NationStates Jolt Archive

"Don't ever hit your mother with a shovel, it leaves a dull impression on her mind."

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dreams."


I have a feeling this thread will quickly sink into nothingness, dropping down down down to page two, then three then oblivion. There is a slight chance of it being moved to spam by the mods, but it seems sane enough to avoid this. I gave it the old college try!

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room"

"Evil shall always triumph, because good is dumb."
"Not that anyone cares, but the resturant is at the other end of the universe."
"Oh no, not again!"
"Every sperm is sacred..."
"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"We're on an elevator to hell, goin down!"

"Mandrake, in the name of her majesty and the continental congress feed me that belt!"

(in a Sean Connery voice)

"Schocking"

"Mandrake, in the name of her majesty and the continental congress feed me that belt!"
"Your commie has no regard for human life - not even his own"

"Your commie has no regard for human life - not even his own"

"Have you ever seen a commie drink tapwater Mandrake? Under no circumstances will a commie ever drink tapwater."

"Uh, Jack, when did you first notice this feeling?"
"Well Mandrake, it was during the physical act of love. I began to notice a certain sense of fatigue. Luckily I was able to interpret this correctly as a loss of essence. Women sense my power Mandrake but I deny them my essense."

"*cough cough* sexual AMBULANCE?"
"I don't wanna F*CK 'em, I just want to talk to them."
"Major is my NAME, NOT my rank."

There's gazillions more. I'd have to get back to this one.

THese aint really ones that are for good fun but I always liked them

"What you do in life, echos in eternity"--Gladitor

"Every man dies, not every man really lives"--Braveheart

"I love lamp."

"I'm all about havin fun. Get a few drinks in me and I might. . .start a fire in somebody's kitchen! Or go to the marine park and take off my pants!"

"you're bleedin'"
"I aint got time to bleed"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"Have you ever seen a commie drink tapwater Mandrake? Under no circumstances will a commie ever drink tapwater."

"Uh, Jack, when did you first notice this feeling?"
"Well Mandrake, it was during the physical act of love. I began to notice a certain sense of fatigue. Luckily I was able to interpret this correctly as a loss of essence. Women sense my power Mandrake but I deny them my essense."

"Vodka! Thats what they drink isnt it Mandrake"

and the best closing line
"Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaw!" Ka-boom!

"We belong dead."

"Man is born crying. When he dies, enough, he dies."

"Game over man! GAME OVER!"

"I never particularly lovable"

"You've come to shoot our prime minister. Well we don't shoot prime ministers in Sweden."

"Would you ever give a man a foot massage?"

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"

"I'm sorry Mr President. I don't dance."

''In the end, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, or when. But what we can choose is how we decide to meet that end, so we are remembered forever as men.''

''See this? *This* is my *boom stick*! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. *You got that*? ''

''Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town. ''

''I'm a Derek and Dereks don't run! ''

''Suck my spinning steel, shithead!''

''My mother was a pure woman from a noble family. And I, at least, know who my father is, you pig-eating son of a whore!''

'''Lo, there do I see my father. 'Lo, there do I see my mother, and my sisters, and my brothers. 'Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. 'Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them. In the halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live... forever.''

name 'em all :D

''In the end, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, or when. But what we can choose is how we decide to meet that end, so we are remembered forever as men.'' "Gladiator."
''See this? *This* is my *boom stick*! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. *You got that*? ''

''Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town. ''
Both from "Evil Dead: Army of Darkness"
''I'm a Derek and Dereks don't run! ''

''Suck my spinning steel, shithead!'' Both "Bad Taste".
''My mother was a pure woman from a noble family. And I, at least, know who my father is, you pig-eating son of a whore!''

'''Lo, there do I see my father. 'Lo, there do I see my mother, and my sisters, and my brothers. 'Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. 'Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them. In the halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live... forever.'' Both "The 13th Warrior".

Oh I forgot one.

"You got a horse for me?"
"Looks like we're one horse short."
"No... you brought two too many."

"Snoochy Boochies"

"you don' smoked your self retarded, boy"

"Tell me, general, do you not consider it cowardly to send your women carrying bombs in their handbags, to blow up civilians?"
"And do you not think it cowardly to bomb our people with napalm? Give us your airplanes and we will give you our women and their handbags."

[after showing him a clip from the porn movie starring Bunny]
Maude Lebowski: You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

classic, classic movie.

"Of course he has a knife, we all have knives. It's 1183 and we're barbarians!"

"I've snapped and plotted all my life. There's no other way to be alive, king and fifty all at once!"

"They'll think that somewhere along your pedigree a bitch got over the wall."

"The other day I said to my girlfriend 'I'd like a little pussy' and she said 'me too, mine's as big as a house!'"

"I was goin down on my girlfriend and I said 'Geeze you have a big pussy, geeze you have a big pussy!' and she said 'Why did you say it twice?' and I said 'I didn't'"

"Ya'll a bunch of slack jawed faggots 'round here, this stuff will make you a god damn sexual tyrannasaurous, just like me"

"You one UGLY motherfucker!"

"Have you ever seen a commie drink tapwater Mandrake? Under no circumstances will a commie ever drink tapwater."

"Uh, Jack, when did you first notice this feeling?"
"Well Mandrake, it was during the physical act of love. I began to notice a certain sense of fatigue. Luckily I was able to interpret this correctly as a loss of essence. Women sense my power Mandrake but I deny them my essense."

What film/films is/are these quotes from?

"The other day I said to my girlfriend 'I'd like a little pussy' and she said 'me too, mine's as big as a house!'"

"I was goin down on my girlfriend and I said 'Geeze you have a big pussy, geeze you have a big pussy!' and she said 'Why did you say it twice?' and I said 'I didn't'"

"Ya'll a bunch of slack jawed faggots 'round here, this stuff will make you a god damn sexual tyrannasaurous, just like me"

"You one UGLY motherfucker!"

Predator, it kicks ass, full of great quotes, especially the sexual tyrannasaurous

What film/films is/are these quotes from?

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb

The Women:

Where I spit, no grass grows ever.
____________________________________________________

Young Frankenstein:

Doctor Frankenstein (Gene Wilder): "Would you mind telling me ... who's brain ... I did put in?"

Igor (Marty Feldman): "And you won't be angry?"

Doctor Frankenstein: "I will NOT .. be .. angry."

Igor: "Abby someone."

Doctor Frankenstein: "Abby someone. Abby who?"

Igor: "Abby ... Normal."

Doctor Frankenstein: "Abby NORMAL."

Igor: "I'm almost sure that was the name."
______________________________________________________

Blazing Saddles (yes, I like Mel Brooks movies):

Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little): "What are your pleasures? What do you like to do?"

The Waco Kid (Gene Wilder): "Oh, I don't know. Play chess ... screw."

Sheriff Bart: "Well, let's play chess."

Danny Noonan: I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.

Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.

Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.

Ty Webb: I'm not sure where they are.

not from a movie, but:

\"It\'s hell being Mel\"

\"Please do not offer my God a peanut\"

"Come on lets get out of here. This is an American car, every time they get in an accident and flip over they explode."

"And tell the Pope to stop talking about me. He doesn't know me. And tell him that his hat looks fucking stupid."

"We're on an elevator to hell, goin down!"

"Mandrake, in the name of her majesty and the continental congress feed me that belt!"
on an express elevator

on an express elevator

oh I see! Mock me when I'm down and out!!!


and now for a quote. . .

Yeah, well, sometimes ya getta pooch that can't be screwed.

Which one a yous Glenn? Yeah, well, he's the one I wanna talk to.

John "Bluto" Blutarsky:
"Oh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto. We might get in trouble."Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me. I'm not gonna take this! Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer . . .
Eric "Otter" Stratton:
Dead. Bluto's right, psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight 'em with conventional weapons, that could take years, and cost millions of lives. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture, be done on somebody's part.



Charles De Mar:
Go that way, really fast; if something gets in your way . . . turn.
-----
Charles De Mar:
This is pure snow! It's everywhere! Have you any idea of what the street value of this mountain is?



Hedley Lamarr:
I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!


Edgar Friendly:
[A]ccording to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal?

Edgar Friendly:
I've seen the future. You know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin, sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing, "I'm an Oscar Meyer wiener."



Channel 9 Operator:
Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.
John McClane:
No fu**ing sh** lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?



Loki:
That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The Walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buda, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god Lord Ganesha. Now, that takes care of your Eastern religions. Now, the Carpenter, which is obviously a reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son. He represents the Western religions. Now, in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They dup all these oysters into following them, and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en mass. Now, I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths, based on mythological figures insures the destruction of ones inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out of, out of fear of some intangible parent figure that shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, "Do it . . . do it and I'll fu**in' spank you!"


Dr. Raymond Stantz:
Personally, I liked the University; they gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector--they expect results.


Peter Banning / Peter Pan:
You're a . . . You're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.


Roman Moronie:
I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel. You lousy cork-suckers. You have violated my fargin' rights. This suminonbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens, like me, could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin' ice holes, like yourselves.


Tank Girl:
[A] while ago, this humongous comet came crashing into the Earth. Bam! Total devastation. End of the world at we know it--no celebrities, no cable T.V., no water. It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now, 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub. So, it ain't all bad.

Tank Girl:
It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.


Ferris Bueller:
I do have a test today, that wasn't bullsh**. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

"We can't have sex, so lets do the next best thing....kill people."

"Fly fatass!"

I will think of more for this later.

In the German dubbed version, Darth Vader does not say "Apology accepted, Captain Needa." but "I take notice of your apology, Captain Needa." That always makes me chuckle.

"I don't believe in tipping."

Jay's rap.

"Make it so."

"If wishes were horses, we'd all eat steak."
- Jayne in a Firefly episode

I like that one. Also there are around a TON of Buffy quotes that are really tremedously hilarious. :)

The bountyhunter: I'm lookin for a man named Wales

JW: That'd be me.

The bountyhunter: You're a wanted man Wales.

JW: I reckon I'm right popular. You a bounty hunter?

The bountyhunter: A man's gotta do something to make a living these days.

JW: Dying ain't much of a living boy

:D

SEAS

Split Second
---------------------------------
"Detective Dick Derkins"

"I wonder if he stood on the bed to paint that?"
"Shouldn't be too hard to find if he did."
"Why do you say that?"
"He'll be over 7 feet tall."

"Harley? I'm working with a man named Harley?"

Cannibal women of the Avocado Jungle of Death.
---------------------------------
"This is a war! A war between men and women. Anything short of cannibalism is just beating around the bush."

"Do you know what jungle herb cures the poisonous bite of the river snake? Do you know where the only land route is around the white waters of death? Do you know the way through the secret maze caves that lie underneath hangman's cliff? Huh, do you? "
"Well, no, I don't. Do you? "
"Well, no, but I have this paperback. "

"They're an ancient commune of feminists, so radical, so militant, so left of center they... they eat their men. "
"Oh, that. Well, if I like a guy, I usually start at - "
"They don't eat their men like that, Bunny. "

Battle Beyond the Stars
--------------------------------------
"30 seconds and counting, Zed. 29, 28, 27, 24, 15, 22... did I... did I say 15?"

"It's not that I don't empathize; That's the Valkyrie Creed: 'Live fast, fight well and have a beautiful ending.'"
"NO VIOLENT DEATH IS BEAUTIFUL! "
"You've never seen a Valkyrie die, have you? "

VIZZINI: Inconceivable!
INIGO: Joo keep joozing that word -- I don'na think it means what you think it means.
____________

"I smell varmint poontang"

"He's about 500 yards away, and he's got a five-iron. [*whuph* and a dahlia explodes] "Hup, he got alla that one..."
____________

"Can you bang a six-inch nail through a two-by-four with your penis?
...a girl's gotta have her standards."

"In the immortal words of Socrates, 'I drank what?'"
____________

"They took the bar! They took the whole...fucking...bar!!!

"Flounder, face it -- you fucked up! You trusted us!"
____________

CYCLOPS: Wait, how do we know it's really him?
LOGAN: You're a dick.
CYCLOPS: It's him.
____________

"'What's a Nubian'.... Bitch, you almost made me laugh."

"Now that, my friend, is a 'shared moment'."
____________

OEDIPUS: "Give to Oedipus...give to -- Hey, Josephus!"
JOSEPHUS: "Hey, mothafucka..."

"You are nuts! N-V-T-S, nuts!"

GUARD: Seize him!
JOSEPHUS: Aw, seize this, honkus.
COMICUS: Jeez! Never say that to the cops!

CENTURION: Now who knows the punishment for assaulting a Centurion?
*crowd goes into a fit of raised hands and shouts of "ooh, me!"
CENTURION: Yes?
CITIZEN: Crucifixion?
CENTURION: No. You?
2ND CITIZEN: Stoning?
CENTURION: No. Yes, you?
OLD CITIZEN: They shove a living snake up your ass!
CENTURION: No...but that's...very good....

************

So many quotes, so little time!

The Boondock Saints
"We all must fear evil men, but there is another kind of evil we must fear most and that is the indifference of good men." -- Priest.

Monty Python and The Holy Grail
"I fart in your general direction." -- The Frenchman
"Now go away before I taunt you a second time." -- The Frenchman

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg

"I'll tell you what I do like...a killer. A dyed in the wool killer...cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would have immedeatly asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun."

-----------

Dr. Jones - "I didn't know you could fly a plane!"
Indiana Jones - "Fly, yes....land, NO!"

Boondock Saints
"In the early nineteen hundreds, it was legal for a man to beat his wife.....as long he used a stuck no wider then his thumb."
"Can't do much damage with then, can we? It should've been the rule of wrist."


"People in glass houses sink ships."


"Come on. It's Saint Patty's Day. Everyone's Irish tonight!"



"That's two sound theories in one night, and not one of them involving an overly obese man........I feel like Riverdancing."

"What are you doing?"
"I just wanted to cuddle."
"Cuddle......what a fag."

Pulp Fiction: "English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?"

OH... almost forgot... Monty Python's The Life of BrianBrian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...

Pulp Fiction: "English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?"

Some good ones in that film my favorite is this one:

"What?"
*BLAM!* [Sam L. shoots punk in the crotch]
"GO ON, SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN!"

I love that one because I talk to a lot of high school kids, and you say something right to their face, audibly and clearly -- usually something that informs them their behavior is in some way unacceptable -- and invariably, they say "what?"

I think any Monty Python movie has great quotes in it.

Some good ones in that film my favorite is this one:

"What?"
*BLAM!* [Sam L. shoots punk in the crotch]
"GO ON, SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN!"

I love that one because I talk to a lot of high school kids, and you say something right to their face, audibly and clearly -- usually something that informs them their behavior is in some way unacceptable -- and invariably, they say "what?"
It's not just high school kids. My 9 year old nephew does it. Drives me up the freakin' WALL. I love the boy...but sometimes he does things that make me want to strangle the shit out of him. :D

American History X
"I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why? 'Cause I control the underwear." -- the Inmate

"I believe in death, destruction, chaos filth and greed." -- Danny

Oh and the song that Seth sings, but that is mean.