NationStates Jolt Archive

..the fact. My query is this. If you have a friend whos going through a difficult time, and you give him advice. Not that he asks for it mind you, specifically without the friend asking, you give him advice, and he takes it, and it turns out the consequences of which turn out worse then had he decided to take on a course of action uniquely his own. Does that mean its your fault?

Now, this isnt any particular, or recent happenstance in my life. But due to my experience, I beleive that one should be wary of advice, because should you follow a recomended course of action, you are the one who must suffer the consequences, not the person giving the advice.

Is my reasoning flawed?

I realize it seems ironic that Im almost asking for advice on this point of view. Im just looking for an alternate perspective on the matter to be honest, and my fellow NSers are some of the most intelligent, eloquent folks I have met.

(And some of ya are dumber than a houseplant :) No names, Im not trolling or flaimbaiting here, jus trying to be as honest as I can be.)

So share your thoughts with me....

Everyone can give you advice, in the end it's up to you whether you want to follow what they said or not. since you have to take the decision(s) you're also the one to deal with the postive or negative consequences.
I thought that was the point of giving advice. You're not required to do anything you don't agree with. (that would be the difference between an order and advice).

Right, Im not using the argument to give an excuse to weak-minded people, who cant make up their own mind on something.

Usually I try to refrain from advice though, when a friend wants it, I usually say..."follow your own heart, man."

Not terribly helpful I know, but at the same time, I beleive that if you do what you feel is right in your heart, despite the consequences, you will feel right about whatever happens.

At least I did after a recently tough descision.

Mind you, when giving advice, you take on a responsibility as well. Most people who say "follow your heart" don't want that responsibility. But you should. Giving advice is an essential part of "being there" for someone. That said, the "advisee" should not blame you when things turn out bad - that's also weak-minded. You can, however, blame yourself - but it won't help. All you can do, is learn the lesson and try to improve yourself in the process - if that means that you learn about yourself that you utterly suck in giving advice, then you should act accordingly, and perhaps just listen and be understanding, without giving advice. But, I don't think anyone utterly sucks at giving advice. We all live life, and we all have experiences that are worth sharing with others. And if those experiences make it so that we can offer people another perspective of looking at things, a perspective that might help them, all the better. We should not, however, tell them explicitly what to do - just what you think might be best.

PS: Is this post vague enough? No seriously, it's a difficult subject

..the fact. My query is this. If you have a friend whos going through a difficult time, and you give him advice. Not that he asks for it mind you, specifically without the friend asking, you give him advice, and he takes it, and it turns out the consequences of which turn out worse then had he decided to take on a course of action uniquely his own. Does that mean its your fault?

Now, this isnt any particular, or recent happenstance in my life. But due to my experience, I beleive that one should be wary of advice, because should you follow a recomended course of action, you are the one who must suffer the consequences, not the person giving the advice.

Is my reasoning flawed?

I realize it seems ironic that Im almost asking for advice on this point of view. Im just looking for an alternate perspective on the matter to be honest, and my fellow NSers are some of the most intelligent, eloquent folks I have met.

(And some of ya are dumber than a houseplant :) No names, Im not trolling or flaimbaiting here, jus trying to be as honest as I can be.)

So share your thoughts with me....
If you were going to visit, say, the Australian Outback, and you knew someone who had been there, would you ask them about it?

giving advice is about perspective. as long as you dont insist that its the ONLY thing to do (well, ok if you find your friend on the bridge about to jump its OK to insist that its better to get off the railing). discussing the options, giving alternatives, nothing wrong with that, its up to HIM to see if it fits his circumstances.

If you were going to visit, say, the Australian Outback, and you knew someone who had been there, would you ask them about it?

Yes, I meant more in terms of dealing with personal situations, where no one answer seems clear.

I think in the end, you need to be able to rely on yourself. Not to say you can't or shouldn't ask for advice, far from it. Every so often everyone needs a little help. But at the end of the day you must make the decision whether or not to take the advice.

Make the choice carefully, because you will be facing the consequences.

I think in the end, you need to be able to rely on yourself. Not to say you can't or shouldn't ask for advice, far from it. Every so often everyone needs a little help. But at the end of the day you must make the decision whether or not to take the advice.

Make the choice carefully, because you will be facing the consequences.

True that.

If you take someone's advice you are then fully responsible for all consequences because you made the decision to take that course of action. You should be wary of taking advice from anyone not completely objective to the situation. Ironically, as cynical I am about taking advice I LOVE to give it.

When I give advice I'm simply offering my opinion, drawing from my own experiences and adding in some support/offering some hope. I make it clear that it's only my opinion and tell them that ultimately it's their choice-they make the decision and they deal with the consequences-but if they want advice (which obviously they do if they've asked) then I'll do what I can. I'll give an honest opinion (which they can make whatever they want of), support them in making their own choice and follow through with them whatever they do. I do my best not to give advice unless someone asks for it and will generally just get them to answer questions and talk about the situation so I can help them figure out how they feel about it all.

If you give bad advice, perhaps some responsibility is yours but it was their choice and if you gave it with best intentions beating yourself up over it is useless.

I sometimes ask advice and it can give me good ideas that i wouldn't have thought of otherwise, give me a new perspective or reassure me in a choice I was going to make. I would rarely go against what I feel is right just because of someone elses opinion and I don't think most people would.

If you ask for advice that's what you'll get. If you don't want it, don't ask for it. If you want it and get it than it's then up to you whether you follow it.

Self reliance is a good thing but sometimes other opinions are good and having the support and views of other people can be helpful.

If you were going to visit, say, the Australian Outback, and you knew someone who had been there, would you ask them about it?
pff, no. fuck them. i don't need their shit.

advice, on a serious matter, is not given because you want the reciever to follow it to the letter. when they are trying to make a difficult decision, you give advice as a means of sharing your own opinion on what they should do, and hope they take it into account at some point in the decision making process. this is not always the case, especially, as i said, with difficult decisions. i, myself, just had that experience. and i went to pretty much all of my friends for advice. and when they didn't tell me what i wanted to hear, i tended to shut them out. at any rate, in my opinion, its disengenuous to the point of being harmful in nature to not be honest when advising a friend. err. yeah. that was not the most cohesive and well structured post.

Advice is just that, advice. I heard a quote sometime that perfect describes advice, and I’m sure that I’ll mess quote up but here it goes. “Advice is like take your past, polishing it up a bit and making it new again.” Another quote “be careful who advise to buy, but listen to those who give it.”

The ironic thing about this entire thread is that you are asking ADVICE from other people, in helping you deal with this, now keep that in mind.

When a person gives advice, that advice is based solely on their own personal experiences, and how THEY would deal with that situation. I’m the oldest out of all my friends, and constantly find that they come to me for advice, and I have no problem giving it. But in the end, it is ultimately their choice not mine. I’ve given advice that was both good and bad, listen to and ignored. But at no point have I felt responsible for THEIR action.

The thing with hindsight is that you have more information then at the time that you gave the advice. The world is a big place and things never work out the way that you want.

The ironic thing about this entire thread is that you are asking ADVICE from other people, in helping you deal with this, now keep that in mind.


Which I stated in the first post ;P

Also the lines are from Baz Luhrman "Class of 1999" a Graduation Speech that he turned into a song. Kinda trippy and cool at the same time....the song makes you wonder about life..damn introspection!

If you have a friend whos going through a difficult time, and you give him advice. Not that he asks for it mind you, specifically without the friend asking, you give him advice, and he takes it,

Rule #1. Never give unsolicited advice. It is very seldom appreciated.