NationStates Jolt Archive

I love my woman but we spend way too much time together. We recently moved to a new town so we dont have any local friends. We are also social recluses and have a hard time makign friends.

My question to you is: Have you run into this issue (in even a somewhat similar way) and if so what did you do to resolve it?

Why don't the two of you go on seperate vacations with a couple of friends?

I had a girlfriend that didn't have many friends and I was living in a social hub. I think she wanted me to reduce to her state and I was hoping she'd step up to mine. Instead we broke up.

That doesn't help, does it...

I love my woman but we spend way too much time together. We recently moved to a new town so we dont have any local friends. We are also social recluses and have a hard time makign friends.

My question to you is: Have you run into this issue (in even a somewhat similar way) and if so what did you do to resolve it?

Are you actually unhappy, or is this just something that you feel you ought to do?

You can join 2 different charity or grassroot's groups

Lord-General Drache - Why don't the two of you go on seperate vacations with a couple of friends?

We just moved into town and have no vacation time and all of our friends are far away

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Lacadaemon - Are you actually unhappy, or is this just something that you feel you ought to do?

No, I'm very happy. I just feel that we need to have some time to ourselves and to have separate interests as well as time together. Right now it's only time together all the time.

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Cannot think of a name - I had a girlfriend that didn't have many friends and I was living in a social hub. I think she wanted me to reduce to her state and I was hoping she'd step up to mine. Instead we broke up.

That doesn't help, does it...

hah! No, it kinda doesn't :p She is somewhat of an agoraphobic (sp?). She has a hard time dealing with people and she never wants to go shopping or do ANYTHING without me being there to not only keep her company but to do all the talking with whomever we might be dealing with.

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Quiltlifter - You can join 2 different charity or grassroot's groups

She wouldn't want to do that. See above. I have tried to get her to make friends with workmates but she isn't interested in any of them. I'm having a hard time with it because all my life I have always enjoyed time completely alone. I'm not a very social creature. I set up one of the rooms in our house as a meditation room and just a place where I can be alone but she feels left out and I begin to feel bad.

Have any of you ever had this kind of problem with your significant other?

I love my woman but we spend way too much time together. We recently moved to a new town so we dont have any local friends. We are also social recluses and have a hard time makign friends.

My question to you is: Have you run into this issue (in even a somewhat similar way) and if so what did you do to resolve it?
When my husband and I moved up to the Northwest Territories, this same thing happened. Plus, I was pregnant, and had consequently stopped drinking, and I couldn't really go out to the bars because of all the smoke and the fear of some drunk falling into me and causing damage...(you're especially paranoid with the first child:)).

I'll warn you now...my husband and I almost split up during this time because of the isolation and because we were together TOO MUCH. We had to make a real effort to go out and meet people, and get away from each other for a while. He found work friends, and so did I...but I also started up a weekly jam session, and he started learning how to hunt. It's going to take effort...especially if you are not really used to being that outgoing, but do it, for your sanity and hers.

She wouldn't want to do that. See above. I have tried to get her to make friends with workmates but she isn't interested in any of them. I'm having a hard time with it because all my life I have always enjoyed time completely alone. I'm not a very social creature. I set up one of the rooms in our house as a meditation room and just a place where I can be alone but she feels left out and I begin to feel bad.

Have any of you ever had this kind of problem with your significant other?Oh. She sounds awfully clingy. My brother was like that for a long time, and his long-time girlfriend had to ditch him because she felt guilty going out without him. It can be very difficult when one person WANTS to be social, and the other doesn't. This was also a major issue in my relationship with my husband...he didn't feel comfortable around 'gringos' and there were no spanish people around...if he hadn't gotten over it, we wouldn't still be together.

I have no solution, I'm sorry.

I love my woman but we spend way too much time together. We recently moved to a new town so we dont have any local friends. We are also social recluses and have a hard time makign friends.

My question to you is: Have you run into this issue (in even a somewhat similar way) and if so what did you do to resolve it?
Just made it a point to do my own thing, its hard specialy when you have the same friends but it was nessisary to just ... go out without her and just do stuff

Hmmm thanks for the advice guys. Yes, she is a bit clingy and jealous, but I can forgive that as I used to be the same way. I have told her a few times that she needs to find some hobbies or something.

I for one haven't been bored for as long as I can remember as I can find something interesting to do any time of the day no matter where I am. She on the other hand is constantly bored and is always looking to me for a cure. We did get her a keyboard recently so that she can get back into playing and that is a good thing. Still I am pressing her to find more to do so I am urging her to read more and have gotten her addicted to a couple sites on teh internets.

