NationStates Jolt Archive

frankly, i need advice. i'm 20, i went straight from college to university to study economics, failed that year and tried politics this year, and now it looks like i'm gonna fail that too (quite likely), which really sucks.

thing is i only really went to uni cos it was what was expected of me - throughout my whole life since being a kid, since i can remember, my parents and everyone i knew was really supportive and fantastic in constantly affirming that i'm 'bright' and 'will get a great degree someday'. problem is that piles on years worth of pressure:(
anyway, i've spent pretty much the whole year simply not caring at all about uni, my degree or my studies. also since being at uni i've become quite depressed and have changed as a person - i used to be quite a party animal, sociable and really cared about my work. since uni all that has changed and now i hardly leave the house - rarely even to go to lectures - and i've lost contact with pretty much all my friends (except those i live with), and i've become bitter and scared of the world (as well as developing a pleasantly mild social anxiety disorder)

basically, my question is what should i do? i don't have any plan for my life, any idea what i could do or would like to do, but everything i'm doing now seems like a total waste of time. sure you can generalise and say "just pull your socks up and start caring about your degree", but how exactly does one do that anyhow? should i just 'follow my heart' and do what i think i'd like most, or doggedly stick to uni cos otherwise i'll never get a decent job or earn a decent living?
i'm finding out that material aquisition and positions of prestige really aren't my thing anyway

i've taken many personality tests and such and i think there is some truth to them. they all say things like "ISFPs have trouble with abstract concepts and find it difficult to relate to things that are not practical to them", and "a job has to be more than a job, a way of making money, it has to mean something to their inner core of values"
studying politics is incredibly abstract and totally impractical, and also means nothing to me...

so what it boils down to is, university doesn't make me happy - it actively makes me unhappy and when i go back there (i'm at home with parents at the mo) i instantly start on a downward spiral of self-loathing and general depression. it could be the environment there, but if i cared about the work at all that would at least give me some direction and grounding while there...

i dunno, i'm going through an identity crisis:( i just don't think uni is for me, but i understand that it really would be best in my long term interests to at least finish this year and try hard to pass it. problem is finding how to start caring again - caring enough to knuckle down to the work

inspired by TIN's thread this morning, i was just wondering if any other NSers had experienced something similar, and if there's any possiblity of a silver lining or happy ending, or whether i'm doomed to be an unhappy uni dropout sweeping streets somewhere....


thanks to anybody who actually bothered to read through that self-pitying load of tripe, and more thanks to anybody who responds! :)
even if nobody replies to this, its still useful for me to get my thoughts and feelings out in the open, and ordered in some way

Ever thought of perhaps a career in landscaping?

hehe I'm just razzing you. Sorry, I have no wisdom to give you. I hope it all works out for ya though. :fluffle:

Ever thought of perhaps a career in landscaping?

hehe I'm just razzing you. Sorry, I have no wisdom to give you. I hope it all works out for ya though. :fluffle:
lol... landscaping.... well i do certainly want to do something creative ;)
i would also be pretty pleased helping people in some way, but neither of those two really help

anyway, thanks :)

I'm in EXACTLY the same position.

Well, I can pull off good marks, but I really loathe my course. I feel like i'm stuck going nowhere.

If I were any good with music, i'd drop out and do that instead. But i'm not. :p

I dropped out of college. You can still have a decent life without a college degree, but you will have to take some shit jobs to get by until you figgure our what you really want to do and find an opportunity to do it. You've got some time to figgure it out, but think long and hard before leaving university. A good degree goes a long way toward getting a good job, even if the degree has absolutely nothing to do with the job description.

I don't think anyone can really help you with this sweetie, only you can decide what you want to do with your life. But you shouldn't carry on doing something you hate especially if it's going to lead to depression

Here's a crazy idea: stop posting on nationstates.

Remember Baz Luhrman:
"Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont."

As regards the rest, you'll just have to try things out and see if they interest you. A great way to do that is to just sit in on lectures for other subjects. If it seems interesting, go to more. If it is interesting, try it!
You may want to try a Uni in another city, or country.
Or you may want to get an apprenticeship.
Or to travel.
I've nearly finished my second college course, and I'm not sure if I want to work in the field I'll qualify for.

To sum up, don't do something you hate for the sake of a degree. And don't worry about being an older student.

definitely take a year off. if for no other reason than you are wasting money at college. get a job during that year, and travel. see how you feel then. it's ill advised to completely brush off any part of your life as important as education, and if you have the oppurtunity to become educated, you would be remiss to waste it, IMO.however, it doing you no good at the moment. so, yeah, take some time off. maybe, if you feel up to it, go to a community college and finish up your core classes.

