Constantinopolis
10-05-2005, 16:43
Americans advised to prepare for Franco-Russian occupation
As recently as two years ago, this picture was taken of U.S. president George W. Bush weilding the One Ring:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Frodo_has_failed.jpg
Americans felt safe under the protection and watchful eye of the Dark Lord. They felt proud of their status as the world's only superpower, granted upon them by the posession of the One Ring. But, unknown to ordinary Americans, the Ring became lost to the Dark Lord soon after declaring Mission Accomplished in Iraq. To this day, it is unclear how Bush lost the Ring, though many learned scholars theorize that he traded it for a bag of pretzels when he was short on cash.
In any case, without the power of the Ring, Bush's plans began to unravel. An Iraqi insurgency formed and began to grow, mocking the president's announcement of "mission accomplished" (which was made at a time when he still had the Ring). To make matters worse, the loss of the Ring made it impossible for Bush to carry out his plan of deceiving world opinion with fake nuclear weapons created and planted in Iraq by the power of the Ring. Only at home, in the USA, where the Ring had been used most often, its dark magic lingered on enough to give Bush a victory in the 2004 elections.
In the Dark Lord's entourage, all believed that the Ring was lost forver... until this year's May 9th celebrations in Moscow. While the world believed that they were only organized in order to mark the 60th anniversary of the end of the second world war, Russian president Vladimir Putin had a much more sinister purpose in mind. He wanted to meet Bush in person at a grand event that would demonstrate Russia's new might... in more ways than one. Here, caught on camera, is the moment of truth:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/putin_has_the_ring.png
Putin reveals to a shocked Bush that he holds the One Ring now, and he explains his unstoppable plans for world domination. The days of the United States of America are numbered. Bush will have no choice but to surrender himself and his country to the new Dark Lord, Vladimir Putin of Russia.
It is expected that Bush will soon announce the American people of the imminent subjugation of their country, and advise them to bow to their new Russian masters.
But the Russians have not obtained the One Ring on their own. Another shocking photo from the 9 May celebration reveals who was behind them all along:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Chirac_Putin.jpg
French President Jacques Chirac gives Putin the thumbs up mere moments after he declared his evil intentions to Bush. The worst fear of American patriots everywhere has come true: The treacherous French found the One Ring and took it to Russia, where they signed a secret dark pact with the Russians to work together for the enslavement of the human race. As a first taste of the coming darkness, the territory once known as the United States of America will be divided into Russian and French occupation zones, named Новая Россия and Nouvelle France, respectively. The first draft of the division between the two occupation zones can be seen below:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Franco-Russian_USA.gif
The Russians have agreed to let the French have the Statue of Liberty, which currently stands in the future Russian occupation zone, off the coast of New Leningrad (as the city will soon be known). The statue will be transported back to France and re-carved in the shape of a giant potato, as vengeance for the American blasphemy of "freedom fries". For that matter, the word "freedom" will be eliminated from the English language and replaced with the word "French". The English language itself will be slowly phased out over a period of 20 years (16 years in Новая Россия, since the Russians insist on completing every five-year plan in four years), to be replaced with Russian and French.
One of the major disagreements between the Russians and the French was over the new symbol that would be used to represent Новая Россия and Nouvelle France after the occupation. The Russians insisted on their imperial two-headed eagle while the French refused to accept anything other than the Gallic rooster. In the end, as a compromise, it was decided that the symbol will be a two-headed chicken.
Finally, a comprehensive program of re-education is being discussed by America's new overlords, with the aim of creating a new American culture by fusing the best elements of Russian and French cultures. The only thing decided so far is that the staple diet for all Americans will consist of cheese and vodka.
All supporters of the old regime who refuse to collaborate with the Franco-Russian authorities will be ruthlessly hunted down, arrested and given the choice of being deported to either Siberia or France. It it expected that most will choose Siberia.
As recently as two years ago, this picture was taken of U.S. president George W. Bush weilding the One Ring:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Frodo_has_failed.jpg
Americans felt safe under the protection and watchful eye of the Dark Lord. They felt proud of their status as the world's only superpower, granted upon them by the posession of the One Ring. But, unknown to ordinary Americans, the Ring became lost to the Dark Lord soon after declaring Mission Accomplished in Iraq. To this day, it is unclear how Bush lost the Ring, though many learned scholars theorize that he traded it for a bag of pretzels when he was short on cash.
In any case, without the power of the Ring, Bush's plans began to unravel. An Iraqi insurgency formed and began to grow, mocking the president's announcement of "mission accomplished" (which was made at a time when he still had the Ring). To make matters worse, the loss of the Ring made it impossible for Bush to carry out his plan of deceiving world opinion with fake nuclear weapons created and planted in Iraq by the power of the Ring. Only at home, in the USA, where the Ring had been used most often, its dark magic lingered on enough to give Bush a victory in the 2004 elections.
In the Dark Lord's entourage, all believed that the Ring was lost forver... until this year's May 9th celebrations in Moscow. While the world believed that they were only organized in order to mark the 60th anniversary of the end of the second world war, Russian president Vladimir Putin had a much more sinister purpose in mind. He wanted to meet Bush in person at a grand event that would demonstrate Russia's new might... in more ways than one. Here, caught on camera, is the moment of truth:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/putin_has_the_ring.png
Putin reveals to a shocked Bush that he holds the One Ring now, and he explains his unstoppable plans for world domination. The days of the United States of America are numbered. Bush will have no choice but to surrender himself and his country to the new Dark Lord, Vladimir Putin of Russia.
It is expected that Bush will soon announce the American people of the imminent subjugation of their country, and advise them to bow to their new Russian masters.
But the Russians have not obtained the One Ring on their own. Another shocking photo from the 9 May celebration reveals who was behind them all along:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Chirac_Putin.jpg
French President Jacques Chirac gives Putin the thumbs up mere moments after he declared his evil intentions to Bush. The worst fear of American patriots everywhere has come true: The treacherous French found the One Ring and took it to Russia, where they signed a secret dark pact with the Russians to work together for the enslavement of the human race. As a first taste of the coming darkness, the territory once known as the United States of America will be divided into Russian and French occupation zones, named Новая Россия and Nouvelle France, respectively. The first draft of the division between the two occupation zones can be seen below:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v407/EdricO/Franco-Russian_USA.gif
The Russians have agreed to let the French have the Statue of Liberty, which currently stands in the future Russian occupation zone, off the coast of New Leningrad (as the city will soon be known). The statue will be transported back to France and re-carved in the shape of a giant potato, as vengeance for the American blasphemy of "freedom fries". For that matter, the word "freedom" will be eliminated from the English language and replaced with the word "French". The English language itself will be slowly phased out over a period of 20 years (16 years in Новая Россия, since the Russians insist on completing every five-year plan in four years), to be replaced with Russian and French.
One of the major disagreements between the Russians and the French was over the new symbol that would be used to represent Новая Россия and Nouvelle France after the occupation. The Russians insisted on their imperial two-headed eagle while the French refused to accept anything other than the Gallic rooster. In the end, as a compromise, it was decided that the symbol will be a two-headed chicken.
Finally, a comprehensive program of re-education is being discussed by America's new overlords, with the aim of creating a new American culture by fusing the best elements of Russian and French cultures. The only thing decided so far is that the staple diet for all Americans will consist of cheese and vodka.
All supporters of the old regime who refuse to collaborate with the Franco-Russian authorities will be ruthlessly hunted down, arrested and given the choice of being deported to either Siberia or France. It it expected that most will choose Siberia.