NationStates Jolt Archive

I have some of the WORST neighbors in history. I live in a condo complex and they live directly above me. They make some of the loudest and most unnecessary noises 24/7. What the fuck are they doing at 4 AM sliding their balcony door open and closed with such noise? They also blast loud country music late at night and are constantly drilling and hammering and dropping shit on the floor. Should I be a "friendly" neighbor and give them some brownies with ex lax in them?

Laxatives? How would that help? Seems to me you'll only get more obnoxious noises from that...

Try rat poison.

Laxatives? How would that help? Seems to me you'll only get more obnoxious noises from that...

Try rat poison.

:p a little overboard there!

If someone deliberately tainted my food like that, I would retaliate with immediate violence of action.


If you are going to give them brownies, make sure they have something to wash it down with. A liter of Sprite with a bottle of magnesium citrate added should do the trick.

magnesium citrate? Another laxative?

I think there are laws against this. If you can prove that they are makin gnoise after dark and before sunset. Try using a tape recorder, maybe record the time on the news(to show you haven't just changed the time on your clock), then turn it towards the sky(to show its not the middle of the day) do this a few times and report them to the police.
Or just report constantly disturbing noises.

If you put laxitives into their food 1) It can be traced to you
2) They probably make lots of noise going to the toilet and will keep you up all night any way!

It won;t help against the loud noises, it might be traced back to you, other things might be more effective... but I don't think anything will be as satisfying to you as those brownies ;)

No - they'd just sue you for tainting their food - if they could prove it, it would also be an assault charge against you.

Are these Condos that you own ? If you pay HOA fees, then there are ordinances against noise and bothering your neighbors. You could report them to the HOA and they would have to abide by the ordinances or they could be thrown out.

magnesium citrate? Another laxative?


yeah. I got the idea he was intent on "liquidating their assets", so might as well be thorough.

Have you ever confronted them over their actions and asked them to tone it down a bit?
methinks that might be a better first step.
Of course if you have, pushing dog shit through their letterbox is always an option.

Just call the cops and complain about the noise. Deliberately poisoning someone is a crime.

Don't forget to tell us the result!

I have some of the WORST neighbors in history. I live in a condo complex and they live directly above me. They make some of the loudest and most unnecessary noises 24/7. What the fuck are they doing at 4 AM sliding their balcony door open and closed with such noise? They also blast loud country music late at night and are constantly drilling and hammering and dropping shit on the floor. Should I be a "friendly" neighbor and give them some brownies with ex lax in them?
If you already have a stereo system, lay the speakers on their backs so that they point at the ceiling, insert a classical music CD ( the 1812 Overture works well, most C&W fans can't stand it! ), crank the volume up to max, and let it roar! :D

If you live in the UK you can get them a Anti Social Behaviour Order (ASBO) meaning that they can't do anything without going to jail, and since they're so unclear you can get them put in prison for breathing loudly, though the brownies are just as good :p

If you already have a stereo system, lay the speakers on their backs so that they point at the ceiling, insert a classical music CD ( the 1812 Overture works well, most C&W fans can't stand it! ), crank the volume up to max, and let it roar! :D
The soundtrack to Homeworld.
Meaning lots of drums accompanied by that Arab flute-thing that sounds like a giant insect. Sorry, ethnic instruments arent my speciliality :P
'Bringing down the house", literaly :)

Just call the cops and complain about the noise. Deliberately poisoning someone is a crime.It is?



Whoops............ ;)


~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

There has to be a better, cleaner way to get the buggers. Start posting them weird stuff, like...I dunno, severed dolls heads, accompanied by a note to say that vague and unpleasant things may happen to dolly's body if they play too much C&W. If there's another building from which your neighbour's porch/windows might be seen, try and work it from that angle. Perhaps glue their door-lock at night while they're asleep. Padlock their yard closed at night so that they can't get out in the morning.

I assure you I'd never do any of those things...but I have fantasised about it. :p

There has to be a better, cleaner way to get the buggers. Start posting them weird stuff, like...I dunno, severed dolls heads, accompanied by a note to say that vague and unpleasant things may happen to dolly's body if they play too much C&W. If there's another building from which your neighbour's porch/windows might be seen, try and work it from that angle. Perhaps glue their door-lock at night while they're asleep. Padlock their yard closed at night so that they can't get out in the morning.

I assure you I'd never do any of those things...but I have fantasised about it. :pYeah! I have a suggestion: read up on mystery novels and then start posting messages in blood-like red ink (use a ballpoint pen that belongs to someone else so you can't be traced) with the letters K.K.K. and five orange seeds glued to the message. If they've ever read anything by Arthur Conan Doyle, they'll clear out thinking the Ku Klux Klan is after them (for USA only ;)) and you'll have peace.

Ok, a crazy idea, but still...

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

It is?



Whoops............ ;)


~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
*Sneaks over and removes the rattlesnake from Czardas mailbox*

Ignore those bloodthirsty vultures whose advice falls short of kill, burn and rape.

Go and talk to your neighbours. Simple!

*Sneaks over and removes the rattlesnake from Czardas mailbox**Tries to resurrect about 300 people unsuccessfully*

*Bribes the corpses not to reveal that he poisoned them*



~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

I say tie them up and poop in their mouth. It really is the only logical thing to do. It may not be reported because they'd be so emotionally torn up and embarrassed that they may not tell anybody. It's totally foolproof, don't even worry about it.

The soundtrack to Homeworld.
Meaning lots of drums accompanied by that Arab flute-thing that sounds like a giant insect. Sorry, ethnic instruments arent my speciliality :P
'Bringing down the house", literaly :)
Hehehe! Good one! :D

yeah would be fun to give them laxatives. but they might trace it back to you. if yopu but bits of iron in it will make them constipated and give them black poo. then theyll feel too bad to party. he he they might even have to have colonic irrigation and no-one wants that.

Alternatively, you could suddenly develop a taste for death metal.

Alternatively, you could suddenly develop a taste for death metal....or develop insomnia and find that the only thing that cures you during the night is listening to really loud music.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe