NationStates Jolt Archive

When I was in second grade, one day our science lesson involved the "plant and animal kingdoms."

As part of the lesson, the teacher asked us to name "animals."

When called on, I answered, "human beings."

...

"No," she said. "You are confused. Humans are mammals, but not animals."

I insisted, but so did she. After that, I just started to cry.

...

Similar stories, anyone?

Fifth grade my teacher said if you had a religion you were a Christian. Some kids argued but then she said she taught at a religious school, so that shut them up. I didn't say anything because I'm not retarded enough to speak out against the man with my face showing.

I had a high school geography teacher who didn't know what an archipelago is, and could not pronouce the word. A geography teacher. Yeah.

I had a high school econ teacher who could not say "specific". He pronounced it "pacific". So many times I wanted to yell "it's not an ocean!" :p

ok my bio teacher was talking to this girl and he started to shoot a laser pointer at her and she said "stop thats bad for my eyes" and then he said "it's not bad for ur eyes if i shoot it in ur mouth"...........yea preverted but funny

My 3rd grade teacher pronounced "artifacts" "arteefax". She also couldn't do math.

One of my Kindergarten teachers didn't know what a mansion was. Seriously. I drew a picture of one, and she asked, "What's that?". I said, "It's a mansion.". She says, "...What's a mansion?". Even as young as I was, I had a total "what the fuck" look on my face.

My 2nd grade teacher pronounced and spelled "Cretacious" "Crestacious". She said it five times in one day, and SPELLED IT OUT THAT WAY ON THE CHALKBOARD. I finally had to say, "Ms. Schuman... It's CRETACIOUS.".

I've no stories about teachers but plenty about the textbook hire lady who gets really, really offended when you even mention the word "bureaucracy".

I live in an area where teachers get off saying " sitdown asshole!", so it's pretty funny all day. The one that took the cake though was what my science teacher did than said. Actually, he did a lot of stupid stuff.

There'd been crowds of idiots roaming the halls yelling for a week. My teach got PO'd, and we saw where it was going when he pulled the fire extinguisher from under his desk. The white stains are still on the lockers. He did the same the next day with a bucket of water.

He also uses a metal music stands to put papers on at the beginning of class. However, the kids would forget to grab them, and would have to interrupt class to get them. He put an end to this by placing a tesla coil (for those of you who don't know, it produces a nasty electric shock) on the metal. The next kid to do that, found himself three rows back. And he didn't walk back there. IN fact, he doesn't remember anything happenning for him to get there.

So, it's not really what he said, but what he did. It was pretty stupid, considering he could've lost his job. But, the administration was laughing just as hard as us in his class, so it's all good. Hope ya enjoyed it.

I live in an area where teachers get off saying " sitdown asshole!", so it's pretty funny all day. The one that took the cake though was what my science teacher did than said. Actually, he did a lot of stupid stuff.

There'd been crowds of idiots roaming the halls yelling for a week. My teach got PO'd, and we saw where it was going when he pulled the fire extinguisher from under his desk. The white stains are still on the lockers. He did the same the next day with a bucket of water.

He also uses a metal music stands to put papers on at the beginning of class. However, the kids would forget to grab them, and would have to interrupt class to get them. He put an end to this by placing a tesla coil (for those of you who don't know, it produces a nasty electric shock) on the metal. The next kid to do that, found himself three rows back. And he didn't walk back there. IN fact, he doesn't remember anything happenning for him to get there.

So, it's not really what he said, but what he did. It was pretty stupid, considering he could've lost his job. But, the administration was laughing just as hard as us in his class, so it's all good. Hope ya enjoyed it.

Detroit fucking rocks.

my mother and my aunt are teachers, 3 uncles are university professors...

at one time i complained about my teacher faulty knowledge...and my mom said: one of the first things we are taught at the teacher's school is to not allow the children to doubt their knowledge...

also...my uncle told me once that knowledge is not the most important attribute of a teacher.

My 11th grade History teacher thought that Jack and Rose were really on the Titanic, and that the movie was 100% true.

My 11th grade History teacher thought that Jack and Rose were really on the Titanic, and that the movie was 100% true.

There is no emoticon to describe that. Some one survived watching the whole movie?

My 11th grade History teacher thought that Jack and Rose were really on the Titanic, and that the movie was 100% true.

