NationStates Jolt Archive

Reports of rampant stoopid from all over! [ Disclaimer: these are not mine! I got them in an email from a friend. :p ]

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it
between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned
all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the
bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do
you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't
think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things
and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced
the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copie r machine paper," the secretary
told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one
of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the
back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.


NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs
to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the
mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in
to emergency!

Did you find that on the 'net? It looks familiar.

A lot of these could have just been people being absent minded. The last one, however, was dangerously stupid.

Did you find that on the 'net? It looks familiar.
Did you read the "NOTE?" :rolleyes:

Did you read the "NOTE?" :rolleyes:

No, either I didn't notice it, or you edited the post after I read it.

They are all very, very funny :p :p

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs
to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the
mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in
to emergency!

I know I mean any intelligent person would have just used raid.

lmao... all excellent :p




TEN An engineer for a major printer/xerox manafacturer is called out to an office and upon arrival finds an employee poking around with, and trying to fix the printer, but showing an obvious complete lack of technical knowledge. After a brief inspection the engineer quickly recognises the problem as something instantly and easily fixable, but decides to have a little fun with the employee first.

"You know the problem?" the engineer opens, "Its right here."

He points to the back of the printer and specifically the USB connection between computer and printer.

"You see, all these wires and things have to be taped to the wall like this," he explains as he demonstrates, while the employee attempts to find some tape, "what happens is that the information sent from the computer to the printer has to travel in a straight line - it doesn't like curves. Its all binary, so all the zero's can pass through curves without a problem, but some of the one's get stuck on corners; so run the cables in straight lines and make sure they go downhill to help the zero's roll better" :p


i'm guessing the employee believed it... and even if they didn't its still pretty funny lol
if they did it might be unfair to call them stupid, just uninformed... but to a geek like me its most definatley stupid as hell ;)

disclaimer: not my story/experience, i read it in a book somewhere (i think it was a Dillbert book)

Eh.

"EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed."

Was part of the plot of an episode of a cop show (Homicide).

on the topic of Stupidity...

WHERE CAN I GET A JOB LIKE THAT?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the
man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up.

WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank account.

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY!

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a
blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in
the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the distraught
homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked
into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his
forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to
help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen.
Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a
6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power
drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"

OUCH, THATS SMART!!

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a
dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his
Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot
down the front of his pants as he was running out the door.
"He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion
taking place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike
Carey. Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.
ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this
her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man
shouted, "This is her husband!"

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket.

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated th e keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "

WHAT KIND OF?

A man, looking for a quick buck, decided to
commit robbery. Not only did he pick the worst
target, but he packed the worst weapon.

This man attempted to rob a gun store with a
switchblade...

on a similar note - well compleately different but amusing all the same

Hallmark Greatings Card Rejects

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry

You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't worry about it ....
She moved in with me

Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive....
Do you regret installing
Win 95?

You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?

That last one is just plain scary. It warrants a good ol' fashion "attempted manslaughter"* charge.


*If you were born after 1985 this one will go right over your head, just smile and reformat your hardrive. ;)

The McDonald's and Walmart stories hardly surprise me at all. A lot more stupid things likely happen at those places every day.
They are like a campus for Stupid University.


In fact, I'm willing to bet intelligent activity at either is an event.