NationStates Jolt Archive

That's right kids! In this day and age you need one of these. Just take out your handy-dandy little book and replace the politically incorrect word with a nice, non-offensive, racially-unbiased, female-acceptable, affirmative word.

For example:
Un-PC sentence: The boy and the girl were too lazy to wash the car.
PC sentence: The oppressor-to-be and the pre-woman were too motivationally dispossessed to wash the earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport.

See how much better that is! Everyone should have one, or else!

http://smi-web.stanford.edu/people/felciano/humor/pcdictionary.html




It needs some more entries.

I think dictionaries are tools of the oppressive white man regime to try to get us all to give words the same meaning, without consideration for all of us who, through historical circumstances, don't use words the same way.

Instead of "Dictionary" it should be called "Language according to The Man" :D

New Words! :)

Dictionary, n.- (1) a book of linguistic symbols as according to those in a authority. (2) an authoritarian propaganda book used to force one language on the whole of the people and supress all others.
submitted by:Iztatepopotla

New Words! :)

Dictionary, n.- (1) a book of linguistic symbols as according to those in a authority. (2) an authoritarian propaganda book used to force one language on the whole of the people and supress all others.
submitted by:Iztatepopotla

Yeah!! And what's with these letters? Who decided this set of symbols were "good"? :)

Sex, v./n- (1)legally raping a non-woman or an X-chromosome challenged person. (2) the act of legally raping a non-woman or an X-chromosome challenged person.

I'm in the mood for some cooperative physical fitness. Any takers?

Man, n.- a future oppressor.

Yeah!! And what's with these letters? Who decided this set of symbols were "good"? :)I did.

Czardas, n. A niceness-deprived, altruistically challenged individual, known for being an alternate post-gifted individual and borderline niceness-deprived poster.

Spam, n./v. (1) Alternate posts; (2) the act of making alternate posts.

Flamer, n. A niceness-deprived poster.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

I'm in the mood for some cooperative physical fitness. Any takers?Not me!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

That's right kids! In this day and age you need one of these. Just take out your handy-dandy little book and replace the politically incorrect word with a nice, non-offensive, racially-unbiased, female-acceptable, affirmative word.

For example:
Un-PC sentence: The boy and the girl were too lazy to wash the car.
PC sentence: The oppressor-to-be and the pre-woman were too motivationally dispossessed to wash the earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport.

See how much better that is! Everyone should have one, or else!

http://smi-web.stanford.edu/people/felciano/humor/pcdictionary.html




It needs some more entries.

I am vert satisfaction denied over the Amorally Gifted Corectness being. And thus at a locational disadvantage over the proper course to take. Thus likely I will need to drop a vertically deployed antipersonel device, causing the creators to enter a permanate state of metabolic dormancy. As the authors are likened to that which suffered dramatically degraded in its useful operational life owing to the fact that a hexiform rotatable surface compression unit underwent catastrophic stress-related shaft detachment.

Not me!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
wimp...

What's the PC for "disgustingly stupid whiny moron"?

What's the PC for "disgustingly stupid whiny moron"?
Erm... Paris Hilton?

What's the PC for "disgustingly stupid whiny moron"?
"? 'special' ? uninformed individual"

(The question marks were the ones I couldn't figure out.)

Erm... Paris Hilton?
Um, no, I believe that would be "stupid whore" in PC-speech.

Have any of you ever read "Politically Correct Fairy Tales"?

Have any of you ever read "Politically Correct Fairy Tales"?
My favorite segment of "Blue Collar TV"!

Not me!

Your loss :p

Pissed off: satisfaction deprived

Ha!

Your loss :pNo, I just don't like you :p

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

I don't know, the phrase "oppressor" might be too harsh. Some people probably have PTSD from being oppressed and this could be a problem. How about "causer of alternate state of freedom"?

My favorite segment of "Blue Collar TV"!

Vertically Challeged Red Riding Hood, and the Weight Challened Endangered Wolf.... (new version)

There was once a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest with her mother -- and though it was a single parent household it provided a loving, supportive and nurturing environment in no way inferior to any other domestic arrangement, nor did Red Riding Hood suffer any developmental instabilities from lack of a regular father figure, nor was she in any way confused or handicapped by the male friends which her mother occasionally (and solely by her own choice, not because of any social preconceptions or lack of self esteem) would ask to stay overnight.

One day, her mother asked her to take a basket of reduced-calorie fat-free sodium-free preservative-free fiber-rich biscuits and a bottle of mineral water to her grandmother's house -- not because this was woman's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and completely capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult and had hired a housekeeper (or, rather, a domestic sanitation engineer) not because she was unable to do such work if she chose but only because it provided a means of assisting and liberating the local diligent but under-employed immigrant community.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of reduced-calorie fat-free sodium-free preservative-free fiber-rich biscuits and bottle of mineral water through the woods to Grandmother's house. She knew that many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, filled with wild animals, and never set foot in it. But Red Riding Hood was confident in her budding sexuality and, furthermore, had been assured by her therapist (whom she visited only that she might be a more fulfilled person, not because she felt in any way inadequate or troubled) that she had no repressed childhood traumas, and so she was not hindered by such obvious destructive Freudian imagery.

On her way to Grandmother's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. Although it was clearly improper for the Wolf to take such liberties as asking such personal questions without prior permission by Red Riding Hood, she was sufficiently self-possessed that she did not feel overly threatened by his query and, rather than pursuing litigation, kindly answered "I, in order to express affection and strengthen family and community ties, am taking some reduced-calorie fat-free sodium-free preservative-free fiber-rich biscuits (which, I might add, were manufactured without any testing on or exploitation of animals and by a factory which produces no harmful byproducts or greenhouse gasses) and a bottle of mineral water to my grandmother, who is certainly fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult and hires a domestic sanitation engineer only in order to liberate the diligent but under-employed immigrant community."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood replied "I am a woman, not a girl, and I find your sexist and masculine-centered remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because I am confident in my own worth as an independent and responsible human being and I recognize that your status as an outcast from society, brought about by narrow-minded traditionalism and inadequate social engineering, has caused you to develop your own offensive yet nevertheless entirely valid world-view. Now, if you will excuse me I must be on my way, not because I wish to belittle your conversation or express disinterest in your intrinsic worth as an individual but because I need to fulfill my social obligations and return home in time to meet my therapist, whom I visit only to further enhance my already more-than-adequate sense of self-worth and fulfillment."

Red Riding Hood walked along the main path. However, because his status outside traditional society had freed the Wolf from slavish adherence to the linear, Western-style thought which had characterized the builders of the road, he knew of a quicker, more intuitive route to Grandmother's house. He hurried along this route, burst into Grandmother's house and ate her -- which, though an entirely valid course of action for someone who had adopted a carnivorous lifestyle, and certainly not to be faulted as wrong or immoral by close-minded non-carnivorous observers, nevertheless represented an improper and offensive imposition of that lifestyle and perspective on Grandmother. Then, hampered neither by rigid, traditionalist notions of masculinity and femininity nor by possible Oedipean interpretations of his actions, he put on Grandmother's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Soon, Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some reduced-calorie fat-free sodium-free preservative-free fiber-rich snacks (which were manufactured without animal testing or environmentally threatening procedures) to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."

>From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see
you."

Red Riding Hood replied, "Oh, I forgot that you are as optically- challenged as a bat, a perfectly acceptable and tax-deductible condition. My, Grandmother, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seem much and forgiven much, my dear."

"My, Grandmother, what a big nose you have -- only relative to traditional aesthetics, of course, to which you have no obligation to conform and a nose which, in your own aesthetic framework, may certainly be attractive and fulfilling."

"It has smelled much and forgiven much, my dear."

"My, Grandmother, what big teeth you have..."

"Your observations do not change the fact that I am happy with my appearance, and furthermore am confident with my lifestyle choice as a carnivore, which is why I am now going to eat you, though I hope you will understand my actions arise out of no malice or dislike toward you and that any injury my behavior may cause you should in no way be taken personally, particularly as I cannot be held responsible for any action which is in any way, howsoever remotely, a result of my underprivileged childhood. Furthermore, I would be equally happy to eat you if you were a boy and only unfortunate coincidence, not any personal bias, has resulted in the fact that I happen to be eating only females today."

The Wolf sprang out of bed and grabbed Red Riding Hood who screamed, not because of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, a perfectly valid and acceptable clothing option, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space and apparent intent to force his world-view upon her. Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper- person (or, as he preferred to be called, a Natural-Fuel Technician.) When he burst into the cottage he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the Wolf both stopped.

"What do you think you're doing?" asked the Wolf.

The Natural-Fuel Technician blinked and tried to answer, but could not think of a reply -- but only because his underprivileged upbringing had not provided him with an adequate education, a fact which in no way undermined his intrinsic value as a human-being or compromised, in any way, his eligibility for any career, particularly academia and politics.

"What," asked Red Riding Hood "gives you the right to burst in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you? Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that women and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandmother jumped out of the Wolf's mouth, grabbed the Natural-fuel Technician's ax, and cut his head off, a perfectly justifiable action, particularly since the Technician had clearly been irretrievably indoctrinated into an intolerant Euro-centric outlook.

After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandmother, and the Wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose and mutual recognition of each other's worth. The Wolf, moved by this recent example of the deleterious effects of the Technician's attempt to impose his devaluing world-view on others, vowed (or, rather, promised, since he was in no way limited by any primitive and unsubstantiated belief in some Absolute or Divinity) not to eat any other individual without first obtaining their written consent, in triplicate, granting him the right to freely express himself in a carnivorous fashion (and, in fact, the Wolf ultimately converted to vegetarianism, convinced of its superior health benefits). The three decided to set up an alternative household, based on their feelings of mutual respect and cooperation, not to mention the tax-incentives granted such associations, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after, though, of course, they were not bound by any obligation to stay "ever after," in case anyone should wish to express his/her individuality or seek fulfillment by choosing to leave, and they reserved the right to redefine "happily" at any time with reference to their own community decisions and outlook.

__________________________

The Three Vertically Challenged Pigs.. (new version)

Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect
and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were
indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a
house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay, and
creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were
finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live
in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf
with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both a
physical and an ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran
into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the
door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs
defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest
destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The
frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.
Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and
started a banana plantation.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic
oppressor!"

At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself: They
are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but
progress cannot be stopped."

So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The
pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where
the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort
complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction
of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling, and
dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote
letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the
situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and
huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a
massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a
little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to
liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who
had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked
the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered
the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the
hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a
model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and
affordable housing for everyone.

Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No
actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.

That's right kids! In this day and age you need one of these. Just take out your handy-dandy little book and replace the politically incorrect word with a nice, non-offensive, racially-unbiased, female-acceptable, affirmative word.

For example:
Un-PC sentence: The boy and the girl were too lazy to wash the car.
PC sentence: The oppressor-to-be and the pre-woman were too motivationally dispossessed to wash the earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport.

See how much better that is! Everyone should have one, or else!

http://smi-web.stanford.edu/people/felciano/humor/pcdictionary.html




It needs some more entries.
Right there, it stops to be a PC sentence. Nice try, but no cigar.

Right there, it stops to be a PC sentence. Nice try, but no cigar.S/he's just following the rules of the dictionary. Go complain there.



~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

S/he's just following the rules of the dictionary. Go complain there.



~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
Bah, I'm too motivation-challenged.

Bah, I'm too motivation-challenged.MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [/niceness-challenged overt expression of contentment]


~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Whatever. It's just a useless tool. Screw it.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [/niceness-challenged overt expression of contentment]


~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
Excuse me sir or madam? Were you asserting a humorous comment at my expense?

Excuse me sir or madam? Were you asserting a humorous comment at my expense?'Sir'. I am an oppressor-to-be, or in non-PC language, a guy.

Yes, I am 'asserting a humorous comment at your expense'. I am, as stated above, a niceness-impaired individual. See also my siggy.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

'Sir'. I am an oppressor-to-be, or in non-PC language, a guy.

Yes, I am 'asserting a humorous comment at your expense'. I am, as stated above, a niceness-impaired individual.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
Were it no portrayed in a PC style, I would have taken offense and had alerted the authorities ;)

Light: electro-magnetic wave of photons striking the eye of an individual having the effect of a sense of the surrounding area

That seems more like something that would come from Star Trek then any PC-dictionary I know of :D

Lied: Claimed, Alleged (IE: "Despite the evidence, Bush claimed there were WMDs.")

Sodomy: Anal Intercourse (IE: "Billy Bob had anal intercourse with a sheep.")

Masturbation: Self-Gratification (IE: "I self-gratify myself, several times, daily!")

Bad Liberal: Ratheresque, Mooresque. (IE: "Howard Dean is so Mooresque.")

Bad Conservative: Couleresque (http://www.democrats.org/blog/comment/00011636.html),

Socialist\Radical: Radicalized (IE: "Canada is a radicalized nation" --Newt Gingrinch, on the O'Reilly Factor)

Wacko: Chomskyesque (http://www.mises.org/fullstory.asp?control=1132) (IE: "Do you believe the Chomskyesque view that government and corporations control the media?")

Communist: Castroesque (http://www.spoilingforafight.com/newsday2-3-02.htm). ("Nader was very Castroesque.")

In fact, I'll stop there. Googling, I've discovered that pretty much every major person in politics that people hate has an -esque suffix for a politically correct term. If people want to call someone a fascist, but say it in a polite way, they say, "Stalinesque", and so on. In fact, if I ever hear "esque" again, I am going to scream, because it's really rather stupid.

Just fucking say Bush is a Fascist. Say that Nader is a Communist. Say that Chomsy is a Socialist. Don't hide behind such fucking retarded terms, you morons!

Yay! Doubleplusgood!

This is starting to turn into Newspeak. Doublethink, anyone?

Another -esque-like term: Authoritarian -- Orwellian (IE Saparmurat Niyazov set up an Orwellian régime, or better, Saparmurat Niyazov set up a form of alternate non-citizen-controlled government)

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe