NationStates Jolt Archive

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D

...lol...Wow...you were bored, weren't you?

I worry why I have been mentioned by name....:D

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too!

Crazy Person :rolleyes:

Is this gonna devolve into if I had *other gender's body parts?*

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt.
I think it's safe to assume your hypothetic penis would be more easily injured than your hand.

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....

We do? Do you make a habit of kicking guys in the balls?

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D
Funny. We feel almost the same way about breasts and vaginas. :D

I think it's safe to assume your hypothetic penis would be more easily injured than your hand.



We do? Do you make a habit of kicking guys in the balls?

Any time someone on TV or in a movie or something gets hit in the sack, every guy cringes with sympathy pains. Don't act like you don't!

Funny. We feel almost the same way about breasts and vaginas. :D
Except the kicking part.

I worry why I have been mentioned by name....:D
As well you might! Hell, I would! LOL!

Any time someone on TV or in a movie or something gets hit in the sack, every guy cringes with sympathy pains. Don't act like you don't!

Oh, I wholly sympathize with a guy. I cringe myself just imagining the pain a guy feels when nailed that hard in the balls. Especially those men who have women squish their balls.......OWE! Who would allow themselves to go through that? *cringes at the thought of the pain if I had a penis*

If I Had a Penis.....

Would you hammer in the morning? All over this land?

Except the kicking part.
Well ... yeah. Maybe just the tickling and masturbating part then. :D

Would you hammer in the morning? All over this land?
And the lead singer in that group is named Peter. Coincidence? I think not! :D

We do? Do you make a habit of kicking guys in the balls?

*whistles*

Never...... *cough*

:D

Well ... yeah. Maybe just the tickling and masturbating part then. :D

And the sex orgy part.

You can have mine. I hardly use the bloody thing.

As for being kicked in the gonads, well, simply ask a friend to do the same. I'm reasonably informed it's a pretty painful experience for women as well.

Any time someone on TV or in a movie or something gets hit in the sack, every guy cringes with sympathy pains. Don't act like you don't!

But I don't get hit in the balls very often (never deliberately), so how can I complain about it often? Maybe the post meant that should it happen, the victim would complain a lot. I would agree with that.

And the sex orgy part.
Well DUH! As if that had to be said! LOL!

You can have mine. I hardly use the bloody thing.

As for being kicked in the gonads, well, simply ask a friend to do the same. I'm reasonably informed it's a pretty painful experience for women as well.


*takes Isselmere's penis*

I HAVE A PENIS!


And yes, it does hurt to be hit in the vagina. As well as the breasts. Boob punches are a bitch, but I somehow see that lacking from getting nailed in the balls.

But, then again, getting nailed in the balls no where nearly compared to squeezing a baby out.

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, ......

When night came, I would have sex again, ................. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. You make it sound so easy.

But let me ask you, how often do you have sex with random men who run up to you?

As most men here can testify, with only one day with a penis, you'll probably be the only one touching it unless you have fistfulls of cash.

Definitley try jumping up and down infront of a mirror with an erection

*takes Isselmere's penis*

I HAVE A PENIS!


And yes, it does hurt to be hit in the vagina. As well as the breasts. Boob punches are a bitch, but I somehow see that lacking from getting nailed in the balls.

But, then again, getting nailed in the balls no where nearly compared to squeezing a baby out.
I've had several women tell me that they would rather have a baby any day than have a kidney stone. It's even more horrific for men, for obvious reasons.

You make it sound so easy.

But let me ask you, how often do you have sex with random men who run up to you?

As most men here can testify, with only one day with a penis, you'll probably be the only one touching it unless you have fistfulls of cash.
Um ... not necessarily. As a woman in all but flesh, she would probably have a much better understanding of other women and their needs/desires/weaknesses and might have much better luck. :)

Wow... Penises (penii??) are not that great.

For instance...you have lag time... yeah... not going deeper into that.

That was an awkward spring break...

*takes Isselmere's penis*

I HAVE A PENIS!


And yes, it does hurt to be hit in the vagina. As well as the breasts. Boob punches are a bitch, but I somehow see that lacking from getting nailed in the balls.

But, then again, getting nailed in the balls no where nearly compared to squeezing a baby out.

HAH HAH! I am less vulnerable then any of you! I do not have breasts or a penis! Although (hopefully) I do have a vagina.

I've had several women tell me that they would rather have a baby any day than have a kidney stone. It's even more horrific for men, for obvious reasons.

I have heard that it is an equivalent in pain, but pregnancy sucks. The entire process cannot compare. Nine months......I'll take the kidney stone any day.

And natural births are bitches. Sure, it might not be all that bad if you are sedated and such, but it harsh otherwise. The women do not scream like hell for nothing.

WOW, way too much free time on your hands?

HAH HAH! I am less vulnerable then any of you! I do not have breasts or a penis! Although (hopefully) I do have a vagina.

Hopefully?

That sounds like a story.

I have heard that it is an equivalent in pain, but pregnancy sucks. The entire process cannot compare. Nine months......I'll take the kidney stone any day.

And natural births are bitches. Sure, it might not be all that bad if you are sedated and such, but it harsh otherwise. The women do not scream like hell for nothing.
Ever had a kidney stone???

HAH HAH! I am less vulnerable then any of you! I do not have breasts or a penis! Although (hopefully) I do have a vagina.

?????

I have heard that it is an equivalent in pain, but pregnancy sucks. The entire process cannot compare. Nine months......I'll take the kidney stone any day.

And natural births are bitches. Sure, it might not be all that bad if you are sedated and such, but it harsh otherwise. The women do not scream like hell for nothing.

If pregnancy and birth are so bad, how come they occur so frequently? (not a criticism, just curious).

Um ... not necessarily. As a woman in all but flesh, she would probably have a much better understanding of other women and their needs/desires/weaknesses and might have much better luck. :)

True, very true. An advantage to being a woman: If I ever had a penis for day, I would know how to get women to have sex with.

......if that doesn't sound awkward......

Ever had a kidney stone???

Maybe if kidney stones lasted nine months we'd have something.

True, very true. An advantage to being a woman: If I ever had a penis for day, I would know how to get women to have sex with.

......if that doesn't sound awkward......

Enlighten us.

