NationStates Jolt Archive

Serious question, bizarre but serious, how WOULD you like to be murdered? Let's just say that you have no choice in whether you GET murdered or NOT but you do have a choice about HOW you get murdered (a strange screw up in space-time which allows you to choose which reality you live in occurs and you get to choose between, oh, I dunno, being shot by a gun, being shot by an arrow, being stabbed or being run-down in a car, for example).

I'm a writer and I'm writing a story to this affect, I just want to know what people would prefer and why...

EDIT: Please, no Kiddie comments, we are all adults here (apart from those of us below the age of 15) - no insults about how "pussy" someone is for wanting to die in his/her sleep, it's all about actual feelings on the subjet, not on bullied comments and smarmy kids.

A fast acting poison.

Drive by meltagunning from a Chaos Lord. :p

Please tell me someone knows what I'm on about?

A fast acting poison.

Really? Why?

someone tell me they know what i'm on about

Nope, what are you on about?

Really? Why?

That's relatively painless, and quick!

That's relatively painless, and quick!

But wouldn't you rather klnow that the person REALLY wants to kill you and isn't just doing it on a whim?

In a Kung Fu fight to the death.

I would be walking home with my sweetheart, when all of a sudden, a band of pesky ninjas would attack us.

I would beat them all soundly of course, until the big one with the funky hairdo would challenge me.
I would thrash him soundly, until at the last moment, he uses some amazing technique, wich I also block, but barely.... this however, gives him an opportunity to nick me with a posion dart.

Dying, I curse him, and swear revenge from the afterlife.

One of my freinds would also swear to avenge me, and then persue some damned fool quest to learn an amazing new technique of his own.

But wouldn't you rather klnow that the person REALLY wants to kill you and isn't just doing it on a whim?

Not really... i'd just want to die...

Fast-acting poison. I can't stand seeing blood and I'm scared of loud noises

In a Kung Fu fight to the death.

I would be walking home with my sweetheart, when all of a sudden, a band of pesky ninjas would attack us.

I would beat them all soundly of course, until the big one with the funky hairdo would challenge me.
I would thrash him soundly, until at the last moment, he uses some amazing technique, wich I also block, but barely.... this however, gives him an opportunity to nick me with a posion dart.

Dying, I curse him, and swear revenge from the afterlife.

One of my freinds would also swear to avenge me, and then persue some damned fool quest to learn an amazing new technique of his own.

You've really thought about this haven't you.

By a really hot guy.

Not really... i'd just want to die...

But what if they only did it as a whim, they wanted your money or something, but didn't actually want you dead? I don't understand that....I personally would want to know they REALLY wanted to kill me!

Chased over a cliff by naked women

In a Kung Fu fight to the death.

I would be walking home with my sweetheart, when all of a sudden, a band of pesky ninjas would attack us.

I would beat them all soundly of course, until the big one with the funky hairdo would challenge me.
I would thrash him soundly, until at the last moment, he uses some amazing technique, wich I also block, but barely.... this however, gives him an opportunity to nick me with a posion dart.

Dying, I curse him, and swear revenge from the afterlife.

One of my freinds would also swear to avenge me, and then persue some damned fool quest to learn an amazing new technique of his own.

lol

You've really thought about this haven't you.

no, not really...but it does have panache eh?

Chased over a cliff by naked women

Award for the first Python reference.

no, not really...but it does have panache eh?

Yeah i guess - it's the lolorificness that makes it so damn cool!! :D

But what if they only did it as a whim, they wanted your money or something, but didn't actually want you dead? I don't understand that....I personally would want to know they REALLY wanted to kill me!

I wouldn't. There's little difference between being mugged and stabbed in a struggle, and I die of some prolonged internal injury.

Of course, I'd rather, if they didn't wan to kill me, i survived being shot or something.

If I ahve to die, i want it painless. If I sdurvuive, I have no preference about what happens.

Drowning, buried alive, defenestration and pulled from the back of a truck... so many possibilities!

