NationStates Jolt Archive

I am currently working in a museum and have the job of writing a few of the plaques you see around. I want to squeeze in some comic relief to be imortalized in the public gaze for all time - however, it cannot be obvious enough that when my boss scans over my work she sees it!

Ok, this is what I need to fit the joke into, i can change as much of it as I want to:

"These four bodies from ***** are the oldest yet to be found in *********. They date to the early Neolithic, around 4000-3000B.C, a time before metal was used and when farming was just becoming popular in Britain.

The bodies were lifted from the grave exactly as you see them now. On the left is the crouched skeleton of a man aged about 25 with the tiny remains of an infant at his feet. On the right are the mixed bones of a woman, also aged around 25, and a 10 year old child. The relationship between the four people is unknown, but they could have been a family.

The most unusual thing about this burial is the small leaf-shaped flint arrowhead still visible between the ribs of the man (look in the direction of the plastic marker). This may well have been the cause of his death. The arrow’s closeness to his heart suggests that he was not shot by accident and that he had either been attacked or was in a fight. This is one of the oldest pieces of evidence for conflict in Britain."

Innuendo, word play or popular song lyrics, I just need something to screw with the display without any one realizing!

(apologies if by some chance this gets back to the museum)

you knob-jockey!! What are you like, Jon?

Ha ha, should have known you would have a comment. I have to do something comical with the displays, I just can't think of anything!

Refering to the arrow, perhaps something along these lines:
"looking in the direction of the plastic marker, You can see a hard tip still visible. This broke off after being thrust inside the man and is thought to be the cause of his death"

Refering to the arrow, perhaps something along these lines:
"looking in the direction of the plastic marker, You can see a hard tip still visible. This broke off after being thrust inside the man and is thought to be the cause of his death"

You star! Phallic jokes about 'rock' and thrusting are the order of the day

Well of course. 'Thrust' is funny as soon as it's used in any context.
So is 'Throbbing'. Perhaps you can insert (ohh there's another one!) this word in there somewhere.

Its hard (tehe) to fit 'throbbing' into a description of dead things. Though I can't help but think I missing a trick with 'bone'

Serious question: Does your boss have a boss? If the jokes escape your boss' attention, but is noticed by a higher-up with no sense of humor after the plaques are in place, then you or your boss could be fired. If they're especially prudish, they may replace the plaques altogether.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."

You could make up some sick gang rape story.
Don't blame me...you said CRUDE jokes.

perhaps the use of 'friendly fire' instead of a plain 'accident'

Instead of:

The bodies were lifted from the grave exactly as you see them now.
Say: These bodies returned from the grave exactly as you see them now. ;) :eek:

"Found nearby was a carving saying, "I told you I was gonna pop a cap in yo' ass!" The carver is thought to be the first 'gangsta'."

The hard bodies were lifted from the grave exactly as you see them now. On the left is the crouched skeleton of a man aged about 25 with the tiny remains of an infant at his feet. On the right are the mixed bones of a woman, also aged around 25, and a 10 year old child. The relationship between the four people is unknown, but it is speculated it mongamous.
Thats the best I can do.

Serious question: Does your boss have a boss? If the jokes escape your boss' attention, but is noticed by a higher-up with no sense of humor after the plaques are in place, then you or your boss could be fired. If they're especially prudish, they may replace the plaques altogether.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."


No, she is as high as it goes, if it got noticed by any of the other museum staff they would just laugh (I hope).

If you change the dates a bit (OK, a lot), you could have HOMO ERECTUS in huge, bold letters.

*dead silence, tumbleweed, dog staggers into frame and dies*

What?

Is it a joke? I don't get it...

I think I'm too slow too understand, so just don't reply to my psot.

If you change the dates a bit (OK, a lot), you could have HOMO ERECTUS in huge, bold letters.

If I could claim these were HOMO ERECTUS I wouldn't need to put in a joke. In fact I think the genius who named 'upright man' deserves some kind of award. *chuckles* it still cracks me up.

since you aren't funny, why don't you just let it be. don't you realize how stupid bad humor is?

Don't be daft. There is a point at which humor becomes so mindbogglingly bad that it becomes good again. This occurs an infinite number of times and follows the formula humor = 5sin(joke) + 5.

Denison is another guy who derves some recognition- named 3 fossil fish
Ptomaspis, Dikenaspis, Ariaspis

Remove the 'aspis' from all three to create the phonetic joke

Don't be daft. There is a point at which humor becomes so mindbogglingly bad that it becomes good again. This occurs an infinite number of times and follows the formula humor = 5sin(joke) + 5.
It's a proportionality equation, fool. You missed out the all important constant - the comedian constant. Each comedian or (in the case of written humour) script writer has a given comedic value. For example, Jimmy Tarbuck has a 0.4, whereas Peter Kay gets a 15.3.

"The most unusual thing about this burial is the small leaf-shaped flint arrowhead still visible between the ribs of the man (look in the direction of the plastic marker). This may well have been the cause of his death. The arrow’s closeness to his heart suggests that he was not shot by accident and that he had either been attacked or was in a fight. This is one of the oldest pieces of evidence for conflict in Britain."

Becomes...

"The most unusual thing about this burial is the small leaf-shaped flint arrowhead still visible between the ribs of the man (look in the direction of the plastic marker). This may well have been the cause of his death. The arrow’s closeness to his heart and conditions he was found in indicate that he was shot acting as a primitive sherrif, however, the status of his deputy or assistant is unknown, but it is believed he survived. This is one of the oldest pieces of evidence for conflict in Britain."

Which is definately a reference to "I shot the sherrif, but I did not shoot his deputy."

It's a proportionality equation, fool. You missed out the all important constant - the comedian constant. Each comedian or (in the case of written humour) script writer has a given comedic value. For example, Jimmy Tarbuck has a 0.4, whereas Peter Kay gets a 15.3.

Marcus Brigstocke gets a funny little eight on it's side.

"The most unusual thing about this burial is the 9mm stone-tipped "arrowhead" still visible between the ribs of the man (look in the direction of the plastic marker). This may well have been the cause of his death. The projectile's closeness to his heart suggests that he was not shot by accident and that he had either been involved in a ride-by on horseback or was in a gangland style execution. This is one of the oldest pieces of evidence for gangsters in Britain."

The bodies were lifted from the grave exactly as you see them now. On the left is the crouched skeleton of a man aged about 25 with the tiny remains of an infant at his feet. On the right are the mixed bones of a woman, also aged around 25, and a 10 year old child. The relationship between the four people is unknown, but teenage fornication is suspected." :)

Ha ha. I reckon metioning a sherif or gangsta would get noticed pretty quickly, but fornication is a good way to go.

Ha ha. I reckon metioning a sherif or gangsta would get noticed pretty quickly, but fornication is a good way to go.
You could put about them being very early Christian missionaries...

Ha ha. I reckon metioning a sherif or gangsta would get noticed pretty quickly, but fornication is a good way to go. Hehe, yay!

(And that post could be very funny taken out of context! :D )