NationStates Jolt Archive

Guys, don't put a labtop on you lap, if you want to have children.

People who refer to themselves as "nice" generally aren't.

Guys, don't put a labtop on you lap, if you want to have children.

also don't carry a phone in your pockets, get the mumps, smoke pot or cigarettes or watch tv all the time

Duck.

When you need a helping hand, look to the end of your arm.

dont have your wallet in your back pocket, it can skew your back

Procrastination is fun, but it gets expensive. Try to work up the motivation to get things done ahead of time.

When changing to play sport always (And I mean ALWAYS) pee before applying deep heat or Ralgex

Always be honest with yourself and everyone else, no matter how painful...and always take responsibility for your own actions. Excuses are for the weak.

don't flush tampoons down the shitter

don't flush tampoons down the shitter

i think it's just the compax ones you're thinkin bout, the rest are fine to flush

i think it's just the compax ones you're thinkin bout, the rest are fine to flush

I dont know what the compax ones are... my friend heathers dad is a plumber and says dont ever flush tampons. They had to dig up their whole yard and clean out some pipes.

When you're running a 10k race, or a marathon, and you take a handful of what you think is Vaseline for lubing the inside of your chafed thighs, make sure it isn't Ben Gay before you slap it on.

I dont know what the compax ones are... my friend heathers dad is a plumber and says dont ever flush tampons. They had to dig up their whole yard and clean out some pipes.

If you are man and you are flushing tampons, there is a whole host of other questions to consider before wondering about what it will do to your plumbing...

If you are man and you are flushing tampons, there is a whole host of other questions to consider before wondering about what it will do to your plumbing...


lol - well he was talking about the havok/expense his daughter cause by flushing tampoons

never pee into a strong wind

classic but true

Never volunteer information to the cops unless you're sure that they're going to find out anyway. If you're sure they're going to find out, volunteer the information quickly.

Don't try to post more often per day than...shall we say certain people? ;)

Don't bother to wear clean underwear just in case you get in an accident or are killed - if it's something bad enough to seriously injure you or kill you, you're going to crap your pants in any event.

Don't bother to wear clean underwear just in case you get in an accident or are killed - if it's something bad enough to seriously injure you or kill you, you're going to crap your pants in any event.
who the hell does that anyway? :confused:

who the hell does that anyway? :confused:
Moms will always tell you to wear clean underwear in case of accident or death. I say let it rot.

Moms will always tell you to wear clean underwear in case of accident or death. I say let it rot.
what is "clean" underwear?;)

what is "clean" underwear?;)
Wow, I didn't know that smell was from Cardiff. I thought that was the stench from Hull.

what is "clean" underwear?;)

If you're in an accident and your underwear moves to a safe location on its own while you die, your underwear was not clean.

Never whistle while your pissing.

Never, ever press the big red shiny button.

Smile, it brightens two days.

A large part of being mature is knowing when and how to be immature.

It is better to shoot for the stars and miss, than shoot for the ground and hit.

More to come.....

dont have your wallet in your back pocket, it can skew your back


The most ingenious solution i've heard to this problem is as follows:

Get two small wallets, keep one in each back pocket (for balance)

Also, you can keep some cash in one and maybe one card, and all of your important stuff in the other so that if you are robbed, you can hand over the cash one and keep most of your valuables.

No matter how angry you are, never punch anything harder than your hand.

That which is white and sweet is not always sugar..l.

Don't absorb any energy fields larger than your head.

Dont mix speed and binge drinking...

Never trip in front of a row of rusty metal spikes.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

Never dive head-first into a mudpit unless you've thoroughly explored it first.

Just don't.

The Vulcan Shoulder Pinch doesn't work in reality, so don't count on it when you really need it!

Don't attempt to close a pot of paint by punching the lid. Unless you want paint splashed in your eyes.

Don't attempt to close a pot of paint by punching the lid. Unless you want paint splashed in your eyes.

I've gotten paint in my eyes. Wasn't fun. :(

Like a dog returns to his vomit, so to does a fool to his folly.

Who says reading the Bible can't be entertaining. . .

"'Never make a woman angry and then be stupid enough to hand her something to throw at you.'"
-- M.R. Sellars, Harm None: a rowan gant investigation

If someone puts you in a sleeper hold, watch out. Your anus really hurts the next day.

(From Chappelle's Show)

It's not often a good idea to yell "Shut the fuck up!" in public, especially in church or during religous events......but I never did that >_> <_< >_> <_<

Break dancing is the most useful skill you will ever obtain.

Once lucky.

Twice confident.

Thrice dead.

Don't try to perform an abortion on a pygmy shrew. The Humane Society will be after you. ;)

Don't eat yellow snow.

dont eat raisins right out of the box without looking at them if the box has been open for a while. those crunchy bits arent stray grape seeds.

Life is like a box of hangover :(

“...focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in
finishing an activity but in doing it.”

-- Greg Anderson

For males: never run along a root-strewn path while carrying an open pair of scissors near your reproductive organs. ;)

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe