NationStates Jolt Archive

I phrase this question specifically, because your wishes may or may not be carried out.

First of all, to those of you who will invariably say, "I don't want a funeral", I'd like to remind you of one important thing. Funerals are not for the people who have died. They are for the living. They are an important part of the coping process. That doesn't mean the funeral has to be the solemn sort, with a priest and silent weeping. Whatever people are comfortable doing when they get together to acknowledge your death, and try to find ways of reconciling themselves to your absence is fine. For years my grandfather told us he did not want us to mourn him when he died, but a more ridiculous sentiment I have never heard. We finally convinced him to relent...we would mourn him no matter what, but we wanted to do so in a manner that he would approve of. We had a traditional Irish wake (without the paid wailers) and rejoiced his life and exchanged stories about the outrageous things he'd done. I think he would have liked that.

With that in mind, how do you envision your funeral?

The whole world would see my funeral, through television. And the world would weep at my depature. It would at the worlds highest peak, mount Everest, surrounded by leaders from all nations.

And there would be millions of different instruments from all over the world playing to the tune "Don't Stop me now" by Queens , and the sky would darken.. and a giant hand would descend from heaven and taken my coffin back into the sky.

Then the mountains would tumble, the sea's would open up, and the sky would fall down (asteroids).

Man would man their rocketships and fly away into the sky, while the last bastion of humans would mutate into crispy kremes.

With that in mind, how do you envision your funeral?

The mighty Bill Drummond of The Jamms/KLF/K Foundation got there first:

http://www.mydeath.net/

In a word?

Explosive.

Tie the urn carrying my ashes to a rocket and launch me off above a lake, making sure the rocket explodes above the lake. That way, I get to be scattered in the water and everyone gets a light show.

i'd like my family to set me on fire and laugh maniacly, ressurecting my carcass as a zombie later with a satanic ritual...

But as that is impossible, I'll just have a simple cremation. I don't want my funeral to cripple my families finances.

i'd like my family to set me on fire and laugh maniacly, ressurecting my carcass as a zombie later with a satanic ritual...

But as that is impossible, I'll just have a simple cremation. I don't want my funeral to cripple my families finances.
If you want, I'll send them a rocket. Have a fun funeral!

whatever my family want it to be like, im not going to tell them what to do...whatever helps them the most

I started this thread on funeral songs a while ago: http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=374506 I still want Don't Stop Me Now to be ironically playing as I am cremated! Furthermore, I'd rather not have any religious involvement regardless of the beliefs of friends and family.

However, since I'll be dead, I don't suppose I'll care that much, so ultimately they can do what they like - chuck me to the dogs if it suits them :D

I don't really care about my funeral. Like you said it's for
the people who stay here. They can do what ever they want
with my funeral.

First of all, to those of you who will invariably say, "I don't want a funeral", I'd like to remind you of one important thing. Funerals are not for the people who have died. They are for the living. They are an important part of the coping process.

That may be true, but I really don't want a funeral. If it were all possible, i'd prefer that nobody in my family knew I was dead, either.

But, If I have to have a funeral...it's not up to me what happens. If there's an afterlife though, i'd *expect* to look down and be thoroughly amused by the insane antics going on there. :p

whatever my family want it to be like, im not going to tell them what to do...whatever helps them the most
Thank you for being the first one to take this question seriously. This is basically how I feel about it too...honestly, if my family and friends would feel better having a priest of whatever denomination intoning pslams for me, despite the fact that I am atheist, then so be it.

The whole world would see my funeral, through television. And the world would weep at my depature. It would at the worlds highest peak, mount Everest, surrounded by leaders from all nations.

And there would be millions of different instruments from all over the world playing to the tune "Don't Stop me now" by Queens , and the sky would darken.. and a giant hand would descend from heaven and taken my coffin back into the sky.

Then the mountains would tumble, the sea's would open up, and the sky would fall down (asteroids).

Man would man their rocketships and fly away into the sky, while the last bastion of humans would mutate into crispy kremes.
That sh*ts all over mine. My Nanna's consisted of about 150+ drunk people, and it's a damn shame she couldn't join us. All I want at mine is lots of beer and a few people who love me.