Any more idears? :D

Hmmm thanks for the advice guys. Yes, she is a bit clingy and jealous, but I can forgive that as I used to be the same way. I have told her a few times that she needs to find some hobbies or something.

I for one haven't been bored for as long as I can remember as I can find something interesting to do any time of the day no matter where I am. She on the other hand is constantly bored and is always looking to me for a cure. We did get her a keyboard recently so that she can get back into playing and that is a good thing. Still I am pressing her to find more to do so I am urging her to read more and have gotten her addicted to a couple sites on teh internets.

Any more idears? :D
Lots of sex. Wear her out, let her sleep, and then go out for the night :D

Lots of sex. Wear her out, let her sleep, and then go out for the night :D


Part of the problem is that that is all she ever seems to want to do. Plus you know us men are usually teh first to go to sleep after some good sex0rz.

Part of the problem is that that is all she ever seems to want to do. Plus you know us men are usually teh first to go to sleep after some good sex0rz.
This is a PROBLEM!!???

It is for me. Don't get me wrong I like teh sex but I don't live for it. I'm kinda tired of the importance so many people seem to be putting on sex. Since we recently decided our wedding date (April 22, 2006), I proposed to her that we stop having sex for 6 months before the wedding. She thinks that it's a nice idea but it will be tough. I don't think it will be all that tough.

I love my woman but we spend way too much time together. We recently moved to a new town so we dont have any local friends. We are also social recluses and have a hard time makign friends.

My question to you is: Have you run into this issue (in even a somewhat similar way) and if so what did you do to resolve it?

I consider you lucky! I don't see my husband nearly enough. When we're both home, we make it a point to spend our time together. Of course, we're beyond the 'hitting the bars' stage. (That wasn't always a good situation... me being a social freak and him being a quieter guy.) We're happy just hanging out together. When he gets days off, we just hang together, watch movies, or: (if including doing shit to fix up this pathetic house 'entertaining stuff'.) We just love each other's company. Even if we're just crashed on the couch w/the TV on. We've been together a LONG time. No kids either.

Are you or her working? That should give you time apart.

Part of the problem is that that is all she ever seems to want to do.

An amusing reversal of roles...

I consider you lucky! I don't see my husband nearly enough. When we're both home, we make it a point to spend our time together. Of course, we're beyond the 'hitting the bars' stage. (That wasn't always a good situation... me being a social freak and him being a quieter guy.) We're happy just hanging out together. When he gets days off, we just hang together, watch movies, or: (if including doing shit to fix up this pathetic house 'entertaining stuff'.) We just love each other's company. Even if we're just crashed on the couch w/the TV on. We've been together a LONG time. No kids either.

Are you or her working? That should give you time apart.

We both work - the exact same hours in an office so we are always talking still on instant messenger.

At home we cook together, fix up the house together, clean together, watch movies and tv together and go online together.

I don't mean to sound like I don't enjoy her company, I do. I just have the feeling that it's a good idea if we don't spend too much time together and maybe get sick of each other or something, like Sinuhue.

An amusing reversal of roles...

agreed! :) :D

find your local club that plays industrial music. the goth/fetish scene is very fun, the people are drunk and dont care what the hell you do, and you will likely meet all kinds of new friends.

find your local club that plays industrial music. the goth/fetish scene is very fun, the people are drunk and dont care what the hell you do, and you will likely meet all kinds of new friends.

Ohhh... that's a good idea! (Let me guess, you're into country... :p )

find your local club that plays industrial music. the goth/fetish scene is very fun, the people are drunk and dont care what the hell you do, and you will likely meet all kinds of new friends.

There was actually a new club that opened here in Vegas called "Sin" and I thought it was going to be a fetish club, so I was excited but found out it was merely just another strip club. As if Vegas doesn't have enough of those. I like the industrial clubs sometimes but even when I went to them in L.A. I rarely met anyone I liked.

Does she also think you spend too much time together?

If "no", then you do have a problem -- she might very well be clinging to you because she actually is ifeeling nsecure in the relationship.

If "yes" but she also isn't driven to make other friends, then you need to find out whether she'll be happy/feel safe with you spending time doing those things that you enjoy doing alone or with other people.

If "yes" and she would feel insecure with you spending time alone or doing things with other people, then you have a problem.

I suggest that you get some legitimate counseling.