Find a bunch of jobs and stay with one you like, maybe it'll turn into that myth called "career." Look online and search for things you might like to learn, skills you might be keen on developing or using, places you'd want to be, etc. Pursue your interests. Drink heavily.

ditch uni if it is not what you want to be doing.

If you want something creative, think about web design or advertising or graphic design.

Try a few different jobs out, see what fits.

There's nothing written that says you have stay in one job forever.

Take a year off and travel - find something that really moves you - something you could spend your life doing -

It's worse for you to stay at Uni and totally hate it and burn out - take some time to find what you really want to do. Hopefully your family will support you in your decision to not burn yourself out.

Either way - Good Luck ;)

I read Economics at university and I was bright and top of my class at school. At uni for some reason I just didnt fit in and lost all my motivation. I was thinking a lot about dropping out of uni but instead just scrapped through. I didnt know what to do with myself and messed up for the next few years until 26 where I did a teaching training and is now a maths teacher. I have just realised teaching is not for me and will be looking for a job in finance.

If I could have done anything differently is that I should have taken a year out before university. I was not ready for it. Since you are in US I presume you have the option of working and coming back to uni fresh. I didnt have that opportunity and had the option of dropping out period or stay on. Also, it could just be that you are at the wrong uni. When I did my teacher training the uni I was in fitted me so right and I wish I had gone to that one instead. So maybe you can think of changing your environment and maybe that would help.

Finally, you might try teaching straight after your finish uni instead of thinking about what you can do because learning to be a teacher is the most enlightening thing I have done even though I would be quitting the profession after only one year. It i s a sharp journey of discovery and I have learnt so much about what I want. I hope that helps.

I was bummed with Uni but the thing was I drank a lot to distract myself from the fact and consequently ended up having a thoroughly good time. But I had to change courseS half way through as a result. I did History and American studies and then changed to History and English and although I didn't loose faith in the subject I sure as hell didn't see the point in sweating over a 2000 word essay to be marked by a lecturer who didn't know or care who I was only to give me some shitty mark when I knew I could bash an essay out at the last minute that wouldn't score any lower. It took me an extra year to eventually get my degree and I'm glad I did it. It's not changed my life or enabled me to do anything I could have done without it but the whole University experience was a complete education in every single way. Changed my life.
You have to take a certain responsibilty for your situation. Sure you might feel lost but it's not the end of the world. Some people would kill for your particular dilema.
Are you smoking weed? If so lay off it and start going to more parties. Resist any temptation to fall in love with your depression. You've got to snap out of this solipsistic limited sense of reality.

oops I dont know why I thought you were in the US. Well, I suggest you try to finish your degree as you have only one year left. If not take another year. Finish it and then go into teacher training. You get money for teacher training and you can then use the time to think about what you want to do. It is basically another year of uni without having to pay for a master.

Work.

Take GE.

Get an AA degree.

See if anything clicks in the mean time.

I started off as a Mechanical Engineering student.

Flunked out.

Worked and took GE.

Now I'm on the Dean's list persistantly.

As an English Major.

I am in the same spot you are, just 2 years down the road. This entire school year, I estimate that I went to class about 25-30 times. I had a 3.3 GPA in high school, scored a 31 on my ACT, have been a history and economics buff for much of my life, yet I have absolutely no motivation to go. If I did go to class it would be absolutely pointless, as I would either sleep or do a crossword puzzle.

frankly, i need advice.

basically, my question is what should i do? i don't have any plan for my life, any idea what i could do or would like to do, but everything i'm doing now seems like a total waste of time. sure you can generalise and say "just pull your socks up and start caring about your degree", but how exactly does one do that anyhow? should i just 'follow my heart' and do what i think i'd like most, or doggedly stick to uni cos otherwise i'll never get a decent job or earn a decent living?
i'm finding out that material aquisition and positions of prestige really aren't my thing anyway


Telling you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps probably won't help you much. I do have several recommendations. Try seeing a career guidance counselor and maybe take a few career related apptitude tests (since you appear to be serious about this, I'd recommend taking real tests from professionals rather than some of the less reliable internet ones). My guess is the Uni probably provides that service to students.

Also, you should be pursuing something that you love if you are going to do it for a life's work. Your disregard for material possessions and prestige is admirable. I don't know how willing to put that to the test you are, but you might consider volunteering at a few human services related jobs to see if you have any interest there or even something like the Peace Corp.

If nothing else, start looking for things you can do to positively impact people around you rather than being highly self focused. You'll see yourself accomplishing things of value and as a result your feelings of depression should be reduced. It still may not answer the "what am I supposed to do for the rest of my life" question, but at least you'll be doing things you can feel good about.

Okay, that's my advice.

The other thing I would suggest is exploring faith. I know that isn't a popular suggestion around here and if I remember right something your not particularly interested in. However, those with religious beliefs do tend to have more of a sense of direction and purpose in life. You might be surpised at how much of a difference it can make. I won't tell you what religion to pursue, though I'm sure you know my leanings, because that journey is between you and God. I'd be happy to give you suggestions of reading material if your interested, but no pressure here.

Hope there is at least something useful to you in my post. I wish you the best in your search. :)

Oh, one last thing, don't think yourself alone. Most everyone questions at some point in time what they really want to do/should do with their life. It is a serious life stage and one that isn't easy and should be approached with caution as the outcome will direct the rest of your life, for better or worse. Choose wisely.

I am in the same spot you are, just 2 years down the road. This entire school year, I estimate that I went to class about 25-30 times. I had a 3.3 GPA in high school, scored a 31 on my ACT, have been a history and economics buff for much of my life, yet I have absolutely no motivation to go. If I did go to class it would be absolutely pointless, as I would either sleep or do a crossword puzzle.
i honestly think that has more to do with it being southern.

Drop out of college right now and become a gun-toting, sword-swinging assassian.

That's what I would do.

^.^

i honestly think that has more to do with it being southern.

Some of it probably. It also seems to be a recurring theme on NS, too.

BTW, are you still in Carbondale?

I was in a similar situation when I went off to college last fall. I ended up having an anxiety attack and other not so cool stuff. So I decided to go home. The university was really cool with that: they deferred my enrollment for a year, so I'll be going back this fall with all the same scholarships and whatnot.

What I did was spend the first semester a) getting therapy for my anxiety issues, b) working and c) exercising. Something about exercising regularly really helps one's mood. I signed up for some GE courses for spring semester at a community college: a couple of serious classes and a couple of fun ones. I still don't have much of a clue what direction I want to head in, but I think I'll be able to return to college and be fine there.

So I don't know if any of that applies to your situation, but I hope it helps somewhat. :)

You know there seems to be such a rush these day in finding what you want out of life. Don't get caught up in the game. Give it some time & you will find your calling.
Trust me I know how much it sucks to see friends & other family members doing well when your struggling. It is not a failure in you.

Your path is just not as clear. Keep looking. Look deep inside yourself & you will find what your looking for in a career.

I am 34 & returning to college this year because I have fianally found what i want to be when I grow up.
It's never too late & don't let other try & tell you so.
For now. Find a job that does not disgust you or struggle through the degree your working towards now but keep your eyes open for opportunity.

Some of it probably. It also seems to be a recurring theme on NS, too.

BTW, are you still in Carbondale?

That's cause you guys are spoiled with all the partying that goes on at, what is becoming a perenial top 10 party school in this country. :p :p ;)

Actually, no matter what field of work you want to go into, there will always be tedious, boring parts of it.

Here's a crazy idea: stop posting on nationstates.

I think what this person was trying to say was:

Are you really applying yourself to your studies?

Continuously partying and going on line to chat, etc. are major distractions to young people. It may be that taking time off from school and returning later may be your best bet, the maturity thing you know. Sometimes getting out there and learning from real life situations for a year or two is all you need.

That's cause you guys are spoiled with all the partying that goes on at, what is becoming a perenial top 10 party school in this country. :p :p ;)

Actually, it was a much bigger party school in the 70's and 80's and now the reputation is dying out because of the work the university is putting into stifling it. They shut down the school and the bars for the entire week of Halloween for my first two years here, due to a pseudo-riot that happened in the late 90's.

You know there seems to be such a rush these day in finding what you want out of life. Don't get caught up in the game. Give it some time & you will find your calling...

I am 34 & returning to college this year because I have finally found what i want to be when I grow up...

Who wants to grow up? I'm 45 still wanting to do things that may seem imature but grow up no way. I went back to college when I was 36 and after 6 years received my Bachelors degree in Secondary Ed. I work at a railroad museum and substitute teach I may not have a lot of money but I'm happy.

I dropped out of college, but then went back and finished later, and then got another degree years after that. It's harder to go back and do it later. Any degree is better than no degree in my opinion, and, well, maybe you can find something that interests you enough (that you have some skill at) to finish. At least that way you'll have the piece of paper to show prospective employers.

If you're not happy with the way your life is, change it. Obviously easier said than done but it is very possible. If University is not doing anything for you and you're not enjoying yourself than maybe it just isn't right for you, at least not at this point in your life.

Story time. My dad, around the age of 16 he just stopped caring and stopped working at school. He didn't get great marks and just scraped into college. He got some A-Levels and married my mum. He went to Univeristy and dropped out after a little while. Now he's very intelligent but at that point in his life, Univeristy wasn't what he wanted to do. He lived in a small place with my mum, spending time with friends and just enjoying life on a fairly small income. Later on, he knew he wanted to have a career and went back to University, got his PhD, worked his way through the career, started a family and now is very high up in what he does, living in a middle-class area with a four bedroomed house and a fairly comfortable lifestyle.

Similarly, my mum left to work at 16. She went to evening classes and got her A-Levels and certificates in accounting, went to University and got a degree.

If you leave now, you can always go back and you can always reroute your life. Sure, maybe dropping out won't be the best thing. But it's pretty obvious that something isn't right. Whether it's University, the degree, other aspects of your life or simply the situation, I can't be sure. But you can't continue like this.

If I learnt anything from depression it's that you are in control and you can change your life.

It sounds to me like you don't really want to be at Uni at all. Even your point about a job, like you said, Politics and Economics may not actually be that useful.

No-one can tell you what you should do. Only you can figure out what is best for you. But I can reccomend a few things...

-talk to the people who you feel have put pressure on you to stay at Uni. If you can discuss it with them and hopefully realise that they will still love you and be proud of you regardless of whether you go to Uni, you'll feel a lot more comfortable making this choice.

-talk to your teachers, lecturers, career advisors etc etc and discuss the options you have. See where the degree could take you and also see if they have any help or advice-they're there to help you.

-take some time to try out new things. Join some clubs, either with hobbies you already enjoy or with something you think you might enjoy. Look around and see what there is on offer.

-get back into your social life. This isn't the usual advice but personally I put social life before education. Yes, a job and supporting yourself is important. But for me, loved ones and relationships matter a hell of a lot more. I could get a degree, get a great job and be a success in that sense. But I wouldn't be happy.

-think about what you want from life. Is it to experience life? Do you want to travel? Do you want a better social life? Do you want a career? Do you want to have fun doing new things? Do you want to make a difference? It's not going to be a simple "I want to....", not straight away anyway, but give yourself time to sort out thoughts.

-see a counsellor or therapist. It is possible to overcome depression and anxiety on your own but it is a hell of a lot easier with support and professional advice. Maybe it seems daunting, maybe you doubt it will help, maybe you're scared, maybe you don't think you can open up, maybe you think it isn't worth it and your problems don't mean much. I thought all those things. Therapy did wonders for me. Give it a shot. It can change your life.

You can stay on at Uni and hope for the best or you can take a chance and do something to change how things are. Personally I'd opt for the change but it's your choice and no-one can make it for you. If the only reason you're staying on is expectations and job prospects, happiness comes above that and I know fulfillment would be more important to you. You can easily be a success and have a great job too.

All my parent's friends, the richest ones are not the ones who got the degree. The ones with the best jobs are the ones who are passionate about their job and determined to do well and have done well. A degree isn't everything, even in the career world.

Follow your heart, take some time to figure out what you want, open your mind to taking some risks and trying new things and don't give up hope because you'll figure out what to do sooner or later :) And in the meantime we'll be here to help as best we can to offer advice, support and give you that push towards making that leap :fluffle:

Actually, it was a much bigger party school in the 70's and 80's and now the reputation is dying out because of the work the university is putting into stifling it. They shut down the school and the bars for the entire week of Halloween for my first two years here, due to a pseudo-riot that happened in the late 90's.

You mean they're getting all respectable and such. What were they thinking?

I just know when I used to live down there it was a pretty wild place.

First off, I would reccomend trying really hard to pass this year and then working out what to do when you've passed (or failed in spite of your efforts).

If you fail this year, get a job. Doesn't really matter what, even if it's a bit crap you could still use it as a filler until you find something better. And it shows your family you're not a complete lazy bum.

If you don't fail, you'll have to figure out what to do yourself. I would suggest taking up some form of volunatry work if you have the time (and it sounds as though you do). Go to Gleneagles in July and cheer yourself up with some anti-capitalism pro-trade-justice protesting.

You mean they're getting all respectable and such. What were they thinking?

I just know when I used to live down there it was a pretty wild place.

No, not really more respectable, just less wild. I don't really know what they hope to accomplish by spending all the money on getting rid of the party image. No one will want to come here.

There's always the army. After a few years of not really putting any effort into college, and going through exactly what you're describing, I did a 6 year stint in the National Guard. Nice thing about that is, they'll pay for your school when you're ready to go, and you'll most likely be more mature and ready to go. If you're worried about being sent overseas into a war zone, I suggest joining the band if you play an instrument. I found that, for me, not only was that rewarding in itself, I was around a bunch of people who were a lot like me. :sniper:

BTW, are you still in Carbondale?
hell no. sweet home chicago.

i really wish, though, that we had a riot this year. i oucld really have used some good looting.

what the hell should i do?

Move into a squat an plan the revolution?

this IS your life.

quit doing stuff you dont want to do just to please other people.

take some time off, get a job, ANY job, and regroup. live on your own. pay your own bills. there is nothing like finding out what adult life is like to give you focus.

next time you go to school make it for something you are passionate about. it doesnt even matter what it is, the most "useless" degree fulfills your life as long as you are passionate about it.

not everyone is cut out for college even if they are smart. there are tons of good jobs to be had for people who go to an apprenticeship or votech. a smart electrician can make more money than a college professor. its even getting to the point where a good landscaper can make a 6 figure income.

take some time off, look around and see what you might want.

this IS your life.

No, not really more respectable, just less wild. I don't really know what they hope to accomplish by spending all the money on getting rid of the party image. No one will want to come here.

I can't argue with that. It tends to be a hot humid miserable place IMO. Some of the surrounding landscape is nice if you can get out into Shawnee Nat. Forrest, but otherwise, I happy I no longer live in that place.

Almost all of us go through this type of crisis. (As you can tell from the posts here) Why should I bother, I don't give a damn, Who cares, What good will it do in the end etc. etc.

The way out, as many have suggested is to take some time out, depending only on yourself, to allow yourself to discover what really matters to you.

However, as you only have one year left to go, and grants don't repeat, at least finish the degree first. Why should you? Because it is a lot more comfortable discovering what turns your motor on a moderate graduates salary than on a drop outs salary.

thanks to anybody who actually bothered to read through that self-pitying load of tripe, and more thanks to anybody who responds! :)
even if nobody replies to this, its still useful for me to get my thoughts and feelings out in the open, and ordered in some way
I wouldn't worry too much, unless you actively choose to isolate yourself from people/situations.

What you are dealing with now is how to slough off the expectations that others have had of you. You already have 20 years of life experience behind you. What are your achievements? What are your interests? What stimulates your enthusiasm?

I suggest that you consider what is interesting to you, in life and go for that. So you didn't too well at Uni, that doesn't mean you are not bright, it is just as likely that Uni has nothing to offer you.

You won't know who you are, what you are capable of, until you begin finding out. Go for what excites you, what has worth in it, what brings depth to your life and your character. Allow others to see you as the unique individual you are.

Take a year off and travel - find something that really moves you - something you could spend your life doing -

It's worse for you to stay at Uni and totally hate it and burn out - take some time to find what you really want to do. Hopefully your family will support you in your decision to not burn yourself out.

Either way - Good Luck
well thanks for the advice to everyone:)
this is pretty much what i'm thinking of doing. i'm gonna give these exams a good try, see if i can pass the year and then go travelling and get a job. take some time to work out what it is i wanna do.

many of your stories of being in the same situation have been uplifting & encouraging:)

other thing is i'm gonna stop using pot as an escape and go back to actually enjoying smoking it occasionally, rather than trying to be baked all day every day, which just leads to bad things


edit: its taking time to read through all these. to answer one question, i'm in the UK
there are too many to reply to individually... thanks for all your replies & interest! :)


Take GE.

Get an AA degree.
GE? AA?

you might consider volunteering at a few human services related jobs to see if you have any interest there or even something like the Peace Corp.

If nothing else, start looking for things you can do to positively impact people around you rather than being highly self focused. You'll see yourself accomplishing things of value and as a result your feelings of depression should be reduced. It still may not answer the "what am I supposed to do for the rest of my life" question, but at least you'll be doing things you can feel good about.

The other thing I would suggest is exploring faith. I know that isn't a popular suggestion around here and if I remember right something your not particularly interested in. However, those with religious beliefs do tend to have more of a sense of direction and purpose in life. You might be surpised at how much of a difference it can make. I won't tell you what religion to pursue, though I'm sure you know my leanings, because that journey is between you and God. I'd be happy to give you suggestions of reading material if your interested, but no pressure here.

absolutley... being so self-focused is my own worst enemy & depression just feeds off it. helping others is most definatley something i want to do and would help, in a way, to validate my existance (if you know what i mean). this could be through volunteer work, or social work (but i don't get on with people that well... but that can change i guess). great suggestion.

and i'm becoming more and more interested in exploring faith, being raised an athiest. Christianity, lets just say, doesn't seem to agree with me; but Buddhism seems alluring. i'm going to pursue this after quitting uni. thanks:)


I think what this person was trying to say was:

Are you really applying yourself to your studies?

Continuously partying and going on line to chat, etc. are major distractions to young people. It may be that taking time off from school and returning later may be your best bet, the maturity thing you know. Sometimes getting out there and learning from real life situations for a year or two is all you need.
no i'm not. the weed is a problem here too, but while i'm at uni i feel like i need it... which stops me from doing other things.

the upshot of all this ^ is to have a break and try again later when i'm more responsible


No-one can tell you what you should do. Only you can figure out what is best for you. But I can reccomend a few things...

...

Follow your heart, take some time to figure out what you want, open your mind to taking some risks and trying new things and don't give up hope because you'll figure out what to do sooner or later :) And in the meantime we'll be here to help as best we can to offer advice, support and give you that push towards making that leap :fluffle:


cheers for the advice Glitz :fluffle:
thankfully i do have the support, love & respect of my parents "no matter what i do", which is fantastic! they're great.
i only ask cos i respect people here and value (most ;)) people's opinions

There's always the army.

-snip-

Nice thing about that is, they'll pay for your school when you're ready to go
army, no. i'm a pacifist for one thing, and for another i'm not sure if the army pay for your education in the UK as they do in the states...

Move into a squat an plan the revolution?
hell yeah! :cool:


The way out, as many have suggested is to take some time out, depending only on yourself, to allow yourself to discover what really matters to you.


thats precisely what i plan to do... through all your adivce (thanks again to everyone who posted, whether i have specifically replied in this post or not) and discussing things with my folks, i'm gonna take time out and maybe do some volunteer work, or something similar, and try with uni again in a bit. i'm gonna try my best to finish this year too, largely so i have some credits stored up for if/when i come back to uni.
thanks AB


However, as you only have one year left to go, and grants don't repeat, at least finish the degree first. Why should you? Because it is a lot more comfortable discovering what turns your motor on a moderate graduates salary than on a drop outs salary.

two issues there... firstly i'm in my first year again (started Politics from scratch - could have gone straight to 2nd year but thought it was better this way), and secondly there are no grants, only student loans : ( ( < too many smilies in this post already lol), so its costing 4 grand a year just to be here...

hence i'm gonna 'drop out' this summer


again, thanks to all for your kind words and support! *fluffles everyone*

As I read through this thread, two things struck me:

1) ISFPs are already predisposed to immobilizing depression. http://www.typelogic.com/isfp.html

2) The pot definitely won't help. With your behavior already at a strongly lethargic stage, you don't need to cut back on your pot usage. You need to quit.

Personally, I say that if you agree with the ISFP assessment that you do not enjoy abstract concepts, then you are clearly wasting your time studying economics and politics, which are purely abstract sciences. You'd do better to consider a more concrete science like chemistry or information technology. You might do even better to forget college altogether and study at a trade school instead. Sure, your parents will be disappointed, because you'll be hurting your earning potential, but if you require a job where you produce a tangible result at the end of the day, then that is far more important. And there is honor in performing that sort of work.

frankly, i need advice. i'm 20, i went straight from college to university to study economics, failed that year and tried politics this year, and now it looks like i'm gonna fail that too (quite likely), which really sucks.

thing is i only really went to uni cos it was what was expected of me - throughout my whole life since being a kid, since i can remember, my parents and everyone i knew was really supportive and fantastic in constantly affirming that i'm 'bright' and 'will get a great degree someday'. problem is that piles on years worth of pressure:(
anyway, i've spent pretty much the whole year simply not caring at all about uni, my degree or my studies. also since being at uni i've become quite depressed and have changed as a person - i used to be quite a party animal, sociable and really cared about my work. since uni all that has changed and now i hardly leave the house - rarely even to go to lectures - and i've lost contact with pretty much all my friends (except those i live with), and i've become bitter and scared of the world (as well as developing a pleasantly mild social anxiety disorder)

basically, my question is what should i do? i don't have any plan for my life, any idea what i could do or would like to do, but everything i'm doing now seems like a total waste of time. sure you can generalise and say "just pull your socks up and start caring about your degree", but how exactly does one do that anyhow? should i just 'follow my heart' and do what i think i'd like most, or doggedly stick to uni cos otherwise i'll never get a decent job or earn a decent living?
i'm finding out that material aquisition and positions of prestige really aren't my thing anyway

i've taken many personality tests and such and i think there is some truth to them. they all say things like "ISFPs have trouble with abstract concepts and find it difficult to relate to things that are not practical to them", and "a job has to be more than a job, a way of making money, it has to mean something to their inner core of values"
studying politics is incredibly abstract and totally impractical, and also means nothing to me...

so what it boils down to is, university doesn't make me happy - it actively makes me unhappy and when i go back there (i'm at home with parents at the mo) i instantly start on a downward spiral of self-loathing and general depression. it could be the environment there, but if i cared about the work at all that would at least give me some direction and grounding while there...

i dunno, i'm going through an identity crisis:( i just don't think uni is for me, but i understand that it really would be best in my long term interests to at least finish this year and try hard to pass it. problem is finding how to start caring again - caring enough to knuckle down to the work

inspired by TIN's thread this morning, i was just wondering if any other NSers had experienced something similar, and if there's any possiblity of a silver lining or happy ending, or whether i'm doomed to be an unhappy uni dropout sweeping streets somewhere....


thanks to anybody who actually bothered to read through that self-pitying load of tripe, and more thanks to anybody who responds! :)
even if nobody replies to this, its still useful for me to get my thoughts and feelings out in the open, and ordered in some wayTalk it over with your parents. they may not realize what you're going through.

another thought is to drop out of uni, find a job doing something you're good at or at least won't drive you nuts.

Uni isn't for everyone.

well thanks for the advice to everyone:)
this is pretty much what i'm thinking of doing. i'm gonna give these exams a good try, see if i can pass the year and then go travelling and get a job. take some time to work out what it is i wanna do.

absolutley... being so self-focused is my own worst enemy & depression just feeds off it. helping others is most definatley something i want to do and would help, in a way, to validate my existance (if you know what i mean). this could be through volunteer work, or social work (but i don't get on with people that well... but that can change i guess). great suggestion.

and i'm becoming more and more interested in exploring faith, being raised an athiest. Christianity, lets just say, doesn't seem to agree with me; but Buddhism seems alluring. i'm going to pursue this after quitting uni. thanks:)

again, thanks to all for your kind words and support! *fluffles everyone*

:fluffle: back at you...

Yeah, I know what you mean about the validating existance issue.

When thinking about religion and pursuing a specific faith, you might be better off exploring several and asking for divine guidance as you do, rather than picking on one. Maybe try reading the texts from each of the major world religions and see what direction that takes you.

Something I've learned, kind of the hard way at times. When we try to pick the way we think God/enlightment should be we often find ourselves fighting against rather than working with. Just something to think about.

God bless you in your search for truth and meaning in life and bless your efforts to help others.

Wow. I know the feeling. I’ve been there before.

No psychology test can tell you what your passion is, but sometimes it takes a really long time to figure out what you want. I think that taking a year off and getting some real-world experience would be very good for you. I did that when I was failing my 2nd year and had no money, so my situation was more out of desperation to eat rather than not liking my course. I went through a similar dismal period where I cut myself off socially and was very depressed about my academic performance. I don’t really like my uni, but I’m 5/6ths through my degree, so I really have to pass this year. I dropped to part time, and got flexible hours at my job (My parents couldn’t support me, and I had no real job prospects in the town that they lived in, so I stayed here near the Uni.) My opportunity to work gave me some ideas about where I really wanted to go in the industry I’m studying, and I got a bit of workplace training, like first aid and conflict intervention.

Remember that because you’re failing doesn’t really indicate that you’re not smart enough for Uni. I’ve seen some real ninnies pull off Masters degrees. Likewise, there are people like me who are in the upper average of the IQ bell-curve who are just too goddamn lazy to get the marks we should. My year 12 Maths teacher told us that sometimes good marks are about slogging out the tough patches rather than any real indication of intelligence, and I believe her. I know that may failing some subjects was purely out of not applying myself.

Provided you have the economic freedom to do so, I would recommend that you get yourself a couple of sessions with a psychologist who specializes in academic and career performance, as well as CBT. You need to nip this social anxiety before it takes over your life, and sometimes it takes a good swift kick up the arse from a professional to set the ball rolling. Speaking from experience, academic and career-management coaching completely changed my life, and it’s always good to learn something about yourself that you might not have realized. Sometimes a professional can also help you to realize what areas you really want to go into – they know what questions to ask, and can speed up the laborious process of self-discovery by a few years, which, economically speaking, is in one’s best interest.

When you find out what you want to learn, you could try doing some part-time or distance-ed study while you work. At the end of a degree, I think employers look more favourably on applicants who have some real-world experience. Plus, the income helps to diminish the colossal sum in study fees you may have accumulated.

You need to get your self-esteem back. Your emotional and physical health must be your first priority. When you start feeling good about yourself, you’ll be better equipped to decide what path of study/work you want to take. If you need to talk about this to anyone, feel free to message me any time.

As I read through this thread, two things struck me:

1) ISFPs are already predisposed to immobilizing depression. http://www.typelogic.com/isfp.html

2) The pot definitely won't help. With your behavior already at a strongly lethargic stage, you don't need to cut back on your pot usage. You need to quit.