She just said she wanted a penis.. there was nothing in that post to imply she'd be a man. A more hermaphrodic sistuation is somewhat implied. Or at least, if replacing said vagina with penis, what about still having breast? and as for the random woman for the sex.. its not that hard if you know where to look, Esp. if you aren't to concerned about the ah.. quality of the looks.

but yeah.. If i had a penis i'd damn well abuse it. Try to write my name somewhere to probably, just to see if i could make the dexterity check.

if I had a penis... I would be very very surprised... then wondeirng how I would break the news to my fiancee and hoped he wouldnt mind swinging to the other side of the fence :-P after that I would probably get annoyed that it was getting in the way all the time....

If pregnancy and birth are so bad, how come they occur so frequently? (not a criticism, just curious).

Reproduction?

?????

If pregnancy and birth are so bad, how come they occur so frequently? (not a criticism, just curious).
Ever made a woman have an orgasm? More than one? If you have, you have your answer. :)

Reproduction?

That's the result. I asked about the cause.

Maybe if kidney stones lasted nine months we'd have something.
ROFLMAO!! OUCH!!!

If pregnancy and birth are so bad, how come they occur so frequently? (not a criticism, just curious).

Pregnancy is not fun, but children are. You accept nine months of torture, for the years of joy that persue afterwards. Many women dream of being a mother since childhood.....you take the complications to fulfil a life dream.

;)


Being around children now, I know one day I hope to have many, even if adopting is my only choice. Sure, pregancy, even if uncomplete was a sure bitch, I would take those months just for the pure joy of hearing my child say "mommy," walk to me, sing to me, and take his/her first dump on the tiolet.

Ever made a woman have an orgasm? More than one? If you have, you have your answer. :)

Contraception.

if I had a penis... I would be very very surprised... then wondeirng how I would break the news to my fiancee and hoped he wouldnt mind swinging to the other side of the fence :-P after that I would probably get annoyed that it was getting in the way all the time....

It would just be one day. He'd be alright.

That's the result. I asked about the cause.

Reproduction. The desire to have children.

If pregnancy and birth are so bad, how come they occur so frequently? (not a criticism, just curious).


actually having experienced birth i think I can safely say after it is over it really does not seem as bad as it acutally was... until next time when we remember and swear never to do it again... but then we see our child and forget all about the pain once again...

but yeah.. If i had a penis i'd damn well abuse it. Try to write my name somewhere to probably, just to see if i could make the dexterity check.

Oh hell yeah! I would so do that too!

:D

Birth hurts because we stand on two legs. The area normally is beneath the butthole. We just didn't move either when we moved our legs.

She just said she wanted a penis.. there was nothing in that post to imply she'd be a man. A more hermaphrodic sistuation is somewhat implied. Or at least, if replacing said vagina with penis, what about still having breast? and as for the random woman for the sex.. its not that hard if you know where to look, Esp. if you aren't to concerned about the ah.. quality of the looks.

but yeah.. If i had a penis i'd damn well abuse it. Try to write my name somewhere to probably, just to see if i could make the dexterity check.
To measure up to most guys, you'll have to learn how to switch hands and gain a stroke! :D

Oh hell yeah! I would so do that too!

:D
Pray for snow. ;)

Birth hurts because we stand on two legs. The area normally is beneath the butthole. We just didn't move either when we moved our legs.
Um ... perhaps, but the major reason is because human babies have a much larger cranium than our predecessors probably did. :)

If I had a penis, I would use it to fight crime and protect the innocent.

If I had a penis, I would use it to fight crime and protect the innocent.

That's what I do with mine.

Pray for snow. ;)


I'll find a skiing resort. ;)

If not......um.....sand?

I'll find a skiing resort. ;)

If not......um.....sand?
Drink lots of water then. :)

Drink lots of water then. :)

Remember......I would be drinking my ass off on that day. I'll be pissing every five minutes. Whoo....liquor just runs right through a body.

;)

That's what I do with mine.
ROFLMFAO! As IF!

What you really do is commit crimes and deflower the innocent! :D

Remember......I would be drinking my ass off on that day. I'll be pissing every five minutes. Whoo....liquor just runs right through a body.

;)
LOL! You are a true nut! :D

LOL! You are a true nut! :D

If I had a penis for a day, I'd have two of them!

:D

Remember......I would be drinking my ass off on that day. I'll be pissing every five minutes. Whoo....liquor just runs right through a body.

;)

so now you'll have a penis *and* a kidney stone?

If I had a penis for a day, I'd have two of them!

:D
I KNEW you were going to say that! :p

so now you'll have a penis *and* a kidney stone?

(psst! new to the thread! w00t)


Well, it is a good thing that kidney stones do not form in a day. I think I'm safe for that day....... *cringes at the thought of getting one a while after* But that is a different story.......

I KNEW you were going to say that! :p

You should have! This thread is about having a penis for a day. :P

Speaking of that.........oh shit, I forgot one.

FELLATIO! Need to experience that first hand.

:D

Well, it is a good thing that kidney stones do not form in a day. I think I'm safe for that day....... *cringes at the thought of getting one a while after* But that is a different story.......
A short digression: drinking lots of liquids will usually help prevent kidney stones. Exception: iced tea and coffee in quantity. Seems they cause calcium to precipitate out of the bloodstream and it winds up collecting in the kidneys as stones. Water and cranberry juice are best.

A short digression: drinking lots of liquids will usually help prevent kidney stones. Exception: iced tea and coffee in quantity. Seems they cause calcium to precipitate out of the bloodstream and it winds up collecting in the kidneys as stones. Water and cranberry juice are best.

Oh, trust me, I know about them. Common causes are from iced tea and also orange juice. Ah, how something so healthy can be a bitch. High sodium and salt intakes increase your chances of getting one; high vitamin C intakes as well.

A short digression: drinking lots of liquids will usually help prevent kidney stones. Exception: iced tea and coffee in quantity. Seems they cause calcium to precipitate out of the bloodstream and it winds up collecting in the kidneys as stones. Water and cranberry juice are best.

I was referring to the ridiculous amounts of alcohol her kidneys would have to process in order for her to not drop dead from alcohol poisoning. She might not get the stone, but if it lasted more than a day (say, a year) it'd definitely be a problem. Kidneys are poison filters, not fuck buddies.

Good story! You are all insane! And I am soooooooooo glad that I don't have a penis, it would just be akward?!?! Like a little uncontrollable baby's arm! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

Oh, trust me, I know about them. Common causes are from iced tea and also orange juice. Ah, how something so healthy can be a bitch. High sodium and salt intakes increase your chances of getting one; high vitamin C intakes as well.
It seems to be largely dependent on your personal chemical makeup. I've heard about the others except vitamin C, but all of mine are calcium based.

