NationStates Jolt Archive

In the "Advice for Adolescent Girls" post, one of the points that is made is this:

8. You have the boobs; you make the rules

For some reason, there seems to be a big thiong about the women seting the rules in a relationship. Myself, I've just come out of a relationship and, to be honest, thouroughly hated it, not unlike how I have felt about my other relationships. I just find it eternally frustrating that no matter what I'm doing, the relationship seems to be me having to please her. If I'm not happy, then I should be quit about it or im overbearing...if she isnt happy, well she'll let me know. And I hate to bring it up, but sex...guys have to convince girls, and then if they do, its all about making them feel good about it.

I'm tired of spending my life trying to make girls feel happy with themselves. Just for once I'd like to find someone who was willing to actually put some effort into trying to please me.

But I don't know what to do. I want some sort of a relationship, but I desprately don't want to end up in the usual relationship which seems to consist of me constantly having to please some girl. As a guy I'm made to feel terribly socially inadequate and I was wondering if anybody could give any advice on what I can do?

Hmm.. I am same way :. Try to act like you don't really like the girl that much. Try not to be all sucking up to her all the time. If you sugar her up to much she will boss you aound.

I agree with the original post. Women are given too much control in relationships, sometimes (I'm a woman, I can say that ;) ). Partners should be equal and feel equal. There should be a mutual respect for one another and lots of honesty. Afterall, if you're not honest with your partner, your needs will not be met.

My advice would be *not* "try to act like you don't really like the girl that much". That turns everything into a game and in a way, plays into what your partner is doing.

In how many relationships has this kind of thing occurred for you? How old are you? Maybe the age is a factor.

Turn gay. :p

Seriously, it should be give and take on both sides.

Blowmeuptom.com. He has a nation wide radio show for just this reason. However, you do have to check your all-around nice guy hat at the door.

Well I'm 16, turtning 17, and its happened in a few, like 3 or 4. Age probably does have something to do with it and maybe its just that teenage girls think they are a lot better than teenage guys....

Well I'm 16, turtning 17, and its happened in a few, like 3 or 4. Age probably does have something to do with it and maybe its just that teenage girls think they are a lot better than teenage guys....You sound like a gentleman, don't change that. Now all you need to do is find a girl that you can trully respect, has something to say for herself, isn't needy, and you can have a good time with. Not all of us are annoying and selfish, believe me. You just have to find her.

Well I'm 16, turtning 17, and its happened in a few, like 3 or 4. Age probably does have something to do with it and maybe its just that teenage girls think they are a lot better than teenage guys....
Get used to it!

Relationships shoule be shared equally. Make the rules together. Everyone is happier that way. This is what I have discovered.

Sounds to me like you're dating the wrong women and/or, more likely, don't have the right attitude.

If you project the feeling that you'll do anything for a bit of :fluffle:, then you'll only attract girls who expect guys to bend over backwards for them in exchange for that. If you make it clear that you're willing to submit to the girl from the outset, then the relationship will turn into a relation of power, you'll be abused, she'll be a bitch, and everything will be hell.

My advice would be *not* "try to act like you don't really like the girl that much". That turns everything into a game and in a way, plays into what your partner is doing.
this is one of the things i really don't get about relationships. there always seems to be so much manipulation, mind games (intentional or not) and that sort of thing. why? why can't two people just get along and love each other and not do all that crap? :confused:

Am on verge of possible relationship, and is like walking on eggshells. Aaargh.

Am on verge of possible relationship, and is like walking on eggshells. Aaargh.
Every word is a Hand Grenade just waiting to blow up in your face!

this is one of the things i really don't get about relationships. there always seems to be so much manipulation, mind games (intentional or not) and that sort of thing. why? why can't two people just get along and love each other and not do all that crap? :confused:

Ah...the age-old question that has plagued the hearts of humans everywhere. :)

I'm tired of spending my life trying to make girls feel happy with themselves. Just for once I'd like to find someone who was willing to actually put some effort into trying to please me.

