NationStates Jolt Archive

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] I am allowing this topic to remain open. Readers should be advised, however, that the topic does contain serious, honest, and mature discussion and advice about sexual acts. Young NationStates players are advised to avoid reading this topic. [/modedit]













Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...

up until I read hetero sex, I thought you were talking about the IRS bending me over for taxes like they do on a yearly basis.

Carry on.

Well, I'm not a girl, but I am a gay guy, so I guess I know a bit about penetration.

Anyway, when I "lost my virginity" with regard to penetrative sex, it didn't hurt that much at all, and then it started feeling really good, so I can't imagine that vaginal sex is much worse, either.

It is of course dependent on how relaxed and willing you are. A few glasses of wine, or your choice of pot might help in that department. You do not want to be drunk or wasted, though.

I'm not going to be under the influence of any substance except brain chemicals when I lose it. But thank you for the advice anyway.

I'm not a girl, but I've been with girls who were virgins. Is the guy you're thinking of having your first time with also a virgin? If he's not, then he'll (hopefully) understand. If he is, then you have to take control of the entire thing, because it won't hurt him at all, but it may hurt you a lot. You need to control how fast, how hard, and how far he goes. Tell him exactly what to do so that everything is according to your own comfort. Have him go in a little bit, until it starts hurting a bit. Then have him stop, and allow your body to adjust and get used to it. Then, when you've adapted, have him go a little further, etc. etc., until he's all the way in and it's not hurting. It may take a while, and it may not be the most exciting thing at first, but in the end it will be worth it, for you and him.

But thank you for the advice anyway.

You're welcome. I understand the apprehension about the pain, but it's not that much to get hung up on. If it was that bad, nobody would do it, would they?

Hmm, I remember reading somewhere that can be easier if you've masturbated with toy or something so that you have already torn/stretched your hymen. Ooh, and a little (or lot of) lube goes a long way for any type of insertion.

Remember, and this is important, it's the one getting penetrated that is in control! Good luck!

WARNING: THIS POST WILL HAVE ADULT CONTENT.

i am NOT trying to be pornographic or inappropriate, but this post will contain discussion of genetalia and things that can be done with them. if you find discussions of such body parts offensive, consider yourself warned.
Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?

didn't hurt at all, not even for a second. it was a very intense, new, strange sensation, and i was a bit startled, but i did not feel any pain at any time during the experience.


was it still pleasurable?

yes, though not as much as later attempts :). i honestly was too interested in paying attention to the sensations, and i think that my curiosity killed part of my passion.

did it hurt the whole way through?

like i said, it never hurt at all. i don't believe it has to, and i believe that most women who experience painful first intercourse did NOT need to experience that pain...either their own ignorance of their body or their partner's ignorance (or both) is the cause of their discomfort.


did it hurt any of the next few times?

the only times i have experienced any kind of pain with intercourse were when my partner and i were either a little too vigorous or when we had sex a few too many times in a short period. no matter how willing the spirit, the body can become chafed and sore.


anything you think would have helped?

number one is to learn your own body. i'm not trying to be nasty here, but you really should explore yourself pretty thoroughly before you let anybody else explore you (and i suppose that applies as much to cerebral love as it does to the act of physical love). if you're worried about a penis being inside you, try placing a finger inside yourself, and see if you can learn anything about what feels comfortable and what feels uncomfortable. this way you can control all aspects of penetration, so it will feel safer and less potentially scary.

another great thing to do is go in for a preliminary exam by a gynocologist. i was very concerned when i was about 14 because i wasn't able to use tampons without pain, and i was scared that something was wrong with my body or that i would never be able to have sex. i went in for a brief exam with a gyno and it turned out i was just tensing my lower muscles unconsciously and was causing my own discomfort without realizing it, and the doctor was able to give me suggestions that solved the problem in literally 10 minutes.

the doctor can also tell you about the state of your hymen; some women don't have a hymen at all by the time they're a teen (i didn't) but other women have very developed hymens. your doctor can tell you a bit of what to expect the first time you have sex, and can even tell you things you might do to stretch your hymen to reduce possible discomfort (and most of them don't have to involve inserting anything down there, so don't worry about that :)). some girls object because they have the ludicrous idea that one's hymen defines one's viriginity, and my best advice is to not entertain such ideas for one tiny instant...they are rooted in traditional culture that teaches women are not supposed to enjoy sex, and that's all there is to it.

feel free to send me telegrams if there are any more personal questions you might want to ask.