I've attended way too many funerals, but I have to say, the ones that helped me the most...the ones that took the punch out of my grief the best, were the ones that resembled wakes more than solemn ceremonies. Informal gatherings of people who actually KNEW the deceased, all talking about their experiences of that person. It helps you relive their impact on you BEYOND the pain of their absence. Especially in situations where suicide was the cause of death. In funerals like this, I end up remembering their lives more than their manner of death. So I think for me, this kind of funeral would be what I would prefer my loved ones to have for me. If any of them are still around, since I plan on outliving all you bastards anyway! MUAHHAHAHAHAA!

If I have a funeral, it'll be a huge joke on everybody. A gag funeral is a great funeral, even if I won't be there to see it.

I phrase this question specifically, because your wishes may or may not be carried out.

First of all, to those of you who will invariably say, "I don't want a funeral", I'd like to remind you of one important thing. Funerals are not for the people who have died. They are for the living. They are an important part of the coping process. That doesn't mean the funeral has to be the solemn sort, with a priest and silent weeping. Whatever people are comfortable doing when they get together to acknowledge your death, and try to find ways of reconciling themselves to your absence is fine. For years my grandfather told us he did not want us to mourn him when he died, but a more ridiculous sentiment I have never heard. We finally convinced him to relent...we would mourn him no matter what, but we wanted to do so in a manner that he would approve of. We had a traditional Irish wake (without the paid wailers) and rejoiced his life and exchanged stories about the outrageous things he'd done. I think he would have liked that.

With that in mind, how do you envision your funeral?

I want a quiet funeral no church (I refuse to take part in any organized ceramony) (I also wish to be cremated) and have my ashes scatered

I am not peticular where ... someplace quiet maybe a lake

Thats it
No memorial to me (headstone) no markings on where I was let go

Just peace

I intend to wait a few weeks after I'm dead, then have my corpse dumped in a water purification plant outlet drain :D

I would want a small ceremony-just family and close friends. A closed, simple pine box and cremate me after. I dont want people standing there gawking at my corpse or kissing it. I dont want valuable dollars spent on something thats going to be buried. I dont plan on occupying a piece of ground for hundreds of years in an elaborate coffin. My ashes can go wherever they want. A marker can go on the family monument. Everyone can go out to dine together after the ceremony and talk about me-I'll buy.

I've attended funerals and it didn't do me any good. I grieve privately and actually resented being surrounded by people I either could not stand or with whom I rather did not want to share my grief with.

I also do feel strongly that the wishes of the dead should be respected, no matter what the religion or non-religiuous inclination. If a person does not want a funeral and just want to be buried, then don't have a funeral. If you as the survivor, want to hold a memorial service or an anniversary after the burial because it will help you cope, it is your prerogative.

I am in the I just want to be buried category and if my survivors want have a wake or sit shiva or whatever after my burial because it will help them grieve, that is fine.

I'd want there to be a huge buffet... sandwiches, pizza, burgers, soup, salad, beans, potato salad, cole slaw... a buffet lunch.

and crying would be forbidden. to help this, i'd hire someone to get up and, instead of doing a eulogy (or perhaps after a very short eulogy), do some rap-style chanting/stepping/waving of arms.

...so they'd get to eat and have a (perhaps) half-way decent time.

hehe

Irish wake
Jewish funeral
Muslim burial

The rest is up to the living.

My funeral would take the form of a wild, drunken party. I would lie in state while everyone got absolutely smashed. My coffin would be fitted with a tap on either side, both of which would link to a huge, underground vat of fine whiskey. Every time somebody went to get more drink, they would see my corpse.

As the party drew to a close, I would be lowered into my enormous mastaba (http://i-cias.com/e.o/mastaba.htm), amid an impressive array of pyrotechnics, and followed by an immense fountain of hard liquor from atop the tomb. My immense tomb complex would be lined with crazy boobytraps which would dispatch all intruders in embarassing and painful ways. Anyway, the fountain would generate a hail of alcohol which would last steadily for several minutes before dying out. Those who were still conscious would witness an enormous effigy of me rise out of the ground and be placed on top of the tomb while crazy guitar solos played in the background.