But I don't know what to do. I want some sort of a relationship, but I desprately don't want to end up in the usual relationship which seems to consist of me constantly having to please some girl. As a guy I'm made to feel terribly socially inadequate and I was wondering if anybody could give any advice on what I can do?
Urgh. I find sycophants so unattractive. You want some sort of relationship, and your usual relationships have that dynamic where you have to deny yourself to make your woman happy. Howabout you try being single for a while, and figure out why you're being drawn into these relationships? Are you looking for that lazy, self-declared goddess stereotype? If so, why? Are you so desperate to be accepted by someone that you compromise your own happiness? Do you think your martyrdom is going to obligate her to look out for your needs? You need to lose the belief that martyrdom is love.

I really can't sympathise with someone who chooses relationships like this. You are responsible for what limitations you put on people mistreating you. Boobs have nothing to do with it. If you can't look after yourself in the relationship, then your preconceptions about how a man and woman should behave in a relationship are as sexist as if you were beating her to a bloody pulp every night. If you can't be equals, then neither of you are ready to have an adult relationship.

Every word is a Hand Grenade just waiting to blow up in your face!
Oh yes, indeed! And it could all mean so many things. Am hopelessly confused. Ah, well. Am seeing her tonight, so we shall see.

*looks down, sees that she has breasts*

Seriously speaking, no one in a relationship should 'make the rules'. If it's about who gets the last word, turn around and walk away. If it's about caring how the other person feels, talking about what each wants, and negotiating for things both think are important, you're on the right track.

Well I'm 16, turtning 17, and its happened in a few, like 3 or 4. Age probably does have something to do with it and maybe its just that teenage girls think they are a lot better than teenage guys....

Yeah, age is definitely a factor. Teenagers, boys and girls, are very confused creatures at times. They're just trying to find out who they are and even when you think you have a good grasp on who you are, you might not always. That's particularly why, I think, teenage 'relationships' are difficult. It's pretty hard to be with someone when you don't even know who *you* are. Know what I mean?

Try not to be bitter about it. Things will change and girls will change...even you will change. You're very young and perhaps you shouldn't be taking things so seriously at this stage in your life. Try not to worry, just have fun. :)

this is one of the things i really don't get about relationships. there always seems to be so much manipulation, mind games (intentional or not) and that sort of thing. why? why can't two people just get along and love each other and not do all that crap? :confused:

There isn't always manipulation or mind games. I think it all depends on the person you are and the person you're with. It's important to remember that a lot of people are just like that in ordinary everyday life. So, of course they're going to be like that with their partner. Perhaps they've never had a *healthy* relationship modeled for them. No matter what the cause is, you shouldn't sink to their level and if they're not willing to change their ways, maybe you shouldn't be with that particular person.

Urgh. I find sycophants so unattractive. You want some sort of relationship, and your usual relationships have that dynamic where you have to deny yourself to make your woman happy. Howabout you try being single for a while, and figure out why you're being drawn into these relationships? Are you looking for that lazy, self-declared goddess stereotype? If so, why? Are you so desperate to be accepted by someone that you compromise your own happiness? Do you think your martyrdom is going to obligate her to look out for your needs? You need to lose the belief that martyrdom is love.

I really can't sympathise with someone who chooses relationships like this. You are responsible for what limitations you put on people mistreating you. Boobs have nothing to do with it. If you can't look after yourself in the relationship, then your preconceptions about how a man and woman should behave in a relationship are as sexist as if you were beating her to a bloody pulp every night. If you can't be equals, then neither of you are ready to have an adult relationship.

Brilliant post :p

But I don't know what to do. I want some sort of a relationship, but I desprately don't want to end up in the usual relationship which seems to consist of me constantly having to please some girl. As a guy I'm made to feel terribly socially inadequate and I was wondering if anybody could give any advice on what I can do?


Women that want to be pleased constantly? Fuck 'em.* Relationships are meant to be partnerships (no matter how fleeting they may be) and as such should be based on equality. A parity of pleasur is required on both sides for a lasting/strong relationship.





* no innuendo intended.**



** Okay, not much innuendo intended.

you have to be willing to walk away when its not working for you. there are guys who would love the way she was so controlling. you didnt. if it doesnt work for you, it doesnt work. you could try talking to her about it but its unlikely that she would change. just end it.

set a higher standard for what you want in a relationship. yes you need to please her but she needs to please you too. when you find a girl who knows how to treat you and you want to treat her just as well, keep her.

it takes time to find the right girl. we arent all the same. we dont all want the same thing. the desire for a relationship shouldnt be more important than finding the right girl. take your time and do it right.