NationStates Jolt Archive

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?

I hate "top 10" lists that only have 9 points.

Who ever said this was a 'top 10'?

I think I got that email

Who ever said this was a 'top 10'?

It was heavily implied.

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

i do that but to be fair i have a crappy Toshiba TV that when you change the channel from the actual tv it skips channel 3 and 4 so i have to use the remote to get those channels

10. People who copy-and-paste from the internet and try to pass it off as them being clever.

:D

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?

Correct me if I am wrong, but this would be the work of Billy Connelly, no? Still funny and true though.

10. People who copy-and-past old crap from the internet and try to pass it off as them being clever.

:D

Cool. Now it's a top-ten list. My peeve is retracted.

i think someone needs to go back to the Vulcan homeworld :rolleyes:



2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
we do this so we don't have to get up and change the channel later
putting the effort into finding it now reduces the amount of horribly strenuous work we would have to do later...


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
they should so change this to "keep your cake and eat it too"... its been the subject of many an arguement at our house and we've agreed it makes sense this way :cool:

Cool. Now it's a top-ten list. My peeve is retracted.

Your peeve retracts? :eek:

Doesn't that hurt?!! :p

10. People who copy-and-paste from the internet and try to pass it off as them being clever.

:D

Hey - I never said that it was my words of wisdom. You can google it and get a more complete list yourself. I just thought they were funny, and worth sharing :)

Correct me if I am wrong, but this would be the work of Billy Connelly, no? Still funny and true though.

Nope. George Calin.

they should so change this to "keep your cake and eat it too"... its been the subject of many an arguement at our house and we've agreed it makes sense this way :cool:Bulemics can keep their cake and eat it too. Kind of messy, though.





Your peeve retracts? :eek:

Doesn't that hurt?!! :pMy mohel was drunk.

You're too angry. Hate uses useful energy.
As to your points.
1. yup that's silly but hateful I think not.
2.If you ain't got the remote you can't channel hop. Getting up s'not the same.
3.Figure of speak much mis-understood the whole point is you can't have your cake and eat it. Cos once you've eaten it you ain't got it. See?
4.Yes that is stupid but quite funny.
5. always watch movies alone. Sharing is no fun :rolleyes:
6.Yes you can say "no I hate questions. Don't dare ask it" They'll go away.
7.The vacuume cleaner was new once and it improved on dust pans. Think outside the box here.
8.What can you do that's longer? Die you fool that's what!
9.Yeah those people are dim but hey buy a car and you'll never meet them again.

See too much hate for such little things.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
Most of the time it's trying to get peoples attention and immediatly alert them that you are not trying to sell them something, ask for money, or in anyway be any more bother to them then to ask the time. And it usually follows a 'what?' indicating the person is haveing trouble hearing you. It's like the shape of a stop sign always being what it is: Re-enforcement. Hardly something to get all underwear-in-a-bunch about...

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
My TV hits 181 channels and the box itself only has an up and down channel button. Furthermore, there is very little space a remote can travel, so finding it is a small task. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but you are going to want it eventually, right? Are you suggesting that as soon as the remote is gone from our sight we should abandon it as lost forever?

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
You've clearly never had a kick-ass cake. My grandmother made wedding cakes for a living and I am the oldest grand-child. So for my birthday she would make some very elaborate cakes. I had one that was shaped like a three-dimensional race car, with Oreos for wheels. It was really cool looking. While a picture might give you an idea, you'd really have to look around it to understand the detail. I'd love to show it to you, but I ate it...

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
True, but in a 'chicken crossing the road' kind of way.

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
Perhaps it was a sublty that you missed while you where watching some other action on the screen. But then you went and got all uptight and missed something else cool...

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
True, again in a semantic Henny-Youngman kinda way...

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
Who said I had to come up with something to say to each one?

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
It's the longest thing you do, but human existance on this planet has been pretty short, perspective...

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?
Maybe you weren't waiting for the bus (could be waiting for a ride). Perhaps you arrived late and ran after the bus to no avail. Maybe you're waiting for another bus.

You seem tense. Are you tense? You should really relax, quit lashing out and deal with what is really bothering you. Or, examine more closely the things you cut and paste...

See too much hate for such little things.

No...too much nitpicking from you. This isn't a serious thread - no need to psycho-analyse...

7.The vacuume cleaner was new once and it improved on dust pans. Think outside the box here.

See too much hate for such little things.
Nice.

Mr./Ms Faster than me responder person

Two point-by-point refutations of a dated observational comedy piece. And you all thought I was weird.

*clap clap clap clap* You got those somewhere didn't you?

They are really good, and quite the truth.

Yeh - they're not mine, and I never pretended they were. A friend sent them to me ages ago - he probably got them from the net.

Yeh - they're not mine, and I never pretended they were. A friend sent them to me ages ago - he probably got them from the net.
Really? Cause your name is on the post as the thread author and contains the personal pronoun 'I' and does not have an introduction or conclusion to give the reader any indication that the text comes from another source. I'm just sayin'...

Ugh - if you really want it in writing, although I would have thought it was well-known enough to be obvious...

CAN EVERYONE READING THIS THREAD PLEASE NOTE:

The text contained in the post at the start of this thread is not my own work, and I do not take credit for it.

Ugh - if you really want it in writing, although I would have thought it was well-known enough to be obvious...

CAN EVERYONE READING THIS THREAD PLEASE NOTE:

The text contained in the post at the start of this thread is not my own work, and I do not take credit for it.
Oh sure, now you say that...

But if it's old and well known, then why post it in the first place? I mean, people don't go around posting just the "To be or not to be" speech without explination, or without citation listing seven things you can't say on tv. There aren't threads that are soley spawned on 'To is a Preposition' without context. So if it's so old and well known, what was the point?

You still seem tense. Do you want to talk about it, about what's really bothering you?


Ah, alright-I'm yankin' ya around a little. But really-think your thread starts through, huh? It'll save ya some hassle...

...But really-think your thread starts through, huh? It'll save ya some hassle...

Don't listen to him, AP. Well thought out threads are booooring. Besides - this advice is coming from a guy who couldn't even think of a screen name! How lazy is that?????

Don't listen to him, AP. Well thought out threads are booooring. Besides - this advice is coming from a guy who couldn't even think of a screen name! How lazy is that?????
Unbelievably lazy...:D

Lazy as an art form

Unbelievably lazy...:D

Lazy as an art form

I met someone once who reached the verge of the paradox of laziness. When asked if he could possibly become any more lazy, he said yes, although it would require effort to do so, and thus, he chose not to.

I met someone once who reached the verge of the paradox of laziness. When asked if he could possibly become any more lazy, he said yes, although it would require effort to do so, and thus, he chose not to.
Ah, thats the D.E.(the Do Easy) sweet spot, the point of perfect lazy. I can only dream...you have met a master...

No...too much nitpicking from you. This isn't a serious thread - no need to psycho-analyse...
Serious. Well I'm not often accused of being that.
But recycling old and fairly sad humour deserves a bit of picking appart.
Think of something new you might get some respect.
As to pscho-analysing, well I wouldn't put it that far but there's no reason for me to not knock down the targets you put up. What did you expect? everyone telling you how clever you were? people agreeing that Aligned Planets was indeed a comedian of superior skill and verbosity?

I met someone once who reached the verge of the paradox of laziness. When asked if he could possibly become any more lazy, he said yes, although it would require effort to do so, and thus, he chose not to.
That is perfect logic (and sound original to me :p ) I salute it.

stealing forward-jokes is so lame

Wow, this thread makes me feel so young. I almost thought it was 1997 again for a second.

My mohel was drunk.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

I will now destroy humor with logic.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


It's useful in case someone doesn't hear you. Do you know how often the word 'huh?' is used?


2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.


Modern TVs require remote controls to access all of their functions. My TV has like five buttons, my remote has a few dozen.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?


Actually, many people store a piece of their wedding cake in the fridge for many years, and many people actually enjoy the appearance of cakes.

It's like saying, "What good is a painting if I can't eat it?"


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?


I'm fairly sure the original conotation was "The last place you'd look."

In its modern form, it's an ironic cultural in-joke.


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid £5 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.


People often see movies multiple times because, very often, there's more than can be seen in a single sitting. Also, people blink.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?


There is no linguistically simple way to say, "May I begin asking you questions subsequent to this one, which will likely be more personal or time consuming than my asking for permission to make specific enquiries, thus neccessitating my asking you if I can make further enquiries?"


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.


It is a new item that has an approved ability in a function that it has replaced.

If I use acid instead of soap, I'm using a new chemical, that has improved eye-damaging properties over soap.


8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?


Doing is not implied as a measure.

Human life, in a span of years, is only a fraction of the lifespan of some trees, which is barely noticable in the span of the universe's existance.


9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?

A bus comes more than once.

The person is asking if they missed a bus recently. One can get to a bus stop just in time to see it drive off in to the distance.

These are my peeves these days:

1. The guy who, on an otherwise quiet train, feels the need to have his cell phone grafted to his ear for the entire trip... and won't move to the doors so as not to disturb people.

2. People who walk on the left, round a corner, then don't apologise after they bump into you at full speed.

3. IDIOTS that get off the highway from the center lane.

4. Falung Gong protestors. We know your life sucks and that China is repressing you. Fine. What the hell do you want us to do about it here in the US?

5. People that complain about veal. Especially the ones that eat meat anyway.

6. People that complain about elections that didn't go their way. Guess what? Some didn't go my way either. Get over it. And stop threatening to leave the country! Do it, or shut up and go ACT or PLAY MUSIC, that's what I'm paying my price of admission for!

7. People complaining about the cost of gas. The extra $5-10 a week isn't going to break them, mostly they're driving an SUV in the first place!

8. Anywhere that claims to be Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity. That's like being a racist and a member of the ACLU.

9. Unions.

10. Pundits. I don't care if it's Rush or Coulter or Franken or Garafalo. THEY ALL SUCK.

Guys - get over it.

I've already said that I didn't intend to plagarise this information, or to take credit for something somebody else had done - if you want, you can Google it and find the original creater - but that could take some time.

I was just sharing with you a couple of things that people had shared with me over time - I found them funny, not serious stuff.