I wouldn't. There's little difference between being mugged and stabbed in a struggle, and I die of some prolonged internal injury.

Of course, I'd rather, if they didn't wan to kill me, i survived being shot or something.

If I ahve to die, i want it painless. If I sdurvuive, I have no preference about what happens.

Why do you want a painless death yet a painful life?

Why do you want a painless death yet a painful life?

If I'm going to die, then there's no point in the pain. The pain is just...painful, and I gain nothing.

But if I livem, the pain is... I don't know... not a waste of time?

If I'm going to die, then there's no point in the pain. The pain is just...painful, and I gain nothing.

But if I livem, the pain is... I don't know... not a waste of time?

Then a life of pain, and I mean FULL OF PAIN as it would be if, for instance, someone broke your neck and you survived, would be acceptable?

Then a life of pain, and I mean FULL OF PAIN as it would be if, for instance, someone broke your neck and you survived, would be acceptable?

I guess :confused:

*Runs away*

Another great way to die would be laughing...

I guess :confused:

*Runs away*

Another great way to die would be laughing...

Hmm, it would wouldn't it?

Drive by meltagunning from a Chaos Lord. :p

Please tell me someone knows what I'm on about?
Amazingly, I do.

Another great way to die would be laughing...

That would probably take quite a long time and be unimaginably painful.


Drive by meltagunning from a Chaos Lord. :p

Please tell me someone knows what I'm on about?

Has it got anything to do with Warhammer 40,000?

I want to be killed in a manner so explicit and so interesting that it makes national news... I would write such a manner, here, but the admins would probably delete it for being naughty.

That would probably take quite a long time and be unimaginably painful.


Monty Phython think say it was... with the killer Joke!

A fast acting poison.
I second that!

Where's the "Death by sexual exhaustion" option?

I'd like to die in the heat of battle, perhaps not by a gun that's no honor, i'd like to die stabbed by a sword, a clean dead, a soldiers dead.

My second choice will be to use the Ben-Kenobi technique of putting my sword up and let Vader destroy me!...

Not at all.

Where's the "Death by sexual exhaustion" option?
That would depend whether the guy's/girls/both 'inflicting' this method were 'sexy' or not.

It would be a horribel way to die if they were horrible...

That would depend whether the guy's/girls/both 'inflicting' this method were 'sexy' or not.

It would be a horribel way to die if they were horrible...

But what if the sex was great?

But what if the sex was great?

Well... Are you doing this just to annoy me!?

"How would you like to be Murdered?"

If I had the opportunity, I would much prefer to go out in a hail of bullets after the firefight to end all firefights! I can promise you this: I wouldn't go peacefully! :D

Hmm...strangely enough, I'm unable to think of a method of death that I like the idea of. Painless poison seems a bit of a cop-out, but all the other methods I can think of are a trifle unpleasant.

Hmm...strangely enough, I'm unable to think of a method of death that I like the idea of. Painless poison seems a bit of a cop-out, but all the other methods I can think of are a trifle unpleasant.

Then Speak on Mcduff

I would prefer just not to be murdered. :cool:

Decapitation by chainsaw.

Then Speak on Mcduff

Er...I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

Er...I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

Tell us the grusome methods with which you wish to be killed. (or would wish that is to say)

Tell us the grusome methods with which you wish to be killed. (or would wish that is to say)

It's difficult to say, really. Being dropped from a great height leaves you too much time to think about things on the way down. Most violent deaths are painful and leave a mess that somebody's going to clean up.

I think I'll choose carpetburn.

Ohh, I got another one. Death by Shrubbery! :D

Quartered by the camels of an arabian sheik after he found me in his harem.

Strange that Of the underpants should put 'stabbed to death with a screwdriver'. Someone I went to high school with was sent down recently for attempted murder with a screwdriver to the neck.

"How would you like to be Murdered?"