Irish wake
Jewish funeral
Muslim burial

The rest is up to the living.
Where is your Native Spirituality in this mix!!?? WHERE'S THE SWEET GRASS SENDING YOU TO THE CREATOR!!!????

By the way...how are Muslims buried?

In the old days, we left our dead on platforms for the crows. It was a good thing for the remains to be taken back into the earth as quickly as possible. It's forbidden now:( I understand why though...that would be a bit grisly to stumble upon during a romp through the woods!

I'd have a Creole party, per my family's tradition. I would be cremated. My ashes would then be spread to every place that I had ancestors or family from. The list so far is as follows:

Illogan, Wales
County Kerry, Ireland
Provence, France
Hong Kong SAR, China
Port-au-Prince, Haiti
New Orleans, Louisiana, USA
Donaldsonville, Louisiana, USA
Elizabeth City, North Carolina, USA
Duck, North Carolina, USA
Marianna, Arkansas, USA
Chicago, IL, USA
Cambridge, MA, USA

I have decided I need to gain a lot of weight before I die, so I will have enough ashes to do this.

Where is your Native Spirituality in this mix!!?? WHERE'S THE SWEET GRASS SENDING YOU TO THE CREATOR!!!????

My tribe doesn't have a particular ceremony for the dead, but only a celebration for the life of the deceased which isn't that dissimilar from an Irish wake in its purpose - to make sure the dead guy really is dead. My people never had much interest in death or dieing. We've always had a strong grasp of the circle of life ... farming tribe, ya know. Our legends say that the spirit of the dead is redistributed among the yet to be born, much like the fertilizer on freshly sown seeds. The body was not important.

By the way...how are Muslims buried?

The body is washed, wrapped in simple cloths, and placed directly in the ground unless local laws require a box and then it's the simplest box allowable by law. My farmer blood wishes to return as directly to the earth as possible and I want my head pointing towards Mecca.

In the old days, we left our dead on platforms for the crows.

Oooh ... I bet that made for some fat and happy crows. :D

Oooh ... I bet that made for some fat and happy crows. :D
It also explains why we never eat crows.

It also explains why we never eat crows.

I do.
*burrrp*

Dump my corpse on a longboat set it on fire and let me drift off while my friends get drunk and arrested. (Viking funerals are illeagl where I live)

When folks go by to pay their last respects, I want one of the to gasp and say: "LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"

i dont have to worry abute such trifles, i plan on living forever, so far so good.

I know I'm racking up lots of posts on dead topics (no pun intended), but...

I would like my funeral to be a modest event, probably held in a garage or something. The person presiding should have a sense of humor and be modest about me (no "He was a good man" crap, tell it like it is). The song would be something lively, ironic and exciting, like New Life by Depeche Mode.

I want to be buried naked. What's the point of wasting a suit on a dead guy? They should also sing happy songs, tell good stories, and eat insane amounts of Cajun food. It's the kind of funeral I'd want to attend.

I'd like for my funeral to be a comedy of errors, with a heavy emphasis on the slapstick (somebody hit in the face by a door, seat collapsing, crucifix hitting somebody on the head, etc). I'll be asking for a member of my family to volunteer to get drunk and fall into an open grave.

Also, I'd like somebody to sit at the back in a loud suit and laugh really loudly at particularly innapropriate moments. And if that somebody could be me, then that's all the better.

I'm not dying. At all. :p

But if i do, i'm hoping for a funeral similar to the pope's funeral, where countless trillions of people who loved me and respected me would see it all on live TV, with a few differences: I'd be put on a unmanned rocket headed for a crash landing on Pluto :D , or be buried in Denver if the rocket is unavailable. I"m more likely to choose the latter, and be buried in Denver though.

I want to be buried naked.

I agree - I came into this world skyclad, I'd like to be remembered as going out that way.

