NationStates Jolt Archive

So I know I'm Gay, I've known for a while...but I haven't come out to my family yet. I don't know how to do it, I found it really easy with my friends, but my family is very conservative, so??

Tell them straight to their faces.
If they gasp and moan, then kick them in the ass.

If they ask you if you could try to "not be gay," then move and never talk to them again.

Get a bunch of cards and write "I'm GAY." on all of them, then carry them aroudn precariously in your house until someone bumps into you at which point you drop them all and everyone knows. Worked for one of my friends. :p

Get a bunch of cards and write "I'm GAY." on all of them, then carry them aroudn precariously in your house until someone bumps into you at which point you drop them all and everyone knows. Worked for one of my friends. :p
lmao! that's hilarious!

If they haven't noticed it by now, then you're invisible to them.

Just the fact that when you say the words, "I'm gay!" will make you suddenly visible will be shock enough.

Jump on your dad with a boner :eek:

Hmm.... are you really desperate to come out NOW, or can it wait? Because if you think your family will react badly, maybe coming out isn't the smartest thing to do. What's their general attitude towards gay people? Are you still living at home, and do you know what you would do if the worst came to the worst and they threw you out? (this is EXTREMELY unlikely, after all they're your family and they love you, but you do need to think about every possibility, however small). I don't know you or your family so only you can decide, but if and when you do decide to tell them here are a few general points:
Don't do it in the middle of an argument
Try to tell them face to face if possible
Be prepared to answer any questions they might have (eg. how long have you known? etc)

It sounds like your friends are very supportive so try talking it over with them too. Good luck, keep us posted :)

Sashay to dinner wearing women's clothing.

Or not...

Or on a more serious note, try yelling "Oh by the way, I'm gay." as you are leaving the house.

Just don't do it on special occasions...that doesn't work to well I hear.

Try for a more low-key setting. Less social pressure and such, let it be a family moment, whereby their love for you overcomes any...social pretensions.

You could start by bringing home a few 'friends' to visit your family. Worked for me. Now my folks think I'm a lesbian. Unfortunately I am yet to operationalise their definition, because I don't fuck women, but that's beside the point. Must be my haircut and feminist theoretical orientation. Seems my sexual behaviour is irrelevant. :D

If they haven't noticed it by now, then you're invisible to them.

Just the fact that when you say the words, "I'm gay!" will make you suddenly visible will be shock enough.

Not everybody who is gay is a walking stereotype.

Jump on your dad with a boner :eek:


GOOD GOD,MAN!!!?? What if he is gay too?

Hmm.... are you really desperate to come out NOW, or can it wait? Because if you think your family will react badly, maybe coming out isn't the smartest thing to do. What's their general attitude towards gay people? Are you still living at home, and do you know what you would do if the worst came to the worst and they threw you out? (this is EXTREMELY unlikely, after all they're your family and they love you, but you do need to think about every possibility, however small). I don't know you or your family so only you can decide, but if and when you do decide to tell them here are a few general points:
Don't do it in the middle of an argument
Try to tell them face to face if possible
Be prepared to answer any questions they might have (eg. how long have you known? etc)

It sounds like your friends are very supportive so try talking it over with them too. Good luck, keep us posted :)

I agree completely with this post, especially the part about the risk of being kicked out. It is a possibility that needs to be planned for when one is dependent on the parents for lodging and sustenance. It may be wiser to postpone the coming out process until one is able to stand on one's own feet.

Not everybody who is gay is a walking stereotype.

You don't need to be a stereotype for your parents to know what's going on in your life.

A close friend of mine had a similar problem.
She came out to me by allowing me to see that she read a lesbian magazone called Diva. I asked her if I could infer the obvious, and she said yes. She seemed somewhat confused by the fact that I didn't have any questions, but hey, what is there to ask? If you're gay, you're gay.
Shortly after, she had received a letter from a support organisation, which had their name, 'Fife Friends Advice Service' on the envelope. Her mum saw the envelope (she still lived at home) and asked if there was anything wrong. She told her mum that she was either pregnant, on drugs or gay. Apparently it took three guesses *grins*.
Her mum took it really well, her dad took a little longer to come round.

Different friend took the bull by the horns, so to speak, sat them down one afternoon and told them. They were a little upset, and confused (he is male and we were very close, so they had assumed I was his girlfriend-not the first people to think that either!), but accepting and supportive.

It's hard to suggest what to do without knowing your home situation intimately. But, in general, be gentle with them. Parents don't like accepting that their children are sexual beings. When you come out to them, you give them a bit of a double whamy. Try to make sure they are on their own, do it on their turf, so to speak, so they don't feel too uncomfortable. As others have said, be prepared for questions and infavourable reactions. And don't be too detailed until they ask.

Good luck!
Blessings
Cyber

Have you considered the possibility that they already know or suspect - and are just waiting for you to find the time that's right for you to come out ?
Happened in my family...

Have you considered the possibility that they already know or suspect - and are just waiting for you to find the time that's right for you to come out ?
Happened in my family...

Or they are deliberately avoiding the subject in the hopes that they're wrong.

You don't have to be a walking stereotype for people to know you're gay. I've never been wrong so far - and most of the gay people I've met in person were NOT stereotypes.

The older of my two sons is gay. He isn't a stereotype, but it was obvious to me. If you have a good talking relationship with your children, you're going to know, even if they don't come out and say it directly.

Most people don't see gay people around them because they don't WANT to see gay people around them.

Gay people are normal - they're in every community and every extended family. People need to get used to the idea.