Good story! You are all insane! And I am soooooooooo glad that I don't have a penis, it would just be akward?!?! Like a little uncontrollable baby's arm! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D
Hmmm. That's a rather strange way to characterize it, but I suppose ....

Oh, trust me, I know about them. Common causes are from iced tea and also orange juice.

Does the tea have to be iced? And if not, what is it about tea that causes them?

Good story! You are all insane! And I am soooooooooo glad that I don't have a penis, it would just be akward?!?! Like a little uncontrollable baby's arm! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

Glad you are observent, I am insane! Ah ha! HE HE! To the funny farm!

*rofl*

But I love your post! Now that is a good one!

:D

And the lead singer in that group is named Peter. Coincidence? I think not! :DHaha

Does the tea have to be iced? And if not, what is it about tea that causes them?
I don't have the answer to that first question, but to the second one, I've been told that it's the tannic acid in the tea. This seems to be borne out by the fact that green tea doesn't cause them.

Haha
:D

It seems to be largely dependent on your personal chemical makeup. I've heard about the others except vitamin C, but all of mine are calcium based.

Overall, yes, it does depend on your chemical makeup. Calcium is another common one indeed. ;)

So, I am taking it as if you have had quite a few in your life time. Unlucky you. Passing a kidney stone is said to be the equivalent of having baby. So, how many babies did you have? ;)

:D

I am insane! Ah ha! HE HE! To the funny farm!


As requested: http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/fanart/fa-pimp.shtml

I was referring to the ridiculous amounts of alcohol her kidneys would have to process in order for her to not drop dead from alcohol poisoning. She might not get the stone, but if it lasted more than a day (say, a year) it'd definitely be a problem. Kidneys are poison filters, not fuck buddies.
ROFL! "Fuck buddies?" Hmmm. Where might one obtain one of these "fuck buddies?" :D

You should have! This thread is about having a penis for a day. :P

Speaking of that.........oh shit, I forgot one.

FELLATIO! Need to experience that first hand.

:D
Whew! One hell of a ride! :D

Real iced tea or the mix?

Overall, yes, it does depend on your chemical makeup. Calcium is another common one indeed. ;)

So, I am taking it as if you have had quite a few in your life time. Unlucky you. Passing a kidney stone is said to be the equivalent of having baby. So, how many babies did you have? ;)

:D
You're asking me to remember something I desperately try to forget?? Sadist! ;)

Gosh, that first post was massively stupid! It's not your hand that would hurt, and you would throw up everywhere and regret deciding to be kicked in the balls.

See, women say that childbirth is worse, but does it make them projectile vomit? 'cause this lad, in high school, had his balls slammed in a... yeah, well, anyway, i don't want to think about it, and there was vomit a plenty.

You don't want a penis, silly.

Real iced tea or the mix?
Isn't the mix made from dehydrated tea? If so, I don't know whether the tannic acid would successfully translate. Interesting question.

ROFL! "Fuck buddies?" Hmmm. Where might one obtain one of these "fuck buddies?" :D

at the donor ward of the hospital?

You're asking me to remember something I desperately try to forget?? Sadist! ;)

That's my job!

Isn't the mix made from dehydrated tea? If so, I don't know whether the tannic acid would successfully translate. Interesting question.

Dehydrated tea? As opposed to? The tea I drink comes in teabags, and they don't seem to have any water in. Maybe I'm confused.

Gosh, that first post was massively stupid! It's not your hand that would hurt, and you would throw up everywhere and regret deciding to be kicked in the balls.

See, women say that childbirth is worse, but does it make them projectile vomit? 'cause this lad, in high school, had his balls slammed in a... yeah, well, anyway, i don't want to think about it, and there was vomit a plenty.

You don't want a penis, silly.

Oh come along little one, you cannot see the fun it is from my perspective.

Pregnancy makes women vomit A LOT. We get morning sickness which makes us want to throw the hell up all over the place all the time, but they call it morning sickness although they neglect to mention it lasts all day.

Of course I want a penis for a day! I wouldn't make a thread all about it if I didn't want one for a day.

Oh come along little one, you cannot see the fun it is from my perspective.

Pregnancy makes women vomit A LOT. We get morning sickness which makes us want to throw the hell up all over the place all the time, but they call it morning sickness although they neglect to mention it lasts all day.

Of course I want a penis for a day! I wouldn't make a thread all about it if I didn't want one for a day.

at least she didn't say a week, then you might have a full-blown forum on your hands!

at the donor ward of the hospital?
Very funny. Ha. Ha. My body is verily wracked with hysterical laughter. Ho. Ho. He. He. It is to laugh! :rolleyes:

at least she didn't say a week, then you might have a full-blown forum on your hands!

*lol* Ah hell, I think it is a riot. Really, I would have a blast if I had a penis for day!

Dehydrated tea? As opposed to? The tea I drink comes in teabags, and they don't seem to have any water in. Maybe I'm confused.
Teabags contain shredded or ground tea leaves. The tannic acid is reactivated when you add water. Dehydrated tea is, for me at least, an unknown because I don't know if the tannic acid will translate from a dehydrated state to active state. It may, I just don't have enough information. Sorry. :(

Very funny. Ha. Ha. My body is verily wracked with hysterical laughter. Ho. Ho. He. He. It is to laugh! :rolleyes:

I try....

however halfheartedly....

oo! here:http://www.accentsonhealth.com/images/kidneysL.gif

there's one...

That's my job!
Um ... thanks for the warning! [ edges quietly away ] :D

Gosh, that first post was massively stupid! It's not your hand that would hurt, and you would throw up everywhere and regret deciding to be kicked in the balls.

See, women say that childbirth is worse, but does it make them projectile vomit? 'cause this lad, in high school, had his balls slammed in a... yeah, well, anyway, i don't want to think about it, and there was vomit a plenty.

You don't want a penis, silly.

Aww, boo hoo. You got hit in the nuts? Try playing offensive linemen for four years in high school.

I try....

however halfheartedly....

oo! here:http://www.accentsonhealth.com/images/kidneysL.gif

there's one...
Um ... thanks, but no thanks! :D

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D

Hey, how do you know my routine?!?!?

Hey, how do you know my routine?!?!?

Oh! That is awesome! Kudos to you! If this is your daily routine, I give you credit. Truly experiencing the joys of having a penis!

;)

Um ... thanks, but no thanks! :D

fine, more for me!

A dick is great! But no one can deny the appeal of a sex organ that can be manipulated without 'whipping it out'.. one where you dont have an unsightly bulge at church when you wear dockers.

The penis is fantastic for plenty of reasons though, it acts like a coat hanger, and glory holes become fun again! and when you're lonely, you just stand the guy at attention; and he becomes your friend. :)

*penis bump* for Der Fuhrer Dyszel.

I like penis, just don't want one.

*penis bump* for Der Fuhrer Dyszel.

I like penis, just don't want one.

Not even for one day?

getting kicked in the balls FUCKING HURTS first the throbbing pain then u feel sick and that can last for a long time also u can walk right

getting kicked in the balls FUCKING HURTS first the throbbing pain then u feel sick and that can last for a long time also u can walk right

Even when they just get tapped... Or nudged a bit too much... Gyaaah...

getting kicked in the balls FUCKING HURTS first the throbbing pain then u feel sick and that can last for a long time also u can walk right

Oh trust me, I do not dispute that it is a bitch, but I would need to experience it myself if I had a penis for day!

:D

Isn't the mix made from dehydrated tea? If so, I don't know whether the tannic acid would successfully translate. Interesting question.
Depends on what brand. The one I have seems to be just sugar, colourant, and... sugar. I love Iced Tea.

Even when they just get tapped... Or nudged a bit too much... Gyaaah...

Or if you sit on them. :eek:

Well, I guess it would be interesting to have one if you haven't ever had one before... You'd probably scare anyone who saw you, and get a colosal amount of restriction orders. What would I do were I without one one morning... freak out probably. Then check here if you suddenly got one and demand it's restitution.

Well, I guess it would be interesting to have one if you haven't ever had one before... You'd probably scare anyone who saw you, and get a colosal amount of restriction orders. What would I do were I without one one morning... freak out probably. Then check here if you suddenly got one and demand it's restitution.

I love this post too! Don't worry, someone already offered me their penis, but I will remember you in case I want one for another day.

;)

I love this post too! Don't worry, someone already offered me their penis, but I will remember you in case I want one for another day.

;)

O_O! *squeak*

Not even for one day?That gives me a very uncomfortable feeling, it actually would feel very uncomfortable... (ready? lol) ...a sweaty chunk of skin getting in the way of things, bouncing around when I run, growing and announcing itself when I see something I like, forget about tight pants with zippers, be careful if you ride a horse or hell even just when you sit down :eek: ...although the masterbation part is quite impressive, but alas no, I don't think so.

That gives me a very uncomfortable feeling, it actually would feel very uncomfortable... (ready? lol) ...a sweaty chunk of skin getting in the way of things, bouncing around when I run, growing and announcing itself when I see something I like, forget about tight pants with zippers, be careful if you ride a horse or hell even just when you sit down :eek: ...although the masterbation part is quite impressive, but alas no, I don't think so.

Don't your boobs do most of those things just the same? Seems like a penis would be much less intrusive than boobs.

That gives me a very uncomfortable feeling, it actually would feel very uncomfortable... (ready? lol) ...a sweaty chunk of skin getting in the way of things, bouncing around when I run, growing and announcing itself when I see something I like, forget about tight pants with zippers, be careful if you ride a horse or hell even just when you sit down :eek: ...although the masterbation part is quite impressive, but alas no, I don't think so.

*lol* You look at all the negatives. Just think, I am sure having a sweaty chunk of skin that gets in the way and is bothersome many times beats having yeast infections, vaginal STD's, pregnancy, and periods anyday.

Don't your boobs do most of those things just the same? Seems like a penis would be much less intrusive than boobs.Would you rather look at a boob or a penis? :)

If I Had a Penis..... I would hammer in the mooorrrning
I'd a-hammer in the evening all over this land...

:fluffle:
Cathenia

(well actually I do have one... though I'm not hammering nearly as much as I should)

*lol* You look at all the negatives. Just think, I am sure having a sweaty chunk of skin that gets in the way and is bothersome many times beats having yeast infections, vaginal STD's, pregnancy, and periods anyday.I take that bladder infection any old day! hahahahaha

Would you rather look at a boob or a penis? :)

Don't they fulfill the same function in the sexual psyche (size does matter!)

Cathenia

Don't your boobs do most of those things just the same? Seems like a penis would be much less intrusive than boobs.

Yes, and there are two of them! Boobs can be a pain in the ass too, especially if you have rather larger ones. *thanks God I don't have massive breasts......back pain is a bitch*

Fuck penises!

*penis bump* for Der Fuhrer Dyszel.

I like penis, just don't want one.
Not even to "borrow" for a few hours??? ;)

Fuck penises!

Unfortunately, that is all I can fuck right now with the equipment I have.

;)

*lol* You look at all the negatives. Just think, I am sure having a sweaty chunk of skin that gets in the way and is bothersome many times beats having yeast infections, vaginal STD's, pregnancy, and periods anyday.

Testicular torsion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_torsion).

My penis can be fun, but I'm sure it could have been designed better. It's just so damn vulnerable. All it takes is a little well placed slap or something and I'm down and out.

Plus, it makes it harder to masturbate without getting caught, cause you have to, well, whip it out, and then it's best to have kleenex ready and all. Plus, it really sucks trying to take aim at the toilet in the morning with an erection when I really have to piss. Then there's the agony of getting an erection while in the car wearing a seat-belt. That sucks.

Yet, then there's always the fear of someone doing irreparable damage to it, as it is a bit necessary for some of the finer things in life.

Testicular torsion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_torsion).

Well, yes, that would suck a lot.......but, I am willing to chance it anyhow!

:P

*lol* You look at all the negatives. Just think, I am sure having a sweaty chunk of skin that gets in the way and is bothersome many times beats having yeast infections, vaginal STD's, pregnancy, and periods anyday.

"elephantitis"

Fuck penises!
Exactly! :D

Well, yes, that would suck a lot.......but, I am willing to chance it anyhow!

:P

http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

Go Team Venture!

OMG BEST FORUM EVER! Who cares about debating abortion and Christianity, I mean what is the point???? This is what the people want, penis-vagina dialogues. No one gets mad here! Everyone is satisfied. Maybe we can bring world peace by just talking about what we really know... our crotches. :fluffle:

I am by no means being convinced of borrowing anybodies penis, not even for an hour! GROSS DUDE!!!! :mad:

OMG BEST FORUM EVER! Who cares about debating abortion and Christianity, I mean what is the point???? This is what the people want, penis-vagina dialogues. No one gets mad here! Everyone is satisfied. Maybe we can bring world peace by just talking about what we really know... our crotches. :fluffle:

I am by no means being convinced of borrowing anybodies penis, not even for an hour! GROSS DUDE!!!! :mad:

When you really get down to it, our crotches are the basis for all of the world's conflicts.

Come on Tiff, dont you just want to hold it? They dont bite! :)

http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

Go Team Venture!

*lol*

Ah, come one, it's not like I am going to be wanting children if I had a penis for a day. It's all about sex, not love. ;)

When you really get down to it, our crotches are the basis for all of the world's conflicts.Please go into that. For me?
;)

Please go into that. For me?
;)

All of the world's conflicts can find their basis in sex.

http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/Genious. (I suddenly find my self Google searching penis safety?)

All of the world's conflicts can find their basis in sex.
I suspect she was asking you to elaborate, not simply rephrase. :)

I suspect she was asking you to elaborate, not simply rephrase. :)

There is nothing really to elaborate on. It says it all really when you look at it.

That's an easy one - if I had a penis for a day I would cut it off so there'd be one less penis in the world. No I'm not a militant lesbian feminist, just a realist

There is nothing really to elaborate on. It says it all really when you look at it.
( shrug ) Apparently you understand it, but Tiffany was asking for more information. :)

That's an easy one - if I had a penis for a day I would cut it off so there'd be one less penis in the world. No I'm not a militant lesbian feminist, just a realist
And you named your Nation "Peaceful Souls?" :eek:

That's an easy one - if I had a penis for a day I would cut it off so there'd be one less penis in the world. No I'm not a militant lesbian feminist, just a realist

I'll take it for you and have an extra day with a penis!

That's an easy one - if I had a penis for a day I would cut it off so there'd be one less penis in the world. No I'm not a militant lesbian feminist, just a realist

This brings a question to my mind. What would you do with it after it's cut off? Just throw it out of your car like someone we know, or would you get into the habit and chop off and steal them from guys and start your own penis restaurant? How many people here would eat at a penis restaurant? And how many would move out of their country if a penis restaurant was a perfectly legal venture?

And you named your Nation "Peaceful Souls?" :eek:
My nation IS governed by militant lesbian feminists :)

My nation IS governed by militant lesbian feminists :)
Peaceful ones :)

My nation IS governed by militant lesbian feminists :)
Ah! Well, that kinda says it all, doesn't it! :)

New verse to an old song...

"If I had a penis,
I'd stroke it in the morning.
I'd stroke it in the evening,
All over this land!

I'd stroke it for justice!
I'd stroke it for freedom!
(etc.)"

Peaceful ones :)
That's an internally contradictory statement: Militant Lesbian Peaceful Feminists. I can hardly force myself to say it! :D

stroke it for love between
my brothers and my sisters
all over this land...

There's something VERY wrong with that... :eek:
Cathenia

That's an internally contradictory statement: Militant Lesbian Peaceful Feminists. I can hardly force myself to say it! :D
It's the only way to keep the peace! :) Peaceful Souls is a pagan-based society that culls the most aggressive males. We sacrifice them to appease the Goddess :D

This brings a question to my mind. What would you do with it after it's cut off? Just throw it out of your car like someone we know, or would you get into the habit and chop off and steal them from guys and start your own penis restaurant? How many people here would eat at a penis restaurant? And how many would move out of their country if a penis restaurant was a perfectly legal venture?

Actually, that reminded me of something. A new restaurant opened a little ways away, that I heard about. It's called the Pink Taco. I kid you not, it's really kind of clever, cause everything on the menu is a sexual reference (like all the kinds of chicken are called "cock" instead of chicken, ie. fried cock, roast cock, cock nuggets, etc. and then there are things like "beef curtains" on the menu as well). Great name.

Actually, that reminded me of something. A new restaurant opened a little ways away, that I heard about. It's called the Pink Taco. I kid you not, it's really kind of clever, cause everything on the menu is a sexual reference (like all the kinds of chicken are called "cock" instead of chicken, ie. fried cock, roast cock, cock nuggets, etc. and then there are things like "beef curtains" on the menu as well). Great name.

Interesting...very interesting. There's a restaurant around here called Bed and you actually eat in bed. You can take a nap and do "other" things as well.

Interesting...very interesting. There's a restaurant around here called Bed and you actually eat in bed. You can take a nap and do "other" things as well.

Like masturbate with my penis that I have for a day?

;)

Like masturbate with my penis that I have for a day?

;)

Yes, but you'd have to bring your own lubricant ;)

Yes, but you'd have to bring your own lubricant ;)

Can do, although, if I was cheap, which I am, I would just order toast with lots of butter.

:D

Can do, although, if I was cheap, which I am, I would just order toast with lots of butter.

:D

I always carry around an emergency bottle of lotion, ya know just in case :p

( shrug ) Apparently you understand it, but Tiffany was asking for more information. :)I just wanted another story people! Although, let the debate begin!

You are so wrong SdaerijiAll of the world's conflicts can find their basis in sex., you have no facts to base that on at all, lol (I play!). World conflict revolves around religion and power. ...American Revolution, WW1, WW2, Crusades, WW3. Although, in the world today there are countries that are dicks, and countries that are pussies, and then countries that are assholes... perhaps you were driving at that? I'm just guessing here.

ahhhh...good times. :cool:

I always carry around an emergency bottle of lotion, ya know just in case :p

Smart man. You sure know how to appreciate your penis!

Actually, that reminded me of something. A new restaurant opened a little ways away, that I heard about. It's called the Pink Taco. I kid you not, it's really kind of clever, cause everything on the menu is a sexual reference (like all the kinds of chicken are called "cock" instead of chicken, ie. fried cock, roast cock, cock nuggets, etc. and then there are things like "beef curtains" on the menu as well). Great name.

I heard that in China, naked women (college students trying to earn money) are the tables at a certain restaurant.

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-05/22/content_444640.htm

So I guess you meet each other for cocktails in the afternoon?

Cathenia

Smart man. You sure know how to appreciate your penis!

Yes I do, but I'm sure you can come over here and teach me a few new things about penis appreciation ;) :p

I just wanted another story people! Although, let the debate begin!

No needs for a debate here. It is just about me wanting a penis for the day. The only real debate would if I started to debate myself about whether I wanted a penis or not, which I want a penis for the day, so debate solved.

