NationStates Jolt Archive


Things you have to believe to be a republican today.

Domici
10-05-2005, 20:08
Because I've seen this annoying retarded thread again (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=418284) I decided that this deserved to be posted again.

# Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

# The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

# Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

# “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

# A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

# Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

# The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

# Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

# If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

# A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

# HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

# Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

# Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

# Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

# A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

# Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

# The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

# You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

# What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

# Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
GrandBill
10-05-2005, 20:35
# Beleive Global warming is a good thing since your gonna be able to wear your shorts 1 month sooner.
New Genoa
10-05-2005, 20:56
Things you have to believe to be a Green Party member

#smoke pot
#smoke pot
#the environment is more important than people
#smoke pot
#smoke pot
#animals have well-developed feelings and should be allowed to run for office
#minorities should be reimbursed fully monetarily for the suffering of their ancestors of 50+ years ago by people who had nothing to do with those sufferings.
#trees can talk
#Ralph Nader is enligthened
#America is a filthy racist sexist homophobic cesspool, but affirmative action is not
##
#,#
#: braces!
Matchopolis
10-05-2005, 21:01
I'm proud of you taking the High Road!

Domici, CBS News is hiring. Pays good and you don't have to worry about research.
New Genoa
10-05-2005, 21:09
I'm proud of you taking the High Road!

Domici, CBS News is hiring. Pays good and you don't have to worry about research.

Work is slavery, ya know.
Soviet Narco State
10-05-2005, 21:14
Another thing Republicans have to believe:

Bush's Relationship with Saudi Royalty is strictly platonic!

http://images.chron.com/content/news/photos/05/04/27/bush.jpg
Domici
10-05-2005, 21:17
I'm proud of you taking the High Road!

Domici, CBS News is hiring. Pays good and you don't have to worry about research.

Ya, it's a lot easier than on FOX news where you have to pay careful attention to detail lest you accidentally say something that might be true.
Great Beer and Food
10-05-2005, 21:17
Things you have to believe to be a human:

That in an almost infinite universe filled with enormous structures, both matter and energy, which are constantly destroying and rebuilding each other over countless eons..... we actually matter.
Keruvalia
10-05-2005, 21:30
Can't we just keep all this to one single, mega political party bashing thread?
Lochiel
10-05-2005, 21:33
Can't we just keep all this to one single, mega political party bashing thread?

Nah...doesn't happen that way.
Catushkoti
10-05-2005, 22:19
Things you have to believe to be a Green Party member


I'm a Green Party guy, and I resent your accuracy. I also resent your implication that we ever do anything other than smoke pot. And your ability to make me chuckle.
Pure Metal
10-05-2005, 22:31
# Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

-snip-

# Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
too true
[NS]Simonist
11-05-2005, 12:27
Domici.

I love you.

Can I PLEASE steal that for my weblog? I'll totally not take credit (which I wouldn't deserve, as I couldn't come up with all that on even the most EXTREME "inspiration" trip).....but that simply BEGS to be shared.
Rusko
11-05-2005, 12:38
Boohoo!

Get a life moron.
Cyberpolis
11-05-2005, 12:53
Ya, it's a lot easier than on FOX news where you have to pay careful attention to detail lest you accidentally say something that might be true.

*stand up round of applause*

Blessings
Cyber
Falhaar
11-05-2005, 12:56
Holy "Shallow Us-Verus-Them-Mentality" BATMAN!!!!