NationStates Jolt Archive

Out of curiousity, what do people on this forum think is the best aproach to parenting-talking openly and informatively about sex, or avoiding the subject/allowing the school to take care of that subject?

On a related subject, do you think parenting has something to do with the younger and younger age that (pre)teens are dating/sexually active?

What age is appropriate to start dating? What age is appropriate for sexual relations?


I think being open, honest, and informative on the subject of sex is best for the child, but only after the child reaches a certain level of maturity. I think the reason children/teenagers are becoming sexually active at a younger age has to do with science, peer pressure, AND parenting. I think kids should START dating at an age when their parents feel they are mature, but not nessecarily ADULTS.

Out of curiousity, what do people on this forum think is the best aproach to parenting-talking openly and informatively about sex, or avoiding the subject/allowing the school to take care of that subject?

Talking openly. Hands down. If you can't speak to your kids about sex in an open manner, you are not fit to be a parent.

On a related subject, do you think parenting has something to do with the younger and younger age that (pre)teens are dating/sexually active?

I think that the fact that parents aren't talking to their kids, combined with images of sex is responsible. The images of sex and sexual innuendos in our culture wouldn't make much of a difference, if it weren't for the fact that so many parents neglect to explain them to their children.

What age is appropriate to start dating? What age is appropriate for sexual relations?

Varies. Dating (really dating, not "Look, I have a boyfriend. I talk to him sometimes at school dating) should probably start somewhere in the teens, at parent's discretion. Sexual relations also vary from person to person and should be determined by when that person is ready. It is unlikely that anyone under 16 is truly ready, but I don't rule out all possibilities there.

I have a friend who got pregnant really early on. She thinks if she'd known more about sex in the first place, it wouldn't have happened, and she also thinks that if she'd known more about masturbation she could have avoided a number of the sexual 'mistakes' she made. She wants to teach her daughter about masturbation (not SHOW...just talk about), and at first, I thought she was nuts (she's thinking of talking to her daughter when she's about 11 or 12 about it). When I told my husband about it, he agreed with her...and said, "Christ, everyone does it, why pretend we don't? It's certainly better than some of the shit kids are doing at that age anyway...". Well, after watching a documentary about some Canadian kids in a small town that felt kissing was more intimate than giving a guy oral sex...I tend to agree. My friend plans on stocking her daughter's sock drawer with condoms, a permission slip to go get the pill, and a dildo. I say, good for her, that she is prepared to talk about something so *difficult* for most of us to discuss openly! And I think, once her daughter gets past the initial "EWW! Mom bought me a DILDO!!!", she'll be fine. I CERTAINLY don't buy that this will push her daughter into become a stripper or prostitute, as one of our other friends suggested...

Out of curiousity, what do people on this forum think is the best aproach to parenting-talking openly and informatively about sex, or avoiding the subject/allowing the school to take care of that subject?

I think parents should start talking openly about sex when the kid starts asking.

I have a friend who got pregnant really early on. She thinks if she'd known more about sex in the first place, it wouldn't have happened, and she also thinks that if she'd known more about masturbation she could have avoided a number of the sexual 'mistakes' she made. She wants to teach her daughter about masturbation (not SHOW...just talk about), and at first, I thought she was nuts (she's thinking of talking to her daughter when she's about 11 or 12 about it). When I told my husband about it, he agreed with her...and said, "Christ, everyone does it, why pretend we don't? It's certainly better than some of the shit kids are doing at that age anyway...". Well, after watching a documentary about some Canadian kids in a small town that felt kissing was more intimate than giving a guy oral sex...I tend to agree. My friend plans on stocking her daughter's sock drawer with condoms, a permission slip to go get the pill, and a dildo. I say, good for her, that she is prepared to talk about something so *difficult* for most of us to discuss openly! And I think, once her daughter gets past the initial "EWW! Mom bought me a DILDO!!!", she'll be fine. I CERTAINLY don't buy that this will push her daughter into become a stripper or prostitute, as one of our other friends suggested...
Good for the both of them!

I think parents should start talking openly about sex when the kid starts asking.
As long as you realise that happens about as soon as they start talking, period. :p

As long as you realise that happens about as soon as they start talking, period. :p
Yeah, at 4 years old, I wanted to know "where babies come from" and at 6 or 7 I was positive it was not from the stork. ;)

My friend plans on stocking her daughter's sock drawer with condoms, a permission slip to go get the pill, and a dildo. I say, good for her, that she is prepared to talk about something so *difficult* for most of us to discuss openly! And I think, once her daughter gets past the initial "EWW! Mom bought me a DILDO!!!", she'll be fine. I CERTAINLY don't buy that this will push her daughter into become a stripper or prostitute, as one of our other friends suggested...

My mother openly answered my questions from the moment I was able to ask them (in a way that I could understand at that age, obviously). My aunts all told her that she shouldn't do so - that I was going to grow up to be a slut, etc. In truth, I am and have been one of the least promiscuous women I have known. The taboo factor was never really there. I knew I could discuss these things with my mother, and did. When I went off to school, she went ahead and got me on the pill - something she would have done earlier if I had ever expressed an interest. When I seriously started considering sex (around age 18), she put condoms in my bedside table. As it turns out, I never did use those, because they expired before I actually lost my virginity.

She never went as far as buying me a dildo. Of course, I haven't even gotten that far myself. LOL

As long as you realise that happens about as soon as they start talking, period. :p

Good point...

I guess what I mean is that parents should be open and honest without going into too much detail.

She never went as far as buying me a dildo. Of course, I haven't even gotten that far myself. LOL
My husband had to buy me one:) And I still haven't been able to bring myself to go into one of those shops with him. He thinks I'm a prude!

I think parents should start talking openly about sex when the kid starts asking.
I concur with the mathematical poultry, here.

Another good question is "How should you explain this stuff to your kids?" Assuming that I ever have children, when my child starts asking me where babies come from, I intend to start with an explanation of cells and DNA (as dumbed-down for a 5-year-old). Then talk about how DNA from the two parents combine to make a baby (again, dumbing-down the explanation). The basic idea is to give scientific explanations for everything (but in such a way that I don't confuse my kid).

My husband had to buy me one:) And I still haven't been able to bring myself to go into one of those shops with him. He thinks I'm a prude!Heheheheheheh....

--The Democratic States of Cogitation

My husband had to buy me one:) And I still haven't been able to bring myself to go into one of those shops with him. He thinks I'm a prude!

LOL. I've actually been in one of the shops, but all I bought was a Playboy - just to say I bought something.

well my mum was always very open about anything sexual and tried to explain it to me, like this ad we saw which had a picture of a sperm going into an egg and said something along the lines of you have to be first which prompted her to explain how that works to us, not that I paid much attention at the time but I know I can always discuss sex with her if I want to, and that together with the good sex ed we had at my school means I know quite alot.

I've talked about it with my mom briefly just a couple times, but I've never really had a "sex talk", and I really don't want one......

Besides, I don't plan on doing anything until after I'm married anyway. Not because that's what my parents told me, but because that's what I think is right. As far as parenting, I say talk about it, but not so freely and in detail that you make your kid grossed out and uncomfortable.

There's a great book called, "Where did I come from" that my parents used back in the old days, and I noticed it's been reprinted. It's a great, non-graphic, explanation of sex and of how babies are conceived. I highly recommend it!

My husband had to buy me one:) And I still haven't been able to bring myself to go into one of those shops with him. He thinks I'm a prude!

LMFAO I once took a boyfriend of mine into an Ann Summers shop (norty undies and sex toys) to try to embarrass him - he ended having an in depth chat with one of the women in there about the effectiveness of varying models and which technique would apply to each - guess who was the one with a red face when we left *blushes*

As far as parenting, I say talk about it, but not so freely and in detail that you make your kid grossed out and uncomfortable.

As I have experienced myself, kids are not really embarrassed when talking about sex(, they just think it is something adults do). This just seems to start as they grow older.

My parents were really happy to talk about sex, but I don't ever remember asking.

We also had loads of those books about mummy's and daddy's who love each other very much having a special kind of cuddle.

The thing is, I didn't read any of them until after I was taught it at school, and then it was for amusement.

As I have experienced myself, kids are not really embarrassed when talking about sex(, they just think it is something adults do). This just seems to start as they grow older.

Well, before I was old enough to think it was "gross" I didn't even really hear about sex, so I wouldn't really know.

There's a great book called, "Where did I come from" that my parents used back in the old days, and I noticed it's been reprinted. It's a great, non-graphic, explanation of sex and of how babies are conceived. I highly recommend it!

My mom gave me a book when I was 6 (I was quite the inquisitive one) that explained sex in roughly the following manner:

"The man inserts his penis into the woman's vagina and they move around trying to find a comfortable position until orgasm."


Later on, I found that description hilarious.

I wouldn't have even understood that when I was six....then again my mom wouldn't have ever given that to me when I was six.......

I'd have to agree with the consensus of talking openly. Partly for having a good relationship with my child(ren)* and partly for their health and happiness. I'd hate for them to not think they could talk to me or trust me and I'd hate for them to grow up not knowing the basic facts.

I'd encourage them to make their own choices about things and how fast/far they go. Obviously give my advice and warn them about risks but in the end letting them make what decision they see best. If I were to tell them 'you cannot sleep with this boy/girl' that means they aren't going to talk to me at all for fear of me judging them or restricting them and that means they'll be making the decision without any help or advice and not enough information.

There isn't a right age for people to date/be sexually active; it varies far too much. As I said, I'd encourage them to make their own choices. It's the only way they'll learn. I think experimenting with relationships is a good thing and teaches you necessary skills for relationships in the future, learning to cope with things and learning about the opposite gender. Which is one of the reasons I'm opposed to single sex schools.

*By the way, I'm only 15 and these children are figments of my imagination :p

Well, before I was old enough to think it was "gross" I didn't even really hear about sex, so I wouldn't really know.

Well I was still in the kindergarten (4 or something) when I ask my parents about babies and my mum explained me. Then I did not really get there was something special about it. Later when I was 6 or 7 I started to play having sex with my friend. But then I knew it was something you dont do in puplic. I WAS embarrassed when my friend told her grandma about what we did.

Well I was still in the kindergarten (4 or something) when I ask my parents about babies and my mum explained me. Then I did not really get there was something special about it. Later when I was 6 or 7 I started to play having sex with my friend. But then I knew it was something you dont do in puplic. I WAS embarrassed when my friend told her grandma about what we did.

It was completely different for me. From the 4th grade to the 7th grade I just picked things up from movies, friends, TV, and health class. All the pieces of the puzzle just came together gradually for me. Then, after I knew pretty much everything I talked with my mom just once or twice briefly (no detail).

It was completely different for me. From the 4th grade to the 7th grade I just picked things up from movies, friends, TV, and health class. All the pieces of the puzzle just came together gradually for me. Then, after I knew pretty much everything I talked with my mom just once or twice briefly (no detail).

My parents did not go into detail either. but i found some new books for adolescences about it here at home. Mhh? Whom were they bought for? Very implicit way of education, quite a lot based on my curiousity.

My parents did not go into detail either. but i found some new books for adolescences about it here at home. Mhh? Whom were they bought for? Very implicit way of education, quite a lot based on my curiousity.

Yeah. I was always curious, and I still am about some things. But it's one of those things that you want to know, yet, you don't want to know.

this is a dangerous subject. not having kids of my own but being the oldest of 5 i learned about it first, from my mother and school. when she gave the talk to my little brother he has fine and understood everything(he was about 8 or 9 but he is extremely inteligent) however, when she tried to give the talk to my other brother at about the same age he wasn't ready for it.

so i think that being open about it is important but i also think that using your own discression as a parent is just as improtant.

Yeah. I was always curious, and I still am about some things. But it's one of those things that you want to know, yet, you don't want to know.
along with that a few weeks, mabe even a month or so ago i was part of a conversation about this kind of stuff with my girlfriend and some mutual friends who live in our college dormitory. one girl even brought out the text book from her human sexuality class. it was intresting...

Oh definitely talking openly I think. I think being open from the start will mean they feel comfortable talking to you when they really need yout help, and that they won't do things (or at least too many things) behind your back.

Sounds good to me.

Oh definitely talking openly I think. I think being open from the start will mean they feel comfortable talking to you when they really need yout help, and that they won't do things (or at least too many things) behind your back.

Sounds good to me.

Sounds good to me, as well. This is what I'll do when and if I have kids.