NationStates Jolt Archive

When I found this out it so scared me I just HAD to open your eyes to!



Tibetan monks are hung like Clydesdales.
Bald people are always converting temperatures into Kelvin.
Crippled lesbians are vindictive cheats.
Czechs are the Alabamans of Europe.
"Shy" people are only quiet because they have toxic halitosis.
Lawyers almost always marry hookers.
Most transvestites are harmonica prodigies.
Puerto Ricans are not morning people.
Albino chicks all French-inhale Marlboro Lights.
Sikhs hide hard-boiled eggs in their turbans.
Short people are perpetually constipated.
Plumbers know nothing of the human soul.
The Chinese almost never urinate.
Retarded people are major kleptomaniacs.
Yankees talk like they got assholes tight as possum pussy.
Unless you hide it, obese people WILL EVEN EAT SOAP.
Archaeologists just make shit up as they go along.
Hungarians are descended from gibbons.
Pashtuns make dismal hedge fund analysts.
Not only do Iowans never floss — they don't even have a word in their language for floss.
Single welfare mothers have atrocious taste in dessert wines.
Dead people are lousy kissers.
Italians are gay.
Most UPS drivers are paroled rapists.
Blondes have more fun, and their farts smell like angel food cake.
The Irish are born pre-circumcised.
Wookies use Propecia.
Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.
Actors use handjobs for currency.
American Indians make the BEST cotton candy.
Kindergarten teachers hate white people.
Canadians, while excellent tree climbers, have no sense of direction or purpose.
Hemophiliacs are total drama queens.
Ku Klux Klansmen are very fussy eaters.
Trombonists invariably have at least one undescended testicle.
Muslims are just jealous of Vatican City.
Slovaks mate in hay.
Cancer patients have amazing pity sex.
Celebrities were all molested as children.
Jersey guys secrete hair gel.
Germans love bronze statues with erections.
Seventh graders are always hallucinating stuff.
Homosexuals sunburn really easily.
Nigerians have chronic toejam.
Divorced chicks can't get enough… Wheel of Fortune!
Black people drink their own saliva.
Filipinos are partially immune to gravity.
Ethiopians are really good at starving.
Koreans have blowholes.
People in comas are racist assholes.

What is this supposed to be?

i hope you die :mp5:

When I found this out it so scared me I just HAD to open your eyes to!

-snip-
/me falls out of chair laughing and almost knocks laptop in the floor. :D

The point of this is?

IT'S ALL TRUE! My fat aunt ate my soap last Christmas!

Tibetan monks are hung like Clydesdales.

*snort* Duh

Archaeologists just make shit up as they go along.

Wait...there was actually a degree of doubt at some point in history about this point?

Not only do Iowans never floss — they don't even have a word in their language for floss.

Last time I checked, Iowans spoke english.

Most UPS drivers are paroled rapists.

And most bike-messengers are Crack dealers on probation.

Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.

Hmmm...makes sense :p

Hemophiliacs are total drama queens.

"Oh...my...god! I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding! Somebody help!"

Cancer patients have amazing pity sex.

That was so wrong...and yet so goddamn hilarious!

Seventh graders are always hallucinating stuff.

Again...makes sense :p

Filipinos are partially immune to gravity.

I'm sure if they worked at it, they could incorporate that into their military, and challenge the U.S. for global supremacy.

Ethiopians are really good at starving.

Again...so wrong, yet so funny.

They should make starving an olympic event. :rolleyes: :p

Vin Diesel created trees.

Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.


This is actually 100% true.

Now how did you find out!?!

Again...so wrong, yet so funny.

They should make starving an olympic event. :rolleyes: :p
What's the fastest animal on earth?
The last chicken in Ethiopia.

Did you hear about Eval Kineval's latest stunt?
He's going to ride across Ethiopia on a tricycle with a ham sandwich tied to his back.

What do Ethiopians use venetian blinds for?
Bunk beds.

I'll stop there. :D

Dang...that whole list is hilarious.

It reminds me of all those "Trombones do it in 7 positions" kinda jokes for some reason.

Italians are gay.


I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.

Native Americans can talk to animals and be in two places at the same time. It's true.

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.
:rolleyes:

*whooosh*

When I found this out it so scared me I just HAD to open your eyes to!



