NationStates Jolt Archive

Well last Sunday at around 9:30 the bloody JW came around for a nice little chat.

I thougt great these guys totally rule and will teach me something interesting..
But wait did they NO!

They wanted to tell me about Jesus and im thinking wow you cant say that name around here damn this isnt America!

right after the formalities have been cleared up.

So last Sunday the JWs came around as the polite person i am i thought id listen to them for a while-about 3 minutes and then send them on their way.

So its fine they ask me the normal questions of so 'Who was Jesus' of course my answer is a mexican who lives down by the river under the bridge shooting up on Crack and the likes.

Nah what i really said was God or something

They also probably asked me my views on Creation and on the bible.
My answer to these was 'i have my views'
thy said the Bible is 1337 of course and so i was well yeah!
Basically i wouldnt disagree with them 1 because i might agree but more importantly i dont want to be Converted to something i feel comfortable with already being.

So the Lady(If you can call her that) asked my name i of course gave it.
and she said 'Nice to meet you Theodoric'-Not my real name......

and then offered me some of their JW tripe i took it as i wanted them gone and so they went off to leave.
Im thinking great their gone and so just as they arte about to leave the stupid clown calls me Neodoric-Not my real name

WOW im thinking thats great you want to enlighten me but your not prepared to remember my name 3 minutes after meeting me great your going to hell!

So anyone else had Biblebasher/Pavement preacher Troubles?

Official Harlesburg Disclaimer #3 i have no idea if they were JW but they normally are so they get blamed

Agreed, JW are not good.

They once came to my door too but I was too bored to go through that happy conversation.
So I agreed to take any of their JW pamphlets they wanted me to take to get rid of them as fast as I could.

The damn papers weren't even good for warming up the sauna...

I just say I'm Buddhist (according to what I put on the last census :) )
Standing in front of small Buddhist shrine set-up helps too.

You should take my friends advice and just tell them you're Amish.

Next time, be very polite. Open the door, say "No thank you," in a loud booming voice, and slam the door in their face. :D Or invite them in for a beer or shot of whiskey. :)

Last time I ever got bothered, I let them talk for several minutes before they tried to and me a pamphlet. I waited for several seconds without speaking, but staring right at them while they had their arm outstretched proffering me said pamphlet. I could see their confusion in their eyes and just as they were about to take back the leaflet, I finally spoke:
"I believe God is dead"
"Oh.oh.um.oh.ok. well goodbye"

Never got bothered again while I lived there.

Next time, be very polite. Open the door, say "No thank you," in a loud booming voice, and slam the door in their face. :D Or invite them in for a beer or shot of whiskey. :)
I love the story a few years ago in Oz where a guy invited in two brethren and offered them hash brownies while they went about trying to convert him. They had a massive dope attack when they left and had to be taken to hospital.
While that part is pretty bad - it would be a pretty frightening experience to be fed a drug and not be told - why I had little sympathy for the Brethren was because they ate something like 20 cookies each.
Now, in my book that's being extremely rude. To be invited into a strangers house and proceed to eat every homemade cookie there is very uncouth and churlish. That sort of greed and selfishness deserved to be punished.

I was raised Witness. You know I had no idea we were so annoying until I left that evil religion

I was raised Witness. You know I had no idea we were so annoying until I left that evil religion

Any "old" friends tried to convert you back?

I had them try to chat with me while I was hauling in a 50lb crate of 7.62 x 54R ammo. That sucked as they would not let me get into my place until they had said what they were going to say.

Yeah, on several occasions. It is best just to speak in tongues to scare them away.

I was raised Witness. You know I had no idea we were so annoying until I left that evil religion

Is it true they do not believe Jesus is the Messiah?

I would engage them in a philosophical dialog on the existence of God until they gave up

I had a JW at my door the other day, with some literature about how science does not contradict religion, and so I proceded to do his work for him by stating the hard-line Creationism position on various items, countering myself with the rabid hard-Atheist side of the argument and counter-counter-arguing with the soft-atheist/agnostic POV that was (compared with either prior point) essentially in his territory, and then some small platitude such as "which of course is only my opinion" before moving onto the next item that came to mind (or any that he managed to interject, in between my own conversation).