:D

Yes I do, but I'm sure you can come over here and teach me a few new things about penis appreciation ;) :p

Five dolla!

I just wanted another story people! Although, let the debate begin!

You are so wrong Sdaeriji, you have no facts to base that on at all, lol (I play!). World conflict revolves around religion and power. ...American Revolution, WW1, WW2, Crusades, WW3. Although, in the world today there are countries that are dicks, and countries that are pussies, and then countries that are assholes... perhaps you were driving at that? I'm just guessing here.

ahhhh...good times. :cool:

I was saying that all the world's conflicts can be, in essence, boiled down to people trying to increase their chances to get laid. What's the purpose of gaining power?

Five dolla!

:eek: !

I was saying that all the world's conflicts can be, in essence, boiled down to people trying to increase their chances to get laid. What's the purpose of gaining power?

Now now, let us not debate here. It's fun to just talk about penises. Debates are too serious for this thread.

:D

Appriciating one's penis is often most easily done with a mirror, some silly putty, a mouse, and some string

I would make a little bouncing ride for the little guy; thats hours of fun right there.

Or yea.. lube, but come on; sex isnt everything.. dont you just want to do a sculpture of yourself, standing there proud with your cock erect? A nurse holding your balls and telling you to cough as you salute the gods for a frisky female nurse.. great sculpture.. I want it.

Five dolla!

Have change for 100 ;)

Appriciating one's penis is often most easily done with a mirror, some silly putty, a mouse, and some string

I would make a little bouncing ride for the little guy; thats hours of fun right there.

Or yea.. lube, but come on; sex isnt everything.. dont you just want to do a sculpture of yourself, standing there proud with your cock erect? A nurse holding your balls and telling you to cough as you salute the gods for a frisky female nurse.. great sculpture.. I want it.


OH! I would so have myself casted to be a constant reminder that I had a penis for a day!

Sdaeriji will know this one!

"Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg
Squeeze it so hard I fall right outta bed"

I just had a thought.. 'no touch orgasms'.. eh? im gonna learn yoga, and get back to you guys on that..

Have change for 100 ;)

No, but I will take the hundred. ;)

No, but I will take the hundred. ;)

ooo, expensive are we? ;)

Appriciating one's penis is often most easily done with a mirror, some silly putty, a mouse, and some string

I would make a little bouncing ride for the little guy; thats hours of fun right there.

Or yea.. lube, but come on; sex isnt everything.. dont you just want to do a sculpture of yourself, standing there proud with your cock erect? A nurse holding your balls and telling you to cough as you salute the gods for a frisky female nurse.. great sculpture.. I want it.

awesome

Oh, DFD, if you had a penis for a day, would you prefer a circumcised penis or an uncircumcised penis and why?

awesome

Oh, DFD, if you had a penis for a day, would you prefer a circumcised penis or an uncircumcised penis and why?

Well, I guess start uncircumcised and cut the skin off later.

But if that isn't an option, not sure. Uncircumcised will increase the pleasure (or so it is said, I couldn't know for sure), but often can create health issues if not cleaned properly. For a day, why not, not like I am going to get a bladder infection from one day with a penis!

;)

OH! I would so have myself casted to be a constant reminder that I had a penis for a day!

See? You DESERVE a penis.. you know how to appriciate them. You're really cock-minded, cock-sure, and yes, somehow even cockney as you cock-a-doodle-doo!

One canst enjoy one's apparatus unless it gives small creatures rides... doing something for the community.. thats how a penis is supposed to be used..

I was saying that all the world's conflicts can be, in essence, boiled down to people trying to increase their chances to get laid. What's the purpose of gaining power?Are you a guy? I guess that's why I didn't get this one.
:p

Well, I guess start uncircumcised and cut the skin off later.

But if that isn't an option, not sure. Uncircumcised will increase the pleasure (or so it is said, I couldn't know for sure), but often can create health issues if not cleaned properly. For a day, why not, not like I am going to get a bladder infection from one day with a penis!

;)

I can only speak from experience about having an uncircumcised one. You really wouldn't want to get circumcised with your one day with a penis though, because that would ruin it. The end would be all tender and sensitive and you wouldn't be able to move. And that would be a tragic waste of a penis-day.

I think there should be a National Penis Day, where all guys 17 and up must get layed within 24 hours, then the day after would be National Vagina Day with the opposite requirement.

If we outlaw circumcision, then only outlaws will have beautiful penises.

If we outlaw circumcision, then only outlaws will have beautiful penises.

Damn straight, I'd be an outlaw then.

I can only speak from experience about having an uncircumcised one. You really wouldn't want to get circumcised with your one day with a penis though, because that would ruin it. The end would be all tender and sensitive and you wouldn't be able to move. And that would be a tragic waste of a penis-day.

Uncircumcised it is!

:D

Maybe if kidney stones lasted nine months we'd have something.

15 mm stone strying to fit through a 5 mm(At most) tube. That doesn't stretch. At all. You do the math.

OR

If the stone may be to big, they have this little device. It's kinda like a rod. A rod with a grabber on the end. Which is jammed up the urethra, grabs the stone, and crushes it. Of course, there's no guarentee they won't get some skin in the little grabber.

I think that relatively short pain endured here is almost equal.

I wrote a poem, to honor DFD's struggle to find the penis inside her..

*played to If I had a Mockingbird, or whatever its called*

If I had a penis for a day
I would have to take it away

from an unsuspecting man on the street
he would look down, not finding his meat

But if that little penis doesnt rise
daddy's gonna find one of a bigger size

when we find you a penis one day
DFD can jack off and shout, 'hooray!'

:D

15 mm stone strying to fit through a 5 mm(At most) tube. That doesn't stretch. At all. You do the math.

OR

If the stone may be to big, they have this little device. It's kinda like a rod. A rod with a grabber on the end. Which is jammed up the urethra, grabs the stone, and crushes it. Of course, there's no guarentee they won't get some skin in the little grabber.

I think that relatively short pain endured here is almost equal.

They have some other method of removing via laser or something similiar now a days. You just need to go to a cutting edge technology hospital.

They have some other method of removing via laser or something similiar now a days. You just need to go to a cutting edge technology hospital.

I think they use sound waves. Please keep the frickin laser away from my penis.

I think they use sound waves. Please keep the frickin laser away from my penis.

Yeah but the sound waves can break apart something as hard as kidney stones, just imagine what would happen to your penis if they made a mistake.

I think they use sound waves. Please keep the frickin laser away from my penis.

Yes, something like that. Well, you should not have told me that......

*pulls out the laser and straps you down*

I think there should be a National Penis Day, where all guys 17 and up must get layed within 24 hours, then the day after would be National Vagina Day with the opposite requirement.Beautiful idea my friend. You could give the guy with the penis a card and a lay. Just think of how much fun it would be to say, "Happy Penis Day!" And my god... National Vagina Day! Glorius holidays, you should right up a UN prorposal. haha :D

Yeah but the sound waves can break apart something as hard as kidney stones, just imagine what would happen to your penis if they made a mistake.

I think my penis is immune to sound waves. It has withstood thousands of high-pitched squeals of delight.

Wooo! My 1,000th post on a thread about dicks! Wooo!

If I had a penis, I'd be holding it right now, Al Bundy-style, while typing this message with my free hand.









Oh, wait. I do have a penis.


My bad.

I think my penis is immune to sound waves. It has withstood thousands of high-pitched squeals of delight.

Yeah. Keep telling yourself those were squeals of delight.

Beautiful idea my friend. You could give the guy with the penis a card and a lay. Just think of how much fun it would be to say, "Happy Penis Day!" And my god... National Vagina Day! Glorius holidays, you should right up a UN prorposal. haha :D

Haha, if those were holidays I'd be partying ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT! Nothing on this Earth could stop me. My god that would be awesome.

Yeah. Keep telling yourself those were squeals of delight.

They were the high-pitched squeals of dogs in pain.

They were the high-pitched squeals of dogs in pain.

Dogs don't squeal, they yip.

Dogs don't squeal, they yip.

Only you would know, right? ;)

Dogs don't squeal, they yip.

Give it to me......I'll make it squeal.......

Give it to me......I'll make it squeal.......

OOOH, a freak! ;)

Dogs don't squeal, they yip.

I wouldnt know, ive never been into the whole bestiality thing.

Maybe they were squeals of delight, dont ask me; ask the guy who's partying with dogs.

Furthermore, DFD did not mention animals; so whoever brought that up should be shot and hung..

Whoops.. thats me.. well, at least im already hung... *offers arm* i would offer my leg, but DFD would just capitalize and shoot off my penis, take it for herself.. >:@

EDIT: but apparently, I was wrong.. :P

Give it to me......I'll make it squeal.......

If I had a penis for every time I've heard that......

Give it to me......I'll make it squeal.......

I'll make you squeal, babe. ;)

If I had a penis for every time I've heard that......

You'd be a cock juggler?

You'd be a cock juggler?

I would be a ruthless dick tater.

Now men, I am not into beastility. I'm a necrophiliac, you should all know that by now.

;)

Now men, I am not into beastility. I'm a necrophiliac, you should all know that by now.

;)

:eek: If that's true, then call me...we've got some work to do. ;) :p

More on National Penis/Vagina DayHaha, if those were holidays I'd be partying ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT! Nothing on this Earth could stop me. My god that would be awesome.It WOULD be quite the holiday! You could have seasonal penis/vagina day candy, and holiday phrases like "Have you hugged your penis today?" and "Where would I be without your vagina?' ...Hallmark would go nuts with it, go off on it! Yeah, good. lol.

More on National Penis/Vagina DayIt WOULD be quite the holiday! You could have seasonal penis/vagina day candy, and holiday phrases like "Have you hugged your penis today?" and "Where would I be without your vagina?' ...Hallmark would go nuts with it, go off on it! Yeah, good. lol.

Can I party at your house on those occasions? ;)

:eek: If that's true, then call me...we've got some work to do. ;) :p

I already have my dead man, sorry.

I already have my dead man, sorry.

:p all the good killers already do.

The title of my thread was changed.

:(

I feel slapped in the face. This is not about being a man, this is about what I would do with a penis. There is no references to what I would do if I were a man, because that just changes everything.

More on National Penis/Vagina DayIt WOULD be quite the holiday! You could have seasonal penis/vagina day candy, and holiday phrases like "Have you hugged your penis today?" and "Where would I be without your vagina?' ...Hallmark would go nuts with it, go off on it! Yeah, good. lol.

Every day is Penis Day when you're a dick. The world is my oyster.

The title of my thread was changed.

:(

I feel slapped in the face. This is not about being a man, this is about what I would do with a penis. There is no references to what I would do if I were a man, because that just changes everything.

That does deffeat the purpose...bastards.

That does deffeat the purpose...bastards.

Yeah... dicks!

That depresses me a lot. I do not know if I can post anymore here for the night. It is not right anymore.

It is not about being a man, just having a penis.

That depresses me a lot. I do not know if I can post anymore here for the night. It is not right anymore.

It is not about being a man, just having a penis.

*hug* Don't get upset over this! It's not worth it! Why don't you edit your first post on the thread and say *THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME BEING A MAN, IT'S ABOUT ME HAVING A PENIS* at the top

Obviously this lady forgets once you HAVE a penis you no longer have much control over what you do and where. Remember, those things have a mind of their own.

That depresses me a lot. I do not know if I can post anymore here for the night. It is not right anymore.

It is not about being a man, just having a penis.

I'm sorry hun. Maybe you ought to have it locked, then?

Every day is Penis Day when you're a dick. The world is my oyster.Everyday IS penis/vagina day, you know? But this new "Holiday" would include cards and candy! Maybe stuffed penises that you give your girl! And you wouldn't have to go to work either, FOR 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS OF SEX THAT IS EXPECTED AND RECIEVED ON A NATIONAL LEVEL!! hahaha :eek:

Can I party at your house on those occasions? ;)
Yes, when it becomes a holiday. Haha cock juggler. :D

Everyday IS penis/vagina day, you know? But this new "Holiday" would include cards and candy! Maybe stuffed penises that you give your girl! And you wouldn't have to go to work either, FOR 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS OF SEX THAT IS EXPECTED AND RECIEVED ON A NATIONAL LEVEL!! hahaha :eek:

You are inspring me to hold Penis/Vagina Day BBQ's at my house. :p I would give away little gift baskets containing the items you just listed.

Yes, when it becomes a holiday. Haha cock juggler. :D

I'll bring the decorated condoms! :D

I am going to see if moderation gives an explanation. If not, then tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I will change it back.

:D

If you are going to change things on me, I need an explanation.

