NationStates Jolt Archive

Vin Diesel asked himself one question. And yes, he did feel lucky. He then proceeded to disembowel Clint Eastwood. And his mother.

Vin Diesel sits on erupting volcanos to remove hemmeroids.

and it goes on

http://www.4q.cc/vin/ Go here, refresh and refresh and refresh. I've been doing it for an hour.

He can juggle ping pong balls using only his body orifices :)

Vin Diesel is the Paris Hilton of Action Heroes.

Vin Diesel shot J.R.

When dating girls of Chinese origin, he serenades them by parking his 83 Toyota Tracel under their window and turning his tricked out system as loud as it will go to the song "I'm in love wit chu" by Da Brat...ironically all his Chinese girls have had the last name Chu.

Vin Diesel used to be the top ranked dodgeball player, until he got disqualified for knocking the arms off of the Venus de Milo with his patented "Granny Killer" technique.

After losing an interior decorating prize to Vin Diesel, Jet Li became irritated and challenged Vin to battle. Mr. Li was swallowed whole and is now lodged someplace within Vin Diesel's ribcage.

While in stealth mode he is only detectable by the smell of freshly mown grass he gives off at all times.

44% of the populace have had dreams featuring Vin Diesel playing either Golf, Tennis or Cricket.

Vin Diesel has been in every ska band ever, but has never sang a note or played an instrument. As an addendum, Vin Diesel's singing voice can cloud the minds and hearts of the wicked. The pure and good will hear nothing.

Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid.

In 2006, Vin Diesel will star and direct the film 'Hannibal', about Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian General who led an elephant-riding army across the alps to attack Rome in the 3rd century BC. The film is actually footage taken when Vin Diesel led the army himself hundreds of years ago, with the intent of releasing it as a film as soon as Earth technology caught up with his superior, home-made equipment.

Vin Diesel paints the M's on M&Ms.

Vin Diesel actually spoke the line "You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up" to Buddha YEARS before Stanley Kubrick was born.


Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase "holy shit" when he was once constipated for 40 days and 40 nights, this resulted in him shitting for 7 days straight. When he finally conquered his 7 day shit, he peered into the toilet only to find an exact replica of Jesus.

Yay the Vin Diesel shot J.r. was one I submited.

"Vin Diesel doesn't watch television, instead he derives entertainment by routinely opening the ark of the covenenant"

Vin Diesel once saved the planet from an intergalactic menace by winning a Street Fighter II tournament. His opponent, a troglodyte the size of Lo hitsand all the colors of the rainbow, went brain-dead after eleven hours of fierce arcade combat. His last words, roughly translated, were: "The control...".

Vin Diesel was once proclaimed "A man among men" by a small Indonesian tribe. He was fine with it at first, but when he found out what it meant in English he found it to be, quote: "Toatally gay, man, I'm not into that crap", and proceeded to decapitate everyone and everything within their territory.

In the year 2109 the lowly tech boy #5601 (people will no longer have names by this time, only number designations) shall have a holy vision of Vin Diesel upon the Throne of Heaven with the Christ at his left foot and Mohammid at his right foot and both are forever kissing his feet (guess where Joseph Smith is? :p ) and #5601 shall become the first Prelate of the Holy Church of Diesel that shall overtake Christianity as the largest religion in the world.

Vin Diesel has been every member of the Beetles at some point or another. Especially Ringo.

It's Beatles, darn it! Beatles!

Vin Diesel has agreed to star in Britain's National Theatre's new production of Hamlet if they allow him to have sole creative control and cut through all "that whiny bullshit". His version will consist of one line of dialogue. While restraining uncle Claudius in a headlock, Hamlet growls, "You should have ghosted me when you had the chance, motherfucker!" He then disembowels all the male characters with his thumbs. In the next scene, he steals inside Gertrude's bedroom and skullfucks mother in her sleep. Finally, he fleshes out the rest of the play by giving Ophelia a four and a half hour orgasm that lasts till the end of Act V. The rest is silence.



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