NationStates Jolt Archive

Hello, hello. This is God. Your antics on NS General are amusing me; I have decided to use my Godly machine (if you want specs, my HD space and RAM are about infinity/0 Hh, where 1 Hh=1Holyhertz=1Googleplexhertz) to come here and speak with you. You may ask me questions of give fan mail, and I'm open to some constructive criticism. Oh, and if you are wondering, my old friend the Invisble Pink Unicorn has taken over for me while I am here. She says "Hi" to you all.

Why the hell do I have nipples?

hi, im a first time believer, but long time caller ("goddamnit" and "jesus christ" are among my favorite curse words.)

i'll be damned, i was wrong all along god. ah well, i have some constructive criticism. you should stop offing the people you create. or at least stop doing it so violently and brutally. i think you should, at least. then again i've always been a softie.

Why the hell do I have nipples?

to lactate, of course. everyone knows that.

Great work, God. Nice job.

Could you get your fanclub to turn it down a few knotches, though? Some of us are trying to think around here.

Why the hell do I have nipples?
If you are female, I think that my program evolution answers that well. If you are male, I thought they were funny.

hi, im a first time believer, but long time caller ("goddamnit" and "jesus christ" are among my favorite curse words.)

i'll be damned, i was wrong all along god. ah well, i have some constructive criticism. you should stop offing the people you create. or at least stop doing it so violently and brutally. i think you should, at least. then again i've always been a softie.
You make it sound like it is my fault somehow. I can't make you immortal, I have rules too. I'm not omnipotent so much as relatively omnipotent. And most of the time, the brutal deaths you face are because you mortals cant stop making messes of everything. I couldn't have dreamed up half the torture devices you have.

Great work, God. Nice job.

Could you get your fanclub to turn it down a few knotches, though? Some of us are trying to think around here.
Sorry about them - it really wasn't my choice for them to run around screaming like that. Sheesh, some Iesus of Nazareth starts claiming he's my kid and WHAM! Suddenly everyone's a believer. That guy's stories got me in a lot of trouble - having a bastard kid off some human is something Zeus would do, but it looks bad for someone like me. If you ask me, the whol immaculate conception was Mary trying to cover up an affair.

You make it sound like it is my fault somehow. I can't make you immortal, I have rules too. I'm not omnipotent so much as relatively omnipotent. And most of the time, the brutal deaths you face are because you mortals cant stop making messes of everything. I couldn't have dreamed up half the torture devices you have.

makes perfect sense, but i should've clearified. why did you create crazy stuff like cancer, aids or humans? especially the latter, those things suck.

I can't find you in the phone book, you're last name is still 'damnit,' isn't it?

makes perfect sense, but i should've clearified. why did you create crazy stuff like cancer, aids or humans? especially the latter, those things suck.
Humans were a bug in my evolution code, I think - I'm still trying to figure out how those perfectly nice Apes had you mudmen - err, no offense, of course. As for cancer, that's just a side effect of evolution and mutation. As for AIDS... same story, really. I just made the code; the system grew by itself.

I can't find you in the phone book, you're last name is still 'damnit,' isn't it?
My number has been unlisted for some time now, thanks to the constant late night calls I used to get over some stupid stuff like "I really want a new bike".

Humans were a bug in my evolution code, I think - I'm still trying to figure out how those perfectly nice Apes had you mudmen - err, no offense, of course. As for cancer, that's just a side effect of evolution and mutation. As for AIDS... same story, really. I just made the code; the system grew by itself.

you should get a debugger. or a better coder.

(this is fun.)

you should get a debugger. or a better coder.

(this is fun.)
Given when I started coding, I think my stuff was quite state of the art - hell, it worked better than I could have hoped. I haven't restarted once (that Noah thing was an input error, I swear!), and it hasn't blown itself up once. And the system has withstood the 1uc1f3r virus for quite some time now.

Oh wow, holy crap, was I really the first person that voted YES?!

Why is cheesecake so good?

Why is cheesecake so good?
Because I was tired of pathetic human desserts and decided to inspire a chef. The Bible isn't mine, I don't inspire long-winded bores; cheesecake is my real holy word. Along with other less long-winded and less boring inspirations.