If I had the opportunity, I would much prefer to go out in a hail of bullets after the firefight to end all firefights! I can promise you this: I wouldn't go peacefully! :D Sounds like fun... but:
Define murder.

If I get to choose the reality that includes my death by violence, I choose...

Planetary Thermonuclear Annihilation (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin03.wav). (clickee de linkee) :D

A world without Syniks is all too boring. Nobody would ever challange anything.

Planetary Thermonuclear Annahilation.
Coming up!

*gets into tunnel boring machine, takes a thermonuke to the centre of the Earth*

What? Much more efficient than 2000 or so nukes :p

I'd like to have my head chopped off with a quillotine. Fast and effective and I'd become famous too!

In a Kung Fu fight to the death.

I would be walking home with my sweetheart, when all of a sudden, a band of pesky ninjas would attack us.

I would beat them all soundly of course, until the big one with the funky hairdo would challenge me.
I would thrash him soundly, until at the last moment, he uses some amazing technique, wich I also block, but barely.... this however, gives him an opportunity to nick me with a posion dart.

Dying, I curse him, and swear revenge from the afterlife.

One of my freinds would also swear to avenge me, and then persue some damned fool quest to learn an amazing new technique of his own.Why does this sound like the plot of a B-rate movie?

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

...

I'm leaving this topic open, but this is pending a second opinion from another Moderator.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

I'd want to die like a traditional action movie villain: I'd engage in an epic battle with the hero and almost defeat him, and then just before I'd kill him, I'd stop to gloat (and maybe to reveal my Master Plan to him). This would give the hero just enough time to say a cool one-liner and use some aspect of the environment (a power cable, loose footing over a ravine, a spinning chopper rotor, etc.) I've overlooked to his advantage, giving me just enough time to realize my demise before I would die a rather spectacular death.

No, no, no. It's all wrong.

I'd like to be murdered by ten thousand attackers, after slaying hundreds in a bold rearguard action to defend fellow humans against the hordes of Lucifer.

:)

I think I'll choose carpetburn.

I think I'll elaborate on this a little.

I would also like my murder to involve an amusing mishap with a banaskin (which may or may not be the cause of the lethal carpetburn).

Sounds like fun... but:
Define murder.

If I get to choose the reality that includes my death by violence, I choose...

Planetary Thermonuclear Annihilation (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin03.wav). :D

A world without Syniks is all too boring. Nobody would ever challange anything.
As IF! Contrary to popular belief, none of us is here alone. :p

In a blaze of glory

Why does this sound like the plot of a B-rate movie?

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

...

I'm leaving this topic open, but this is pending a second opinion from another Moderator.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator
Probably for the same reasons that most of your Modlike posts sound like a B-grade movie! :D

I think I'll elaborate on this a little.

I would also like my murder to involve an amusing mishap with a banaskin (which may or may not be the cause of the lethal carpetburn).

Elaboration would be fantastic, because it's sounding great so far!! :D

Elaboration would be fantastic, because it's sounding great so far!! :D

I will begin work on an epic tale of how I wish to be murdered, involving vinyl flooring and the conditions under which Latin American bananaskins are grown, when I'm less busy with revision.

I will begin work on an epic tale of how I wish to be murdered, involving vinyl flooring and the conditions under which Latin American bananaskins are grown, when I'm less busy with revision. Come to think of it, my revision is murdering me… not the way I wish to be murdered!

well first while eating pizza i get attacked in a gunfight , a really cool one! where i kill or the bad guys while wearing black! then i sit and eat my pizza again. BUT NO!! I DIE!! alas a butlet in the fight broke my boiler and i get carbon monoixed posioning! get tired and pass away in my sleep as i fall unconcious!

Two words, "zerg rush."

Run over by a 40 ton truck. Twice.
Poison is for whimps.

As IF! Contrary to popular belief, none of us is here alone. :p

Yah, so? That doesn't mean I can't aspire to take everyone with me...

So, What about the Earth (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin08.wav)?

