NationStates Jolt Archive


"Let's kill them all and turn the place into a brothel"

Klonor
27-04-2005, 06:39
Harsh words, don't you think? Yes, quite harsh indeed. But is the speaker harsh? Well....yeah, he's pretty harsh, too. But what do you expect from the advisor to the leader of The Axe Gang?

I refer to Kung-Fu Hustle, a hilarious and action-packed movie that has just hit the screens. A most excellent feature, filled with sky high combat and scenes that would be at home in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, I both laughed and "Wow"ed throughout the entire movie.

For those who don't know, Kung-Fu Hustle details the adventures of two low-level punk criminals who aspire to join the elite Axe Gang, the most feared gang in China. Impersonating Axe members, they attempt to extort money from the inhabitants of 'Pig Sty Alley' who refuse to pay and actually proceed to beat the hell out of the tall skinny one (The fat one has fallen asleep) and humiliate him quite thoroughly. Anyway, as he flees from the beating he lights a firecracker, fireworks being the usual method of summoning help from other gang members and he's still playing the part of an Axe member, and tosses it over a wall claiming it will soon bring reinforcements from other Axe members. Of course, it actually does summon Axe members, those being the passing group of Axe members who are under the firecracker when it goes off. They storm in, preparing to wreak horrible vengeance on the thrower of the firecracker, and Sing (the skinny criminal), still impersonating an Axe member, points to the inhabitants of Pig Sty Allley as the throwers. The leader of this particular group of Axes approaches the man Sing tried to extort, the man says he's still not going to bow to the criminal pressure, and the Axe leader swings right at the guys head with the axe that the gang gets its name from. There's a brief flurry of unseen motion and suddenly everything is the same except the Axe leader is missing. Everybody looks around and see a barrel in the background moving a bit, with a few limbs sticking out of it. The Axe members approach to see their leader stuffed within the barrel, moaning a bit. He asks if any of them saw what happened, none of them did, and tells them to signal for help (they use a real firework that can be seen for miles and shapes a huge Axe in the sky). The rest of the Axe Gang shows up (We're talking a veritable army, thousands of gang members) and takes the entire alley hostage at axe-point, demanding to know who stuffed the Axe'er into the barrel. Just when they're about to light a woman and her child on fire the Coolie (Until now viewed only as a source of manual labor) steps forward, claims it was him, and proceeds to beat the hell out of the entire Axe Gang. He is joined soon by the Tailor and Donut (The cook) also before now seen as nothing but an old man and an extremely feminine loser, who finish the scene with the Axe Gang looking like they've been on the wrong end of a steam roller.

What follows is the Axe Gang trying to wreak vengeance upon the inhabitants of Pig Sty Alley and the inhabitants fighting them off. The two punks keep trying to earn their way into the exclusive Axe Gang and keep screweing up, usually injuring Sing quite seriously with every try. I tell you, it's funny beyond all imagination. A really great movie, I like how they did everything.

Anybody else like it?
Kibolonia
27-04-2005, 06:54
Yeah it was beyond dope. Man that first Lion's Roar.... That first fight with The Beast. Ahhh good times. Definately a must own. It made Shaolin Soccer seem lifeless by comparison.
Klonor
27-04-2005, 07:08
I really loved that Shining-style blood flood when Sing was breaking the Beast out of jail.
Kibolonia
27-04-2005, 10:24
For me it's either the flower pot right at the begining, or when he taps the beast on the head after being punched through the floor. I am *so* glad I didn't buy a coke.
Klonor
27-04-2005, 20:25
I laughed myself senseless when Sing picked up that tiny little stick, his head is actually inside the floor and he's still going!
Klonor
28-04-2005, 03:10
"You may be good at Kung-Fu but you're still a fairy!"
Tenebricosis
28-04-2005, 03:13
I'm pretty sure the chinese equivalent was more along the lines of faggot, given the nature of the landlady.
Klonor
28-04-2005, 03:19
I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't speak chinese and go with the subtitles. The subtitles say fairy, so I say fairy. Actually, considering that 'fairy' could kick the crap out of me before he finished breakfast I don't think I'll call him anything at all.
Places to Be
28-04-2005, 03:57
I downloa- uh... somehow watched the movie on my laptop.... amazing shots. A little cartoony with the whole race with the landlady, but other than that, quite an awesome movie.
Klonor
28-04-2005, 07:30
Where'd you download it from?