Dontgonearthere
22-04-2005, 05:07
Once upon a time, my goat ate a bush, and this bush was in my neighbors yard, and my neighbor didnt like this, so he was like "Waaaaaaarrrrr!" and came after me with a shotgun and I was like "DUDE!" and he was like "DUDE!" and tried to shoot me, but I had a big stick and I hit him with it and he went "Dude..." and died, so I took his gun and broke all the windows in his house and he was dead at that point so he couldnt really comment on it.
Anyway, I went down to the lake and my friend was there, and I was like "Dude, you kissed a guy last night!" and he was like "Dude, but the lighting was bad!" and I was like "Whatever, dude." and threw him in the lake.
Anyway, I wanted to water ski at this point so I went to the rental shack and the guy was like "$39876987696324293.23 per hour, plus $50,000,000 for damages," and I was like "Woooah" and then I hit him with a waterski, which I then rode. So I was on the lake and my other friends are like "Dude, I got the new SSX-55234 and I can beat you any day!" and my other friend was like, "I got the V23 555, and it can pwnzor you!" and I was like "Hey, I got this greyish-red piece of crap rental," and they laughed at me and told me they were just leaving. I got kinda mad at this point and rammed them, proving once and for all that rental speeders, while not as fast as custom-jobs are much more durable. Once I had tied my friends to their sinking jet-skies I left for the park to eat some babies, but apparently my saturday habits had already been observed, and no mothers were there with their babies, so I had to settle for the Duck&Bum seasoned with pond scum and cooked in gasoline. Its not as good as baby, but it really fills you up, although sometimes its hard to catch the ducks and boiling an entire pond is a real pain. Anyway after that I went to the police station and was like "Dude! I didnt do it!" and the cops were like "Yeah, whatever." and shot me a few times. This pissed me off a bit so I ate their skulls, and they were like "Dude, my skull!" and I laughed at them, because they had nothing to protect their brains, which were subject to much poking shortly thereafter. So then I took all their guns and went on a rampage in downtown, but this didnt go over well and the military came and shot me a few times as well, which made me angry but really didnt hurt that much, so I ate their skulls as well. I was kinda full at that point but all the calcium was good for my bones, so I let it pass. After that it went downhill 'cause Godzilla came and tried to eat me but I was too fast and gave him a shotgun suppository, which slowed him down quite a bit, but was rather nasty. Rodan came as well but nobody really cared about him except for Godzilla, and they made sweet, sweet love all night and kept the neighbors up, or crushed them. Whichever. After all its freedom of expression and all that. Godzilla was happy about it though, and smoked a ciggarette the size of downtown which gave everybody cancer and turned them into zombies for some reason, although this passed unnoticed because an asteroid hit Godzilla and coated most of the town in scales and assorted goo. Rhodan was kinda sad, but said 'Meh, dude' and few off to find somebody else his size. The zombies proceded to consume Godzillas flesh and were happy, enabling me to go on a shotgun rampage against them when they started their elections and were trying to trade with the outside world to establish a new undead civilization. Cant have that sort of thing, now can we? Anyway, once the zombies were dead I still had to deal with the mess in the town, zombies are messy eaters and I really had a hard time getting the brains out of the sidewalk. It took me only a few years but now the town is in good condition but I have to keep people out, so theres a big corpse wall outside. Basicaly my plan is that I can kill enough people and cement the corpses together to form a giant tower to channel the evil necromatic energies of the world into me so that I can raise the army of the dead and overun Canada and establish an evil empire, with many, many hot female dominatrix torturer persons as well as a few subervient types for me. Anyway thats in the future, who wants to join? Just sell me your soul and your guarunteed citizenship. If you dont join I will just have to consume your soul anyway and its a very unpleasant process but I will do it to each and every person who doesnt join. Aside from that I need a new goat, because my old one was eaten by Rhodan. Typing this rant has givin me a cramp in my neck, so Ill leave it up to whoever wants to to continue it, please be my guest but continue with the randomness and lack of puncuation and such, mispellings are good as well, and frequent uses of the word 'dude'.