Tibetan monks are hung like Clydesdales.
Bald people are always converting temperatures into Kelvin.
Crippled lesbians are vindictive cheats.
Czechs are the Alabamans of Europe.
"Shy" people are only quiet because they have toxic halitosis.
Lawyers almost always marry hookers.
Most transvestites are harmonica prodigies.
Puerto Ricans are not morning people.
Albino chicks all French-inhale Marlboro Lights.
Sikhs hide hard-boiled eggs in their turbans.
Short people are perpetually constipated.
Plumbers know nothing of the human soul.
The Chinese almost never urinate.
Retarded people are major kleptomaniacs.
Yankees talk like they got assholes tight as possum pussy.
Unless you hide it, obese people WILL EVEN EAT SOAP.
Archaeologists just make shit up as they go along.
Hungarians are descended from gibbons.
Pashtuns make dismal hedge fund analysts.
Not only do Iowans never floss — they don't even have a word in their language for floss.
Single welfare mothers have atrocious taste in dessert wines.
Dead people are lousy kissers.
Italians are gay.
Most UPS drivers are paroled rapists.
Blondes have more fun, and their farts smell like angel food cake.
The Irish are born pre-circumcised.
Wookies use Propecia.
Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.
Actors use handjobs for currency.
American Indians make the BEST cotton candy.
Kindergarten teachers hate white people.
Canadians, while excellent tree climbers, have no sense of direction or purpose.
Hemophiliacs are total drama queens.
Ku Klux Klansmen are very fussy eaters.
Trombonists invariably have at least one undescended testicle.
Muslims are just jealous of Vatican City.
Slovaks mate in hay.
Cancer patients have amazing pity sex.
Celebrities were all molested as children.
Jersey guys secrete hair gel.
Germans love bronze statues with erections.
Seventh graders are always hallucinating stuff.
Homosexuals sunburn really easily.
Nigerians have chronic toejam.
Divorced chicks can't get enough… Wheel of Fortune!
Black people drink their own saliva.
Filipinos are partially immune to gravity.
Ethiopians are really good at starving.
Koreans have blowholes.
People in comas are racist assholes.

The doctor has spoken so it must be true!

When I found this out it so scared me I just HAD to open your eyes to!



Tibetan monks are hung like Clydesdales.
Bald people are always converting temperatures into Kelvin.
Crippled lesbians are vindictive cheats.
Czechs are the Alabamans of Europe.
"Shy" people are only quiet because they have toxic halitosis.
Lawyers almost always marry hookers.
Most transvestites are harmonica prodigies.
Puerto Ricans are not morning people.
Albino chicks all French-inhale Marlboro Lights.
Sikhs hide hard-boiled eggs in their turbans.
Short people are perpetually constipated.
Plumbers know nothing of the human soul.
The Chinese almost never urinate.
Retarded people are major kleptomaniacs.
Yankees talk like they got assholes tight as possum pussy.
Unless you hide it, obese people WILL EVEN EAT SOAP.
Archaeologists just make shit up as they go along.
Hungarians are descended from gibbons.
Pashtuns make dismal hedge fund analysts.
Not only do Iowans never floss — they don't even have a word in their language for floss.
Single welfare mothers have atrocious taste in dessert wines.
Dead people are lousy kissers.
Italians are gay.
Most UPS drivers are paroled rapists.
Blondes have more fun, and their farts smell like angel food cake.
The Irish are born pre-circumcised.
Wookies use Propecia.
Hasidic Jews all wear glitter toenail polish.
Actors use handjobs for currency.
American Indians make the BEST cotton candy.
Kindergarten teachers hate white people.
Canadians, while excellent tree climbers, have no sense of direction or purpose.
Hemophiliacs are total drama queens.
Ku Klux Klansmen are very fussy eaters.
Trombonists invariably have at least one undescended testicle.
Muslims are just jealous of Vatican City.
Slovaks mate in hay.
Cancer patients have amazing pity sex.
Celebrities were all molested as children.
Jersey guys secrete hair gel.
Germans love bronze statues with erections.
Seventh graders are always hallucinating stuff.
Homosexuals sunburn really easily.
Nigerians have chronic toejam.
Divorced chicks can't get enough… Wheel of Fortune!
Black people drink their own saliva.
Filipinos are partially immune to gravity.
Ethiopians are really good at starving.
Koreans have blowholes.
People in comas are racist assholes.
I'm bald. I don't think I've ever converted anything into Kelvin.
Has it ever occured to you that some shy people just DON'T FEEL LIKE SOCIALIZING?
My Dad's a lawyer. My mom is NOT a hooker.
My college roommate was a Puerto Rican and he was always up before me.
A couple years ago, I had an albino girlfriend and she didn't smoke at all.
Plumbers can be just as enlightened as anyone else.
I find that 'retarded kleptomaniac' statement extremely offensive. Some people with mental disabilities steal stuff because they don't understand why it's wrong, but most find the idea quite alarming.
The 'possum pussy' one is true, though.
Some Archaologists make stuff up, but most actually take their work seriously.
Iowans speak English.
You are a disgiusting necrophiliac.
If Italians were all gay, they would all be dead, dumbass.
My uncle's an actor and he uses real money.
How easily you sunburn is based on the amount of melonin in your skin, not your sexuality.
Do white people just spit their saliva out everywhere?
If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in a coma.