Say What? (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin02.wav)

QUICK! PRESS THE RED BUTTON (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin03.wav)!

NO, THE OTHER RED BUTTON (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin04.wav)!

NO, THIS RED BUTTON (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin05.wav)!

RESET the BUTTON (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin11.wav) now please...

At least that is the quality of enemies I seem to have... I guess the Earth is safe. :p

Yah, so? That doesn't mean I can't aspire to take everyone with me...

PRESS THE RED BUTTON: BUTTON (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin03.wav)

At least that is the quality of enemies I have... I guess the Earth is safe. :p

You're obsessed!! :mp5:

You're obsessed!! :mp5:
And Yet.... (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin07.wav) :D

And Yet.... (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/marvin/Marvin07.wav) :D

What I don't believe is that I clickd on that again!! grrr.... awell....i found a funny website, and i posted it on another forummy thingumy...something about The Grammar Phantom (http://www.freewebs.com/thegrammarphantom) weird, eh?

Ever heard that song, 'Killing me softly'? It's all in the title... I'd like to die without knowing that I was dying, so I wouldn't have time to be scared.

I heard that drowning is the most painless way to die, because you become unconscious really quickly.

I would like to be killed by a Stalinist agent, with an icepick, in Mexico.

I don't know why, I just would. ;)

Ever heard that song, 'Killing me softly'? It's all in the title... I'd like to die without knowing that I was dying, so I wouldn't have time to be scared.

I heard that drowning is the most painless way to die, because you become unconscious really quickly.

On the other hand you get a hell of a lot of noise in your ears.

I would like to be killed by a Stalinist agent, with an icepick, in Mexico.

I don't know why, I just would. ;)
I want to see your picture. Is it like....this?? (http://www.lib.utexas.edu/photodraw/portraits/trotsky.jpg)

Someone has been distributing pictures of me on the internet again! Damnation!

But no, it's actually more like this. (http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~kimball/images/Trotsky%20dead.jpg)

Someone has been distributing pictures of me on the internet again! Damnation!

But no, it's actually more like this. (http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~kimball/images/Trotsky%20dead.jpg)
So...what, you're posting on the internet...whilst unconscious...and probabaly dead for the last 65 years...

Oh My God! WM is immortal! *kneels at bedside*

I would wanna die of an overdose of XTC and LSD.

The two most beautiful feelings combined, causing you to die.

Sounds pretty good though :P ;)

We (the majority of us who voted painless, instantaneous poison), are a bunch of wusses. The "drawing and quartering" option wasn't listed, so I couldn't vote for that. :p

I would wanna die of an overdose of XTC and LSD.

The two most beautiful feelings combined, causing you to die.

Sounds pretty good though :P ;)


Heroin! ;)

I would wanna die of an overdose of XTC and LSD.

I don't know about death by LSD, but ecstacy death often involves copious amounts of water being drunk, tremendous brain swelling, and death by your brain being crushed against the inside of your skull (possibly with some sort of ruptured blood vessels, I'm none too sure). Nice choice :rolleyes:

Ever heard that song, 'Killing me softly'? It's all in the title... I'd like to die without knowing that I was dying, so I wouldn't have time to be scared.

I heard that drowning is the most painless way to die, because you become unconscious really quickly.

I know someone who drowned and came back, and she said it was wonderful once she quit fighting and now she isn't afraid to die.

Is the "Stabbed with blunt knife or screwdriver especially for the Brits?" ;)

Haha Heroine I don't know.. never tried. Would never do speed/coke/heroine.

LSD is awesome though. Quite an experience, you need to be well prepared though.

And as for XTC.. well..

XTC gives you such a warm good feeling its unexplanable.

Don't try XTC though. You get hooked so fast, your no addict but the feeling is so good you wanna feel it again and again.

Just a tip :d

Is the "Stabbed with blunt knife or screwdriver especially for the Brits?" ;)Pull the other one, me old mucker! A rasor blade for the british enterprising murderer :p

Pull the other one, me old mucker! A rasor blade for the british enterprising murderer :p

lol! When I was in college, I worked on campus on grounds for a while, and they brought in some of the medium security prisoners to work with us. One guy was in there for holding up a gas station w/a butter knife! :p :D

lol! When I was in college, I worked on campus on grounds for a while, and they brought in some of the medium security prisoners to work with us. One guy was in there for holding up a gas station w/a butter knife! :p :D
I imagine the person behind the till was petrified.

"Please Mister Robber sir, don't...um...slap me!"

Shot in the head by a lone sniper armed with a Barret .50 cal at a distance of 3000 metres, at the end of my career as the first non-american president of the USA (I know it's forbidden by the constitution but laws are made to be broken) during wich I transformed the US into an isolationalistic socialistic democratic republic and disbanded the major part of the military and replaced it with a Home Guard.
Because it's quick, painless, unexpected (Since I wouldn't be able to see the sniper) and most of all done by a proffesional (wich means someone thinks getting rid of me is worth thousands of USD).

So...what, you're posting on the internet...whilst unconscious...and probabaly dead for the last 65 years...

Oh My God! WM is immortal! *kneels at bedside*

The spirit of Commissar Trotsky lives on in our hearts! Long Live the Proletarian Vanguard Leader Trotsky!

Shot in the head by a lone sniper armed with a Barret .50 cal at a distance of 3000 metres, at the end of my career as the first non-american president of the USA (I know it's forbidden by the constitution but laws are made to be broken) during wich I transformed the US into an isolationalistic socialistic democratic republic and disbanded the major part of the military and replaced it with a Home Guard.
Because it's quick, painless, unexpected (Since I wouldn't be able to see the sniper) and most of all done by a proffesional (wich means someone thinks getting rid of me is worth thousands of USD).

You overthrow the government of over 300,000,000 people and you don't expect to get shot? Interesting.

I'd get impaled or something else very messy. I'll be damned if I'm going to get murdered and not inconvenience a lot of people. That way they may be a little more willing to found out who else was responsible for the mess they had to clean up.

You overthrow the government of over 300,000,000 people and you don't expect to get shot? Interesting.

I'd get impaled or something else very messy. I'll be damned if I'm going to get murdered and not inconvenience a lot of people. That way they may be a little more willing to found out who else was responsible for the mess they had to clean up.
How about I push you slowly into a giant blender? Messy, implausible and unique :p

You overthrow the government of over 300,000,000 people and you don't expect to get shot? Interesting.Overthrowing?Who said anything about overthrowing? In 2032 the native presidents are dispised by even the lovely mooses, but after Gregory Shrubbery the third falls victim to a previously unknown disease called Idiocrosatius Magnum the Congress edits the Constitution so foreigners (and by that I mean people not born in the US) also can run for president as long as they are US citizens. At that time I am a US citizen and have also unitede 99.999999% of the population behind the red flag of socialism and I am elected as president. The assassin was hired by a capitalist from Russia.

How about I push you slowly into a giant blender? Messy, implausible and unique :p

Well, hey, if I have to be murdered... :D

Only as long as it's head first.

Drive by meltagunning from a Chaos Lord. :p

Please tell me someone knows what I'm on about?

I hear meltagunnin is painful, like being in a microwave,

Me, I prefer a quick flurry from a shuriken catapult :sniper:

Just like Rasputin. Led into the murder from the promise of sex, then poisoned with enough toxins to kill a horse, shot, stuffed into a bag, bludgeoned, and finally thrown into a river and freezing to death overnight.

Getting minigunned would be pretty cool. Nuclear blast is also a good way 2 go (This is feasible as a proper murder- the US military developed a nuclear bomb that could be fired from a Bazooka-like device). Does it come under 'getting shot' though? Dilemma there.....

Just like Rasputin. Led into the murder from the promise of sex, then poisoned with enough toxins to kill a horse, shot, stuffed into a bag, bludgeoned, and finally thrown into a river and freezing to death overnight.
I thought he wasn't officially dead since they never found the corpse.

If someone wants me killed, I'd like to think they'd have the decency to pay some gypo to get drunk and run me over in a delapidated Vauxhall Nova.

I thought he wasn't officially dead since they never found the corpse.
Does Hitler still walk among us? His corpse was never found
Ye gods! Richard Nixon's corpse is not in his grave (experts pronounced the area under his tombstone to be empty)! Could Tricky Dicky be plotting a return?

Does Hitler still walk among us? His corpse was never foundI thought it was finally found, at least his skull anyway.Ye gods!I know how to get to you - I'll kill Pratchett ;) Richard Nixon's corpse is not in his grave (experts pronounced the area under his tombstone to be empty)! Could Tricky Dicky be plotting a return?
Yeah, he's going to make an attempt on Deepthroat's life.

[QUOTE=I know how to get to you - I'll kill Pratchett ;) [/QUOTE]
If you try to do that then I will not stop clicking my fingers until every child in Africa is dead! Haha! Your threat is neutralised

Does Hitler still walk among us? His corpse was never found
Ye gods! Richard Nixon's corpse is not in his grave (experts pronounced the area under his tombstone to be empty)! Could Tricky Dicky be plotting a return?
Hitler's body was found and disected by Soviet personel and the journals were released to public a few years ago. And anyone with the nickname ''Dicky'' better damn well be dead! For his own good of course.

Hitler's body was found and disected by Soviet personel and the journals were released to public a few years ago. And anyone with the nickname ''Dicky'' better damn well be dead! For his own good of course.
You believe the Russkies? Damm commie-believing pinko!
I voted for getting shot (pref. by a minigun) what other unusual deaths did u consider?

You believe the Russkies? Damm commie-believing pinko!
I voted for getting shot (pref. by a minigun) what other unusual deaths did u consider?
I chose being shot but I considered being poisoned. Then I thought ''But what if I'm not hungry, then how will they poison me? For surely they cannot use syringes since those would attract the attention of syringe collecting aliens.''

Drive by meltagunning from a Chaos Lord. :p

Please tell me someone knows what I'm on about?

I'd rather go out in one-on-one combat with an Eldar Avatar or a Khorn Bloodthirster - heroic and most likely very messy!

I chose being shot but I considered being poisoned. Then I thought ''But what if I'm not hungry, then how will they poison me? For surely they cannot use syringes since those would attract the attention of syringe collecting aliens.''
What about stabbing you wil a poisoned umbrella? Or nerve-gas in party balloons?

What about stabbing you wil a poisoned umbrella? Or nerve-gas in party balloons?
An umbrella!? So... not masculine. And I never have balloons at a party.

I'd rather go out in one-on-one combat with an Eldar Avatar or a Khorn Bloodthirster - heroic and most likely very messy!
What about a flamethrower duel? Messy, heroic and spectacular!

I'm going to die by my own hand. Completely by accident.

First, I'm going to develop a deep-seated paranoia concerning the world around me, after a mind altering experience at university from some home-cooked LSD. The paranoic hallucinations and mental instability following this bad trip will most likely involve a monkey, three kilos of sugar, an oversized novelty pair of breasts and a hedgehog/gerbil hybrid, although I haven't decided upon the logistics of this whole affair. Next, the paranoia will be focused upon one person - a university tutor, one with a beard and glasses who is slightly eccentric and (so I believe) very devious and cunning.

The paranoid dellusions about this man will probably manifest themselves in dreams at first, eventually spilling over into the waking hours as I begin to drift off in lectures due to lack of sleep, hence making the dreams appear real. Things come to a head as I dream that he produces a razor blade in a lecture and whispers (so that only I can hear) that he will gut me like a fish. I will run screaming from an event which never happened, locking myself in my halls of residence room, which, BTW, is now full of supplies and weapons (I have other topics of paranoia including one where giant ants take over the world. What, you think I'm selfish with my dellusions?)

