QuentinTarantino
16-05-2005, 20:09
Have you been injured by a multi-tentacled, viscous monstrosity while at work? Did you slip and hurt yourself whilst using mind-bending knowledge gleaned from blasphemous and unspeakable tomes to explore unknown, eldritch planes of otherworldy, spectral terror? If so, you may want to contact:
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT!!
Have you summoned a monstrous entity that wasn't your fault? Did you lose a trusted family friend, by means of experiments designed to investigate the revivification of dead tissue, thus turning them into an antidiluvian horror from the primal spheres of eldritch nightmare, thus necessitating their hasty dispatch by means of a trusty revolver?
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT CAN HELP!!
We may not be able to save the world, or the human race, but we can assure that you receive a tidy payout when the Elder Gods return to destroy the world!
NO WIN - NO BYHAKEE!
Take Erich Zann. He was a normal musician, living in a dangerous, rickety apartment in Paris, when the chance intrusion of a curious traveller into his affairs led to him suffering permanent damage to his hearing, not to mention being transformed into a monstrous parody of his material self and having his soul sucked into another dimension. Necronomiclaims Direct fought a successful case on his behalf, and managed to refund seven shillings!
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT. No win, no fee! 'Cthu' Can't Lose!!
* Terms and conditions apply. UK laws apply only on material and physical planes, and we refuse to involve ourselves in cases relating to shoggoths.
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT!!
Have you summoned a monstrous entity that wasn't your fault? Did you lose a trusted family friend, by means of experiments designed to investigate the revivification of dead tissue, thus turning them into an antidiluvian horror from the primal spheres of eldritch nightmare, thus necessitating their hasty dispatch by means of a trusty revolver?
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT CAN HELP!!
We may not be able to save the world, or the human race, but we can assure that you receive a tidy payout when the Elder Gods return to destroy the world!
NO WIN - NO BYHAKEE!
Take Erich Zann. He was a normal musician, living in a dangerous, rickety apartment in Paris, when the chance intrusion of a curious traveller into his affairs led to him suffering permanent damage to his hearing, not to mention being transformed into a monstrous parody of his material self and having his soul sucked into another dimension. Necronomiclaims Direct fought a successful case on his behalf, and managed to refund seven shillings!
NECRONOMICLAIMS DIRECT. No win, no fee! 'Cthu' Can't Lose!!
* Terms and conditions apply. UK laws apply only on material and physical planes, and we refuse to involve ourselves in cases relating to shoggoths.