Stand up Comedy
Do your best attempt at stand up comedy on a forum.
Winner gets the chance to not ever know that he/she won.
It's so much more comfortable to sit in front of my computer than stand, though.
two Jews walk into a bar.
one turns to the other and says
"I guess you didn't see it either."
two Jews walk into a bar.
one turns to the other and says
"I guess you didn't see it either."
I don't get it. Could they not see past their noses?
I don't get it. Could they not see past their noses?
they walked into a bar.
they walked into a bar.
They didn't see the bar because of their noses then?
They didn't see the bar because of their noses then?
it was a pun on the word bar
"two jews walked into a bar"
now, if it was a bar in the sense of a place you go for a drink, there would be no joke
but it isnt, the joke is the fact that a bar is also a bit of metal. or wood. or whatever.
"I guess you didn't see it either." is playing on the word bar.
get it?
it was a pun on the word bar
"two jews walked into a bar"
now, if it was a bar in the sense of a place you go for a drink, there would be no joke
but it isnt, the joke is the fact that a bar is also a bit of metal. or wood. or whatever.
"I guess you didn't see it either." is playing on the word bar.
get it?
Aaaaand neither of them saw this bar because of their noses?
Aaaaand neither of them saw this bar because of their noses?
I give up...
thats providing that the joke is the same as every "two people walked into a bar...'didnt you see it?'" joke
Quasaglimoth
05-05-2005, 01:16
did you hear about the two lesbians that are building their house by 4th avenue?
theres not going to be any studs in it...its gonna be all tongue and groove....
I give up...
thats providing that the joke is the same as every "two people walked into a bar...'didnt you see it?'" joke
If you really thought I didn't get the bar pun (which is nowhere stated in my posts) and didn't realize that I was a) having fun with you and b) instead trying to force the joke into a quasi-racist joke, that amuses me even more. :D
General of general
05-05-2005, 01:18
I give up...
thats providing that the joke is the same as every "two people walked into a bar...'didnt you see it?'" joke
:D You guys make excellent comedy together.
If you really thought I didn't get the bar pun (which is nowhere stated in my posts) and didn't realize that I was a) having fun with you and b) instead trying to force the joke into a quasi-racist joke, that amuses me even more. :D
Now its time to be quiet ;)
yes, i had thought that...but this is NS, you can never be too sure if somebody really is that thick or not. thought i should err on the side of caution
:D You guys make excellent comedy together.
Haha. :D That's part of why I kept it going, it actually started to be somewhat amusing.
Gataway_Driver
05-05-2005, 01:26
I went to Tennessee and you know you hear people shouting "revolution, revolution". All i could hear there is "evolution, evolution" followed by "Give us our thumbs"
Major respect for the first person who can say who i've ripped that from
Patra Caesar
05-05-2005, 02:23
did you hear about the two lesbians that are building their house by 4th avenue?
theres not going to be any studs in it...its gonna be all tongue and groove....
Lesbians: A problem Ellen has licked...
Keruvalia
05-05-2005, 03:04
two Jews walk into a bar.
one turns to the other and says
"I guess you didn't see it either."
I don't get it. Could they not see past their noses?
they walked into a bar.
They didn't see the bar because of their noses then?
it was a pun on the word bar
"two jews walked into a bar"
now, if it was a bar in the sense of a place you go for a drink, there would be no joke
but it isnt, the joke is the fact that a bar is also a bit of metal. or wood. or whatever.
"I guess you didn't see it either." is playing on the word bar.
get it?
Aaaaand neither of them saw this bar because of their noses?
I give up...
Comedy gold ... you guys win!
Schiggidy
05-05-2005, 03:11
Ok... here goes...
You know how nowadays, everyone says "I don't care if they're black or white or purple or green"? I think we gotta draw the line somewhere. To hell with purple people! Unless they're suffocating. Then help them.
Xenophobialand
05-05-2005, 03:39
It's amazing what how old you sometimes feel as your growing up. Like last week, my brother went to his first confession. I was so proud of him. Especially because it took the cops five hours to break him.
Comedy gold ... you guys win!
:D
Cyrian space
05-05-2005, 04:48
I've come to a conclusion, after I went to a church recently.
The priest said "God is neither white nor black, neither gay nor straight, neither a man, nor a woman."
What conclusion did I draw from this, you ask?
God is Michael Jackson.
And things are obviously more fucked up than I had thought...
The Motor City Madmen
05-05-2005, 05:03
A child molestor and a little boy are walking into the woods:
Little boy:"It's so dark in here, it's scary!"
Molestor:"How do you think I feel, I have to walk out of here by myself!"
How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?
She read her own lips!
How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?
She read her own lips!
Bahaha. :D First new Helen Keller joke to me in a loooong time.
Earths Orbit
05-05-2005, 05:19
doesn't stand up comedy, by definition, not work in a forum?
Three men walked into a bar. It was a very narrow doorway. I won't tell you the rest. That was the funny part.
Boshaft Fraus
05-05-2005, 05:32
doesn't stand up comedy, by definition, not work in a forum?
Doesnt stop people from trying
Why couldn't the skeleton (sp?) play tennis??
Cos he didnt have any balls
Why didn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?
cos he didnt have any guts
HAHAoooooohhh
*turns round and walks away from boos and jeers*
Three men walked into a bar. It was a very narrow doorway. I won't tell you the rest. That was the funny part.
I don't get it ... :D
Lessir Tsurani
05-05-2005, 08:20
*Walks onto stage, looking around at everyone.*
"Heeelllllo!" *Screams high pitched* "Oh sorry, Hello, how is everybody tonight?" *Pat myself down.* "I am all here, although..." *Taps head* "No, just my imiaginat.......whats the end of that word? Anyway, lets see, I bought myself a icecream the otherday, you know how it is, you look at it all soft and cold, and you go to lick it, and you do, and it tastes absolutly brillient. Your standing their, then you walk off, then you hear the words "Um excuse me, thats mine, and you didn't pay" I turned at her and said. "How bought you shout me this time, and I will shout you next time?" Then ran off. Now, I am not usually very religious, because I got away, then droped the damn thing on the ground." *shakes head* "So I went back and bought her and myself an icecream, but she didn't want the one I bought her, so I got two, quite a good day if you ask me."
OOC Its not as funny cause I can't say it, but more will come.
Gataway_Driver
05-05-2005, 09:09
Bill Hicks?
yup
Okay, so, this is a political joke. Kinda.
People are all worked up about gay marriage right now. The gays are like, "It is our right as Americans!" and the conservatives are like, "If we allow gays to be married, next thing you know, they'll want to marry their pets!"
Personally, I am strongly for any movement which makes it socially acceptable to say, "I'm married to my pussy" in casual conversation.
Bonferoni
05-05-2005, 20:35
ok ok
another political joke
Little Johnny wanted to know what politics was...so he decided to ask his dad about politics...he said, "Dad, what is politics?"...his Dad sat there a moment, furrowing his brow, and replied, "let me put it like this, son. Let's say your baby brother represents the future, I am capitalism because I'm the breadwinner, mom is the handler of the money, so she'll be the government, you are someone we care for, so you are the people, and your nanny is the working class. Think about this for a while and see if it makes sense."
So Johnny went off to bed thinking about the model of politics his father proposed. Soon after he drifted off to sleep, the baby started to cry. When no one got up to tend to the baby, Johnny got up to see what was the matter. He found that while his little brother was crying because he had soiled himself, his mother was sound asleep in the chair downstairs, and his father was in bed with the nanny.
The next day, Johnny approached is father and said, "Dad, I think I understand what you were saying about politics." the Dad replies, "what's that son?" Johnny takes a breath and says,"Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored, and the Future is in deep shit." :D Long I know...but still hilarious