First of all, be sure that you're ready to come out to your family. I hate to say it, but also make sure that you have a strong support system in place in the event your parents or guardians (if you live with them) kick you out of the house and cut off all financial ties to you. Make sure you have somewhere to turn.

Secondly, I would "test the waters" by coming out to a family member you feel is going to be supportive, be it a brother or sister or a trusted aunt or uncle or something of the sort. The most supportive people listen, ask questions, and are there for you.

Thirdly, I would approach the family by taking them aside and then just being direct and honest about it. Be prepared for there to be a lot of emotional reaction, be prepared to answer a lot of questions, some of them personal. You'll have to decide which questions are too personal, but you're most likely going to get a lot of questions, and that's if things go well!

The most important piece of advice I can give you is one that I've seen and given in a message board that's devoted to supporting LGBT people who are at various stages of the coming out process: Remember that you have had your entire life to process your sexual orientation. Whomever you come out to has only had a matter of moments/days/weeks, etc. It's going to take them time to come to terms with it.

Now, it's entirely possible that your parents may have suspected or even that they have just been waiting for you to tell them, but I suggest that you be patient with them. It's going to take some time.

I think people here have already summed up my 'advice'. There's no good way/bad way to come out.

So all I have to add is, good luck, I hope it goes well, and I'm glad you're thinking of taking this step!

I dont know if its been mentioned yet, but do your parents have an "anti-gay" type household?

Are they accepting of different lifestyles? Or have they made their position clear in the past?

If either of my boys seemed gay or came to me and told me they were gay, I would be totally accepting and supportive. Inside I would be confused-I have very little experience with homosexuality, aside from a friend thats gay and is in town from time to time. I like to think my children would be able to approach me to discuss it if the time comes-and not be ashamed or worried I would react negatively. I have tried to have a relationship where I am their father, but also a trusted friend they can run their concerns by. I want them to talk to me about any subject they arent sure of-drugs, alcohol-and hope sexual orientation is one of them.There is a live and let live atmosphere in my house and I have never made anti-gay statements.
I'm very close with my kids, I participate where ever I am welcome to and watch and listen constantly without being too invasive.

IMO, unless you are actively seeking date/mate material... don't bother. What would be the point except confrontation? If they ask why you aren't dating, just say you're not interested in anyone yet. It's the truth, and gives you some flexibility.

If, OTOH, you have a SigO who is not freaky-looking (or nor more freaky looking than you anyway... ;) , then the best way to come out would be to do an intro.


2p from a Straight Guy, so what the hell do I know...

If you want to now, you could do it the way I done it. It's a different situation, but both can be equally shocking for people who don't know.

First off, I told my mother. I got her alone, and stammered my way into it until I couldn't back out, then told her. She asked me a few questions, then I wandered off. She filtered it out to everyone else and was supportive. Still is.

Replace "Mother" with "most probably supportive member of your family"
Hopefully it'll work for you.

You don't need to be a stereotype for your parents to know what's going on in your life.

My parents still don't believe me when I tell them I'm gay, despite bringing several boyfriends home. They say I'm "not the type."

EDIT: Oh, and don't do it the way I did. That is, leave naughty pictures of your boyfriend as your computers screensaver.

Get a bunch of cards and write "I'm GAY." on all of them, then carry them aroudn precariously in your house until someone bumps into you at which point you drop them all and everyone knows. Worked for one of my friends. :p
Or hide them in places your family uses alot, like the fridge or cookie jar, and cut the letters out of magazines, it will be like a treasure hunt to figure out who is gay

If you want to now, you could do it the way I done it. It's a different situation, but both can be equally shocking for people who don't know.

First off, I told my mother. I got her alone, and stammered my way into it until I couldn't back out, then told her. She asked me a few questions, then I wandered off. She filtered it out to everyone else and was supportive. Still is.

Replace "Mother" with "most probably supportive member of your family"
Hopefully it'll work for you.

I've told my kids that no matter what orientation they end up with, it's perfectly OK with me. So they shouldn't ever think that mom and dad will be upset in any way.

GOOD GOD,MAN!!!?? What if he is gay too?
Then you have your ass covered :D :eek:

Then you have your ass covered :D :eek:

Or plugged...

*runs*

I've told my kids that no matter what orientation they end up with, it's perfectly OK with me. So they shouldn't ever think that mom and dad will be upset in any way.

Ah, but with me, it was the slightly more controversial "mum, I want to be a woman" and not "mum, I'm gay." The gay thing I know everyone'd be cool with, but I am and I ain't *I like girls*. Unfortunately, transsexuals were the butt of jokes whenever they were on TV etc, though it was not a view they honestly held, so it had a tendancy to shatter my confidence, especially since I'm not the most feminine of people. *most people still haven't gotten over the fact that that was an act.

That's why I made an attempt to state that my experience was different, but had a slight similarity.

Best of luck with it, if you decide to come out to them. Do you have any idea how they will react? Have they said anything on the subject of Civil Unions or Fred Phelps and his stupid God-Hates-Fags pickets that would give you a clue? Do you have somewhere else you can go, not necessarily if they kick you out (although that could happen depending on how they handle it), but just so you can get away for a few days if you and/or they need a bit of space.

I admire your courage in doing this. I'm not out to parents (Mum will probably just think I'm confused, and then cry and blame herself and I don't have the foggiest idea what Dad will do - they're both ridiculously proud of me, but that could all go down the pan). My next step will be coming out to my future housemates (I plan to do this after we've all moved in a settled down a bit) and I'm thinking of doing this by playing my gayest music loudly, then a couple of days later printing off this (http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html) and handing it out to them after dinner. Should work. Hopefully.

Hide the family gun, and all kitchen knives and sharp utensils.