Because I was tired of pathetic human desserts and decided to inspire a chef. The Bible isn't mine, I don't inspire long-winded bores; cheesecake is my real holy word. Along with other less long-winded and less boring inspirations.
Ok then, be square with me: Is Sealab 2021 actually yours? I've heard a LOT of talk on this one....

Dude, not to interrupt but...'Tis a tad bit offensive. The Necromancer thread was funny, but this...especially about the "Mary covering up an affair" part...

Hello, hello. This is God. Your antics on NS General are amusing me; I have decided to use my Godly machine (if you want specs, my HD space and RAM are about infinity/0 Hh, where 1 Hh=1Holyhertz=1Googleplexhertz) to come here and speak with you. You may ask me questions of give fan mail, and I'm open to some constructive criticism. Oh, and if you are wondering, my old friend the Invisble Pink Unicorn has taken over for me while I am here. She says "Hi" to you all.

once again a top notch thread Anikian :)


Hey I got a question, why are all Americans in the understanding that Alaska is NOT the biggest state and not even part of America?

once again a top notch thread Anikian :)


Hey I got a question, why are all Americans in the understanding that Alaska is NOT the biggest state and not even part of America?
Whoa, it's not?

Damn, I learned that extra state capitol for NOTHING in fifth grade.

Simonist - no, although I do find it amusing. The Simpsons is better though; I wish I could take credit for that one.

Cheese - I think that making a joke out of it like this is less offensive than a full-blown flame fest, which a lot of debates devolve into. So I just make bad jokes and snipe :D

Doors - Thanks, and I think most people are too lazy to look at maps. Since the largest American state is not clearly connected, and people are lazy, few notice it's existance or position. But I'm sure that that works well for the Alaskans, as it means noone notices that they will soon take over the world with and army of mecha-penguins. That's a warning to the rest of you, by the way.

If you are really god, then you will be able to decipher this correctly:

You better wahputah to the bammies cause the camietown's a biddy on the pannie sty! I'm a pone tony, I've got my dillies on the peppa tain. That's abatu shane my telly, wah duh tah. Sah dah tay! Seppatown! Cappatown!

If you are really god, then you will be able to decipher this correctly:

You better wahputah to the bammies cause the camietown's a biddy on the pannie sty! I'm a pone tony, I've got my dillies on the peppa tain. That's abatu shane my telly, wah duh tah. Sah dah tay! Seppatown! Cappatown!
Easily, but that doesn't mean that I have to reveal the meaning ;)

Easily, but that doesn't mean that I have to reveal the meaning ;)

Oh come on, enlighten us!

Oh come on, enlighten us!
You should know by know that I won't enlighten you, I leave the path open but ask you to find it yourselves.

Keep this up and you are asking for a smiting.

Doors - Thanks, and I think most people are too lazy to look at maps. Since the largest American state is not clearly connected, and people are lazy, few notice it's existance or position. But I'm sure that that works well for the Alaskans, as it means noone notices that they will soon take over the world with and army of mecha-penguins. That's a warning to the rest of you, by the way. Well that settles the all-knowing question I had. Even the penguins know they live only in the southern hemisphere.

Premise 1: All gods are all-knowing.
Premise 2: Kejott doesn't know that I'm actually God.
Conclusion: Therefore, Kejott isn't a god, since he doesn't know I'm actually God.

Well that settles the all-knowing question I had. Even the penguins know they live only in the southern hemisphere.
Penguins only live in the southern hemisphere. Mecha-penguins can be made anywhere, but who would expect them coming from the north? It makes perfect sense to confuse your enemy by using robotic animals attacking from a region that they could not possibly live. It is all tactics of those crazy Alaskans. Makes me proud, really.

Mindset: Clearly, you are a madman. I must be God, as I said so first; that leaves you to be an imposter.

You should know by know that I won't enlighten you, I leave the path open but ask you to find it yourselves.

Keep this up and you are asking for a smiting.

Smite me biiiiotch! :mp5:

Smite me biiiiotch! :mp5:
Certainly. I condemn you to have to face my fanclub for the rest of your time on NS General!

Certainly. I condemn you to have to face my fanclub for the rest of your time on NS General!
Ooooooh, burn.

If you need a shoulder to cry on....um.....naw, nevermind.

Premise 1: All gods are all-knowing.
Premise 2: Kejott doesn't know that I'm actually God.
Conclusion: Therefore, Kejott isn't a god, since he doesn't know I'm actually God.

What cha talkin bout Willis?!? I'm the most godliest person on this forum! :p

Is there a way to get around the problems with the material conditional? Come on, God, I really need this! Exam in six hours, and it'd be nice if I could come out with a revolutionary theory in it :p

God, hello, this thing on? Right, just wondering, why do my hands and feet bleed when I masturbate?

Will I ever score?

Can I get Ranma's curse? I really wanna try multi-orgasming. Well, by myself.

Grabbed from Myrth's connection.

"OK, God. You have been ignoring the task list too long now. You are supposed to be dealing with the running of the universe, not posting on some stupid internet forum. What good will that do for anyone. You are fired.

Shiva, would you care to step into the office, I have some news you may want to hear."

Well, I have a request.

Fix things up here, now would ya? You're omnipotent, what's the Mid-East for someone who created the world?

Second, My friend once wandered where were you during the Holocaust. That would be nice to find out.

Third, can you creat a rock you can't lift?

Q: Were Deuteronomy and Leviticus not paying attention when you dictated, or am I grossly misunderstanding? (whoops, I just insulted the Bible)

Kejott, do you need more smiting? Because if you do...

Heikoku, nope.

Pantylvania, that's in your hands, not mine.

Commie Catholics - try asking a doctor, I inspired Hippocrates for a reason.

Watenho - I neither confirm nor deny that I may have been drunk with divine nectar while coding the universe. Neither confirm nor deny.

Grabbed from Myrth's connection.

"OK, God. You have been ignoring the task list too long now. You are supposed to be dealing with the running of the universe, not posting on some stupid internet forum. What good will that do for anyone. You are fired.

Shiva, would you care to step into the office, I have some news you may want to hear."

As I said, the Invisible Pink Unicorn is taking over for me while I'm here. And I popped back over for a while to check on things, hence my temporary absence.

Well, I have a request.

Fix things up here, now would ya? You're omnipotent, what's the Mid-East for someone who created the world?

Second, My friend once wandered where were you during the Holocaust. That would be nice to find out.

Third, can you creat a rock you can't lift?

I take more of a watchmaker perspective - I set things in motion, and try to avoid you guys screwing up too badly. The cosmic reset button is a big deal, you know, and beyond that, My presence screws with the equation too much. You know the bit in all of those laws of physics that say 'closed system'? I'd kinda screw that up if I actively interfere, so I stay out. That pretty much covers the first two.

As for the third, no - it is harder to make than to do simple lifting and such. Once more, omnipotent only relative to you. I have my limits.

Q: Were Deuteronomy and Leviticus not paying attention when you dictated, or am I grossly misunderstanding? (whoops, I just insulted the Bible)

Bible isn't mine, I didn't dictate that. At least, not much of it. Fact is, most of those 'holy books' are inventions of humans, with a slight amount of divine inspiration. The good is in My name; the bad is humans messing up. Not all of the good is mine, but the core of it; not all of the bad is yours, but the core of it. My divine inspiration tends to be more of the kind that brings happiness, not necessarily fufilment; I take more credit for cheesecake and comedy than for the holy books of men.

If I chop off my ass, will it grow back if I read the Bible while standing on my head?

If I'm all-around nice, but don't really believe in you, do I go to Heaven, Hell or somewhere which would be good for me as reward for deeds?

WHy do my genitals attract so many violent impacts? :(

hi god its me

is it wrong to have sex with animals
also should we kill jews since they killed you son, quite bruttaly to i must say

Hello, hello. This is God. Your antics on NS General are amusing me; I have decided to use my Godly machine (if you want specs, my HD space and RAM are about infinity/0 Hh, where 1 Hh=1Holyhertz=1Googleplexhertz) to come here and speak with you. You may ask me questions of give fan mail, and I'm open to some constructive criticism. Oh, and if you are wondering, my old friend the Invisble Pink Unicorn has taken over for me while I am here. She says "Hi" to you all.Wow, it's Anikian! Hi. You probably remember Me, I'm your old pal Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe, Master of the Gods, Him Beyond Nationstates, and a bunch of other crap. Now I have a few questions for you. I'm assuming that you're the God of the Christians.

1) Were you elected?

2) Why have you failed to pay tribute to Me for the past five eons? (It's OK if you forgot, I forget things like that all the time!)

3) It's about time you upgraded your hard drive! Mine is going at 1/0 hertz. Stop by on Callisto some day and I'll show it to you. It goes so fast, it anticipates what you click on before you actually click on it, and types the forum entries for you. Neat!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler o the Universe

hi god its me

is it wrong to have sex with animals
also should we kill jews since they killed you son, quite bruttaly to i must sayWait. The Jews killed my grand-nephew?

I always thought it was Pontius Pilate!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Cheese - I think that making a joke out of it like this is less offensive than a full-blown flame fest, which a lot of debates devolve into. So I just make bad jokes and snipe :D



I guess...Although Mary having an affair was over the line. Sorry to be so nitpicky, that bit just bothered me.

If I chop off my ass, will it grow back if I read the Bible while standing on my head?
Try it. You'll find out.

If I'm all-around nice, but don't really believe in you, do I go to Heaven, Hell or somewhere which would be good for me as reward for deeds?
I decide on whether you were overall good or bad, and use both intent and result in my choice. If you are generally good, I don't really care whether you believe in me or not.

WHy do my genitals attract so many violent impacts? :(
My favorite program, the Karmic Boomerang. I coded that one well, no?

hi god its me

is it wrong to have sex with animals
also should we kill jews since they killed you son, quite bruttaly to i must say
a) Yes. Very, very wrong. I don't have issues with homosexuality, but a different species? That's sick. If its consensual, you probably won't go to Hell for it though
b) He's not my kid, I said this already. I don't have affairs with humans; that would be like you doing an animal. No offense, of course. Not to mention, the Romans did it, not the Jews.

Wow, it's Anikian! Hi. You probably remember Me, I'm your old pal Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe, Master of the Gods, Him Beyond Nationstates, and a bunch of other crap. Now I have a few questions for you. I'm assuming that you're the God of the Christians.

1) Were you elected?

2) Why have you failed to pay tribute to Me for the past five eons? (It's OK if you forgot, I forget things like that all the time!)

3) It's about time you upgraded your hard drive! Mine is going at 1/0 hertz. Stop by on Callisto some day and I'll show it to you. It goes so fast, it anticipates what you click on before you actually click on it, and types the forum entries for you. Neat!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler o the Universe
1) You appointed me, forgot? You gave me this plane, and left one for the IPU, another for the Greek Gods, another for the Norse, and so on...
2) I have been. Checks must have been lost in the intergalactic mail
3)Err, lim x -> inf/0 would be a level of infinity above lim x -> 1/0

1) You appointed me, forgot? You gave me this plane, and left one for the IPU, another for the Greek Gods, another for the Norse, and so on...
2) I have been. Checks must have been lost in the intergalactic mail
3)Err, lim x -> inf/0 would be a level of infinity above lim x -> 1/01) Oh yes. I am growing old. Wow, it seems like just an eon ago I was creating the universe...

2) Sorry about that, it's not running as well as it used to since Thor retired.

3) Actually, infinity/0 = 1/0/0 = 1/(0 • 0) = the same thing, alpha-zero. I just got the upgrade to a HD with a speed of alpha-two and alpha-three gigabytes of RAM, and am planning to install it as soon as I finish figuring out the best way to annihilate the humans.

And I've got another question for you...Why does it say that there was chaos in the beginning, in your Bible? There wasn't. In fact, there wasn't anything. I know you didn't write it, but couldn't you have told them?

And are you really so conservative as to not allow contraception, homosexuality, and polygamy? All those have been legal for billions of years over here in this corner of the universe.

To quote Cogitation, "Think about it for a moment."

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Neat. I was wondering what I had to do to get you to show up. Anyway, Four questions:

1) Which way is heaven? Our astronomers have been looking for ages now...
2) What aspect of the universe's structure grants the possibility of a life hereafter that is not a bodily reincarnation?
3) Can you make a hamburger so big you can't eat it? If so, mind giving us one? See, we have this world hunger problem down here...
4) Can you even physically interact with hamburgers yourself?

Why can't you do a little more intervening now and then, just for the important stuff, you know... hunger... genocide... my Trig final?

Apparently, God isn't answering his mail anymore! :(

Sorry about them - it really wasn't my choice for them to run around screaming like that. Sheesh, some Iesus of Nazareth starts claiming he's my kid and WHAM! Suddenly everyone's a believer. That guy's stories got me in a lot of trouble - having a bastard kid off some human is something Zeus would do, but it looks bad for someone like me. If you ask me, the whole immaculate conception was Mary trying to cover up an affair.

SOoo... G-d is a Jew then? Not that I am complaining since I am Jewish, but it seems so anti-climatic. I feel so denied that I g-ds right eyeball isnt mentioned at all, well I can understand a little since Kananbia and I switch off in being Satan's nuts. Oh well I still help you do things though and know that Isis, my mother, is still very pissed at you.

1) Oh yes. I am growing old. Wow, it seems like just an eon ago I was creating the universe...

2) Sorry about that, it's not running as well as it used to since Thor retired.

3) Actually, infinity/0 = 1/0/0 = 1/(0 • 0) = the same thing, alpha-zero. I just got the upgrade to a HD with a speed of alpha-two and alpha-three gigabytes of RAM, and am planning to install it as soon as I finish figuring out the best way to annihilate the humans.

And I've got another question for you...Why does it say that there was chaos in the beginning, in your Bible? There wasn't. In fact, there wasn't anything. I know you didn't write it, but couldn't you have told them?

And are you really so conservative as to not allow contraception, homosexuality, and polygamy? All those have been legal for billions of years over here in this corner of the universe.

To quote Cogitation,

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Are you familiar with the concept of multiple, or layered, infinites? Because 1/0 would be one infinity, then you increase a layer. It is similar to the idea that there are infinite points between 2 whole numbers on a number line, and infinite numbers on the number line, so teh line is infinite infinites.

You want me to correct them? I could show up in the glowing divine flesh and say to their face they are wrong and they would call me Satan's disguise to my face.

I'm not against those; that's my fan club.

Neat. I was wondering what I had to do to get you to show up. Anyway, Four questions:

1) Which way is heaven? Our astronomers have been looking for ages now...
2) What aspect of the universe's structure grants the possibility of a life hereafter that is not a bodily reincarnation?
3) Can you make a hamburger so big you can't eat it? If so, mind giving us one? See, we have this world hunger problem down here...
4) Can you even physically interact with hamburgers yourself?
1) It's extradimensional. There's a lounge where we chill, but its not actually reachable without divine powers.
2) Multiple dimensions. A reflection of your mind and thus your self can be projected into another dimension when you die, and it would be to you no different as if your normal self was there.
3) Nope; the whole 'only relative' thing kills that.
4) Only Divine Burgers.

Why can't you do a little more intervening now and then, just for the important stuff, you know... hunger... genocide... my Trig final?
That whole 'closed system' thing. Universal collapse and all of that stuff. And Trig isn't that bad. Try having to write the laws of physics from scratch!

SOoo... G-d is a Jew then? Not that I am complaining since I am Jewish, but it seems so anti-climatic. I feel so denied that I g-ds right eyeball isnt mentioned at all, well I can understand a little since Kananbia and I switch off in being Satan's nuts. Oh well I still help you do things though and know that Isis, my mother, is still very pissed at you.
Torah's not mine either, sorry.

Is Neon Genesis Evangelion theologically accurate? If so, why hasn't Second Impact occured? Was Seele stopped in time due to quick thinking by an otaku or was Adam a dud?

WHy do my genitals attract so many violent impacts?

My favorite program, the Karmic Boomerang. I coded that one well, no?
Too well. :(

Is Neon Genesis Evangelion theologically accurate? If so, why hasn't Second Impact occured? Was Seele stopped in time due to quick thinking by an otaku or was Adam a dud?
NGE is, in fact, inaccurate. I know this may come as a surprise to the reality-deprived otaku, but I didn't screw up the first few times I made humans, until I got it right. Humans were the screw up. A bug in my code, if you will.

NGE is, in fact, inaccurate. I know this may come as a surprise to the reality-deprived otaku, but I didn't screw up the first few times I made humans, until I got it right. Humans were the screw up. A bug in my code, if you will.

In that case, where's the giant blue-haired girl to turn us all into LCL? o_O I mean, you'd have to erase us somehow, do it with STYLE, like Gainax proposed. Or you'll do it coincidental, subtle? I mean, you COULD go with ominous-and-stylish, right? Also, what is pi elevated ten times? :)

Are you the Judeo Christian god, or Ohrmazd?

Can you get me into Harvard?

doesnt it kind of suck having to live forever? i mean, dont you get bored?

I'd ask 'God':

Do you exist?(No answer=no)

If I post a copy of my resumé, is there any chance you could get me a job up there doing some interdimensional paper-pushing or something? I promise I won't get in the way of any divine doings....

In that case, where's the giant blue-haired girl to turn us all into LCL? o_O I mean, you'd have to erase us somehow, do it with STYLE, like Gainax proposed. Or you'll do it coincidental, subtle? I mean, you COULD go with ominous-and-stylish, right? Also, what is pi elevated ten times?
When I erase you, I'll do it quite well, rest assured. By pi elevated 10 times, do you mean pi^10? You'll need to clarify your phrasing, reading human minds is far more irritating than it is worth.

Are you the Judeo Christian god, or Ohrmazd?
Neither, none of the human faiths have it quite right. They get aspects based on glimpses; then make the rest out of their image.

Can you get me into Harvard?
I'm a firm believer that you need to earn your victories. Its your job to do that.

doesnt it kind of suck having to live forever? i mean, dont you get bored?
I find ways to amuse myself. This isn't the only world I fashioned, you know; I have a few others, plus a bunch that didn't work out and got scrapped.

I'd ask 'God':

Do you exist?(No answer=no)
I'm here talking to you, right? I'd say that is a good indication.

If I post a copy of my resumé, is there any chance you could get me a job up there doing some interdimensional paper-pushing or something? I promise I won't get in the way of any divine doings....
Post it, we'll see. I might be able to get you in as a bug tester for another planet that I'm working on, or put you on dimensional window control (when two of my creations display each other, things can get messy - that's how many 'magic' and 'miraculous' beliefs came about. Different plane, different rules, different laws of physics. Depends on the resumé. I may also be able to find other tasks for you.

If you are God you will know the answer to this:
Have I ever broken a bone? (I am Will Usher, for you to look up yer records)

If you are God you will know the answer to this:
Have I ever broken a bone? (I am Will Usher, for you to look up yer records)
You think I keep tabs on all of the trillions of you? 6 Billion on your world alone, then all of the other planets, and then the other planes I've developed... there is no way I could monitor you all, nor would I want to.

You think I keep tabs on all of the trillions of you? 6 Billion on your world alone, then all of the other planets, and then the other planes I've developed... there is no way I could monitor you all, nor would I want to.
Cmon, your God you should have the mental capacity to do that.

Cmon, your God you should have the mental capacity to do that.
It's 'relative omnipotence', as in I'm only all knowing and all powerful compared to you. Even I can't constantly monitor all of my sentient creations, and even if I could, I don't think I'd include humans in the sentient area. Besides, why would I want to?

Yes, Pi^10. Sorry, not a native speaker here. Tell me, are you "under" anyone else? Like, is there an "über"-God? If there is, what's above him? o_O

Yes, Pi^10. Sorry, not a native speaker here. Tell me, are you "under" anyone else? Like, is there an "über"-God? If there is, what's above him? o_O
((Keep this low, but that guy who claimed to be above me and master of the universe? I run a multiverse, with multiple planes. He just thinks he runs this one plane, and I let him think so. He does a lot of the work for me. But noone actually above me.))

93648.047476083020973716690184919 is a decent approximation, I see no need to go further.

Alright, God... tell me...

What's the deal with women?!

Hello God! How are things?

Three quick questions...

1. Do androids dream of electric sheep?
2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
3. How come the movers stole my piggy bank when I was 5? :(

Alright, God... tell me...

What's the deal with women?!
Err... next!

Hello God! How are things?

Three quick questions...

1. Do androids dream of electric sheep?
2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
3. How come the movers stole my piggy bank when I was 5? :(
1. Depends on the competence of the programmer.
2. As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
3. Hmm, just blame my cousin Satan. But I'll be sure to remember that when they are judged.

god can i stop reincarnateing.5000 years of humanity is 4900 too many.

oh and can i have a sandwhich and some coke,everything in my cubard has magically disapeared again.

god can i stop reincarnateing.5000 years of humanity is 4900 too many.

oh and can i have a sandwhich and some coke,everything in my cubard has magically disapeared again.
Sorry, making new souls is too much work. I'm going to have to keep recycling you.

Buy your own food, that's not why I'm here.

Sorry, making new souls is too much work. I'm going to have to keep recycling you.

Buy your own food, that's not why I'm here.

damnit.how bout i trade places on another dimension k?its boring here.

Err... next!

I'm smarter than God!!! I'm smarter than God!!! Na na na na na na!!!

I'd ask 'God':

Do you exist?(No answer=no)

You'll always get an answer if you listen hard enough...

damnit.how bout i trade places on another dimension k?its boring here.
Souls are wired with the basics for their dimensions, since fundamental rules of operation are different in each. Making you compatible with another dimension would destroy your 'self' that resides in the soul.

I'm smarter than God!!! I'm smarter than God!!! Na na na na na na!!!
The IPU knows, but she won't tell. Sorry, but that detail was coded by her in a language I don't know and am forbidden from learning. Besides, I doubt you get it completely, unless you yourself are female, in which case that's cheating.

Do the agnostic dyslexics ever wonder if there is a Dog?

Do the agnostic dyslexics ever wonder if there is a Dog?
Quite often. And the insomniac agnostic dyslexics stay up all night doing so.

Hello, hello. This is God. Your antics on NS General are amusing me; I have decided to use my Godly machine (if you want specs, my HD space and RAM are about infinity/0 Hh, where 1 Hh=1Holyhertz=1Googleplexhertz) to come here and speak with you. You may ask me questions of give fan mail, and I'm open to some constructive criticism. Oh, and if you are wondering, my old friend the Invisble Pink Unicorn has taken over for me while I am here. She says "Hi" to you all.
Why is it, God, that about the time a man finally begins to understand women just a bit, they no longer find him attractive? I mean WTF, over? :D

Is there a Dog?

Yes, Pi^10. Sorry, not a native speaker here. Tell me, are you "under" anyone else? Like, is there an "über"-God? If there is, what's above him? o_OWell, it's a rather complicated story. About 11 billion years ago, I (then Supreme Ruler of all multiverses, planes, dimensions, etc.) appointed Anikian to help me rule, since it was difficult to manage about 3.55 x 10^27 planets. He did such a good job, however, that I retired and let him take over. I remained to rule just this universe and its many dimensions, while he has charge over everything else. I'm a lot older and forget things all the time. I really manage this universe, and can advise Anikian concerning the others, but have no real power outside of this plane. :( I suppose it was for the best though, crime was rampant when I ruled and Anikian's got it well under control. Good work, son!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Why is it, God, that about the time a man finally begins to understand women just a bit, they no longer find him attractive? I mean WTF, over? :D
I think I've covered this - the IPU did that bit, not me.

Is there a Dog?
No, there are no Dogs; that is just a myth. There are many dogs, however.

Well, it's a rather complicated story. About 11 billion years ago, I (then Supreme Ruler of all multiverses, planes, dimensions, etc.) appointed Anikian to help me rule, since it was difficult to manage about 3.55 x 10^27 planets. He did such a good job, however, that I retired and let him take over. I remained to rule just this universe and its many dimensions, while he has charge over everything else. I'm a lot older and forget things all the time. I really manage this universe, and can advise Anikian concerning the others, but have no real power outside of this plane. :( I suppose it was for the best though, crime was rampant when I ruled and Anikian's got it well under control. Good work, son!

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
((As I said, he's delusional and I let him think what he chooses, so long as he does the job...))

((As I said, he's delusional and I let him think what he chooses, so long as he does the job...))

Wait... One is saying he is God, the other is saying the same... In that case... which one of them is truly God? And why does that remind me of how religious prosecution started all of a sudden?

Wait... One is saying he is God, the other is saying the same... In that case... which one of them is truly God? And why does that remind me of how religious prosecution started all of a sudden?I am truly God. Anikian is an imposter.

Anikian: He's under a delusion, I am truly God.

Czardas: You and your "delusions"! I'm taking over Your universe! You're doing a bad job running it!

Anikian: I damn you to hell!

Czardas: Yeah? Well I #&*@ you to &^#*@!

*degenerates into flaming*



:D
~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

could you give me a good oatmeal rasin cookie recipe?

Oh, and what's the deal with the platypus? And the rest of the Australian fauna for that matter?

one more thing...why does it burn when I urinate? should I be worried?

I think I've covered this - the IPU did that bit, not me.
Say what? What's an "IPU?" [ confused look ] :confused:

Erm... isn't it about time you changed your faq?

http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

Dear God,

Why do you condemn anyone who doesn't worship you? That seems awfully self-centered.

Sincerely,
Doomed Soul

Dear God,

Why do you condemn anyone who doesn't worship you? That seems awfully self-centered.

Sincerely,
Doomed SoulI'll answer for Anikian as he's offline.

He doesn't really condemn them, he just says he will to scare them into believing in him. He's really rather soft-hearted and wouldn't condemn anyone to hell. I, after all, outlawed the afterlife after people started fighting over it.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

could you give me a good oatmeal rasin cookie recipe?

Oh, and what's the deal with the platypus? And the rest of the Australian fauna for that matter?

one more thing...why does it burn when I urinate? should I be worried?
1. Hey, I inspired Larry Page and Sergey Brin for a reason. Google it.
2. Boredom? I tweaked the evolution code a litte, ok? I made it isolated at first, at least...
3. Probably. Go to one of those things I like to call 'physicians', and ask them about it. I'm not going to investigate the workings of your urinary system from here.

Say what? What's an "IPU?" [ confused look ] :confused:
The Invisible Pink Unicorn, a good friend of mine. I believe your 'Wikipedia' has some information about her.

Erm... isn't it about time you changed your faq?

http://www.400monkeys.com/God/
While amusing, I'm afraid I didn't write that one.

Dear God,

Why do you condemn anyone who doesn't worship you? That seems awfully self-centered.

Sincerely,
Doomed Soul
I don't, actually. I'm more for the 'Were they good people in general, and were they sincere or just out for brownie points?' judging system. Deathbed converted rapists are still rapists, and athiest philanthropists are still philanthropists.

I don't, actually. I'm more for the 'Were they good people in general, and were they sincere or just out for brownie points?' judging system. Deathbed converted rapists are still rapists, and athiest philanthropists are still philanthropists.Then you don't consider bloody warmongers like Constantine 'good people'?

(I don't, so I'm just asking.)

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

snip

Hi god! Can I have a robotic penis?

Hi god! Can I have a robotic penis?

Only if you pray for it really really hard! Every morning and every night.

Then you don't consider bloody warmongers like Constantine 'good people'?

(I don't, so I'm just asking.)

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe
Depends on whether the war is jutified. In Constantine's case, no.

Hi god! Can I have a robotic penis?
That depends, can you build one?

I am truly God. Anikian is an imposter.

Anikian: He's under a delusion, I am truly God.

Czardas: You and your "delusions"! I'm taking over Your universe! You're doing a bad job running it!

Anikian: I damn you to hell!

Czardas: Yeah? Well I #&*@ you to &^#*@!

*degenerates into flaming*



:D
~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

I theorize the 'Big Bang' Theory.

I theorize the 'Big Bang' Theory.
The Big Bang wasn't an argument among various powers; it was more... well, lets just say it wasn't an argument. You can figure out the rest...

The Big Bang wasn't an argument among various powers; it was more... well, lets just say it wasn't an argument. You can figure out the rest...

You fought...and then shagged each other!

Warning: Cosmic entities' activities not suitable for children

Gotta love those love-hate relationships...

You fought...and then shagged each other!

Warning: Cosmic entities' activities not suitable for children

Gotta love those love-hate relationships...
I'll let Czardas field that one. NEXT!

I'll let Czardas feild that one. NEXT!

Might I suggest God, who is all-knowing, use the dictionary?

Also...I was curious...which of the many 'Christian' denominations has the whole deal as close to what is truly the Truth? Of course, this is for the holy jihad that will inevitably follow...

Might I suggest God, who is all-knowing, use the dictionary?

Also...I was curious...which of the many 'Christian' denominations has the whole deal as close to what is truly the Truth? Of course, this is for the holy jihad that will inevitably follow...
Ehehehehe. That is to say, good luck, and have fun. I'll let you muddle through it, I gave you a basic summary of what I say and you can fill in the rest.