DISCLAIMER:
WARNING: The preceding document contains content which may present a hazard to your mental health, those in an unbalanced state SHOULD NOT READ IT. Those in a balanced state should drink at least six cups of high caffine coffee before attempting to comprehend it.
I do not support or condone the eating of babies or bums. Duck is quite good however.
Anyway, I went down to the lake and my friend was there, and I was like "Dude, you kissed a guy last night!" and he was like "Dude, but the lighting was bad!" and I was like "Whatever, dude." and threw him in the lake.
Anyway, I wanted to water ski at this point so I went to the rental shack and the guy was like "$39876987696324293.23 per hour, plus $50,000,000 for damages," and I was like "Woooah" and then I hit him with a waterski, which I then rode. So I was on the lake and my other friends are like "Dude, I got the new SSX-55234 and I can beat you any day!" and my other friend was like, "I got the V23 555, and it can pwnzor you!" and I was like "Hey, I got this greyish-red piece of crap rental," and they laughed at me and told me they were just leaving. I got kinda mad at this point and rammed them, proving once and for all that rental speeders, while not as fast as custom-jobs are much more durable. Once I had tied my friends to their sinking jet-skies I left for the park to eat some babies, but apparently my saturday habits had already been observed, and no mothers were there with their babies, so I had to settle for the Duck&Bum seasoned with pond scum and cooked in gasoline. Its not as good as baby, but it really fills you up, although sometimes its hard to catch the ducks and boiling an entire pond is a real pain. Anyway after that I went to the police station and was like "Dude! I didnt do it!" and the cops were like "Yeah, whatever." and shot me a few times. This pissed me off a bit so I ate their skulls, and they were like "Dude, my skull!" and I laughed at them, because they had nothing to protect their brains, which were subject to much poking shortly thereafter. So then I took all their guns and went on a rampage in downtown, but this didnt go over well and the military came and shot me a few times as well, which made me angry but really didnt hurt that much, so I ate their skulls as well. I was kinda full at that point but all the calcium was good for my bones, so I let it pass. After that it went downhill 'cause Godzilla came and tried to eat me but I was too fast and gave him a shotgun suppository, which slowed him down quite a bit, but was rather nasty. Rodan came as well but nobody really cared about him except for Godzilla, and they made sweet, sweet love all night and kept the neighbors up, or crushed them. Whichever. After all its freedom of expression and all that. Godzilla was happy about it though, and smoked a ciggarette the size of downtown which gave everybody cancer and turned them into zombies for some reason, although this passed unnoticed because an asteroid hit Godzilla and coated most of the town in scales and assorted goo. Rhodan was kinda sad, but said 'Meh, dude' and few off to find somebody else his size. The zombies proceded to consume Godzillas flesh and were happy, enabling me to go on a shotgun rampage against them when they started their elections and were trying to trade with the outside world to establish a new undead civilization. Cant have that sort of thing, now can we? Anyway, once the zombies were dead I still had to deal with the mess in the town, zombies are messy eaters and I really had a hard time getting the brains out of the sidewalk. It took me only a few years but now the town is in good condition but I have to keep people out, so theres a big corpse wall outside. Basicaly my plan is that I can kill enough people and cement the corpses together to form a giant tower to channel the evil necromatic energies of the world into me so that I can raise the army of the dead and overun Canada and establish an evil empire, with many, many hot female dominatrix torturer persons as well as a few subervient types for me. Anyway thats in the future, who wants to join? Just sell me your soul and your guarunteed citizenship. If you dont join I will just have to consume your soul anyway and its a very unpleasant process but I will do it to each and every person who doesnt join. Aside from that I need a new goat, because my old one was eaten by Rhodan. Typing this rant has givin me a cramp in my neck, so Ill leave it up to whoever wants to to continue it, please be my guest but continue with the randomness and lack of puncuation and such, mispellings are good as well, and frequent uses of the word 'dude'.
DISCLAIMER:
WARNING: The preceding document contains content which may present a hazard to your mental health, those in an unbalanced state SHOULD NOT READ IT. Those in a balanced state should drink at least six cups of high caffine coffee before attempting to comprehend it.
I do not support or condone the eating of babies or bums. Duck is quite good however.