NationStates Jolt Archive

Jesus Lives and he lives in Rhode Island... Hes quite the partier, all you need is some water and he can keep the party going all night long. His dad is kindof a prick though, man you should see what he has done to jobb......




This is meant to be funny don't take offense to it please! Please tell me what would it be like if jesus was one of us and he live in rhode island.....

Dear mr. Lives.... :D

This is probably a bad post, I started it all wrong like....

he could hire himself out at special occasions like weddings and new years - give him enough perrier, and there'd be plenty of cheap champagne for everyone!

Not to mention his own resturant! It would all be profit.. But all the meals would be based upon fish, bread, and wine...

I am the Jesus of Evilness and Chaos...

I have no special powers, entirely unlike Jesus.
I am not a dark-skinned carpenter, unlike Jesus.

Bleh I was gonna write a long list of boring stuff about Jesus but then I had a brain wave and realised it was NOT FUNNY.

Anyway, as Jesus the Third, I proclaim my first proclaimation:

1 . Meet me in the alley round back in five minutes and I'll fill you in on my plan to team up with that red dude with the tail and lead an assault on *you know where*

Hush hush now!

Well, seeing how Satan lives in New Jersey these days, I would not be surprised.

Not to mention his own resturant! It would all be profit.. But all the meals would be based upon fish, bread, and wine...

I can see it now - "Jesus Restaurant and catering; most affordable fish, bread and wine on the planet!"

Jesus owes me about 300 bucks...

Jesus would work at a Hair salon and pretend to have a latin accent and a lisp, then at nights he will go clubing and have a stand up comedy routine...

Jesus owes me about 300 bucks...
your not getting it back, everytime you try to collect he starts off ranting how he died for your sins and a misely 300 dollars won't make up for it.... really hes very depressing when hes drunk... just like his dad... Also who want the second jesus again?

He would be a Hippie, weakminded liberal left, ignored by the masses and eventually lynched by the KKK...

*gasp*

FAMILY GUY!

*GASP*

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!

*gasp*

"and for my next trick I am going to turn this water...into FUNK!"

your not getting it back, everytime you try to collect he starts off ranting how he died for your sins and a misely 300 dollars won't make up for it.... really hes very depressing when hes drunk... just like his dad... Also who want the second jesus again?

All I have to say is dear crap... and atheists are supposed to be the intellectual elite of America?

You're all sick. It's quite apparent that you don't understand how it feels to be made fun of, and making fun of Jesus is just stupid and immature. What do you know about Jesus? Nothing. You don't know how good and protecting He has been to me, and how He could change you. This is my only warning, after this I'm gone and you can exercise your stupidity alone, or perhaps take the mature road and do something constructive. So shut up.

James Randi becomes one million dollars poorer.

You're all sick. It's quite apparent that you don't understand how it feels to be made fun of, and making fun of Jesus is just stupid and immature. What do you know about Jesus? Nothing. You don't know how good and protecting He has been to me, and how He could change you. This is my only warning, after this I'm gone and you can exercise your stupidity alone, or perhaps take the mature road and do something constructive. So shut up.
Erm. Whatever. Let's not forget that the story goes, two thousand years ago, an army of occupation executed him as a dissident. Nothing like that happens these days. :rolleyes: Maybe two thousand years from now, some guy shot dead somewhere will be worshipped, and the Christian god forgotten, like the ones of earlier ages. Culture evolves. You never know.

No way... That isn't jesus...

Jesus lives a few doors down from me. He dosen't have a job. He is always high and he steals cars. He is also one hell of a bowler!

And the faithful asked: Lord, do you do childrens parties ? :D

Uhm. Jesus was one of us.

Could it be that you meant "What if Jesus were one of us"?

You're all sick. It's quite apparent that you don't understand how it feels to be made fun of, and making fun of Jesus is just stupid and immature. What do you know about Jesus? Nothing. You don't know how good and protecting He has been to me, and how He could change you. This is my only warning, after this I'm gone and you can exercise your stupidity alone, or perhaps take the mature road and do something constructive. So shut up.

http://www.rit.edu/~cgs2794/files/pub/crappers/waaambulance.jpg

You're all sick. It's quite apparent that you don't understand how it feels to be made fun of, and making fun of Jesus is just stupid and immature. What do you know about Jesus? Nothing. You don't know how good and protecting He has been to me, and how He could change you. This is my only warning, after this I'm gone and you can exercise your stupidity alone, or perhaps take the mature road and do something constructive. So shut up.
Haha, okay, that's just SAD in my opinion. I'm a Chritian, in fact I'm a devout Catholic, but I'm far from offended by any of this. Sigh. Seems some of the faithful have the Bible crammed too far up their arse to understand simple treasures in life.....like a sense of friggin humour. I mean, how has Jesus actually protected you? Pulled you out of the way of a speeding car? Dragged your body from a burning building? Stood up to the schoolyard bullies for you? Well, as he's never done these things for me, and I doubt he's all that partial, I also doubt he's been a true "protector". So get off your soapbox and quit being all high and mighty to some kids who just want to share a joke.

You're all sick. It's quite apparent that you don't understand how it feels to be made fun of, and making fun of Jesus is just stupid and immature. What do you know about Jesus? Nothing. You don't know how good and protecting He has been to me, and how He could change you. This is my only warning, after this I'm gone and you can exercise your stupidity alone, or perhaps take the mature road and do something constructive. So shut up.

Jesus was a humble man, and no one can be humble if they take things too seriously. So, I'm betting the ol' J-man had/has a pretty good sense of humour...

You don't need to defend him so much--a few jokes can't hurt the son of God.

If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets

And yeah yeah god is great yeah yeah god is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
He's trying to make his way home
Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if god was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome

He would have been a different sort of child. Instead of saying "I'll get my dad to come beat you up", he would say "I'll get my dad to come damn you to eternal hellfire."

I bet Jesus was a total badass. The ladies must have been impressed by the whole "water into wine" thing.

It's easy, he would look like Morgan Freeman. And we all know that Jesus is the guy that steals hubcaps from cars. Also I wouldn't be to impressed with his water to wine trick, I mean can't he make it into something more useful, like tequila or vodka or something like that?