Locked in my room for three weeks, I slowly make my way through the rations while I build the perfect defence - a Heath-Robinson style affair which works by the following process:

The twisting of the knob pulls a string, connected to a pin
The pin holds a spring-loaded stapler in the closed condition. As the string is pulled, the stapler is released and opens.
On top of the stapler is a ball of blu-tac, which then rolls down thetop of the stapler (with guidance) onto a switch for a fan.
The fan turns on and blows a piece of card attached to a rollerskate, causing the rollerskate to move to a football
The football is 'kicked' by the skate and rolls to a water balloon, knocking it in the process
The water balloon is attached to a bit of string in a pulley mechanism and is a counter balance for another weight. A pin, placed against the balloon, pops the water balloon and causes the other weight to fall
The falling weight hits a lever system (like a see-saw), launching a ball at another lever, this time perpendicular to the floor
This lever has the trigger for a loaded crossbow at the opposite end. The ball hitting the lever causes the crossbow to fire at the door, removing an assailant.
This system is particularly useful when I sleep (for half an hour at a time) as it works without me.

However, once the fourth week sets in I go mad and believe I can get the tutor because he is asleep outside my door. In a frenzy, I run to the door and turn the knob. Puzzled, I find nothing, then stand there just long enough to be shot in the back. Et voilá! My demise at my own hands.

Yeah, I'm avoiding revision. So sue me :p

An umbrella!? So... not masculine. And I never have balloons at a party.
A sportscar witha poisoned steering wheel. Masculine enough? Or what about poison throwing knives

I'm going to die by my own hand. Completely by accident.

First, I'm going to develop a deep-seated paranoia concerning the world around me, after a mind altering experience at university from some home-cooked LSD. The paranoic hallucinations and mental instability following this bad trip will most likely involve a monkey, three kilos of sugar, an oversized novelty pair of breasts and a hedgehog/gerbil hybrid, although I haven't decided upon the logistics of this whole affair. Next, the paranoia will be focused upon one person - a university tutor, one with a beard and glasses who is slightly eccentric and (so I believe) very devious and cunning.

The paranoid dellusions about this man will probably manifest themselves in dreams at first, eventually spilling over into the waking hours as I begin to drift off in lectures due to lack of sleep, hence making the dreams appear real. Things come to a head as I dream that he produces a razor blade in a lecture and whispers (so that only I can hear) that he will gut me like a fish. I will run screaming from an event which never happened, locking myself in my halls of residence room, which, BTW, is now full of supplies and weapons (I have other topics of paranoia including one where giant ants take over the world. What, you think I'm selfish with my dellusions?)

Locked in my room for three weeks, I slowly make my way through the rations while I build the perfect defence - a Heath-Robinson style affair which works by the following process:

The twisting of the knob pulls a string, connected to a pin
The pin holds a spring-loaded stapler in the closed condition. As the string is pulled, the stapler is released and opens.
On top of the stapler is a ball of blu-tac, which then rolls down thetop of the stapler (with guidance) onto a switch for a fan.
The fan turns on and blows a piece of card attached to a rollerskate, causing the rollerskate to move to a football
The football is 'kicked' by the skate and rolls to a water balloon, knocking it in the process
The water balloon is attached to a bit of string in a pulley mechanism and is a counter balance for another weight. A pin, placed against the balloon, pops the water balloon and causes the other weight to fall
The falling weight hits a lever system (like a see-saw), launching a ball at another lever, this time perpendicular to the floor
This lever has the trigger for a loaded crossbow at the opposite end. The ball hitting the lever causes the crossbow to fire at the door, removing an assailant.
This system is particularly useful when I sleep (for half an hour at a time) as it works without me.

However, once the fourth week sets in I go mad and believe I can get the tutor because he is asleep outside my door. In a frenzy, I run to the door and turn the knob. Puzzled, I find nothing, then stand there just long enough to be shot in the back. Et voilá! My demise at my own hands.

