NationStates Jolt Archive

I am Satan. Ask me your questions.

Why do you allow Vin Desiel to exist?

Why do you allow Vin Desiel to exist?
Why shouldn't I?

Who are you and where is my hat?!?!?

So what is hell like?

Who are you and where is my hat?!?!?
I am Satan. I don't know where your hat is.

Who tastes better, Brutus, Cassius, or Judas?

I am Satan. I don't know where your hat is.

Why not? You're supposed to know these things. :mad:

So what is hell like?
It's unpleasently hot, you can't get a decent drink there and you can't read or watch TV 'cause of the constant screaming of a trillion lost souls. That's why I spend all my time on earth.

Why the number 666? Why not... 1? Or 2? Surely 666 is not used as often as you like. ;)

Who tastes better, Brutus, Cassius, or Judas?
I've never tasted any of them. I much prefer a nice carbonara.

Over a thousand years ago,some dude named Antiochus seized the temple at Jerusalem,set up a statue of Zeus and forced the Jews to worship it.The Jews fought back,regained the temple and now celebrate Hanukkah to commemorate the event of KICKING Antiochus out.

But I'm curious,was it you, the Dark lord who put Antiochus up to it in the first place?

And when are you going to rein in the MPAA?

Why the number 666? Why not... 1? Or 2? Surely 666 is not used as often as you like. ;)
666 has nothing to do with me or hell or any occult forces. It's just one of those stupid things that humans made up.

What's it like being in charge of the GOP?

Hey satan, since Jesus turned down your offer of ruling that city by the desert (or so I hear), can i retake that offer on behalf of him? Seeing how he died on behalf of me (supposedly). I might have worded that wrong.

Over a thousand years ago,some dude named Antiochus seized the temple at Jerusalem,set up a statue of Zeus and forced the Jews to worship it.The Jews fought back,regained the temple and now celebrate Hanukkah to commemorate the event of KICKING Antiochus out.

But I'm curious,was it you, the Dark lord who put Antiochus up to it in the first place?

No, I had nothing to do with that. Most of the bad stuff that humans do, they come up with themselves.
You know, I'm not as evil as people think.

work sucks what the hell am I doing here?

What's it like being in charge of the GOP?
I'm not. Dick Cheney is and he's a lot more evil than me.

Hey satan, since Jesus turned down your offer of ruling that city by the desert (or so I hear), can i retake that offer on behalf of him? Seeing how he died on behalf of me (supposedly). I might have worded that wrong.
Actually, Jesus accepted the offer, but later arranged a 'misprint' in the Bibile.

work sucks what the hell am I doing here?
If you hate your job, then stop blaming your problems on me and quit.

Hey satan, since Jesus turned down your offer of ruling that city by the desert (or so I hear), can i retake that offer on behalf of him? Seeing how he died on behalf of me (supposedly). I might have worded that wrong.

Scaary man! :D .If you accept that offer and use it for your own benefits,then you would end up as the Antichrist since prophecy says he will rule the world.

But enjoy yourself anyway.You have countless armies :mp5: :mp5: :sniper: that you can make use of.

I am Satan. Ask me your questions.

Dear Satan,

You did not bring me what I wanted for X-mas last year.

Revenge will be mine!

When will you next be in Southern California?

Sincerely,

One unhappy camper

How do you feel about Stairway to Heaven- backwards?

Satan, How many people actually make it into heaven? I'm guessing about .003427 percent of the population actually gets in. Do you know the exact figure?

Also, whos arrival are you looking forward to? Anyone in particular up here on earth you want to torture for eternity?

I'll probably be seeing you in the next few decades. Later man, for now.

Scaary man! :D .If you accept that offer and use it for your own benefits,then you would end up as the Antichrist since prophecy says he will rule the world.

But enjoy yourself anyway.You have countless armies :mp5: :mp5: :sniper: that you can make use of.
To tell you the truth, I'm not really looking forward to the Apocolypse. I really like earth and It'll be a shame to destroy it. :(

Why are you such a douche bag?

Regards,
Jesus

Scaary man! :D .If you accept that offer and use it for your own benefits,then you would end up as the Antichrist since prophecy says he will rule the world.

But enjoy yourself anyway.You have countless armies :mp5: :mp5: :sniper: that you can make use of.

Antichrist seems like a pretty desirable position to be in, as opposed to the Antichrist's enemies. Sounds fun!

Dear Satan,

You did not bring me what I wanted for X-mas last year.

Revenge will be mine!

When will you next be in Southern California?

Sincerely,

One unhappy camper
I think you may have me confused with someone else. As for Southern California, I went there last year, so I prob'ly won't be back for at least ten years.

