NationStates Jolt Archive

I know no one here really cares, but Im in a bit of shock so Im making a post.

About a month ago I met a guy at the mall. We have this over-sized chess board, he kicked a friend of the familys ass and then we got to talking. He was flirtatious, and very nice, complimented me and he looked very good. He just got his hair done and he got new clothes. He explained to me how he goes through little fads, every once in a whiel he'll feel like spending money on video games, and then his hair, whatever. He had money, I looked like I had money (wearing a very nice leather jacket that I got at walmart for $25 canadian.

Another thing about him: he's practically a chess master. Someone said that while I was here and he was being humble and siad 'expert, not master'. He's involved in world champions or something and can kick anyones ass. Won an adult tournament at 12. Made watching chess fun, actually.

One thing that I really dont like about him was that he made fun of people. There were two emo/goth people that walked by and he started laughing that it was a guy, it was a guy. He was telling my friend of the family guy that it was a guy. He was wearing a black and purple striped shirt. Later on two guys from North Korea came by, the one didnt know what he was talking about but when Derik pointed out the purple, black, purple, black stripes on the guys shirt he got it and they both laughed.

Maybe a week after that I went back to the mall and he wasnt there but Gabor was, we had a chat, whatever, I went off to my friends place.

Now, about 2-3 weeks after that Gabor comes over and informs me that two weeks ago Derik shot himself. Apparently he was asking about me too.

*sigh*

So how many of you have had someone die? Not that I knew this guy at all, but the fact that he was asking about me...
I donno, Im just venting.

HEADSHOT!
:sniper:




Thats right, I went there.


Seriously though, Sucks that he died,the world needs more chess players

I'd be creeped out a little if someone was asking about me right before they shot themselves. You can't help it. Though whatever led to that is a frieght train that you couldn't have stopped and certainly wouldn't want to get in the way of. But you where able to document, meet, a unique cat while you still had the chance.

When I read stories of dynamic people who are only around for a moment I wonder whether it's better to be that individual or the one who tells thier story.

HEADSHOT!
:sniper:




Thats right, I went there.

That seemed unnecessary.

I don't know why he would've done this. He may have been depressed, or it always could've been an accident. Maybe even bipolar disorder.

Did the police look into it, because I see no plausible reason why he would suicide?

I don't kow really what to tell, I just hope that you don't feel guilty or anything. sometimes people just can't handle the pressures of real life, and chose to take the asy way out.

From what you tell, I think that he might have had high expectations placed out on, thhe kind that he realistically could not fill.

For what it is worth I'm sorry for the lost.

HEADSHOT!
Seriously though, Sucks that he died,the world needs more chess players


no, the world needs more go players.

I'm sorry.
For what it's worth, I had an ex boyfriend try to kill himself - didn't work, but he tried. I had no contact with him by that time, and I only found out several months later, but it's painful all the same.
I'm not sure there's anything I could say to make you feel better - I wish there was.

There is no way of explaining thereasons why a person kills himself. Mainly because normally, there is no single rational reason.
It's not this "Oh my god, my wife left me/my pet died/I lost my job/nobody loves me/I just can't find the right shoes to wear with that dress" kind of thinking, it is so much more complex than that. And it also is very emotional, very hard to put into words.
I've attempted suicide before, and I probably could write a book about my mental stage at that time, but that still wouldn't make things any clearer to anybody else.

It is very hard to lose somebody this way, even if it wasn't really friend or family but a mere acquaintance. You always ask yourself if there was something you could have done, something you overlooked, sometihng to help so this person wouldn't have killed himself.
No, there isn't. You aren't the only person he knew, you weren't a close friend, you most likely were not a person he would have confided in. Just as a person normally doesn't commit suicide because of one single person but rather a whole situation in life, one single erson is hardly ever enough to turn the tide and stop them.

Suicide is an incredibly selfish act. I often tend to think that my life belongs to me and I can end it whenever I choose, but that is simply not true. If I ever decide to do that, I will hurt the few people who love me beyond description, I will leave them and will no longer be able to be there for them and help them when they need me, I will cause them to feel guilty whenever they think of me, just as you feel guilty about the suicide of somebody you hardly knew. Most people who take their own lives are concious of this fact. If they still do it... what do you think could you possibly have said or done to make them stay?

no, the world needs more go players.

Absolutely! :D

I don't kow really what to tell, I just hope that you don't feel guilty or anything. sometimes people just can't handle the pressures of real life, and chose to take the asy way out.
Anyone who says suicide is the "easy way out" obviously has no experience with suicide whatsoever. I struggled through suicidal depression for 4 years and never killed myself simply because it was easier just going through the motions of life and suffering through whatever happened to me than to build up enough courage to take my own life. It may be easy to consider suicide as a solution to all the problems you are facing in life, but to actually go through with it requires a very extreme state of mind that most people couldn't even begin to comprehend, one that overrides the most basic instinct of any and all forms of life: survival at any cost. So to call it the easy way out and imply that anyone who commits suicide is a coward only shows your ignorance. You really can't understand just how hard a decision suicide truly is until you start going to bed on a nightly basis praying that you do not wake up in the morning, and until you do, you have no right to judge people who find their life so difficult that death seems like a blessing.

Anyone who says suicide is the "easy way out" obviously has no experience with suicide whatsoever. I struggled through suicidal depression for 4 years and never killed myself simply because it was easier just going through the motions of life and suffering through whatever happened to me than to build up enough courage to take my own life. It may be easy to consider suicide as a solution to all the problems you are facing in life, but to actually go through with it requires a very extreme state of mind that most people couldn't even begin to comprehend, one that overrides the most basic instinct of any and all forms of life: survival at any cost. So to call it the easy way out and imply that anyone who commits suicide is a coward only shows your ignorance. You really can't understand just how hard a decision suicide truly is until you start going to bed on a nightly basis praying that you do not wake up in the morning, and until you do, you have no right to judge people who find their life so difficult that death seems like a blessing.

Maybe for you. Lots of guys find it pretty easy to pull the trigger to escape minor difficulties, e.g. divorce, job stress, etc. You probably just have a suicide-resistant personality. Even the depressed may have a suicide-resistant personality.

--snippollonia--
So how many of you have had someone die? Not that I knew this guy at all, but the fact that he was asking about me...
I donno, Im just venting.

My condolences.

Don't read too much into it. Chances are he was in the oubliette too deeply already when you met him. Some holes don't let you out.

Maybe for you. Lots of guys find it pretty easy to pull the trigger to escape minor difficulties, e.g. divorce, job stress, etc. You probably just have a suicide-resistant personality. Even the depressed may have a suicide-resistant personality.

About 90% of those who commit suicide have at least one psychiatric disorder.

And not all depression is the same.

Just like not all cancer is the same.

About 90% of those who commit suicide have at least one psychiatric disorder.

And not all depression is the same.

Just like not all cancer is the same.

100% of people have been depressed, to boot! What a world. I don't remember saying all depression was the same, only that for quite a few people that I have known, pulling the trigger isn't much of a challenge.

I knew a guy who died. Of natural causes. He was 100...

Maybe for you. Lots of guys find it pretty easy to pull the trigger to escape minor difficulties, e.g. divorce, job stress, etc. You probably just have a suicide-resistant personality. Even the depressed may have a suicide-resistant personality.
Oh, so you know exactly what was going through their mind that convinced them to pull the trigger? Knew exactly how long they struggled with the thought of it before finally going through with it? On the outside yeah, it may seem like a pretty easy decision, but just because it's all over after a seemingly simple pull of the trigger doesn't mean it was something they just spontaneously decided to do without the slightest of hesitation or second thought. Again, it's easy for you to claim how easy of a decision it was, but I doubt you know anything about it at all.

100% of people have been depressed, to boot! What a world. I don't remember saying all depression was the same, only that for quite a few people that I have known, pulling the trigger isn't much of a challenge.

100% of all people have had clinical depression?

Or are you (a) deliberately using the word in a different sense than OD and I and/or (b) making shit up?

I love the lack of sensitivity of some righteous people when it comes to mental illness. :rolleyes:

My condolences, Istenert.

Four people I know have died in the space of the last 15 months.

One was a friend who died of solvent abuse. You are always told to look for the signs. I knew he was acting wierd but still, you don't think, or, you don't see the signs...blah.

One was a friend who killed himself, he just went abroad and well...killed himself.

A third died after a short illness.

The fourth was my uncle, he died of internal bleeding. He literally bled to death from complications after surgery.



I can only say that from what you have said you possibly made Derik's life happier by the fact he knew you, then perhaps then any other time in his life.

Unfortunatly, when someone feels they have no other choice in life but to end it, it's hard to get them out of that train of thought, and that train of thought started long before he met you, and that train of thought was hard to divert from in his mind. He had set his course through no fault of his own but whatever made him feel that way, and nothing anybody could do apart from specialist help could stop it.

His mocking of people for the clothes they wore shows a deflection of the hurt he felt onto someone else, by mocking them, and in his mind, diverting the attention of what he felt was his uncomftableness with himself and his fear of being mocked by others from him to another person, take away attention from himself so people would not mock him. A self defence mechanism for those insecure with themselves.

Again, you have my condolences.