Of course I don't want a funeral or even a viewing. I don't want a casket, and I don't want my survivors to spend their money on final expenses for me. I intend to donate my body to science when I die, and I don't consider a funeral important. I honestly don't give a soaring shit if people yak about me two days afte I die. I care more about how I am remembered a year, two years, five years after I die. Of course people will gush about how great I was after I die; it's all bullshit and they can all cram it. I don't want people to weep for me. I don't want them to be happy I died either, but come on, contain your forking sadness. Everybody dies; I don't consider myself immortal.

If my loved ones give a damn about me, they will respect my wishes, but knowing them, they will fucking ignore them. Knowing them, they will pitch a funeral that costs $20,000 and everyone from here to Kyoto, Japan will come weeping over my death. Fuck that shit. I want nothing to do with funerals. And I damn sure don't want anyone crying at my funeral. My will is goign to stipulate that anyone who cries at any funeral held in my honor will be tasered.

If all goes according to plan, My funeral will be televised internationally so that when the proper visual signals are sent, my lunatic genes, hidden deep within the DNA of many of you hapless human beings will express themselves fully, and an unstoppable army of lunatic goofballs will run rampant worldwide. Oh the horrible horrible freedom!!!

Of course, I probably shouldn't have mentioned my plans.

Bah, who is going to believe a bunch of wackos like you? ;)

Bah, who is going to believe a bunch of wackos like you? ;)Another bunch of wackos like us. :D

I'm not sure how the whole shebang is going to go but I'd like there to be a circle pit up front.

P.S. I'm being perfectly serious.

Hmmm.... secular and... calming. Hopefully people will have nice things to say about me. :p

Edit: Maybe play Moonshadow by Cat Stevens as my exit music. ;)

I plan to be stuffed, dressed as a butler, set in a corner, and given a tray of Hour'Derves to hold during the memorial service.

I plan to be cremated, then hold some sort of non-denominational service...very brief, perhaps 5 minutes, then everyone gets to sit in silence while "A Warm Place" by Nine Inch Nails plays...

...then the food and liquor get brought out, my personal music mix starts playing, and everyone gets to have fun and get trashed!!! :D

A couple days later, a few of my closest friends/relatives will be flying to Italy (I'm springing for this, obviously), and scattering my ashes along the path that leads from the church in Moena up into the mountains.

That's about it. :)

I want nothing to do with funerals.

Hehehe ... don't worry .... you won't have anything to do with yours. :D

Edit: Maybe play Moonshadow by Cat Stevens as my exit music. ;)

:eek: :p That's actually my life's theme song. It'll be played at my funeral, too. Neat.

I would hope for noone to turn up!
Its going to plan so far!

:eek: :p That's actually my life's theme song. It'll be played at my funeral, too. Neat.
:D I just love the little cartoon; Teaser and the Firecat are so endearing. And c'mon, Spike Milligan! (It was him, wasn't it?)

I want them to play several songs, most importantly Hell's Bells by AC/DC to ring out like a traditional church bell and start the funeral with some fun.
Just before my body leaves the church to the hearse, I want them to play Highway to Hell by AC/DC.
At the end, I want to be taken out of the hearse and then buried to the sound of the Star Wars Imperial March.

I might even write this down in my will when I make one as my last requests.

:D I just love the little cartoon; Teaser and the Firecat are so endearing. And c'mon, Spike Milligan! (It was him, wasn't it?)

I have an original copy of Teaser and the Firecat .... autographed! (woo!) It's the version that came with the comic in 7 languages. Granted, the autograph says Yusuf Islam, but it's the same guy. He's a nice man.

I have an original copy of Teaser and the Firecat .... autographed! (woo!) It's the version that came with the comic in 7 languages. Granted, the autograph says Yusuf Islam, but it's the same guy. He's a nice man.
:p <-- that's me being green with envy.

:p <-- that's me being green with envy.

I'll leave it to you in my will. :D (I think we're hijacking the thread)

I phrase this question specifically, because your wishes may or may not be carried out.
<snip>
With that in mind, how do you envision your funeral?
My funeral will be held on the Galactic Homeworld and attended by my clone and my disembodied brain/AI.

Of course, this won't happen for a few years, but I'm willing to wait.

With that in mind, how do you envision your funeral?
Cheap and no one goes except those who want my crap and those who pity me.