NationStates Jolt Archive

I saw the other story one get, like, 600 replies. What the heck.

Ok...

Once upon a time, the once was a guy who wore two eyepatches, which put him in a predicament because he could see perfectly well. So, he...

I'm sure someone can come up with good stuff to make up for a crappy beginning like that...

...being fairly stupid, decided to get rid of them by starting them on fire. He ran around in a circle and screamed, "...

...being fairly stupid, decided to get rid of them by starting them on fire. He ran around in a circle and screamed, "...

Ahhh! My eyepatches are on fire and i'm running in a circle and i predict that i'm going to need the eyepatches anyway in a little bit." At that moment, a documentery maker appeared and...

... Steve Erwin started poking him with a stick...

Crikey! :eek:

...unfortunately, he was allergic to sticks and became very sick. He went to the hospital to get some medicine but they were all out, so he decided to...

...unfortunately, he was allergic to sticks and became very sick. He went to the hospital to get some medicine but they were all out, so he decided to...

Set the hospital to fire as well. Mind you, he was a fairly stupid man. However, Steve Irwin was near the arsony location and...

...the gunpowder he had rubbed all over himself exploded, setting many other nearby buildings on fire. The guy had to do something, so he put out the fire by...

...the gunpowder he had rubbed all over himself exploded, setting many other nearby buildings on fire. The guy had to do something, so he put out the fire by...

contacted authorities with a cell phone that happened to materialize by him. However, after he explained that he had set himself on fire and then Steve Irwin had exploded, they told him not to call again. So he called, instead...

...Hue Downs, who flew in and put out the fire with his magic powers. He then gave the guy a nametag that said "Bob" and a magic stick that could...

make people fall over when he pointed it at them. So for the next three hours he made random people fall over. Then, all of a sudden...

...the ground started shaking violently, enormous cracks opened up in the ground and molten lava poured out from them. From one of the cracks came Satan, and he said...

in an annoying sing-song voice, "I know what you do at night on the internet, and I'm gonna tell everyone you know unless you...

give me that stick." It was at this time the Bob remembered that Satan didn't exist, and he shot bolt upright in bed with both of his eyepatches still on. He got up and was horrified to find that...

..that his hands had turned to stone while giving the finger. No doctors were awake, so he called a 24-hour vet, who told him that to fix it he...

...had to travel to the land of Eceerg and find the anti-Medusa, then slap her across the face. So he...

...could get his hands restored, and pick up an album by that delightful P.J. Harvey who was at this moment...

Doing the Monster Mash

Naturally, he told that crazy vet where to shove....

the pineapple from the tree down the hall.

He then realized the pineapple would come in handy slapping the anti-medusa because...

It had anti anti-Medusoid properties

that causeanti-medusas to shrink, so he took the pineapple and...

attempted to travel to the land of whats-its. However, being in a hospital, he tripped over that jello they give you when you know you're going to die and...

cursed god, causing legions of angels to descend on him and....

they killed him. Then in a land far far away

the anti medusa realized that the oval office doesn't HAVE any corners. So she...

Edit: beaten to it

exploded. Causing....

Operah Winfrey to beat the devil up with her handbag, she said...

PINEAPPLES CANNOT STOP ME NOW! NOTHING CAN!! HA HA HA!! except, of course...

Eyepatch man! Just then...

a parrot bit his penis...

so he ran around screaming...

"Mother, Mother!! Don't spank me with a wet bagel!!"...