NationStates Jolt Archive

Defusing the Situation

30-04-2005, 13:10
"You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk?"

"I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that."

"Yeah, and I'm standing right here! You can talk to me."

"If you could talk this whole time then why didn't you just----wait, why am I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this."

"What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are? Some kind of 'to good to talk to a bomb' type?"

"Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device."

"I agree."

"I wasn't talking about you, Tex."

"Hey, why don't you suck my--"

"Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?"

"Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it."

"Oh. That's not good."

"I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos, if you ask me! And no one did ask me, which I find insulting!"

"All right, all right, calm down Andy, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!"

"Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown.

"Andy, everyone here is your friend and no one wants to hurt you."

"Yeah, right."

"Come on, Andy, think of a happy place! Now what makes you happy?"

"Being in the middle of a huge explosion!"

"Less happy place, Caboose! Less happy place!"

"Think calming thoughts! Uh...let's count backwards from ten! 10.....9.....8...."



"Okay, I'm 95% certain that the distress signal is coming from that way."

"Excellent work, Simmons. All right men, and Grif, let's get ready to roll."

"Only 95% certain?"

"Grif, if there's one thing that I've learned in working with you, it's that there's always margin for error."

"Excellent comeback, Simmons. That's a burn."

"Thank you, sir."

"Har har, look who's so smart. It's pronounced margarine, dumbass."

"Seriously, if I ever meet the guy that assigned you to our squad, I'm gonna kill him."

"Well, if you're 95% certain that it's that way, which way's the other 5%?"

"What do you think? All the other directions."

"Then I think that's the way we should go."

"You might be the dumbest person I have ever met."

"And I think you're just covering you're ass."

"Hey, Sarge!"

"What?!? I'm not covering my ass! You're the one trying to cover yours!"

"No way!"

"Stop arguing you two! Simmons isn't covering his ass and Grif certainly isn't covering his. No ones ass is being covered. Got it? Donut, what do you want?"

" that a trick question?"


"Well, I was up on the windmill again and I think I found a route we can take out of here!"

"Great! Simmons, load up. Donut, you back up Simmons."

"Yes, sir. Okey dokey."

"Grif, you get in the base and distract the Blues while we get ready to leave."

"You're sending Grif?"

"Okay. Be right back."

"Grif? Don't you remember the last time you sent him to distract Command during our surprise inspection? He told them we were all in the base doing last-minute cleaning because we all had Cholera and we were in quarantine for a month. My ass still hurts from all the shots we got."

"You, you can say that again! Mine hurts, too!"

"You weren't even there, Donut!"

"Oh, I thought we were just sharing stuff."

"Wait a second! You guys better not just be sending me so you can run off once I'm inside!"

"Of course not, moron. Now hurry up!......Okay, everybody in the Jeep."


"You are in a cool river, where no one disturbs you, or calls you names. Like mommy, or The Exploding Jerk. There are sheep nearby, the kind that don't blow up, you are happy, but not overly happy, regular happy."

"Breath in through your nose and out through the mouth. Again, in through the nose and out through the mouth."

"Maybe I can get some candles! Would you like some candles, or some incense? How 'bout that?"

"Hey Andy! Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Inner peace and serenity."

"I already heard that one."


"And when we get there we'll radio Command and say we need a replacement, because we have absolutely no idea what to--Oh, Grif!"

"What are you doing back so soon? That was the shortest distraction of all time!"

"What's wrong? What were the Blues doing?"

"You know, I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw. Can I quit the army now? Seriously, I think I've seen everything I need to see in this place."

"If only I could make that happen, dirtbag."

"I mean it, just tell me where to turn in my gun. I'm done."


Spanish: Subtitled Text "Come my robot army. Today is the day of our glorious victory.

"MWUAHAHAHAHA! Careful you fools, I need the device intact! MWUAHAHAHAHA! Now kill all those fools! And those fools over there. And those fools. Leave no fool left unkilled. This army has a No-Fool Discrimination Clause. MWUAHAHAHAHA!"

"I like that we have a No-Fool Discrimination Clause, it makes us progressive."

"Shut up you fool!"
Bodies Without Organs
30-04-2005, 13:15
Been watching Dark star have we?
30-04-2005, 13:16
New Sancrosanctia
30-04-2005, 13:23
Been watching Dark star have we?
try red versus blue. seriously. watch it. it may actually be the best thing ever.
30-04-2005, 15:26
try red versus blue. seriously. watch it. it may actually be the best thing ever.
It helps to provide a link ( :p

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
30-04-2005, 15:30
Ooh, that reminded me that I've only got episodes 1-38.
*runs off to finish downloading the series*
30-04-2005, 22:33
You're out of date man, they're up to 55 already
New Sancrosanctia
30-04-2005, 22:48
It helps to provide a link ( :p

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
30-04-2005, 23:18
It's good to know, very useful.
30-04-2005, 23:54
It is?