NationStates Jolt Archive

God would like to like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following Questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you do not need to disclose you name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1) How did you find out about God?

__ Newspaper __Other Book
__ Television __ Divine Inspiration
__Word of Mouth __ Near Death Experience
__Tabloid __ Burning Shrubbery
__ Bible __ Torah
__ Other (Specify)___________________________________


2) Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
__ Jehovah __ Jesus
__ Allah __ Satan
__ God __ G-d
__ None of the Above; I was taken in by a false God

3) Did you God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No


If no, please describe any problems you initially encountered here:










4) What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.


__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Fear of Death
__ Wanted to meet boys/girls
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like organ music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it



5) Have you ever worshipped a God before?

__ Yes __ No


If Yes, which False God were you fooled by?


__ Odin __ Cthulhu
__ Zeus __ The Almighty Dollar
__Apollo __ Left Wing Liberalism
__ Ra __ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The Great Spirit __ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun __ Ronald Reagan
__ The Moon __ A Burning Cabbage
__ The Bomb __ Other (Please Specify) _______________________




6) Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.


__ Tarot __ Lottery
__ Astrology __ Television
__ Fortune Cookies __ Ann Sanders
__ Psychic Friends Network __ Dianetics
__ Palmistry __ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help Books __ Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
__ Biorhythms __ Newt Gringrich
__ Tea Leaves __ ESP
__ Mantras __ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals __ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids __ Wandering Around a Desert
__ Insurance Policies __ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D. __ Other (Please Specify) ___________________
__ Barney Fife __ None




7) God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balance of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? (Circle One)


A: More Divine Intervention
B: Less Divine Intervention
C: Current level of Divine Intervention id just right
D: Don’t Know; What’s Divine Intervention






8) God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 – 5 his handling of the following:
(1 = Unsatisfactory 5 = Excellent)

Disasters:

Flood 1 2 3 4 5
Famine 1 2 3 4 5
Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5
War 1 2 3 4 5
Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5
Plague 1 2 3 4 5
Spam 1 2 3 4 5
AOL 1 2 3 4 5
Windows 1 2 3 4 5
Bush’s Re-election 1 2 3 4 5


Miracles:

Rescues 1 2 3 4 5
Spontaneous Remissions 1 2 3 4 5
Stars Hovering over Town 1 2 3 4 5
Crying Statues 1 2 3 4 5
Water Changing to Wine 1 2 3 4 5
Walking on Water 1 2 3 4 5
Talking Flaming Shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5
VCR’s that set their own clock 1 2 3 4 5
Saddam Hussein still alive 1 2 3 4 5
Cubs winning the Series 1 2 3 4 5




9) Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)

Funny, even though I'm a Christian myself. I think people take faith a little too seriously these days. It seems like humor is a sin, ESPECIALLY if it's about faith. Great to see someone else stepping up and doing this.

Funny, even though I'm a Christian myself. I think people take faith a little too seriously these days. It seems like humor is a sin, ESPECIALLY if it's about faith. Great to see someone else stepping up and doing this.


Lol. yeah, religion needs to lighten up a bit. This thread is for both hard-core atheists and for religious nuts. I figured there needed to be some common ground, and humor is always the way to go. :)