"you might be a redneck if..."
I'm a big fan of Jeff Foxworthy and his "You might be a redneck" jokes. If any feel the same post your favorites here! Or make some of your own! ;)
You might be a redneck if...
You think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby from an alien abduction.
Your think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think the O.J. trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Frangland
19-04-2005, 17:28
...your name is Gretchen Wilson (the official "Redneck Woman")
Vittos Ordination
19-04-2005, 17:28
..you start a Jeff Foxworthy thread.
How many hours did you have to drive to get that computer?
..you start a Jeff Foxworthy thread.
How many hours did you have to drive to get that computer?
I'm hurt that you don't care enough about this important topic. :(
Sith Dark Lords
19-04-2005, 17:30
The funniest Jeff Foxworthy thing I have seen was in Family Guy when Stewie slammed the door in his face with a defiant "you suck!"
Eutrusca
19-04-2005, 17:32
"you might be a redneck if..."
... the richest person in your family asks you to help him take the tires off his new home. :)
Eutrusca
19-04-2005, 17:33
...your name is Gretchen Wilson (the official "Redneck Woman")
Ewwwww! [ hack, barf, hurl! ] :D
Dragons Fyre
19-04-2005, 17:34
your spellchecker recognises worlds like:
Y'all
all-y'all
younguns
y'hear
World wide allies
19-04-2005, 17:35
The funniest Jeff Foxworthy thing I have seen was in Family Guy when Stewie slammed the door in his face with a defiant "you suck!"
Ahaha, I remember that.
Frangland
19-04-2005, 17:36
...but you spell the contraction "ya'll"
then you're REALLY a redneck!
-------------------------------------
...if, when you're at the Olympics opening ceremony, you shoot at the doves.
Vittos Ordination
19-04-2005, 17:39
I'm hurt that you don't care enough about this important topic. :(
I'm sorry.
You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and find a car.
Afghregastan
19-04-2005, 17:43
...you go to family reunions to pick up chicks.
...your porch collapses and kills several dogs.
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Had anyone else invented it, it would be called the "teethbrush."
Warhammer Syndicate
19-04-2005, 17:43
You might be a redneck if your at a hoedown and your sister is on the floor.
... if the Roof of your porch falls and kills more than three dogs.
... if both your dogs and your wallet are on chains.
... if you ever financed a Tattoo.
... if your family tree does not fork
... if you go to family reunions to meet women.
... when they yell 'Ho-down!' and your girlfriend hits the floor.
... if you've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
to quote Family Guy:
"if your gun rack has a gun rack in it"
Phyritia
19-04-2005, 19:34
You might be a red neck if...
...your halloween jack-o-lantern has more teeth than your wife.
...you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in frunt of her own kids
...if your lawn mower has more mileage than your car
Lascivious Maximus
19-04-2005, 19:34
Your neighbours brother was castrated when you kicked his sister in the jaw. :eek:
you might be a redneck if.....
your house has wheels but the other cars in your yard don't
if your mother when stopped by the police doesn't even take the marlboro out of her mouth to say to the trooper "kiss my ass"
if your dog and your wallet are both on a chain
if you see a sign saying"say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull you pants up
if you have ever been too drunk to fish
if people come to your door every day mistankingly thinking you are having a yard sale
If directions to your house include: Turn of the paved road...you might be a redneck.