Why are you such a douche bag?

Regards,
Jesus

Um, the guy with the identity crisis (am I three people or one) and the sado-masochist need to make oneself be crucified in order to please oneself(?) shouldn't throw stones.

How do you feel about Stairway to Heaven- backwards?
Despite its name, it's a pretty good song. I've never played it backwards though.

Satan, How many people actually make it into heaven? I'm guessing about .003427 percent of the population actually gets in. Do you know the exact figure?

Also, whos arrival are you looking forward to? Anyone in particular up here on earth you want to torture for eternity?

I'll probably be seeing you in the next few decades. Later man, for now.

I have no idea how many people go to heaven.

Wel, I never do any of the actual torturing myself. In fact I haven't even been to Hell for about 5000 years. But I might pop down there for a few hours when the new pope dies. I hate him and so does God.

I think you may have me confused with someone else. As for Southern California, I went there last year, so I prob'ly won't be back for at least ten years.

I'm pretty sure I've got the right guy.

Likes the color red -- sometimes in a suit.

Lives in an isolated place.

Delivers goodies to deserving people around the world.

All I wanted was Milla Jovovich, Gwen Stefani, and Penelope Cruz to fall madly in love with me! A simple request!

You can run, but you can't hide!

I'm pretty sure I've got the right guy.

Likes the color red -- sometimes in a suit.

Lives in an isolated place.

Delivers goodies to deserving people around the world.

All I wanted was Milla Jovovich, Gwen Stefani, and Penelope Cruz to fall madly in love with me! A simple request!

You can run, but you can't hide!
I like the colour red, but I've never delivered goodies to anyone. And how is New York isolated?

You want them to fall in love with you? Go and date them and give them flowers and chocolates and stuff. It's not my job to fulfill your every freakin' whim!

Dear Satan,

I would like to sell my soul. In exchange for my eternal damnation, I want a real, working lightsaber. As an added bonus for fullfilling my request, I will tell all of my friends about our deal, and reccomend them to you.

Thanks,
w1k1

Dear Satan,

I would like to sell my soul. In exchange for my eternal damnation, I want a real, working lightsaber. As an added bonus for fullfilling my request, I will tell all of my friends about our deal, and reccomend them to you.

Thanks,
Sotha_Syl
Wait a minute... you think I'm gonna give you a lightsaber in exchange for one pathetic little soul? LOL

I like the colour red, but I've never delivered goodies to anyone. And how is New York isolated?

You want them to fall in love with you? Go and date them and give them flowers and chocolates and stuff. It's not my job to fulfill your every freakin' whim!

OK. If you are not that fat elf bastard, will you help me get him?

I mean you pledge your soul for a little lovin' and you expect better than an ugly tie and three nature calendars! C'mon. Is there no justice?

Despite its name, it's a pretty good song. I've never played it backwards though.

Holy shit! or, rather, unholy shit!

Lemme post the lyrics...

"Oh, here's to my sweet Satan... The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan... he'll give you give you 666. there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan."

It's the backwards from the part outlined in my sig. creepy, eh?
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stairway.php

I want a lightsaber! I will give you all of my friends souls too! I have 46 souls in a wodden box in my dresser! Come on, what do you say satan? I want a lightsaber....

Tell you what, everyone I kill with my lightsaber, they will go to hell, and that means more souls for you!

Dear Satan du you make reservation if yes i what the hotest place in hell. :D

OK. If you are not that fat elf bastard, will you help me get him?

I mean you pledge your soul for a little lovin' and you expect better than an ugly tie and three nature calendars! C'mon. Is there no justice?
I think it's time that you need to learn not to expect supernatural entities to do everything for you.

*snip*

:eek:

I think that link is verboten.

But if you really play Stairway to Heaven backwards you hear this:

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight

I think it's time that you need to learn not to expect supernatural entities to do everything for you.

Then what the h-e-double-toothpicks good are you?

Speaking of which, I have an itch I can't reach ....

I want a lightsaber! I will give you all of my friends souls too! I have 46 souls in a wodden box in my dresser! Come on, what do you say satan? I want a lightsaber....

Tell you what, everyone I kill with my lightsaber, they will go to hell, and that means more souls for you!
Stop believing everything you read in the Bible. I don't give a shit how many souls there are in Hell. I suggest you talk to Beelzebub. He might cut some sort of deal with you, that's his style.

Dear Satan du you make reservation if yes i what the hotest place in hell. :D
Again, talk to Beelzebub.

Dearest Satan,
You don't exist.
Love,
The Jews.

:eek:

I think that link is verboten.

But if you really play Stairway to Heaven backwards you hear this:

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight


Thats total bullshit, the first person posted it right. Dont believe me? take a copy of stairway to heaven, record the part that goes "if theres a bustle in your hedgerow, dont be alarmed now, its just a spring clean for the may queen. Yes there are two paths you can go down, but in the long run, theres still time to change the road you're on"
(record it with sound recorder)

reverse the file, and you will hear, "oh heres to my sweet satan, the one whos little path would make me sad, whos power is satan. He'll give those with him 666. there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad satan"

Still dont believe me? turn on your sound and go here!
http://jeffmilner.com/backmasking.htm

Then what the h-e-double-toothpicks good are you?

Speaking of which, I have an itch I can't reach ....
What it boils down to is this: If I traded your soul for an ugly tie and three nature calendars and I'd be getting a very good deal. SOULS ARE PRACTICALLY WORTHLESS!!!!

Stop believing everything you read in the Bible. I don't give a shit how many souls there are in Hell. I suggest you talk to Beelzebub. He might cut some sort of deal with you, that's his style.

What must I do for a lightsaber??

(PS, I dont read the bible, If I did, I wouldnt be on this thread)

Thats total bullshit, the first person posted it right. Dont believe me? take a copy of stairway to heaven, record the part that goes "if theres a bustle in your hedgerow, dont be alarmed now, its just a spring clean for the may queen. Yes there are two paths you can go down, but in the long run, theres still time to change the road you're on"
(record it with sound recorder)

reverse the file, and you will hear, "oh heres to my sweet satan, the one whos little path would make me sad, whos power is satan. He'll give those with him 666. there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad satan"

Still dont believe me? turn on your sound and go here!
http://jeffmilner.com/backmasking.htm

Oh yeah? :rolleyes:

Well if you record "Afternoon Delight" and play it backwards you hear "Stairway to Heaven"!

Explain that smart guy! :p

What must I do for a lightsaber??

(PS, I dont read the binle, If I did, I wouldnt be on this thread)
You want a lightsaber? Give me a mint condition red '56 Chevy with a leather interior and a v8 engine.

Oh yeah? :rolleyes:

Well if you record "Afternoon Delight" and play it backwards you hear "Stairway to Heaven"!

Explain that smart guy! :p


No need to explain it. tell me where to get the sound file, and I bet I can prove it to be total bullshit.

What it boils down to is this: If I traded your soul for an ugly tie and three nature calendars and I'd be getting a very good deal. SOULS ARE PRACTICALLY WORTHLESS!!!!

I knew it.

You are that fat elf bastard.

You got more than a deal on my soul. You ate the damn cookies and milk!

You are definitely on my shit list!

P.S. If you now live in New York, where do I send my X-mas list for this year?

You want a lightsaber? Give me a mint condition red '56 Chevy with a leather interior and a v8 engine.

Fuck you Satan!!! I want a lightsaber.... I have no such chevy. Curse you Satan, curse you!!! *shakes fist*

Dear Satan,

Could you explain the concept of a "joke" to W1k1ped1a?

Sincerely,

The Starland Vocal Band (also known as Satan's Lil' Helpers or Led Zepplin)

Dear Satan,
My mother misses you. Call back soon. I need my dad around.
-Billy (The Anti-Christ)

I knew it.

You are that fat elf bastard.

You got more than a deal on my soul. You ate the damn cookies and milk!

You are definitely on my shit list!

P.S. If you now live in New York, where do I send my X-mas list for this year?
I am not Santa Claus. He lives in the Arctic. Maybe he didn't give you what you wanted 'cause you pissed him off by leaving milk and cookies. He hates them. However, he is an asshole and I wouldn't be surprised if he just screwed you 'cause he doen't like you.

Dear Satan,
My mother misses you. Call back soon. I need my dad around.
-Billy (The Anti-Christ)
Great. Just peachy. Another deluded human who thinks he's the Antichrist. The Antichrist won't born for a while yet. Get a job.

Stop asking for gifts for Satan or ill come to drink your blood.

-Vlad the Impaler (Dracula)

Dear Satan,

Could you explain the concept of a "joke" to W1k1ped1a?

Sincerely,

The Starland Vocal Band (also known as Satan's Lil' Helpers or Led Zepplin)

What is this thing you call a "joke"?

Stop asking for gifts for Satan or ill come to drink your blood.

-Vlad the Impaler (Dracula)
Dracula? Whoah, I haven't seen you since the 1600s.

No need to explain it. tell me where to get the sound file, and I bet I can prove it to be total bullshit.

Sorry, sparky, but you can Google for yourself.

In the satanic spirit, I will share this:

http://music.ign.com/articles/522/522968p1.html

I went to that link and played it backwards and it does really, really sound like that.