literalists than you think out there.

There have to be more than that. have you ever been to middle america? honestly, my friend's grandmother is a flat-earth baptist. real quote from her "in the bible, it says four corners of the earth, and therefore the earth is flat."

there are way more literalists than you think out there.
I bet if we accidently nuked southern America, the number of Creationists would drop to zero.

Or would hot air ballons be the preferred method of transport?

You heathen! If God had wanted men to fly he would have made them grow wings in evolution ;)

You heathen! If God had wanted men to fly he would have made them grow wings in evolution ;)

But God does want men to fly. Thats why he gave Creationists so much extra hot air than the rest of us admittedly absurd humans.

I bet if we accidently nuked southern America, the number of Creationists would drop to zero.

Huh, what about all the fundamentalist Muslims and orthodox Jews. They believe in creationism. You want to kill all of them too?

There have to be more than that. have you ever been to middle america? honestly, my friend's grandmother is a flat-earth baptist. real quote from her "in the bible, it says four corners of the earth, and therefore the earth is flat."

Or a tetrehedron... Hmm, I wonder what would happen if you dropped a marble near one of the corners - after rolling past the middle of one face, it should leap off the middle of the opposite edge. I guess it would impact near the next corner.