NationStates Jolt Archive

This is probably going to read like the rest of the spate of threads involving pathetic romantic problems, but I'm at the end of my tether.

As you may well have guessed from the intro, theres a girl. Shes fun, shes a great friend, shes cute... You get the picture. You probably also guessed that I'm crazy about her.

But the question is... if you know that you have no chance, do you still tell her?

This isn't one of those "should I ask her" questions, I know that I don't even have a snowball's chance in hell. I just feel that I owe it to her to tell her.

At the same time, I also think that I shouldn't do it. I feel that the moment I tell her, I'll have lost everything. Everything that I ever said to her or did with her will be instantly relabelled as a cynical attempt to lure her into bed.

So, in a last-ditch attempt to sort this out, I've turned to you. With several thousand years of collective experience, surely at least one of you can help?

I just spent the weekend convincing a friend to go for it. In the end it's your choice you can either:
A) Do nothing, and there's a fair chance that nothing will happen, and latter you die.
B) Go for it, something may happen, something may not happen, and later you die - but without the regrets!

Faint heart never won a fair lady

I just spent the weekend convincing a friend to go for it. In the end it's your choice you can either:
A) Do nothing, and there's a fair chance that nothing will happen, and latter you die.
B) Go for it, something may happen, something may not happen, and later you die - but without the regrets!

Faint heart never won a fair lady

Or, to put it another way...

"Well son, a funny thing about regret is, that it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done. By the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN"

I'd say tell her. I've seen this situation from both sides. When guys have revealed to me that they were interested, but I wasn't interested in them, it really didn't change anything with me. I simply told them that I only saw them as friends - and we continued as such.

When I have revealed - well, I only did this once - to a guy that I had feelings for him, there was a bit of awkwardness at first, but that was it. Actually, he's still one of my best friends 7 years later and he introduced me to the love of my life.

Getting it out there on the table may cause a little bit of awkwardness - most likely on your part. But if she's worth the emotion you put into her, worst case scenario is that you stay friends and maybe are a little closer because you both know where things stand.

I just spent the weekend convincing a friend to go for it. In the end it's your choice you can either:
A) Do nothing, and there's a fair chance that nothing will happen, and latter you die.
B) Go for it, something may happen, something may not happen, and later you die - but without the regrets!

Faint heart never won a fair lady
ditto.

problem is its easy to say these things, but freakin hard to actually do them:(
hell, i'm sure Taldaan realises this already. i sure understood it when i fancied this girl in school for 4 years... but did i ever make a move? did i hell. and i regret it still.

Taldaan, dude, you need to make yourself do it. get alone with her, away from distractions and just say "i like you" or some lame shit like that. she'll probably say "what?" and then the topic is open for you to pour out your soul, if you so wish;)
just do something! you never know what could happen

Taldaan, dude, you need to make yourself do it.

Would getting really wasted first be a bad idea?

Would getting really wasted first be a bad idea?

Aye.

In general, with women, getting wasted anytime is a bad idea

Tell her. If some guy liked me, even if I totally didn't like him, I'd want to know. I'm in the same "mess" right now myself actually. (only I'm a girl and he's a guy) But... probably if you tell her then things will work out. Wow, it's soooo much easier to look at your problem than mine. And with that I think I'm going to ask him.... are we just friends? or something more???
Best of luck to you. And you're not alone. Like I said, I'm in the same mess. What would you say to me???

This is probably going to read like the rest of the spate of threads involving pathetic romantic problems, but I'm at the end of my tether.

As you may well have guessed from the intro, theres a girl. Shes fun, shes a great friend, shes cute... You get the picture. You probably also guessed that I'm crazy about her.

But the question is... if you know that you have no chance, do you still tell her?

This isn't one of those "should I ask her" questions, I know that I don't even have a snowball's chance in hell. I just feel that I owe it to her to tell her.

At the same time, I also think that I shouldn't do it. I feel that the moment I tell her, I'll have lost everything. Everything that I ever said to her or did with her will be instantly relabelled as a cynical attempt to lure her into bed.

So, in a last-ditch attempt to sort this out, I've turned to you. With several thousand years of collective experience, surely at least one of you can help?

Do what I'm about to do in a nearly identical situation: Sit her down, and explain in no uncertain terms that you're not supposing to tell her how to think, feel, or act. Tell her that you can't control your feelings, and in this rare instance, you can't control yours either. Apologise for it if it needs to be done, and stress that even though she may not share your feelings, you definately want to be a part of her life in whichever capacity she chooses.

You ought to ask yourself honestly what your motivation is behind confessing to this woman. It's all well and good to be honest with yourself, and I respect your wanting to have a truthful friendship with her.

You say that you believe you have no chance with this woman. If you have no expectation that your affection will be reciprocated, then perhaps telling her is laying the burden of guilt on her, for not feeling the same way about you. That can be pretty damaging to a friendship. The relief for you, of unburdening your confession, may instead burden her with a reality that she doesn't need to deal with. I know it sounds like I'm telling you to chicken out here, but really, if a confession is likely to cause more anguish than relief, is telling her really worth all of that? I don't know how old the two of you are, so I don't know what kind of emotional climate you're in. All I can do is assume the possible motivations that you may have, and challenge them. If your motivations can withstand that challenge, then your mind is already made up.

Best of luck.

Part of learning how to love and respect yourself (which is something that makes other people love and respect you) is knowing when not to love someone.

It's not a good idea to get spooled up about someone with whom "you have no chance" - if she does end up going out with you, you're on the fast track to being abused and thrashed in ways you won't see and can't imagine.

Certainly, if you find yourself initially attracted to someone, it's best to be honest and let them know - but remember that she's not the "end-all be-all of human existence".

If you don't respect yourself enough to expect reciprocate affection, and are willing to love someone who has no interest in loving you, then you're heading down the wrong track at high speed.

Women can also smell desperation. It scares them. If she has no feelings for you, and you have put her on a pedestal in your heart already, she's most likely going to run for it.

First of all, I feel you have very low esteem and self-confidence. Instead of thinking "I don't have a snowball in hell chance at this" think something more positive, like "whatever my chances are, they're not zero" (ok, maybe that's not much better but it's a first step).

Second, don't tell her. Women like some mistery. Instead of going and say "I love you and want to be the father of your children" just say "hey, you are kind of cool. I'm going out on the weekend, wanna join me?" in that way you don't come across as somebod who needs her approval.

Mmhh... that's it. It may not work at first, but keep practicing. Oh, and don't get obsessed with one single girl. There are many out there.

Well, after your good advice I was going to tell her this evening. Turns out my friend got there first. He told her everything. Now she hates me. Score.

Life: 1 Taldaan: 0