Wait, they weren't? It wasn't? :eek:

DAMN YOU PUBLIC EDUCATION!!!!!! :mad:

There is no emoticon to describe that. Some one survived watching the whole movie?
I had to suffer when I was in the second grade. Dammit, you just don't put kids through that at such a young age.

For me, it would have to be yesterday when we had our final in Language Arts. My teacher told us to shush and stay quiet because some people were talking a bit. About 5 minutes later she runs to the window and opens it and starts talking and yelling things to random seniors that were in her class.

"ZIMMERMAN!!!!!!!!"

Oh my God...

I had an English teacher that spelled the word even evan and pronounced the word daggers dragons

There were MANY more instances, but I don't even know where to start. 7th grade English teacher, she was an idiot.

Our Social Studies teacher once spelled Afghanistan with a ph.
Aphganistan, jo, it be da bomb, dawg.

I had an English teacher that spelled the word even evan and pronounced the word daggers dragons

There were MANY more instances, but I don't even know where to start. 7th grade English teacher, she was an idiot.

I'll say.

My 3rd grade teacher pronounced "artifacts" "arteefax". She also couldn't do math.

One of my Kindergarten teachers didn't know what a mansion was. Seriously. I drew a picture of one, and she asked, "What's that?". I said, "It's a mansion.". She says, "...What's a mansion?". Even as young as I was, I had a total "what the fuck" look on my face.

My 2nd grade teacher pronounced and spelled "Cretacious" "Crestacious". She said it five times in one day, and SPELLED IT OUT THAT WAY ON THE CHALKBOARD. I finally had to say, "Ms. Schuman... It's CRETACIOUS.".

It's Cretaceous.

When I was in second grade, one day our science lesson involved the "plant and animal kingdoms."

As part of the lesson, the teacher asked us to name "animals."

When called on, I answered, "human beings."

...

"No," she said. "You are confused. Humans are mammals, but not animals."

I insisted, but so did she. After that, I just started to cry.

...

Similar stories, anyone?


I got in an argument with my freshman bio teacher over what jellyfish are. I said they were cnidaria, like sea anenomes, because that was what I had read in my textbook. Until I showed him the textbook, he insisted that they were mollusks, defending himself on the grounds that "octopuses are molluskes, and jellyfish look like octopuses with more legs".

Never mind the fact that the proper word is "octopi"

6th grade teacher: "(Poliwanacraca), can you come up here for a second?"
Me: "Sure."
Her: "I was looking at this math problem, and I have the answer here in the back of the book, but I can't figure out how they got it. Do you understand it?"
Me: "Um...yes..."
Her: "Oh, good. Could you explain it to me?"

:headbang:

Never mind the fact that the proper word is "octopi"

Actually, it's not. "Pus" in "octopus" is from the Greek word for foot, and the us/i thing is Latin.

One of my teachers could find the US on a map and the North Pole on a map, but never Canada. You put your finger on the US and move it towards the North Pole until it points to Canada.

Actually, it's not. "Pus" in "octopus" is from the Greek word for foot, and the us/i thing is Latin.

Yup, the accepted English plural is octopuses, though some technical texts and older books will allow you octopodes as well as that's the correct Greek pluralisation. Octopi is just plain wrong. (Ditto for that matter duckbilled-platypi for all the same reasons.)

My sister is in Year 2 and she said Human Beings were mammals and I told her we were also animals. She didn't believe me. :confused: Similar story. ;)

When I was in second grade, one day our science lesson involved the "plant and animal kingdoms."

As part of the lesson, the teacher asked us to name "animals."

When called on, I answered, "human beings."

...

"No," she said. "You are confused. Humans are mammals, but not animals."

I insisted, but so did she. After that, I just started to cry.

...

Similar stories, anyone?

It's actually quite humourous sometimes to see a math teacher, who has actually studied math at the university level, fail to do a whole bunch of simple operations (i.e. division and multiplication) correctly. Makes you wonder.

We have a Social Science teacher that can't even spell! The students are always correcting him.

My modern history teacher my senior year told us that airplanes didn't exsist during WWI.

I'm curious, are you all American or what? I am Canadian, and similiar things have happened, but not to the same extent, the worse I have gotten is just the apparent lack of a will to teach. A good example being my 8th Grade teacher, he was a good teacher, but because the curriculum was Canadian history from Cabot to the beginning of the Second World War, it was mostly notes. The teacher would ask us at the end of class to re-cap what we had learned, or ask us questions, I corrected him on most of his question and was banned from answering questions subsequently.

My modern history teacher my senior year told us that airplanes didn't exsist during WWI.