Personally, I say that if you agree with the ISFP assessment that you do not enjoy abstract concepts, then you are clearly wasting your time studying economics and politics, which are purely abstract sciences. You'd do better to consider a more concrete science like chemistry or information technology. You might do even better to forget college altogether and study at a trade school instead. Sure, your parents will be disappointed, because you'll be hurting your earning potential, but if you require a job where you produce a tangible result at the end of the day, then that is far more important. And there is honor in performing that sort of work.
exactly! as i've said material things and positions of prestige are becoming increasingly less important to me... i'd rather be happy than earn loads. dropping out of uni is what i plan to do now, but as for learning a trade i'm not sure. i've still got lots of options open to me (thankfully) so i'm gonna have to think about it pretty hard, and trade/vocational training is just one of those options to consider.
none the less, producing a tangeable result, not working with ridiculous abstract concepts, and being able to be creative while i'm doing it is what i'll be aiming towards... if only there were just such a job out there:p

and for the record, i totally buy into the ISFP type - it is me.



:fluffle: back at you...

Yeah, I know what you mean about the validating existance issue.

When thinking about religion and pursuing a specific faith, you might be better off exploring several and asking for divine guidance as you do, rather than picking on one. Maybe try reading the texts from each of the major world religions and see what direction that takes you.

Something I've learned, kind of the hard way at times. When we try to pick the way we think God/enlightment should be we often find ourselves fighting against rather than working with. Just something to think about.

God bless you in your search for truth and meaning in life and bless your efforts to help others.
well i've already read much of the bible and it didn't really strike a chord with me, but that was back at school years ago... maybe things have changed now.
i'm gonna have to go into this with an open mind, which is going to be hard as i have a pretty closed mind to 'God' and spirituality at the moment - the notion of 'asking for divine guidance' as i look into this stuff simply doesn't make sense to my closed mind.

i plan to do some travelling and i might stop off at some spiritual places for extended periods of time on the way. i know some people who spent time at a Buddhist monestaryin Asia (forget where) and it changed them & opened (most of) them up to their spiritual side. similarly there's a reality TV show on BBC2 over here at the moment chronicling the experiences of a number of ordinary members of the public at a Bennedictine Monestary; and frankly i'm tempted by the life they lead. it seems somehow very rewarding, and they do certainly help others.

Wow. I know the feeling. I’ve been there before.

No psychology test can tell you what your passion is, but sometimes it takes a really long time to figure out what you want. I think that taking a year off and getting some real-world experience would be very good for you. I did that when I was failing my 2nd year and had no money, so my situation was more out of desperation to eat rather than not liking my course. I went through a similar dismal period where I cut myself off socially and was very depressed about my academic performance. I don’t really like my uni, but I’m 5/6ths through my degree, so I really have to pass this year. I dropped to part time, and got flexible hours at my job (My parents couldn’t support me, and I had no real job prospects in the town that they lived in, so I stayed here near the Uni.) My opportunity to work gave me some ideas about where I really wanted to go in the industry I’m studying, and I got a bit of workplace training, like first aid and conflict intervention.

Remember that because you’re failing doesn’t really indicate that you’re not smart enough for Uni. I’ve seen some real ninnies pull off Masters degrees. Likewise, there are people like me who are in the upper average of the IQ bell-curve who are just too goddamn lazy to get the marks we should. My year 12 Maths teacher told us that sometimes good marks are about slogging out the tough patches rather than any real indication of intelligence, and I believe her. I know that may failing some subjects was purely out of not applying myself.

Provided you have the economic freedom to do so, I would recommend that you get yourself a couple of sessions with a psychologist who specializes in academic and career performance, as well as CBT. You need to nip this social anxiety before it takes over your life, and sometimes it takes a good swift kick up the arse from a professional to set the ball rolling. Speaking from experience, academic and career-management coaching completely changed my life, and it’s always good to learn something about yourself that you might not have realized. Sometimes a professional can also help you to realize what areas you really want to go into – they know what questions to ask, and can speed up the laborious process of self-discovery by a few years, which, economically speaking, is in one’s best interest.

When you find out what you want to learn, you could try doing some part-time or distance-ed study while you work. At the end of a degree, I think employers look more favourably on applicants who have some real-world experience. Plus, the income helps to diminish the colossal sum in study fees you may have accumulated.

You need to get your self-esteem back. Your emotional and physical health must be your first priority. When you start feeling good about yourself, you’ll be better equipped to decide what path of study/work you want to take. If you need to talk about this to anyone, feel free to message me any time.
wow you've also hit the nail on the head :)
thanks! (and again to all)

i'm certainly going to seriously consider the psycologist option there - it makes good sense. thankfully my parents are supporting me no-matter what, so i'm very very lucky and should be able to do that, and the rest. it'll be a stretch but at least its possible.