NationStates Jolt Archive


Star Wars Episode III Script!!

McLeod03
22-04-2005, 00:40
Ok, well maybe not the official one. But undoubtedly funnier. It's also old, so many of you may have seen this already. For those who haven't, I present Star Wars Episode III: Yoda Goes Nuts and Hides in the Swamp.

http://alia.customer.netspace.net.au/sw3.htm

*Warning: Long. Best bet is to save it and read it during lectures, classes, or boring meetings*
Bolol
22-04-2005, 00:45
Warning: You have stumbled upon illegal documents. A Jedi SWAT force has been deployed to your location.
McLeod03
22-04-2005, 00:49
"Ooh, hello gentlemen. My, what big lightsab..."

*static*
Gurdenvazk
22-04-2005, 02:36
Is this a joke? There is no way this is the Episode III script.
McLeod03
22-04-2005, 02:37
Yes, it is. Congratulations on completely missing the disclaimers on the site. Well done.
Ploor
22-04-2005, 02:47
The Senatorial apartments on Coruscant. Naboo Representative Jar Jar Binks makes his way up to the roof, where he stretches in the morning sunlight.

Jar Jar: "Ahh, dat'sa better. Mesa like bein da Representative."

A low-flying air taxi collides with him, knocking him off the building. A few moments later there is a small and very final 'splat'.


If only this was in the real movie, it would be the highest grossing movie of all time :D
Super-power
22-04-2005, 03:08
Anakin: "I was talking about Padmé."

Obi-Wan: "Right, it's simple. (does the Jedi Mind Trick hand motion) You don't want to sleep with Padmé."

Anakin (zombie): "I don't want to sleep with Padmé. (wakes up) Hmm... I don't? I wonder why not? Hey, did you just do a Jedi Mind Trick on me?"

Obi-Wan: "Of course not."

Anakin: "You did! Hey-"

Obi-Wan (JMT hand motion again): "I did not just do a Jedi Mind Trick on you."

Anakin (zombie): "You did not just do a Jedi Mind Trick on me."

Obi-Wan: "Now, about Senator Amidala?"

Anakin: "It's funny, but suddenly I don't feel so... you know, towards her. I guess following the rules of the Jedi Order is a good idea after all. Thanks Master!"
New Foxxinnia
22-04-2005, 03:13
Is this a joke? There is no way this is the Episode III script.You sir are dumb.
JesusChristMySuperstar
22-04-2005, 03:14
Star Wars is the spawn of satan. :mad:
OceanDrive
22-04-2005, 03:16
Anakin: "Damn, she's probably going to be talking to Artoo all night. I don't know what she sees in that stupid droid. All it does is beep, and vibrate its head... (thinks) ...nah, she wouldn't."

Anakin: "Well, if she's off having fun by herself, two can play at that game. I'll just have to take matters into my own hands, so to speak..."

Anakin: (masturbating) "OW! Ow ow ow, oh damn, ow, stupid mechanical hand!"

--Padm goes back into the bedchamber. Anakin is rolled up in a ball on the floor.

Padm: "What happened, dear?"

Anakin (strained, high-pitched voice, still curled up): "Do you know how to switch off a bionic hand?"

Padm: "No, why?"

Anakin: "Could you get me the phase spanner from the bedside table?"

Padm: "I don't see a phase spanner."

Anakin: "Oh dear Lord..."
McLeod03
22-04-2005, 03:17
Palpatine: "Honoured Jedi, please have a seat. What can I do for you?"

Windu: "We'll ask the questions, motherf-"

Yoda (loudly): "Forgive Master Windu, difficult time he has had. Fought many battles, entirely himself at the moment he is not."

Palpatine: "I understand. This is a trying time for us all."

Windu: "Trying? Hey, man, don't give me that sh-"

Yoda: "Here we are, for information to ask."

Palpatine: "I doubt I could know anything the great Jedi Council cannot discern on its own, but I will tell you all I can."

Windu: "You bet your white-boy ass-"

Yoda: "Rumours we have heard. Strange places, mutterings in, there are. At work, Sith Lords, in places of power, suggestions there are."

Palpatine: "Sith Lords?"

Windu: "You got a hearing problem, assho-"

Yoda: "Senators, over, influence, Sidious, rumours, Darth, named, Lord, Sith, are, of, many, a, there, with."

Everyone is silent for a moment.

Windu: "What the hell did you just say, man?"
Bolol
22-04-2005, 03:21
Star Wars is the spawn of satan. :mad:

No sir, you are the Spawn of Satan.
McLeod03
22-04-2005, 03:22
Star Wars is the spawn of satan. :mad:

And Jesus is his nephew. Your point?
JesusChristMySuperstar
22-04-2005, 03:24
No sir, you are the Spawn of Satan.
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Bolol
22-04-2005, 03:25
And Jesus is his nephew. Your point?

So Star Wars is the spawn of Satan, who is also the uncle of Jesus. That would make Star Wars and God brothers...so that would make God the son of Satan!!!

OH MY GAH!!!
Iztatepopotla
22-04-2005, 05:17
So Star Wars is the spawn of Satan, who is also the uncle of Jesus. That would make Star Wars and God brothers...so that would make God the son of Satan!!!

OH MY GAH!!!
I thought God was Vader's third cousin :(
McLeod03
22-04-2005, 05:20
I thought God was Vader's third cousin :(

Twice removed.
General of general
22-04-2005, 05:21
Is this a joke? There is no way this is the Episode III script.

It's not a joke, it's the real script. The disclaimers are only there to make you think it's not.