You made it to WWI by senior year? The furthest my high school took us in history was to the Civil War, because the senior teacher was a Southern Civil War buff. We spent a few months on US colonization and revolution and then it was all Civil War until two weeks before the Advanced Placement exam, when he showed us movies like JFK and Forrest Gump to teach the modern history.

OUr history teacher was doing hangman games with us a few minutes before the end of the lesson and kept spelling the words wrong. No one in the class could get a word and it turned out to be mayan, as in the native american civilisation, but she spelt it mian. :confused:

We also had a teacher who told someone off for " creating a fun environment" in the classroom.

yes, I'm American, I think the main problem with the guy was he hadn't taught in like, 10 years. And yes we did make WWI by senior year, let me see if I can remember our social studies courses, Freshman:1 semester civics, 1 of geography. Sophmore: 1 semester ancient history. Junior: 2 semesters U.S. History. Senior: 1 semester economics, 1 semester modern history.

U.S. history took us from pre-independence U.S. to now. Ancient history took us from Sumerians (because my school didn't really believe in pre-history and all that forming of the earth stuff) to just before renaissance. Modern from renaissance to now.

I had a teacher get pissed off at me during a lunch and take me to the office, and I was being a smart ass, and he was like.

"so, how much you wanna bet you're getting suspension for this?"

I was like, "sir, its against the school rules to bet while on school property, and I'm not of the legal age to gamble, so I'm not going to answer that."

and then he got kinda pissed off and was like, "You know, you are no smarter then you were when you were in my class last semister."

I just smiled at him and was like, "well, if you had taught me anything then that wouldn't be true."

he got red and didn't say another word to me, I loved it.

Picture a middle aged woman with a thick Jamaican accent...

"Math is like a snow cone... it's so juicy you want to suck it all up!"

Picture a middle aged man with a thick French Canadian accent...

"You better to do your homework or I will squeeze you like a lemon!"

Picture a middle aged man with a thick Egyptian accent holding a Bible in his hand during a math exam.

"This is a well read book!"

Picture a middle aged man in a tweed sweater with a thick German accent using the following quote to explain photography.

"If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it must be a duck."

I had to suffer when I was in the second grade. Dammit, you just don't put kids through that at such a young age.

For me, it would have to be yesterday when we had our final in Language Arts. My teacher told us to shush and stay quiet because some people were talking a bit. About 5 minutes later she runs to the window and opens it and starts talking and yelling things to random seniors that were in her class.

"ZIMMERMAN!!!!!!!!"

Oh my God...


OMG!! Second Grade was Aweful for me!!!! We had a spelling bee and I got a word wrong, which you know it's going to happen.. no one is perfect and the teacher friggin started making fun of me!! She made fun of me intill i cryed and then made fun of me for crying as well!!! She also called my mother and told her i was playing with my sissors in glass and took them away.. which in fact they we're a nice set and she was too cheap to go buy her own so she took mine..

God I hated that teacher.. :(

But i'll add to that.. the funniest thing i ever did in middle school was Super glue my friend's azz to the science lab table mwa ha ha ha haaa.. she couldn't get off the table for at least a good 30mins.. Haaaa... detention was so worth it though! :headbang:

Not quite what a teacher said. But rather, it was a student wrote. In either case, this was quite amusing when I found it. Found in a 6th graders history test.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines


4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is
a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the
world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example
of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They
believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on
an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

"But Hitler did win the war"

Damn religion teachers are all retarded.

stupid behavior.

I had AP european history with a communist teacher.
Normally i wouldnt have any problem with this at all, If she hadn't decided to try to force her views on the rest of the class. (it was a small class, and all but one of the kids in there was pretty smart, so it never worked.)

But that's besides the point - THat's just to give a good idea of the kind of person she was(is?).

One day, we were right on the ass end of the french revolution, and she said the words "women's rights".
Once again, no problem at all (especially in this case) but the kid sitting next to me sneezed, then inhaled deeply.

She took that personally. I still, to this day cannot figure why.
So she's ranting and raving about how he's a misogyinist creep and such and he's just sitting there all confused looking, and then i blew a fuse. Normally i don't do that. Well,i didn't blow a fuse so much as politely interject that he just sneezed.

then she goes off on some tangent about how i'llnever get along in society, then i get sent out of the room.

5 minutes later, an administartor that i just so happen to get along with fairly well walks in ,says "okay,what's you do" and i didn't even have to say anything. everyone else who worked there kne what a crazy bitch she was.