So polltically incorrect


:D :eek: :fluffle:

I'm bald. I don't think I've ever converted anything into Kelvin.
Has it ever occured to you that some shy people just DON'T FEEL LIKE SOCIALIZING?
My Dad's a lawyer. My mom is NOT a hooker.
My college roommate was a Puerto Rican and he was always up before me.
A couple years ago, I had an albino girlfriend and she didn't smoke at all.
Plumbers can be just as enlightened as anyone else.
I find that 'retarded kleptomaniac' statement extremely offensive. Some people with mental disabilities steal stuff because they don't understand why it's wrong, but most find the idea quite alarming.
The 'possum pussy' one is true, though.
Some Archaologists make stuff up, but most actually take their work seriously.
Iowans speak English.
You are a disgiusting necrophiliac.
If Italians were all gay, they would all be dead, dumbass.
My uncle's an actor and he uses real money.
How easily you sunburn is based on the amount of melonin in your skin, not your sexuality.
Do white people just spit their saliva out everywhere?
If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in a coma.

And in response...

:rolleyes:
*wooosh*

Yep...that sums it up.

Yeah...Woosh seems to be about right. I wonder if they are puppets, made to keep the thread exciting. Considering the low post counts.

Oh, and to all those people who's parents are Lawyers, the post CLEARLY said that mom/dad probably WAS a hooker, not IS a hooker. It also left some wiggle room for those lawyers who did pro bono and public defenders who can't afford hookers.

In any case, mom/dad's days of banging men for money ended after that 'incident' with the broken condom.


(Going to hell for that one. ;) )

Yeah...Woosh seems to be about right. I wonder if they are puppets, made to keep the thread exciting. Considering the low post counts.

Meh...works for me...

I still can't get over Cancer patient pity sex...that's just too damn funny.

also, I think we can deduce from this thread that:

most Americans just have NO sense of humour. Or even humor.

How has anyone made it this far in life without this information?
Too Funny

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.
*looks at wi's new jersey location

you whine about that but

Jersey guys secrete hair gel.

is true????

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.
No. I pity your people (those born without a knowledge of sarcasm and satire).

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.


They're jokes. I mean Blondes have more fun, and their farts smell like angel food cake. .. Yeah that's a winner.

i hope you die :mp5:
Wow, I didn't think it was possible for someone to be born with NO sense of humour.

The doctor has spoken so it must be true!
Darn tootin'!

RACIST!

mods,delete this topic

RACIST!

mods,delete this topic
Wow...apparently there is a whole other human speces that has been stripped of any sense of humour. :rolleyes:

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.

You're just in denial. It's okay. You can put your man purse back on.

Wow...apparently there is a whole other human speces that has been stripped of any sense of humour. :rolleyes:
sasquatch with notebooks, theyre everywhere

Anyone who takes this serious enough to be insulted or offended by it needs to either:
a) purchase themselves a clue
b) sign up for a Sense Of Humour Implant.
c) stop taking themselves so seriously.


I'm on that list and I couldn't give a toss...but I'm a Tibetan Monk ;)

What

Im Irish And I Have My Entire Penis

U R A Liar



:D

You know, I think you've hit bottom. Someone with this kind of time on their hands to insult people should find a hobby.

I'm glad to finally see a thread that isn't about religion in some weird, convoluted way.

When I found this out it so scared me I just HAD to open your eyes to!
-snip-
You forgot one
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children...Write them on the doorframes of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
I'm glad to finally see a thread that isn't about religion in some weird, convoluted way.
sorry :D

Anyone who takes this serious enough to be insulted or offended by it needs to either:
a) purchase themselves a clue
b) sign up for a Sense Of Humour Implant.
c) stop taking themselves so seriously.


I'm on that list and I couldn't give a toss...but I'm a Tibetan Monk ;)

Testify! :)

I'm Puerto Rican damnit and I AM a morning person. :):)

baah... this post sucked, sry

The Irish are born pre-circumcised.