Yeah, I'm avoiding revision. So sue me :p
Surely carrying in a gun would be more efficacious? Did u ever here about the man who murdered himself?

What about a flamethrower duel? Messy, heroic and spectacular!

Messy and spectacular, yes, but not sure it would be much of a fight - may be difficult to act heroicly while being turned into a burning pile of ash.

Surely carrying in a gun would be more efficacious? Did u ever here about the man who murdered himself?
How? Did he have a split personality or something?

Messy and spectacular, yes, but not sure it would be much of a fight - may be difficult to act heroicly while being turned into a burning pile of ash.
U charge headlong into the fire, screaming defiance, 2 beat the enemy 2 death with ur flamethrower nozzle!

Actually, I don't want to die, but if I was about to, I'd prefer to die by any means IN MA SLEEP! At least I won't feel any pain...

Actually, I don't want to die, but if I was about to, I'd prefer to die by any means IN MA SLEEP! At least I won't feel any pain...
I bet Freddie would have something to say about a lack of pain from dying in your sleep... :eek:

Actually, I don't want to die, but if I was about to, I'd prefer to die by any means IN MA SLEEP! At least I won't feel any pain...
U absolute pussy! Get out! U are an insult 2 ur country! Death in a medieval battle against multiple opponents is 1 great way 2 go. Come up with something better u absolute disgrace!

How? Did he have a split personality or something?
He tried to commit murder by proxy using his dad who lived in an appartmnet 6 floors below him. But thedude decided 2 kill himslef and threw himsel out of his window. He would have lived (because of safety nets) but his dad fired the gun (which the son had loaded but the father believed was unloaded), missed the target and went through a window killing the son as he fell down

I'm going to die by my own hand. Completely by accident.

Kinda reminds me of a news story I heard a while ago about a guy who beheaded himself. He tied ropes to several lampposts, sat in his car, tied the ropes around his neck and then floored it.

Come to think of it, that would be a pretty good way to go.

Kinda reminds me of a news story I heard a while ago about a guy who beheaded himself. He tied ropes to several lampposts, sat in his car, tied the ropes around his neck and then floored it.

Come to think of it, that would be a pretty good way to go.
*MENTAL IMAGE ALERT! MENTAL IMAGE ALERT!*

Like popping the head off a daisy. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Kinda reminds me of a news story I heard a while ago about a guy who beheaded himself. He tied ropes to several lampposts, sat in his car, tied the ropes around his neck and then floored it.

Come to think of it, that would be a pretty good way to go.
Where's the heroism? It would be better to do a terminator-style armed raid on a police station or ever better a foreign army base/ police station

U charge headlong into the fire, screaming defiance, 2 beat the enemy 2 death with ur flamethrower nozzle!
Fair enough - is about on par with being eviscerated by an Avatar's Wailing Doom after an exhaustive combat in which you both inflicted numerous wounds. And you armed with only a Guard Issue Combat Knife!

Where's the heroism? It would be better to do a terminator-style armed raid on a police station or ever better a foreign army base/ police station

It isn't heroic. Neither is killing random people.

You must admit, it's pretty inventive though. Most people wouldn't go to that amount of trouble.


*MENTAL IMAGE ALERT! MENTAL IMAGE ALERT!*

Like popping the head off a daisy. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Argh, I really hadn't considered it in that much detail. Now I've got that mental image stuck in my head.

U absolute pussy! Get out! U are an insult 2 ur country! Death in a medieval battle against multiple opponents is 1 great way 2 go. Come up with something better u absolute disgrace!

So what ur sayin is, its better to die then to live?

So what ur sayin is, its better to die then to live?
If you die right, it's MUCH better.

I would want someone to murder me by blasting my own music in my ears at maximum volume until my ears bled and my brain exploded. That would ROCK!!! :cool:

I'd like to be scrapped by a BMW 6-Series. Cabriolet, of course.

I want to suffocate between very large breasts during sex.