THat was too long.

As odd as it sounds (and yes, I did post almost the same post as this one in the "Stupid things your classmates said" thread) I've been collecting stupid things my teachers have said for quite sometime. Here's a sample.

"It's North America...so it's north...of America. Yeah, that's right."
"Good, good, there's no right answer. But here's what it REALLY means!
"Quiet everyone. This is very important information. Now, everybody, where was Jessica Simpson born?"
"Even if he doesn't say anything, write it down."
"When you disobey, you give into your lust, anger and obesity."

Tell me if you want more quotes.

It's Cretaceous.

Yeah, it's been so long since I've seen that word. Thanks for the correction, though.

In second grade, for health class, we had to trace outlines of ourselves and draw our organs in on them. I happen to have been brought up by a nurse, so I labeled the appropriate part of my throat "Trachea" The teacher marked it wrong and wrote "Windpipe" (The health teacher was the school nurse... Glad I never choked at that school.)

Also just this past school year, my history teacher tried to tell me that they used hydrogen bombs in WW2. I told her they didn't exist yet and she didn't belive me. A few days later, after class she told me I was right.

Not quite what a teacher said. But rather, it was a student wrote. In either case, this was quite amusing when I found it. Found in a 6th graders history test.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines


4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is
a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the
world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example
of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They
believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on
an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring
up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

DUDE! HOLY SHIT! It's pure gold, it is! Platinum, even!!

Who the hell wrote this!? It's BRILLIANT!

In Science class in grade 10 we were doing project presentations, and the teacher was calling people up to do their presentation. When my friend's turn comes up the teacher says "up next is semen." Needless to say everyone had a good laugh at that.

In a philosophy lesson:

Teacher - "No, 2 + 2 always has to = 4. You're wrong."

At camp:
*angrily* "And if ANYONE stick his door outside the nose..."
*laughter*
"....Nevermind"

Ok, in grade 12 I dropped out of 11A Accounting because my teacher was such a moron.

The guy had a hearing problem, but never wore the hearing aides he had; even though it was damn clear he needed them.

This is also the same teacher who described a house as a liability, but it's actually an asset. Yes you have to pay over time, but the more you pay, the more it becomes an asset.

The guy also failed to understand basic accounting principles. Further proof of this is the Chinese girl in my class (recent arrival from Hong Kong), had gone up to the blackboard when the teacher was out of the room and explained the previous night's homework, something the teacher couldn't do!

DUDE! HOLY SHIT! It's pure gold, it is! Platinum, even!!

Who the hell wrote this!? It's BRILLIANT!Well, they've been collected over a number of years by the teachers at a university in New Hampshire, then recorded by Richard Lederer in "Anguished English"... look it up in a bookstore. It's got a lot of other funny things in it.

• H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
• The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
• In the fifteenth century, nuns tended to be mostly female.
• Civilization woozed out of the Nile about 300,000 years ago. The Nile was a river that had some water in it. Every year it would flood and irritate the landscape.

...and so on and so forth...

Now onto the teachers!

I had a math teacher in 8th grade—preparing for the 8th grade exams mind you—who once gave me back a test on which I got two questions wrong, and he got four.

He once stated that 7 – 4 = 11, and when I tried to correct him took 2 points off my average.

I got 2 questions wrong on another test in which each question was worth 4 points, and got a 91.

It got so bad that the students made a poster of him saying, "There are three kinds of math teachers: those who can count and those who can't." Hilarious.

(Yes, that was in the USA. How did you guess?)

i got a few:

my chem teacher shut the door and started teaching the class. a kid named rich came like 45 min late to class and knowcked on the door. my teacher started flipping out on him. he slams open the door, (this is between periods since it wasa double period chemistry class), and all you hear is "WHAT THE FUK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!?!?!" and then we see through the window my teacher shove him against the wall a few times and then come back into class shoving him into his seat. 30 sec later another science teacher comes in and begs my teacher to let him smack rich too.

my ap european history teacher was nuts. we were studying the spread of communism westward after the russian revolution. you have to keep in mind that my teacher is 350 lbs and obsessed with getiing laid.

joco (our nickname for him): "yea, and the europeans saw that communism was spreading, do you think they spread their legs open wide and took it straight up the @ss?? NO, they were like pms'ing hores who made you actually PAY for it!!!"

*snip*
In second grade, we were talking about deer on the bus to a field trip, and most of the students' parents were there. The teacher mentioned that deer were nocturnal. She, however, was wrong - deer are crepuscular, meaning they come out at dawn and dusk. I pointed this out - and the parents were amused, but also kind of depressed. The teacher was just embarassed.

In second grade, we were talking about deer on the bus to a field trip, and most of the students' parents were there. The teacher mentioned that deer were nocturnal. She, however, was wrong - deer are crepuscular, meaning they come out at dawn and dusk. I pointed this out - and the parents were amused, but also kind of depressed. The teacher was just embarassed.

Now that's funny. It seems like generally teachers are retarded. I guess that's why they became teachers.

(no offense to any teachers who happen to read this. I'm sure you're not retarded if you figured out how to use the internet)

My science teacher (fifth year of highschool) claimed the acceleration you gain from free falling (gravity) was unlimmited... Like if a paratrooper was jumping from a high enougth place, he could accelarate until he hit the speed of sound :rolleyes:

My bio teacher (third grade of highschool) claimed we (the student) could/should use two condoms at once for better protection (kid's, dont try this at home, the friction between the layer of latex will destroy both condom) :rolleyes:

My science teacher in Year 5 once said that DNA is 'kept in a little packet in your brain'. I'm not sure if it was genuine stupidity or if he just couldn't be bothered to explain DNA properly.

I've been writting down the best/worst things that teachers and students in my class have said for the last 7 years. unfortunately, only a few of them will work in english

English teacher: *"If it is what it means, and it is what it means, then what does it mean?"
*"The father’s point of view is not the father’s point of view..."
**(asks us how we feel today. Class: Fine?) "Well, that's a good day to talk about death then, isn't it?"

Maths: "Half of "very big" is still big"

Music: "Why was Galileo burned?" (Class protests) "But this would have been more spectacular..." "Why was Galileo crossed ?" (still trying to find out, what he wanted to say)

Philo: "A pig can't fly... except for Bush when he's on a plane..."

Latin: *(Ask Pierre sth, his answer: "Eh?") "Eh is already a progress...the cavemen said "Ugah, ugah"..so "Eh" is already a progress..."
*"Neptun became a woman for some of you (in a paper)...it's like Michael Jackson..no one knows wether it's a man or a woman"
*(A student mistranslates sth about caesar in England) "So he went as a tourist? Visting the London Tower, the Buckingham Palace, drinking tea with the Queen and Prince Charles with his elephant ears..."
*(Who started WW2?) "Liechtenstein, didn't it? With its mighty army..."

my biology teacher once gave us a boiled plant leaf and said "how does it feel?"
My friend touched it and replied "Thick and rigid, sir."
Then the biology teacher winked at us all and said "That's a common feeling Hodgetts. Very common."

My college prep history teacher rjsut siad crazy stuff, we didn't have real tests, he would jsut give us paper that are years old that have one word answers and he would gety up and talk about conestoga wagons and have us fill in the answers then give us one question quizes then that would be it. One time he forgot to give us the answer to one of the questions then yelled at us when we had no idea what that bat shit old man was talking about

How about these from my (hopeless) biology teacher:
I think I've ruined it

Bleuh bleuh bleuh <slaps herself>

Here at our Dutch gymnasium (Latin/Greek school), we have a couple of hilarious teachers, like our Latin teacher - he's intelligent, but he has a crazy sense of humour:

Latin teacher (when he catches a student learning for the upcoming maths exam): "Can I see your book for a moment?" (browses through it) "... yes, I think I understand already, it's not so different from Latin: Caesar = Pompeius divided by Crassus."

Latin teacher (talking to my friend): "Now [friend], when you die, you'll have to make sure that writes your biography, so that your heroic deeds, like those of Caesar, can be passed unto the generations after you."

Latin teacher (when a student tells him his girlfriend has dumped him, and that they're only friends now): "Yeah, but with friends you can do fun things too...." (big grin) "... like playing Stratego!"

Of course, with some other teachers, you sometimes have a "WTF?!"-moment:

Dutch teacher: "No, no, NO! You have to correct the [I]GOOD mistakes!"

Economy teacher (trying to explain the fact that he had asked something on the exam which he had never taught us): "Yeah, but... I dreamt about the economic model, and I made the exam questions after I woke up!"

Physics teacher: "Back in the days when YOU were still at university and you were throwing your empty beer bottles out of the window..." - WTF??! He was saying this to a class of high school students xD