NationStates Jolt Archive

Two days ago, 11th of May, was the anniversary of the death of one of the worlds greatest authers, Douglas Noel Adams. I thought that we could honour his death by posting our favorite Hitchhikers quotes.

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"This is an important announcement. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark." - So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

"So when the Strangulous Stillettans of Jajazikstak joined in the fray and forced them (The Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax) to fight another front in the Gamma Caves of Carfrax and the Ice Storms of Varlengooten, they decided that enough was enough, and they ordered Hactar to design for them an Ultimate Weapon."
"'What do you mean,' asked Hactar, 'by Ultimate?'"
"To which the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax said, 'Read a bloody dictionary', and plunged back into the fray." - Life, the Universe and Everything

"At the back of the Restaurant the stony-faced party from the Church of the Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon leaped ecstatically to their feet chanting and crying.
"Max blinked in amazement. He threw up his arms to the audience.
"'A big hand please, ladies and gentlemen,' he hollered, 'for the Great Prophet Zarquon! He has come! Zarquon has come again!'
"Thunderous applause broke out as Max strode across the stage and handed his microphone to the Prophet.
"Zarquon coughed. He peered round at the assembled gathering. The stars in his eyes twinkled uneasily. He handled the microphone with confusion.
"'Er...' he said, 'hello. Er, look, I'm sorry I'm a bit late. I've had the most ghastly time, all sorts of things cropping up at the last moment.'
"He seemed nervous of the expectant awed hush. He cleared his throat.
"'Er, how are we for time?' he said. 'Have I just got a min-'
"And so the Universe ended." - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual impossibility, then it must logically be a finite improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea...and turn it on!
"He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long-sought-after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air.
"It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smart-ass." - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I could go on all day. :)

"I didn't ask to be made. no-one consulted me or asked my feelings about the matter. I don't even get a cursory glance into my feelings. After I was made i was left in a dark room for six months, and me with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I called for someone in my lonelyness, but did anyone come? did they hell. my first and only true friend was a small rat. One day it crawled into a cavity in my right ankle and died. i have a horrible feeling its still there."
- Marvin

love that character:p

RIP Douglas, you genious, you

From book 1 of the "trilogy":

A hole had just appeared in the Galaxy. It was exactly a
nothingth of a second long, a nothingth of an inch wide, and
quite a lot of million light years from end to end.

As it closed up lots of paper hats and party balloons fell out of
it and drifted off through the universe. A team of seven three-
foot-high market analysts fell out of it and died, partly of
asphyxication, partly of surprise.

Two hundred and thirty-nine thousand lightly fried eggs fell out
of it too, materializing in a large woobly heap on the famine-
struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system.

The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one
last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later.

The nothingth of a second for which the hole existed reverberated
backwards and forwards through time in a most improbable fashion.
Somewhere in the deeply remote past it seriously traumatized a
small random group of atoms drifting through the empty sterility
of space and made them cling together in the most extraordinarily
unlikely patterns. These patterns quickly learnt to copy
themselves (this was part of what was so extraordinary of the
patterns) and went on to cause massive trouble on every planet
they drifted on to. That was how life began in the Universe.

"Would you like me to go into a corner and rust or just fall apart where i'm standing?" - Marvin, Book 1

"But Mr Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine month."

"Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."

"But the plans were on display ..."

"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."

"That's the display department."

"With a flashlight."

"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."

"So had the stairs."

"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'." - Book 1

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'."
lamo :p

man i love douglas adams :D

"As ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks dont"

" 'You better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace, its unpleasently like being drunk'
'Whats so unpleasant about being drunk?'
'You ask a glass of water' "

DNA RIP

I read the Salmon of Doubt a while ago, I recomend it to anyone who liked the guide and wants to know more about DNA. It contains some interviews, letters, ideas and an unfinished book. It's hillarious.

"As ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks dont"

I can't help but piss myself whenever I read that.

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxication in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."

"Why, what did she tell you?"

"I don't know, I didn't listen."