;)

That depresses me a lot. I do not know if I can post anymore here for the night. It is not right anymore.
:(
It is not about being a man, just having a penis.Awwww. That's lame, I wouldn't have even looked at this if the word penis wasn't in the title. Well Der Fuhrer Dyszel, don't despair for the penis has inspired us all tonight. THE PENIS INSPIRED, specifically because of you and your very introspective penile story. Never forget the good times we had. :fluffle:

The moderator is trying to make us ashamed of our penises. Well... despite their attempts, mine still stands tall and erect with pride.

I'll bring the decorated condoms! :D...and I'll bring the decorated eggs! :rolleyes: OMG!!!!

Ladies, if you want to know what it feels like to be hit in the balls there is a simple solution. Cut open your abdomen and have a friend punch you in an ovary. That's exactly what it feels like to be kicked in the balls, except for the cutting.

I recomend just imagining it. Actually doing so poses a significant health risk. If you decide to try it do so under the supervision of a board-certified surgeon.




I'd like to try out a vagina. It seems like it would be so much fun. Being able to masturbate without remiving mypants. Being able to try out the old Hanoi razorblade trick on my unsuspecting enemies. Having extra storage space to hide Cuban cigars in.

There is no end to the usefullness of a vagina.

Awwww. That's lame, I wouldn't have even looked at this if the word penis wasn't in the title. Well Der Fuhrer Dyszel, don't despair for the penis has inspired us all tonight. THE PENIS INSPIRED, specifically because of you and your very introspective penile story. Never forget the good times we had. :fluffle:

Well, I am glad I had accomplished something tonight then! Alas, good friends, it was fun while it lasted! Thank you for sharing your insights and your thoughts about my absurdness.

...and I'll bring the decorated eggs! :rolleyes: OMG!!!!

What could we do with eggs? :confused: :p

What could we do with eggs? :confused: :pUmmmm, yeah... we'll keep my eggs out of it. lol

Good night penis friends, I'll never forget you. (Time to play Warcraft:p )

Happy Holidays Kejott, Der Fuhrer Dyszel, and the rest. ;)

Ummmm, yeah... we'll keep my eggs out of it. lol

Good night penis friends, I'll never forget you. (Time to play Warcraft:p )

Happy Holidays Kejott, Der Fuhrer Dyszel, and the rest. ;)

Nighty night! :D

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D

If you had as much testosterone as men do all you'd be able to think about is sex so don't complain.

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like.
When I ovulate, I get a stabbing pain around my ovaries, in my abdomen. It feels like I've been kicked in the guts. I imagine thats what it's like to have one's scrotty kicked.
Would you hammer in the morning? All over this land?
I love you Gartef.

Hmm... Since I've occasionally wondered what it would be like to be a woman, it's nice to see women like to imagine having a penis. Makes me feel glad I've got mine, somehow. :D

Want me to lend it to you for a day? You have to promise to give it back in good shape. ;)

A short digression: drinking lots of liquids will usually help prevent kidney stones. Exception: iced tea and coffee in quantity. Seems they cause calcium to precipitate out of the bloodstream and it winds up collecting in the kidneys as stones. Water and cranberry juice are best.
Thank for the tip, Forest! Are you a past sufferer?

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D

This is exactly the day LP would have if he were a man. Without all that sex with women stuff.

It's the only way to keep the peace! :) Peaceful Souls is a pagan-based society that culls the most aggressive males. We sacrifice them to appease the Goddess :D
[ wrties down "Peaceful Souls" on his list of places to not visit, along with N. Korea, Darfur and the Congo ] ;)

Thank for the tip, Forest! Are you a past sufferer?
Past, recent, and [ God help me! ] probably future! :(

When I ovulate, I get a stabbing pain around my ovaries, in my abdomen. It feels like I've been kicked in the guts. I imagine thats what it's like to have one's scrotty kicked.
Double it and you have some idea.

What the crap are you talking about!?!?

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D

Your new penis would be really really sore

Obviously this lady forgets once you HAVE a penis you no longer have much control over what you do and where. Remember, those things have a mind of their own.
Not to denigrate your post here, or put too fine a point on it, but ...

... bullshit! :)

What the crap are you talking about!?!?
:eek: Me???

I am soooooooooo glad that I don't have a penis, it would just be akward?!?! Like a little uncontrollable baby's arm! HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D
lol, that's hilarious! +sig

Testicular torsion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_torsion).
My friend recently had that. Worst thing is, he tried to have sex with a girl, and the poor guy couldn't come. I felt sympathy.

That's an easy one - if I had a penis for a day I would cut it off so there'd be one less penis in the world. No I'm not a militant lesbian feminist, just a realist
You're not a militant lesbian feminist, you're just a fucking nutcase!

Sdaeriji will know this one!

"Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg
Squeeze it so hard I fall right outta bed"
Pfft, Led Zeppelin is not obscure.

What would I do if I had a penis for day?

Well, first, I would wake up and scratch my balls. I would examine myself in the mirror and pull out a ruler to measure myself. I would take a piss standing up! Then proceed in masturbating and taking a shower.

After my shower, I would just throw on a pair of boxers and eat a bowl of cereal, or maybe steak and eggs, or you know what, skip breakfast.....why waste a day with a penis eating breakfast anyhow?

I would run outside and find a woman, have sex, of course, and then a man, try that too. After my lovely sex, I would go to a strip club and a bar. I would piss on a building on my way there and on a few other random items.

When finished that, I would masturbate again until my hand started to hurt. When night came, I would have sex again, piss standing up some more, masturbate some more, and go to some more bars. I would get crazy ass drunk and have a massive sex fest. Then I would run naked throughout the city yelling that I have a penis.

I would show everyone my penis and compare myself to everyone.

And finally, I would hunt down Sdaeriji and show my penis off to him and compare myself to him, and talk about penises to him.

You know, I think I would not stop touching myself throughout the day either. Having a penis must be terrible fun!

Oh yes, and I would have to be kicked in the balls too! I have to say, it would be unfair to have a penis for a day and not be kicked in the balls. I am quite curious as to what it actually feels like. You men complain so much about it.....let's see you try to push a baby out. ;) But getting kicked in the balls would definitely have to be on my last of the list. I do not want to experience the pain for too long. :D


Just a word of advice on your penis for a day marathin- In between adventures, I would recommend you stop somewhere like a diner or fast food place, hit their bathroom and wash it good in the sink. You dont want it to be itchy or sticky for it's next workout.

Also-watch where you point it and always treat it as if its loaded.

I hate to see a begginer go out "half-cocked."

(Sorry)