NationStates Jolt Archive

The truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! :D

This is my ideal woman. If you've seen her or can find her there's a HUGE "finder's fee:"

1. Intelligent and educated ( priority requirement )
2. Great sense of humor ( priority requirement )
3. Lack of inhabitions ( priority requirement )
4. Fiesty, stands up for herself, but knows when "surrender" is appropriate ( priority requirement )
5. Has strengths which compliment my own shortcomings ( priority requirement )
6. Physically fit ( priority requirement )
7. 5'10" or taller ( nice to have but not mandatory )
8. Long, thick black hair ( nice to have but not mandatory )
9. Blue eyes ( nice to have but not mandatory )
10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
11. Long, shapely legs ( nice to have but not mandatory )

Age above 18 is unimportant.

Any questions? Good! Now go find her for me! :D

*sigh*

fine... i'll have the sex change then :rolleyes: ;)

Hush now, all the youngsters will be shocked and disgusted to find that people of your generation still have a sex drive.

The truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! :D

This is my ideal woman. If you've seen her or can find her there's a HUGE "finder's fee:"

1. Intelligent and educated ( priority requirement )
2. Great sense of humor ( priority requirement )
3. Lack of inhabitions ( priority requirement )
4. Fiesty, stands up for herself, but knows when "surrender" is appropriate ( priority requirement )
5. Has strengths which compliment my own shortcomings ( priority requirement )
6. Physically fit ( priority requirement )
7. 5'10" or taller ( nice to have but not mandatory )
8. Long, thick black hair ( nice to have but not mandatory )
9. Blue eyes ( nice to have but not mandatory )
10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
11. Long, shapely legs ( nice to have but not mandatory )


Any questions? Good! Now go find her for me! :D

well, i know a girl that meets all but 8. And you'll see that her short brown hair is a lot better than 8.

I'm right here baby ;) :cool:

Hush now, all the youngsters will be shocked and disgusted to find that people of your generation still have a sex drive.
:eek: ewwww! he wants to have sex with the woman?!
sorry Eut, you know i'm only kidding

*gives eutrusca the look*

all those women are taken

all you can do is try to find one in that small window of opportunity when she is between relationships but not so bitter that its silly to even try.

that window is about 3 days on average.

*sigh*

fine... i'll have the sex change then :rolleyes: ;)

:eek:

*gives eutrusca the look*

all those women are taken

all you can do is try to find one in that small window of opportunity when she is between relationships but not so bitter that its silly to even try.

that window is about 3 days on average.

Nope;

I find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single because of that. Everyone assumes they have boyfriends.

Hush now, all the youngsters will be shocked and disgusted to find that people of your generation still have a sex drive.
And therein, my friend, lies a problem. That's why the quote, which was from Jack Nickleson BTW, about "you can't handle the truth!" :D

Nope;

I find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single because of that. Everyone assumes they have boyfriends.
women over 40?

:eek: ewwww! he wants to have sex with the woman?!
[color=white]sorry Eut, you know i'm only kidding[/white]
TINK! Tsk! And after I put such a nice comment about you in my sig too! Sigh! :(

TINK! Tsk! And after I put such a nice comment about you in my sig too! Sigh! :(
I was joking, don't be sad :( :(

women over 40?

Point (perhaps, no experience there), but there are probably plenty of women younger than that willing to do the old guy thing. :p

well, i know a girl that meets all but 8. And you'll see that her short brown hair is a lot better than 8.
Age is unimportant.
WHERE??? [ looks frantically all around! ] :eek:

Bring her here, NOW! LOL! [ The "finder's fee" is up to $2,000 now! ] :D

all you can do is try to find one in that small window of opportunity when she is between relationships but not so bitter that its silly to even try.


A small widow of opportunity?

Point (perhaps, no experience there), but there are probably plenty of women younger than that willing to do the old guy thing. :p

you're darn right!

Point (perhaps, no experience there), but there are probably plenty of women younger than that willing to do the old guy thing. :p
You are correct. :D

A small widow of opportunity?
ROFLMAO! :D

Point (perhaps, no experience there), but there are probably plenty of women younger than that willing to do the old guy thing. :p

The traditional formula for men of 'half your age plus seven' gives us a target audience of 38 year olds.

The traditional formula for men of 'half your age plus seven' gives us a target audience of 38 year olds.
Well, never having been a very "traditional" sort of man ... ! :D

im thinking its time to start looking for a new home.

real estate agents tend to be nice looking smart women in reasonably good shape. they know what they want, they arent shy, and they have flexible schedules.

She's right here.
<snip>

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY NUDE WOMEN.
i seriously suggest you get rid of that

LOLOL
pray tell, what do u hav to offer succh a woman? list ur own 'endowments', perchance u wil get 'a bite'.

LOLOL
pray tell, what do u hav to offer succh a woman? list ur own 'endowments', perchance u wil get 'a bite'.
Much, but modesty forbids me to go into very much detail! :D

( not to mention the Mods! LOL! )

im thinking its time to start looking for a new home.

real estate agents tend to be nice looking smart women in reasonably good shape. they know what they want, they arent shy, and they have flexible schedules.
And this is where again??? :D

10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
:rolleyes:

You are correct. :D

Yeah but the younger woman older guy thing only works if you're rich.. *LOL* :D

:rolleyes:
And this means???

Yeah but the younger woman older guy thing only works if you're rich.. *LOL* :D
Now I know this to be untrue! ;)

At least he knows what he wants. :D

And this is where again??? :D

start right where you are and work your way out from there.

or go to a couple rotary club meetings.

Now I know this to be untrue! ;)

I've seen your picture. I think you may be reaching too high.. :p

At least he knows what he wants. :D



You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need


!

And this means???

I reckon he's rolling his eyes at the fact you like big norks (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Norks&r=f), Cap'n Horn.

The ideal woman became extinct due to the destruction of her natural habitat, the lush rainforests. All ideal women seen today are merely the figments of your imagination and as such can safely be ignored.

Those real women that you do encounter are far less pre-disposed to have high minded intellectual debate, are unlikely to provide an active and happy sex life and are more likely to "tear out your heart, eat it and then **** it out onto a raging bonfire of spite."

At least he knows what he wants. :D
Well, I have to admit that I've had a long, long time to figure that out! :D

I've seen your picture. I think you may be reaching too high.. :p
Yeah. I love you too! :p

The ideal woman became extinct due to the destruction of her natural habitat, the lush rainforests. All ideal women seen today are merely the figments of your imagination and as such can safely be ignored.

Those real women that you do encounter are far less pre-disposed to have high minded intellectual debate, are unlikely to provide an active and happy sex life and are more likely to "tear out your heart, eat it and then **** it out onto a raging bonfire of spite."
did someone just get dumped or something?

!
Yayy STONES! :)

:D

Well, it describes every woman I've ever dated.

I reckon he's rolling his eyes at the fact you like big norks (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Norks&r=f), Cap'n Horn.
Heh! Well, to each his every. True, I tend to gravitate more toward the "Earth Mother" types, but as I indicated in the first post of this thread, it's just a "nice to have." The first few items on the list were the most important ones. :)

:D

Well, it describes every woman I've ever dated.
lol, sounds like you're dating the wrong kinds of women then

did someone just get dumped or something?
I wondered the same thing when I read that. Talk about "cynical!" Whew!

:D

Well, it describes every woman I've ever dated.
I find that very sad. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong "habitat." :)

I find that very sad.

I've never had my life so accurately described in such a concise manner.

:D

I'm sure though, should you find this women, she will be undoubtedly lovely and in no way be a venomous, shallow, cruel, esteem-destroying Ambassador of Hades whose sole purpose in life is to destroy all that is good and pure.

I've never had my life so accurately described in such a concise manner.

:D

I'm sure though, should you find this women, she will be undoubtedly lovely and in no way be a venomous, shallow, cruel, esteem-destroying Ambassador of Hades whose sole purpose in life is to destroy all that is good and pure.
Damn! I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that! Sheesh!

start right where you are and work your way out from there.

or go to a couple rotary club meetings.
"Rotary Club?" You're kidding, right???? :confused:

we all know the perfect woman does exist, her name is Elly and she lives in Blackpool, England.......... :cool:

I've never had my life so accurately described in such a concise manner.

:D

I'm sure though, should you find this women, she will be undoubtedly lovely and in no way be a venomous, shallow, cruel, esteem-destroying Ambassador of Hades whose sole purpose in life is to destroy all that is good and pure.
i dont think he has to worry, all those women are busy dating YOU

"Rotary Club?" You're kidding, right???? :confused:
you think youre going to find a SINGLE, intelligent, educated, fit, funny, warm,loving, sexy, stacked woman with nice legs at the BAR???

those women have professional jobs so you have to go where you would meet single professional women. so yes, the rotary club and all its equivalents would be a good place to start.


have you filed for divorce yet? intelligent women dont take up with married men whose wives dont understand them. if you want the best, you have to get this bit of business taken care of.

i dont think he has to worry, all those women are busy dating YOU
BE NICE! [ spanks the naughty Ashmoria ] :D

Nope;

I find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single because of that. Everyone assumes they have boyfriends.You find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single... and where, precisely, do you find them?Much, but modesty forbids me to go into very much detail! :D

( not to mention the Mods! LOL! )Yeah, not to mention the Mods. :p

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
"Laugh about it for a moment."

...or go to a couple rotary club meetings.What is a "rotary club"?

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

you think youre going to find a SINGLE, intelligent, educated, fit, funny, warm,loving, sexy, stacked woman with nice legs at the BAR???

those women have professional jobs so you have to go where you would meet single professional women. so yes, the rotary club and all its equivalents would be a good place to start.

have you filed for divorce yet? intelligent women dont take up with married men whose wives dont understand them. if you want the best, you have to get this bit of business taken care of.
I know. Sigh. :( It's not a matter of her "not understanding" me. It's a matter of my being too kind to divorce her; she would lose too much ( don't laugh! ), and it would hurt our children and grandchildren. We've been separated ( this time ) for over five years now. :(

BTW ... I don't look for women at bars. :p

1. Intelligent and educated ( priority requirement )
2. Great sense of humor ( priority requirement )
3. Lack of inhabitions ( priority requirement )
4. Fiesty, stands up for herself, but knows when "surrender" is appropriate ( priority requirement )
5. Has strengths which compliment my own shortcomings ( priority requirement )
6. Physically fit ( priority requirement )
7. 5'10" or taller ( nice to have but not mandatory )
8. Long, thick black hair ( nice to have but not mandatory )
9. Blue eyes ( nice to have but not mandatory )
10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
11. Long, shapely legs ( nice to have but not mandatory )


Except for number 7, you've described my wife (she's only 5'2).

Back off! :p

You find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single... and where, precisely, do you find them?Yeah, not to mention the Mods. :p
I endeavor to not mention the Mods at every available opportunity! :D

Except for number 7, you've described my wife (she's only 5'2).

Back off! :p
And you found this phenomenal woman where??? :)

...What is a "rotary club"?

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
are you looking, cog?

the rotary club is a civic organization whose members are business and civic leaders (or they fancy themselves to be so) that works on community issues of whatever sort.
its like the eagles or elks club without the bar.

its like the chamber of commerce with an emphasis on community service instead of promoting business.

You find that a lot of attractive and intelligent women are single... and where, precisely, do you find them?

I didn't say i've been out with any :p

But yeah, they are around. Everywhere.

My goddess, are you stalking me or something??

long thick dark red hair, but jeeeeeeeeeez...

And this "10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )"

Not quite on the 38D... Everything else, like...dude. Um. Should I be freaked?

And this means???
It means that you're looking for Barbie.

It means that you're looking for Barbie.
NOT! Jeeze! Did you read the parenthetical statements after each item in that list??? :p

My goddess, are you stalking me or something??

long thick dark red hair, but jeeeeeeeeeez...

And this "10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )"

Not quite on the 38D... Everything else, like...dude. Um. Should I be freaked?
No need for you to be freaked. I already am ... now! :D

NOT! Jeeze! Did you read the parenthetical statements after each item in that list??? :p
Your physical description was of a life sized Barbie doll though.

3. Lack of inhabitions (priority requirement)


Does this mean she has her own house?



Seiously, though, why don't you just stalk Jennifer Connolly and get it over with?

Your physical description was of a life sized Barbie doll though.
Barbie's blonde.....

The ideal woman became extinct due to the destruction of her natural habitat, the lush rainforests. All ideal women seen today are merely the figments of your imagination and as such can safely be ignored.

Those real women that you do encounter are far less pre-disposed to have high minded intellectual debate, are unlikely to provide an active and happy sex life and are more likely to "tear out your heart, eat it and then **** it out onto a raging bonfire of spite."

Wow! Sorry about whatever happened to you, Taz. Jeezus.

I will say that you're "ideal woman" exists. You just have to combine several different women to make her. And I don't mean that in an Ed Gein sort of way.

Man, I need extensive therapy [grins sheepishly]

Your physical description was of a life sized Barbie doll though.
Hmm. Well, I didn't think about that when I wrote it. I was just being as frank as I could be about my "ideal" woman. The Barbie I remember didn't have black hair, nor was she ... well, nevermind. I just didn't see it that way. :p

Barbie's blonde.....
Her friends aren't.

Her friends aren't.
well you didn't say Barbie's friends, you said Barbie

Her friends aren't.
I'm drooling over one of Barbie's friends??? :eek:

Barbie's blonde.....

No, she's not. Henna Rinse. Trust me on this. :D

No, she's not. Henna Rinse. Trust me on this. :D
What ... EVER! :rolleyes:

I know. Sigh. :( It's not a matter of her "not understanding" me. It's a matter of my being too kind to divorce her; she would lose too much (don't laugh!), and it would hurt our children and grandchildren. We've been separated (this time) for over five years now. :(


Wait -- so, technically you're still married, and the only reason you haven't divorced this woman is because youre "too kind"?

Sir, this problem is yours. You need to straighten your shit out before you even consider involving another woman in it. THAT is being kind, not this long, drawn-out Terri Schiavo of a relationship you're currently sustaining. I dare say that your children/grandchildren are far worse off seeing you completely dejected and lonely and their mother, well, whatever it is that she's got going on that's no longer within the vows you took on your wedding day.

It's difficult for me to remain civil after reading everything you've written, but I was raised to respect elders, especially veterans, so that's all I can say now until I calm down.

Does this mean she has her own house?

Seiously, though, why don't you just stalk Jennifer Connolly and get it over with?
No, it does not mean she owns her own house, you twit! Heh!

Jennifer Connolly is gorgeous, but just a bit on the thin side for my personal preference. Besides, never in my life have I had to "stalk" a woman. :p

Wait -- so, technically you're still married, and the only reason you haven't divorced this woman is because youre "too kind"?

Sir, this problem is yours. You need to straighten your shit out before you even consider involving another woman in it. THAT is being kind, not this long, drawn-out Terri Schiavo of a relationship you're currently sustaining. I dare say that your children/grandchildren are far worse off seeing you completely dejected and lonely and their mother, well, whatever it is that she's got going on that's no longer within the vows you took on your wedding day.

It's difficult for me to remain civil after reading everything you've written, but I was raised to respect elders, especially veterans, so that's all I can say now until I calm down.
Sorry you feel that way. Go have a beer. :)

...What is a "rotary club"?
http://img211.echo.cx/img211/1006/rotaryclub8hz.gif

http://img211.echo.cx/img211/1006/rotaryclub8hz.gif
ROFL! Um ... never mind. :)

Sorry you feel that way. Go have a beer. :)

I think they took that way more seriously than it was intended to come across.

--Snip--

Hahahahaha!

You win post of the day. That was hilarious :D

I think they took that way more seriously than it was intended to come across.
Who? How so? Say more, please. :)

No, it does not mean she owns her own house, you twit! Heh!

Jennifer Connolly is gorgeous, but just a bit on the thin side for my personal preference. Besides, never in my life have I had to "stalk" a woman. :p
Perhaps the very reason you are currently separated from your wife is because you are such a "ladies man"?

Do your marriage vows mean anything?

If they don't, get off the pot and divorce her already. It's not fair to her, to you, or to any "sweet young thing" you decide to take up with while you are still married. Not exactly a good example to be setting for your kids or grandkids either.

Rant over. :headbang:

I know. Sigh. :( It's not a matter of her "not understanding" me. It's a matter of my being too kind to divorce her; she would lose too much ( don't laugh! ), and it would hurt our children and grandchildren. We've been separated ( this time ) for over five years now. :(With all due respect, it sounds to me like you're talking about having an affair*. I don't know your family situation, of course, but wouldn't an affair prove to be worse than just making a clean break? You and your wife may be separated, but unless there's an actual divorce, having an affair might be interpreted as a metaphorical slap in her face, an act of disrespect.

* I acknowledge that the entire thread is probably a joke and that you may not be serious in your opening post in this topic. For the sake of logical argument, though, I'll assume you were serious, just to get everyone to "Think about it for a moment."

You say that "she would lose too much" in a divorce. If this is a reference to material possessions, then this can be mitigated in an amicable divorce settlement (assuming that a non-hostile settlement can be reached). If this is referring to something less tangible, then I have no suggestions.

I can see how a divorce would hurt your children and grandchildren (and I assume we're talking about emotional pain, here).

/me sighs.

What you describe sounds like a difficult situation. Here, I'll again apply the standard caveat that I can't judge your situation better than you. That siad, my opinion is this: You can either spare your family the stress of a divorce, or you can make a clean break from your wife and find someone new. But I fear that trying to have it both ways is prone to disaster.

are you looking, cog?

the rotary club is a civic organization whose members are business and civic leaders (or they fancy themselves to be so) that works on community issues of whatever sort.
its like the eagles or elks club without the bar.

its like the chamber of commerce with an emphasis on community service instead of promoting business.Thanks for the explanation. :)

...and am I looking? Unfortunately, that is a Moderator secret.

How is it a Moderator secret, you ask? Well, if I were to admit to looking, then rulebreakers would create new nations, pretend to be female, and try to hit on me in an attempt to glean Mod Secrets in exchange for cybersexual favors. ...which wouldn't work for two reasons: First, I'm Incorruptible, with a capital "I"; I can't be bribed. Second, I do have (something of) a life, so even if I could be corrupted (which I can't), online flirting wouldn't cut it. But, I'd have to waste my time tagging, bagging, and burning to a crisp any nation that tries.

(...and I am reminded of this (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=375811) topic, posted when I was still a Londinium Multihunter.)

...

Okay, seriously? Yes, I am looking, but not on NationStates. Most NS players are waaay out of my range and I don't like the idea of long-distance relationships unless it's a continuation if a long-duration face-to-face relationship.

I will say that you're "ideal woman" exists. You just have to combine several different women to make her. And I don't mean that in an Ed Gein sort of way.Who is this "Ed Gein" and is he an associate of Dr. Frankenstein?

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

...and am I looking? Unfortunately, that is a Moderator secret.

How is it a Moderator secret, you ask? Well, if I were to admit to looking, then rulebreakers would create new nations, pretend to be female, and try to hit on me in an attempt to glean Mod Secrets in exchange for cybersexual favors. ...which wouldn't work for two reasons: First, I'm Incorruptible, with a capital "I"; I can't be bribed. Second, I do have (something of) a life, so even if I could be corrupted (which I can't), online flirting wouldn't cut it. But, I'd have to waste my time tagging, bagging, and burning to a crisp any nation that tries.

(...and I am reminded of this (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=375811) topic, posted when I was still a Londinium Multihunter.)

...

Okay, seriously? Yes, I am looking, but not on NationStates. Most NS players are waaay out of my range and I don't like the idea of long-distance relationships unless it's a continuation if a long-duration face-to-face relationship.

Who is this "Ed Gein" and is he an associate of Dr. Frankenstein?

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
thats a funny thread.

i dont see any sense in looking for an online relationship either. not enough smooching involved.

luckily at your (presumed) age there are many highly qualified women around to date. you probably COULD find a single, intelligent, educated, fit, funny, warm, loving, sexy, stacked woman with nice legs at the bar.

not that i recommend looking there.

ed gein was the "inspiration" for the movie "psycho"

And you found this phenomenal woman where??? :)

Met her in high school, in band actually. She, a flautist. Me, a tromboner (yes, that is the official term). I bought her a Dr Pepper. The rest is history.

First, I'm Incorruptible, with a capital "I"

Pfft ... you just haven't hung out with me enough. I could corrupt the Dali Lama.

Perhaps the very reason you are currently separated from your wife is because you are such a "ladies man"?

Do your marriage vows mean anything?

If they don't, get off the pot and divorce her already. It's not fair to her, to you, or to any "sweet young thing" you decide to take up with while you are still married. Not exactly a good example to be setting for your kids or grandkids either.

Rant over. :headbang:
As with many things that we discuss on here, the reality is far, far more complicated ( and sadder ) than I can go into. Let's just say that I was totally ( and I do mean "totally" ) faithful to her for over 25 years, right up until several things happened that I'm not inclined to go into here. Our separation agreement specified freedom to associate with anyone for each of us.

With all due respect, it sounds to me like you're talking about having an affair*. I don't know your family situation, of course, but wouldn't an affair prove to be worse than just making a clean break? You and your wife may be separated, but unless there's an actual divorce, having an affair might be interpreted as a metaphorical slap in her face, an act of disrespect.

* I acknowledge that the entire thread is probably a joke and that you may not be serious in your opening post in this topic. For the sake of logical argument, though, I'll assume you were serious, just to get everyone to "Think about it for a moment."
Your footnote is partially accurate ... the thread, while entirely accurate as to what is currently my "ideal," was begun tongue-in-cheek ... but my ex and I are, for purposes other than legal endorsement, divorced.

I asked her not long ago what I would have to do for us to get back together. The list was long and costly ( in every sense of the word ).

The truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! :D

This is my ideal woman. If you've seen her or can find her there's a HUGE "finder's fee:"

1. Intelligent and educated ( priority requirement )
2. Great sense of humor ( priority requirement )
3. Lack of inhabitions ( priority requirement )
4. Fiesty, stands up for herself, but knows when "surrender" is appropriate ( priority requirement )
5. Has strengths which compliment my own shortcomings ( priority requirement )
6. Physically fit ( priority requirement )
7. 5'10" or taller ( nice to have but not mandatory )
8. Long, thick black hair ( nice to have but not mandatory )
9. Blue eyes ( nice to have but not mandatory )
10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
11. Long, shapely legs ( nice to have but not mandatory )

Age is unimportant.

Any questions? Good! Now go find her for me! :D

Yes,yes I do. I'm engaged to her. Bwahhahahahaha. :P

WHERE??? [ looks frantically all around! ] :eek:

Bring her here, NOW! LOL! [ The "finder's fee" is up to $2,000 now! ] :D
Do I still get the money if I found her for me? *grins*

well you didn't say Barbie's friends, you said Barbie
Have you ever purchased one of Barbie's friends? The box is still labelled Barbie. In much smaller print, it tells you her friend's name. Plus they keep changing their names.

Age is not important? Well...I'm sure it is when it comes to legal matters...

Have you ever purchased one of Barbie's friends? The box is still labelled Barbie. In much smaller print, it tells you her friend's name. Plus they keep changing their names.
what's that got to do with it? they're still not Barbie, they're Barbie's friends

Wow! Sorry about whatever happened to you, Taz. Jeezus.

I will say that you're "ideal woman" exists. You just have to combine several different women to make her. And I don't mean that in an Ed Gein sort of way.

Man, I need extensive therapy [grins sheepishly]

Dammit, I'd just started to get out my collection of hacksaws and the chloroform and pack it into the back of my old purple murderers van, along with the ragged, dirty blanket with pictures of clowns on.

It seems the women of East Lancashire are safe for now...

:D

Dammit, I'd just started to get out my collection of hacksaws and the chloroform and pack it into the back of my old purple murderers van, along with the ragged, dirty blanket with pictures of clowns on.

It seems the women of East Lancashire are safe for now...

:D
:eek: just as long as you stay away from the women of West Lancs!

:eek: just as long as you stay away from the women of West Lancs!

They'll be safe, I mean, don't we need some kind of passport to travel towards those bright lights west of Preston? I swear the A59 has checkpoints on to keep out the rabble.

When you're talking about Barbie's friends, I assume you don't mean Ken? Sure, he seems a nice bloke, but I don't think he quite meets the specifications given...

They'll be safe, I mean, don't we need some kind of passport to travel towards those bright lights west of Preston? I swear the A59 has checkpoints on to keep out the rabble.
ah, well i wouldn't know, i mean why on earth would i wanna leave the safety and warmth of Blackpool for places like Bury and Ramsbottom?! evil, evil places!

When you're talking about Barbie's friends, I assume you don't mean Ken? Sure, he seems a nice bloke, but I don't think he quite meets the specifications given...
I never had a Ken doll :(


Barbie had to make do with my brother's Action Man, i had such a deprived childhood :(

warmth of Blackpool

LOL

LOL
:p

Age is not important? Well...I'm sure it is when it comes to legal matters...
Well, DUH! "Above 18" is implied! Sheesh!

Yes,yes I do. I'm engaged to her. Bwahhahahahaha. :P

Do I still get the money if I found her for me? *grins*
In a word? No! :p

1. Intelligent and educated ( priority requirement )
2. Great sense of humor ( priority requirement )
3. Lack of inhabitions ( priority requirement )
4. Fiesty, stands up for herself, but knows when "surrender" is appropriate ( priority requirement )
5. Has strengths which compliment my own shortcomings ( priority requirement )
6. Physically fit ( priority requirement )
7. 5'10" or taller ( nice to have but not mandatory )
8. Long, thick black hair ( nice to have but not mandatory )
9. Blue eyes ( nice to have but not mandatory )
10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )
11. Long, shapely legs ( nice to have but not mandatory )



Hey, that's me! Except I have slightly more practical breasts! :) And except I don't have a complete inventory of your shortcomings, so I don't know if my strengths compliment them! Anyway, I'm already taken. ;)

Hey, that's me! Except I have slightly more practical breasts! :) And except I don't have a complete inventory of your shortcomings, so I don't know if my strengths compliment them! Anyway, I'm already taken. ;)
Damn! Quit teasing me then! ;)

"10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )"

That sounds painful

"10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )"

That sounds painful
Depends upon whether you're the owner or the awardee. ;)

Actually, for a woman 5'10" or taller, 38D isn't much out of proportion. :)

"10. 38D/24/36 or better ( VERY nice to have but not mandatory )"

That sounds painful

True, but not as painful as the constant agony she will inevitably put you through, methodically eradicating any level of individuality that you have, crushing the joyous aspects of your personality and ultmiately reducing you to a hollow shell of a man.

True, but not as painful as the constant agony she will inevitably put you through, methodically eradicating any level of individuality that you have, crushing the joyous aspects of your personality and ultmiately reducing you to a hollow shell of a man.
It is sooo sad to see such cynicism in one so young! Tsk! :rolleyes:

I have issues.

Your physical description was of a life sized Barbie doll though.

I heard that if Barbie was a real person she'd be seven feet tall and five feet of that would be her legs, so I don't think he quite described her.

I have issues.
I noticed.