I am a hetero female
yes it hurt, but only for the initial few uh minute.
then it became pleasurable in a weird way
it hurt the next several times, but less and for a shorter period each time.

It doesnt take too long before it's always pleasurable.

And as for what can help, the answer is lubrication.

Many people say it's hurts while others say it didn't. Depends on you and your partner.

Hit your hand agianst a wall. (but imagine being the wall)
Not at all.
Yes.
Not really, kind of in a good way.
Relaxation and lube.

Hopefully I didn't scare you too much. :)

Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...


I'm 28, lost my virginity at 17. Hurt like hell, was not at all enjoyable, the only thing that might have helped was getting hit in the head with a brick to forget about the "other" pain. After that crappy experience, I didn't have sex again until 19. But now, as an adult, sex is great, especially with a man you love, who also loves you. Don't get disheartened, sex gets much better as you get older.

I'm 28, lost my virginity at 17. Hurt like hell, was not at all enjoyable, the only thing that might have helped was getting hit in the head with a brick to forget about the "other" pain.

What a sensitive answer. Why don't you try scaring her?

What a sensitive answer. Why don't you try scaring her?

What good would lying to her do?

how much did it hurt?

For me it didn't hurt, presumably for a few reasons:
1. I was physically active as a girl, riding bikes, horses, stuff like that so my humen was already stretched.
2. The person I was with took the time to make sure that I was relaxed and horny before penetration, so there was no tensing or friction problems.

That being said, since then I have occasionally had some pain. However, there were extenuating circumstances in that they were always when I hadn't had sex for quite a long time. My partner used to go away on tours for months and I would not have sex in the interim. His penis has a very large girth, and the first time after he gets back, it actually did hurt for the first few strokes, even though I was well lubricated.

Unlike Fass, I have always found anal sex painful, although I think that may simply be a girth problem, since a finger is fine. Personally, I'd much rather have vaginal or oral sex.

anything you think would have helped?

1. Foreplay. If you're not relaxed and looking forward to having sex, don't do it. Don't let your partner get away with "wham bam, thank you ma'am".

2. If you are still a virgin and your doctor says you still have a hymen, stretch it out. You can masturbate or mutually masturbate with a partner. Use a finger to penetrate yourself and find out what's comfortable, and over time move to more fingers or real sex toys.

3. Lubrication. Some women, even when sexually aroused, don't have enough natural lube, and since a smart girl uses condoms it's even more likely that you'll need some K-Y or other water-based lubricant to make sure everything is nice and slippery.

What good would lying to her do?

I highly doubt that it is anything less but an exaggeration to claim that getting hit in the head with a brick would have been better than that person's first experience. There are other ways of putting it, without the shock tactics. It is an anxious enough of a situation.

According to the resident expert (i.e. my fiancee), the best recomendations are to set the evening, don't rush it (meaning make sure you are thinking more of being with the guy you love, not what you're about to do). Make sure your gent slows down and use LOTS of foreplay, this goes for you too. Her other recomendation is not to take it too seriously, sex is probably the sillist activity humans engage in, so having a sense of humor about any mishaps is the best.

I would just recomend to talk with your lover before hand and tell him what makes you feel good, even experianced guys have to learn what makes their girlfriends purr and it's a lot better for us if you tell us this insead of having to play a sweaty version of hide and seek. ;) Oh, and make sure to have your chosen protection ready.

Good luck!

You have received great advice above... for the most part.

Personally, no, it didn't hurt the first time. Foreplay, and for some additional lubrication, is the key. The only advice I can give is to be comfortable talking about it with your partner. IF it's his first time as well, he may not know that foreplay will greatly enhance your experience and lessen your discomfort the first time. Be open about it.

Just so you know, i think the first few times aren't great experiences usually because of inexperience, but don't let that worry you too much. It's normal. And have fun. ;)

Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?...


That's a difficult question to answer because I don't know what your tolerance for pain is relative to mine. I imagine it's different for everyone anyway. For me...um...it hurt more than getting a tattoo.


was it still pleasurable?


Physically, no. It was his first time too, so he didn't know what he was doing any more than I did. Emotionally, yes, it was great, because I was the closest I could physically get to someone I loved more than I can describe.


did it hurt the whole way through?


Yes.


did it hurt any of the next few times?


Since then, usually not, unless we..um...rush into it.


anything you think would have helped?


Um...it helps to be with someone you really care about, who cares about you so you will try and make the experience as enjoyable as possible for each other.

how much did it hurt?

It was pretty painful in my case, but that was due to several reasons. First of all, I was expecting pain, and was tensed up because of it. I was also very shy about giving any directions, so he was completely in control. Since his attitude was essentiall "It's going to hurt her the first few times anyways," that certainly didn't help.

was it still pleasurable?

Sort of? I didn't get anywhere near orgasm or anything like that. In fact, the best I can say for my first time was that it was very...intense.

did it hurt the whole way through?

Yes.

did it hurt any of the next few times?

Yes. But here is where I get to laud the efforts of my current boyfriend. I only had sex with my first three times. In each instance, he was in control and, as I've said, had the attitude that it was going to hurt me anyways, so why bother trying anything else?

About a year after he and I broke up, I had started dating a new guy and we got to the point where I was ready to have sex with him. It started out about the same as before, with me very tense. However, he realized that I was not enjoying it as much as a I should and suggested that we change positions. (Here's where it gets a little graphic, so no younguns please).

He suggested that I be on top, rather than him - thus putting me in control and encouraged me to take things as slowly as I needed to. He then began touching my clitoris with his fingers, which really can't help but relax you a bit and get you more into it. By the time we finished, I was blown away (and had had my first orgasm during sex, which is a very different feeling from one without penetration).

anything you think would have helped?

Having a better guy around probably would have helped. Also, not tensing up. Be prepared for some pain, but don't be outright expecting it (easier said than done, I know). Be sure that you are with the right guy and that he is prepared to help you out if you are feeling pain/discomfort.

Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...

I'm a guy with fairly minimal personal knowledge about sex, but I nevertheless have read up and spoken with others, so I might be able to help somewhat.

1) The general consensus I've seen is that it might be uncomfortable or not entirely pleasurable, but if it is out and out painful, then you or he or both are doing it wrong. The kicker is first to use lots of foreplay beforehand (from what I gather, most people start off with intercourse as their first really "sexual experience", or their first attempt at intercourse proceeds directly from a few kisses straight to penetration, which is a big no-no for women. You should start off with stuff like mutual masturbation and/or cunnilingus and then work your way up to sexual intercourse), and second that the woman needs to relax her PCG muscles as much as possible. Most women clench their PCG's, which makes intercourse roughly equivalent to shoving a bratwurst through a pixie stick. If your PCG muscles clench involuntarily, you and your partner probably want to try some finger penetration, as genital massaging can ease the PCG's.

2) Beats me. My guess is that it's not to be a mindblowing experience, but it ought to at least be mildly pleasurable.

3) I'm guessing that if you've relaxed properly and have had enough foreplay beforehand, this shouldn't be a problem, but it does depend on some other factors, like his girth and technique.

4) The general consensus is that it gets less and less painful and more and more pleasurable.

5) Lubricant is always your friend, as is foreplay. Female superior position might be a good choice, because it allows you to control the depth and speed of penetration, plus it takes a lot of the pressure off the guy to perform, and face it, female superior offers us the best-looking view. So everybody wins.

I'm allowing this topic to remain open, but the discussion must remain primarily clinical. If the focus shifts to prurience, then the topic will be locked.

So, please, before you post: "Think about it for a moment."

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

I'm a guy with fairly minimal personal knowledge about sex, but I nevertheless have read up and spoken with others, so I might be able to help somewhat.

1) The general consensus I've seen is that it might be uncomfortable or not entirely pleasurable, but if it is out and out painful, then you or he or both are doing it wrong. The kicker is first to use lots of foreplay beforehand (from what I gather, most people start off with intercourse as their first really "sexual experience", or their first attempt at intercourse proceeds directly from a few kisses straight to penetration, which is a big no-no for women. You should start off with stuff like mutual masturbation and/or cunnilingus and then work your way up to sexual intercourse), and second that the woman needs to relax her PCG muscles as much as possible. Most women clench their PCG's, which makes intercourse roughly equivalent to shoving a bratwurst through a pixie stick. If your PCG muscles clench involuntarily, you and your partner probably want to try some finger penetration, as genital massaging can ease the PCG's.

2) Beats me. My guess is that it's not to be a mindblowing experience, but it ought to at least be mildly pleasurable.

3) I'm guessing that if you've relaxed properly and have had enough foreplay beforehand, this shouldn't be a problem, but it does depend on some other factors, like his girth and technique.

4) The general consensus is that it gets less and less painful and more and more pleasurable.

5) Lubricant is always your friend, as is foreplay. Female superior position might be a good choice, because it allows you to control the depth and speed of penetration, plus it takes a lot of the pressure off the guy to perform, and face it, female superior offers us the best-looking view. So everybody wins.
Really excellent advice! I've always found cunnilingus to be the best way to encourage a woman to relax and just enjoy. If she's multi-orgasmic, make her have two or three that way, then continue but tell her not to allow herself to have another one until after penetration. If she's use to having orgasms, the anticipation will encourage her to welcome penetration.

An awful lot depends upon the experience level of the man. A gentle, very caring approach combined with patience goes a long, long way.

I was lucky enough to have a man who was experienced with virgins to take mine...and I was 18.... so I had a good overall experience.. but to answer the questions...

Did it hurt? Yes... but not that much.. no more then a really bad menstrual cramp and was over just as quickly.

Did it hurt all the way through? No... actually I found out about multiple orgasms that day.. *smiles*

Did it hurt the next couple of times? Nope... not at all...

Would anything done differently helped? Well like I said I chose someone who came highly reccomended for that task to take mine. He took his time.. made me feel comfortable with myself and with him. Took precautions so I would not end up in trouble :-P Talked me though everything... was very patient when I got nervous and tensed up... I think that really made a huge difference...
Hope this helped...

My wife is going through this all over again. After giving birth to our daughter, combined with the effects of a chronic women's problem (endometriosis), she's been having pain during penetration again. The pain is pronounced initially, but gradually fades. The key is just to be very gentle at first, and increase the tempo as her body relaxes and her excitement builds. It's pretty much the same as a virgin experience, except she knows what to expect.

We've been together for over four years, so I know her reactions, and I can take control safely. Since this is your first time with this guy, he doesn't know you... in fact, you don't even know you yet. Don't leave it up to him to guess... especially because if he's young and inexperienced himself, his own hormones are going to be working overtime, and he'll end up banging around in there like a bull in a china shop. Get on top, and tell him to lie still for a while, so you can get used to the feeling. Then, just go where the moment takes you.

They're right. *grin* The best thing you can possibly do is relax and take things slowly. I was absolutely terrified my first time, having been raised very fundamentalist Christian "True Love Waits" style, and as such had next to nothing in terms of lubrication by the time we got to that point (there was a lot of talking and considering between the suggestion and the act, and... well, we didn't really think ahead enough to resume foreplay beforehand).

For reference, I had had some small amount of experience by way of fingering, and I was to the point of tampons not hurting or feeling unduly uncomfortable.

It was... I would go with uncomfortable, bordering on painful. But then, I was expecting worse and it was going *very* slowly. The strangest thing to me was not the pain, it was that.. it was difficult. Because I was a virgin and quite dry, it was actually difficult to get through the penetration process. Once he was... "fully embedded", you might say... the sensation started picking up, however, and by the time we finished I was quite pleased. ;)

One thing I have not seen mentioned much here is bleeding. Supposedly this varies based on the woman as well. For me, I noticed a tiny bit of blood - much like... like if you go to the bathroom and wipe right after a long shower during your period - the first time and for maybe 3 times after that. Then for a couple of months, if I went several weeks without sex I would bleed a bit the first time. After a few months, bleeding and pain were both entirely gone, regardless of the amount of time in between (up to what I've experienced, at least).

I'm not a girl, but after being with a virgin and counciling a great many after their first exprerience, I can clearly state the following;

1. The fear is worse than the pain. Every girl I've talked to (including mine) was increadably upset and worried over what it would feel like. Some cried, some just got really crazy over it. Afterwards, the general consensus was that it hurt a little at first, and a little afterwards, but that's it. However it varied from person to person

2. No one really regretted it. Some had second thoughts, but I had no one who actually planned it ahead of time get upset over it.

3. Take control. Alot of women get worried about being too commanding. Guess what? You have to step up and take control, he won't just give it to you.

4. Forplay... lots of it! Makes everything easier

5. Don't expect the world. It's not a virgin thing, the first time with anyone is usually awkward. You're not used to the signals, you don't know what they like and they may do things you don't expect. This is normal, if it's not great the first time, keep trying, you'll get it right.

6. Talk first. Some guy watch porn and think it's like sex, or that their sex will be like their fantasies. Talk first about sensitive problems or fears you may have.

I council people like this all the time, so if you have any questions, you can send me a telegram. Believe me, I enjoy helping people, you won't be bothering me.

how much did it hurt? I have a high pain threshhold, and it still hurt. I was surprised and annoyed that it hurt, despite my familiarity with a vibrator. My participator was very obliging, however. The region was tender for a while, but it was that kind of invigorated pain that you get after a workout, so it was mildly pleasant.
was it still pleasurable? I was too distracted by having to concentrate on relaxing to be aware of whether it was pleasureable or not. I presume it was, because I stayed in the game. My tension made it pleasureable for him, so I guess the praise was pleasureable.
did it hurt the whole way through? Yeah. You DO need to give your body a chance to recover.
did it hurt any of the next few times? I was a bit tense the second time. The following week I had sex with some guy for 3 hours straight, so I'd say the first is worst, the second is like revision, and by the third you're able to enjoy it without worrying that you'll get injured. Have sex with a few different penises, so you get some different experiences.
anything you think would have helped? Using a vibrator on occasions prior to using a man.

how much did it hurt? A bit, not awwwwwfully. Just make sure you.... don't jump the gun. Make sure you are both adequately excited. :p
was it still pleasurable? Yeah, once we got going... although we had a little mishap the very first try, but that isn't really the point here... And it definitely gets better with practice!
did it hurt the whole way through? Nah, intermittently
did it hurt any of the next few times? Yeah, and it still can sometimes, but we have rather infrequent sex, being long distance... :(
anything you think would have helped? lubricant! Lube helps all...

Did it hurt? Not at all
Was it pleasurable? hmm...not really. just ok. But it gets better.

That being said, since then I have occasionally had some pain. However, there were extenuating circumstances in that they were always when I hadn't had sex for quite a long time. My partner used to go away on tours for months and I would not have sex in the interim. His penis has a very large girth, and the first time after he gets back, it actually did hurt for the first few strokes, even though I was well lubricated.

That's pretty much my story too... But I think when it hurts at the start I sometimes tense up and make things worse. Relax, preebles, relax.

My first attempt at sex was painful, but (without actually becoming graphic about it) we weren't successful. When we finally did succeed, it wasn't painful at all. Was it pleasureable? Well, it wasn't unpleasureable, but I really could not understand what the fuss was about. I didn't hate it, but wouldn't have said I liked it either. I later realised this was because I didn't care that much for the guy in question - part of me regrets losing my virginity to someone I did really care about, but on the other hand, at least it makes me appreciate good sex with my current boyfriend even more.

In short, I think the pain thing is different for everyone, so it's hard to say how it will be. Advice about lots of foreplay and self-exploration already given seems the best approach to me. And, even if it's not wonderful in the first instance, it does get much, much better (particuarly if you have a strong emotional/mental connection to the other person, in my personal view).

Good luck!

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...
- Hmn... think of how it feels when someone wearing shoes accidently steps on your hand
- slightly, but not all that great
- yes (but it depends on the size of your uterus. If you're narrow, it'll hurt, but there are treatments to help).
- Drugs! JUst kidding... Seriously, like many have said, lubrication. A regular cream does well, especially over well-made latex condems - oh, and speaking of condemns, ribbed aren't anything special. The non-textured ones are just as good.

Before you two 'go for it ',

FIRST. Are you two comfortable enough to deal with the question of Birth Control? before you do anything. i.e. the pill,spermacide, condoms, Depo Provo, etc. If you aren't comfortable adressing this issue with your intended sexual partner, I'd advice going no further. Virginity may be overrated, but it is better than having an STD.