And most of it is thanks to what I've learnt here on NationStates. So thankyou everyone. (Whether you're like Grave_N_Idle or like Personal Responsibilit, your views were quite useful to me.)

He made his excuses and left after a few minutes, and I felt good about it... (Does that mean I'm not going to get to Heaven now?)

[edit: Oooh, how appropriate I was following on from Letila's response, which I've only just now read... Yes, that's the approach, except you were more succinct about it... ;)]

hmmmm Theodoric, they came to convert you to christianity on SUNDAY MORNING?

next time ask them why they arent in church and wonder how holy they are keeping the lords day. tell them that you would kick their asses but that would constitute working on the sabbath and that you must now go back to your intense prayer and bible study.

remember that nothing good comes of opening the door to a solicitor on sunday mornings.

Is it true they do not believe Jesus is the Messiah?
they believe jesus is the messiah but not that he is the only begotten son of god. he is the archangel michael.

they dont believe in the trinity.

Official Harlesburg Disclaimer #3 i have no idea if they were JW but they normally are so they get blamed
if they didnt try to sell you the current issue of the watchtower, they probably werent jws.

hmmmm Theodoric, they came to convert you to christianity on SUNDAY MORNING?

next time ask them why they arent in church and wonder how holy they are keeping the lords day. tell them that you would kick their asses but that would constitute working on the sabbath and that you must now go back to your intense prayer and bible study.

remember that nothing good comes of opening the door to a solicitor on sunday mornings.

I do believe their holy day is Saturday. Pretty smart coming on a Sunday morning when most Christians are in Church. They know they will be talking to the backsliders and non-Christians. Narrows down the possibility of getting into any serious theological discussions with Christians. Yep, pretty smart of them.

- from last year, an anecdote about christian proselytizing:


http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=375236&highlight=mormons


- enjoy.

last time jehovas witnesses came to my door, i told tme to wait a minute, put a cross down on my front lawn, and lit it on fire, it didnt burn to well, but they got the message. bastards....

I had a JW at my door the other day, with some literature about how science does not contradict religion, and so I proceded to do his work for him by stating the hard-line Creationism position on various items, countering myself with the rabid hard-Atheist side of the argument and counter-counter-arguing with the soft-atheist/agnostic POV that was (compared with either prior point) essentially in his territory, and then some small platitude such as "which of course is only my opinion" before moving onto the next item that came to mind (or any that he managed to interject, in between my own conversation).

And most of it is thanks to what I've learnt here on NationStates. So thankyou everyone. (Whether you're like Grave_N_Idle or like Personal Responsibilit, your views were quite useful to me.)

He made his excuses and left after a few minutes, and I felt good about it... (Does that mean I'm not going to get to Heaven now?)

[edit: Oooh, how appropriate I was following on from Letila's response, which I've only just now read... Yes, that's the approach, except you were more succinct about it... ;)]
thats what they tried to get me with i put it the ill look at it later pile-Its a big pile!

Official Harlesburg Disclaimer #3 i have no idea if they were JW but they normally are so they get blamed
if they didnt try to sell you the current issue of the watchtower, they probably werent jws.
Actually thats the brochure they offered me!

Visits by JW can be enormously fun. I like to preach to them about Scientology. It really confuses them. Scrape your Thetans!

- from last year, an anecdote about christian proselytizing:


http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=375236&highlight=mormons


- enjoy.

Love it, thank you. :D

I once had JWs at my door when I was sick one weekday. I was polite and listend and I cound not get rid of them. It was really scary for me because I was a child home alone and I couldn't get rid of them no matter how hard I tried. Eventually I was given one of their books about Jesus visiting South America and managed to get rid of them. Then they called up the next day (They must have looked us up in the phone book) to ask my parents how I was going. My folks were pretty pissed that I accepted their book (Baptists) and so (I'm probably going to offend someone) I burnt their holy book in a bucket. It burnt green.

It's best to make it clear you're not interested when Jehovas Witnesses (or similar) come visiting. Either that or try to convince them that they're wrong.

Just invite them in next time saying: "A discussion of religion you say? Wonderful we were just about to sacrifice a goat and talk about what Satan means to us. It'd be nice to have some new input in the group."

Of course if they do come in and you don't have a goat and/or a group of Satanists handy you might look stupid, so best to keep both in the house at all times.

Just invite them in next time saying: "A discussion of religion you say? Wonderful we were just about to sacrifice a goat and talk about what Satan means to us. It'd be nice to have some new input in the group."

Of course if they do come in and you don't have a goat and/or a group of Satanists handy you might look stupid, so best to keep both in the house at all times.

Easier way - answer the door with no shirt on and a satanic pentagram drawn on your chest.

Easier way - answer the door with no shirt on and a satanic pentagram drawn on your chest.

True, but then what excuse will i give people for keeping a goat in my bedroom ;)

True, but then what excuse will i give people for keeping a goat in my bedroom ;)
Yeah, people may start to talk. Anyway, I like receiving jws because they make good offerings for Baal. They burn nicely.

The JW came to my door just today. Same lady who came about a month ago. Once again, I was polite, but formally so. I've come to the place where I try not to disturb another person's faith anymore than I have to. After all, it may be the only thing standing between her or him and total insanity.

Well last Sunday at around 9:30 the bloody JW came around for a nice little chat. ... So the Lady(If you can call her that) asked my name i of course gave it. and she said 'Nice to meet you Theodoric'-Not my real name......

and then offered me some of their JW tripe i took it .... Well now they'll be back for sure. You've exhibited 'good soil'.

I do believe their holy day is Saturday. ...Not so. JW's don't keep a specific holy day, for each day is holy, blah blah. Congregations (at least in the U.S.) hold meetings on Sunday afternoons (as well as Wednesday and Friday evenings) leaving Sunday mornings for witnessing. You're right about the targeting of the unchurched.

Last time it was the Mormons. It was about 9-9:30am on a Saturday morning, after a big night on the turps. I took one look at them & the conversation went something like this:

Me: "You're Mormons aren't you?"

Them: "Yes."

Me: "Well piss off then."

Shut the door in their faces.

Edit: Normally I'm polite & just say no thanks, but I wasn't feeling too flash that morning.

I prefer to smile blankly, say 'yes' every thirty seconds and giggle occasionaly.
That usualy puts them off.

Haven't had any problems in years.

Growing up in Texas, we got visited about once a month by various flavors.
In Japan, foreign missionaries and various Japanese groups (Christian and Japanese cults) exist in smaller amounts. There used to be some active JWs, Mormons, and Mahikari (Japanese cult) in the neighborhood, but they've kept away for a number of years now.

The Aum Shinrikyo incident, and other bad press for cults has given all the Japanese cults a bad name.

One of my old neighbors strung along this pair of JWs who brought him sandwiches and box lunches all the time, while he laughed at them behind their back. It took a couple of months before they cottoned on. That seems to have been an effective deterrent to the JWs.

And the LDS missionaries tend to concentrate on Japanese, and leave the gaijin alone.

My brother came up with a great one.
A couple of proselytizers came up to the door and asked him to attend their church. He said "No thanks, I'm an atheist."
The guy said "Aren't you afraid you'll go to hell?"
Brother: No, because I'm an atheist.
Proselytizer : But aren't you afraid you'll go to hell?
Brother: Let's pretend there's a tribe in South America that thinks if you don't light a fire in front of your door at night the Ooga-Booga Man will come and get you. Do you light a fire in front of your door at night?
Proselytizer : No
Brother: Aren't you afraid the Ooga-Booga Man will get you?

My brother came up with a great one.
A couple of proselytizers came up to the door and asked him to attend their church. He said "No thanks, I'm an atheist."
The guy said "Aren't you afraid you'll go to hell?"
Brother: No, because I'm an atheist.
Proselytizer : But aren't you afraid you'll go to hell?
Brother: Let's pretend there's a tribe in South America that thinks if you don't light a fire in front of your door at night the Ooga-Booga Man will come and get you. Do you light a fire in front of your door at night?
Proselytizer : No
Brother: Aren't you afraid the Ooga-Booga Man will get you?
Ha quickly lights fire.

One time an old friend was at his place and the Mormons were just about to come to the door the Mormons hadnt seen him but basically they all jumped over the neighbours fence so as not to be seen that is commitment!