First of all, very funny, but i don't get the irish one, i'm irish and i don't know one person who is circumcised (isn't circumcision a jewish thing? and most irish are roman catholics or protestants depending on where in ireland)

Call me fick right, but i don't get it.
If anyone can explain, it would be a great help

:fluffle: :confused: :cool:

First of all, very funny, but i don't get the irish one, i'm irish and i don't know one person who is circumcised (isn't circumcision a jewish thing? and most irish are roman catholics or protestants depending on where in ireland)

Call me fick right, but i don't get it.
If anyone can explain, it would be a great help


Its also considered a sanitary procedure in many nations. Used regularly by doctors in the US for example.

Worst VIDEO GAMES:

1. Grand Theft Auto: Sesame Street
2. Tom Clancy's Rainbow Coalition Six
3. Metroidsexual
4. Tony Hawk Stripmall Handicapped Ramp Thrash-O-Rama
5. Return to Castle Wolf Blitzerstein: Operation Grecian Formula
6. NFL Locker Room Towel Snap III: Terrycloth Terror
7. Big Gun, Small Dick 2: Die, Bitches Die!
8. Madden Jelly Donut Pigfest 2005
9. Conflict: IKEA Storm
10. Non-Spatial Relation Tetris
11. Ms. Blac-Man
12. Alien Space Monster Bloodbath VII: Obese 30 Year-Old Virgin Living in Mom's Basement Special Edition <---my favourite! :)
13. Barbie Binge & Purge 2005
14. Cobanavania: Pina Coladas of the Undead
15. HEDGE MAZE HYSTERIA
16. Ass-teroids
17. The Legend of Zelda Fitzgerald: Vodka Gimlets – and Plenty Of Them!
18. Hotel Rwanda: Hutu Hootenanny
19. Stealth Army Recruitment Tool II: Arabia Reloaded
20. Mortician: The Embalming
21. Grotesque Dago Stereotype Plumber Brothers 3: Singing Mushrooms In LSD-Land
22. TWISTER Online
23. All-Star Simulated Exertion for Lazy Fatasses II
24. SIMS Auschwitz <---an oldy, but a goody
25. Keep On Tekken 2: Harshing the Buzz of the Ancients
26. Pitfall 6: Bottomless K-Hole
27. Tiger Woods' Ultimate Corporate Whoredom Marathon
28. Monster-Titted Kung-Fu Bitches Beating Each Other Senseless <---the sequel was even better!
29. Burnout 5: Spinning Mad Donuts Out Behind Home Depot
30. X-Treme Midwife II: Life Afterbirth
31. EverQuest XXVII: Waiting for Mom and Dad to Die So I Can Move Into the Master Bedroom
32. Don King Kong
33. Duke Nukem: Viceroy Boytoy's Blackmail Adventure
34. Simplistic Shape Stacking Game My Girlfriend Occasionally Enjoys Thus Justifying Me Playing City Of Heroes 16 Hours Every Day
35. Ebonic the Hedgehog
36. Star Wars: Yoda's Filthy Little Secret
37. Personal Watercraft III: Buzz All Pussy Sailboats!
38. Licensed Summer Blockbuster Film Repurposed Into Yet Another Mediocre $50 3D-Shooter
39. Morley Safer's Ultimate Berkshires Antiquing
40. Big Game Hunter IV: Blowing Away Squirrels 'n Frogs for Shits 'n Giggles
41. Camp Cupcake Lesbian Mud Humping <---the video game Lunatic Goofballs wrote.
42. The Oncologist 4: Lung Tumors
43. Captain Morgan's Date Rape Island
44. NASCAR Thunder VI: Still Driving in Fucking Circles
45. Carpal Tunnel Rampage
46. MYST IV: Kyst My Cyst
47. Insolent Brat III: Can't You See I'm Busy?
48. Boopie Bunnywaffles' USAF Predator Drone Carpet Bombing
49. Homicidal Postal Worker II: Christmas Catalog Frenzy
50. Homework Procrastination IX: Ticket to Winnersville
51. Onanism IX: Mother walks in!

I'm of Italian decent and i don't find that funny at all. I suggest you apologize. I know you won't get banned, of course not. I'm italian and i'm not homosexual. So there goes your false-assumption.

That big whoosh wasn't a low flying aircraft, it was this thread going straight over your head.

I Have My Entire Penis

How do you know? I mean, can you really be sure?

I Have My Entire PenisHow do you know? I mean, can you really be sure? :eek:
I've never seen a circumsised penis, how do i know for sure that i haven't had the snip and i just think that's how it should look?
:eek:
*runs away to find jewish friend*