Decide what you are going to do about this, before you go further.

USE PREVENTION. again. USE PREVENTION.

IF and only if, you two have what you are gonna use as a BC in place.

Mental expectation has a lot to do with the 'how much it'll hurt' question. Think about this in this way. If you absolutely freak about pain thinking that it'll hurt when you go to the dentist to get a filling put in, you'll pysch yourself out so much it WILL hurt. If you go into first time sex, thinking that you are gonna be hurting ... well, more than likely, you will.

Greeen Havens is right - protection is very important.

Besides STDs, there is also the risk of pregnancy and no, popular belief about early withdrawl is bullshit.

Condoms are not a sin, neither is the pill. (oh, and to all the religious folks - when a woman menstrates, she loses an egg; it goes into the toilet as much does the sperm when the man masterbates - and yet, the pill stops the woman from ovulating, so don't start in about how it's not morally right).

So, sit down. Even if it's very awkward and you have to use those funny phrases we did as kids, just talk about it. If you're not ready, just cuddle on the chesterfield. There is nothign wrong with waiting. Heck, I was 20 when I lost my viriginity. Sex is overrated for the most part (sure, it's good, but, once you've had it, you realise you really haven't in the end, missed all that much (until you explore the other elements that bring kink into the relationship))...

I'll definatly disagree about it being over-rated, but like I said, chances are the first time will be pretty akward.

I'll definatly disagree about it being over-rated, but like I said, chances are the first time will be pretty akward.
Yes it will be, and even more so if your partner is also a virigin. I was lucky, my boyfriend wasn't a virgin. He had had previous sexual relations with his ex-girlfriend. So, in someways, an experienced partner (regardless of gender), as long as you care enough about them, well, love them and feel ready and not pressured, then, it's better because they know how it works.

[Moderator Edit - Cogitation] I am allowing this topic to remain open. Readers should be advised, however, that the topic does contain serious, honest, and mature discussion and advice about sexual acts. Young NationStates players are advised to avoid reading this topic. [/modedit]















Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...

I'm not a girl...But if you're worried I suggest you go to the pharmacy and get a bottle of astroglide. The label on the bottle tells you what to do with it.

Well... I guess it's not EXACTLY advice I'm asking for, but whatever.

Anyway, I have heard that it hurts the first time. I've never heard anyone contradict that either. I imagine it depends on how you lose your virginity, who, how communicative they are etc., but for a general picture what I am wondering from all of you is:

how much did it hurt?
was it still pleasurable?
did it hurt the whole way through?
did it hurt any of the next few times?
anything you think would have helped?

Oh yeah and obviously this is hetero sex I'm asking about...


ok...it all depends on you, him, and the situation. i've actually known a girl who claimed to orgasm the first time.

for me? it hurt but not excruciating, not pleasurable, did hurt all the way through for the first three or four times, and i think it would have helped if the guy was a bit more sensitive and i was more relaxed.

when you are having sex, relaxation is the key. you have to be in a place you are 100% comfortable, not afraid of anyone wandering in, not afraid of distractions, or anything that will take your mind off the situation at hand.

foreplay
foreplay
foreplay

if he takes his time, makes sure you are 100% into it, ready and all that, the pain is decreased significantly.

the more aroused you are, the less it will hurt

but then, a lot also depends on you actual physical condition, as in, how thick the hymen is, for some it will always hurt just a bit at first penetration, because the hymen is just that sturdy...

Thank you all so much! I had heard and read that it hurt, but I was never clear on how bad it was, didn't seem like it should be. It seems like we're on the right track:

- yes, he is also a virgin
- i'm very experienced with myself, so he won't be the first thing in there
- we are working up to it, we're not going to jump in cold
- we understand the importance of foreplay and communication
- actually, we're exercising that communication as we work on fingering... still a work in progress
- i'm not too worried about it and know very well from yoga how to r-e-l-a-x
- and of course we will use a condom when the time comes

We may not end up having sex, and it will probably be a while in any case, but I was just thinking that I ought to get some information on this annoying question since there is now actually someone I can imagine doing it with.

Oh and mods... sorry. I'm glad you decided to keep the topic open, but I'll try to think before I post next time, maybe use a different forum.