NationStates Jolt Archive

You will be a member of the opposite sex for a full month (for guys turned girls, long enough to get your period) and people perceive you as one. You still have your original brain, but sometimes your new-gender brain takes over. What are you going to do with your time? It's any 31-day month of your choice, if that matters to you.

For me, it's December.

December 1st-3rd: I freak out about now being a boy.
December 4th: I get over it.
December 5th: I try to stick to my normal routine, only I try to see everything through the eyes of a boy.
December 6th: I examine my new body.
December 7th: I sleep with some slut(s).
Fast forward-December 25th: I don't get any dolls or pretty stuff for my birthday/Christmas! I am very, very happy.
December 26th: I continue to appreciate my new, non-girlie presents.
December 27th: I appreciate the fact that I haven't gotten my period all month long.
December 28th-31th: I nearly cry because I realize I'm going to be a girl again, but conclude it is for the best.
New Years: I *poof* become a girl again.

Dec. 1-31 Party in lesbian bars!
Jan. 1 Enjoy being myself again.

July 1:Examine body
July 2: Bitch
July 3: Bitch
July 4: Bitch
July 5: Bitch
July 6: Eat chocolate, acts nice
July 7: Bitch
July 8: Bitch
July 9-31: Bitch
August 1, 12:00 AM: Realizes that I'm a guy again. Continues to bitch anyway.

May 1st, wank all day, discover multiple orgasms arent as much cop as one good one.

May 2, get laid. discover it's easier to come as a bloke (like i didnt already know) but takt time to make sure my partner is very satisfied.

May 3, satisfy another woman.

May 4. take out advert in the paper guaranteing satisfaction.

May 15, hide in room from the rioting man after me 'cos the women wont out up with having to fake it any more.

May 16, go on national talk show to air my views, nearly get killed by a redneck who doesnt want to "go down"

May 20, talk show airs internationally and receive death threats from 39 countries.

May 22, Move to safe house, the women after me are becoming more of a problem thn the jealous men.

May 24/25/26, take part in the new "lovers manual" for video and book format (3 days because i like to give satisfaction)

May 27, realise i dont like men's cologne

May 28, realise peeing standing up isnt that great

May 29, miss my femail thothes dreadfully, decide to wear makeup to cheer my self up and the security guards disregard all my advice 'cos i'm clearly a "Tranny".

May 30, cry all day

May 31, write a long article for a national newspaoer about how awful men treat women (most of knowledge coming from security guards and my own experience as a woman)

June 1st. Thank the lord this was only for a month. Being a considerate guy full time could get me killed by those who dont want to be considerate.

Though the coming so easily was fun.

May 1st, wank all day, discover multiple orgasms arent as much cop as one good one.

May 2, get laid. discover it's easier to come as a bloke (like i didnt already know) but takt time to make sure my partner is very satisfied.

May 3, satisfy another woman.

May 4. take out advert in the paper guaranteing satisfaction.

May 15, hide in room from the rioting man after me 'cos the women wont out up with having to fake it any more.

May 16, go on national talk show to air my views, nearly get killed by a redneck who doesnt want to "go down"

May 20, talk show airs internationally and receive death threats from 39 countries.

May 22, Move to safe house, the women after me are becoming more of a problem thn the jealous men.

May 24/25/26, take part in the new "lovers manual" for video and book format (3 days because i like to give satisfaction)

May 27, realise i dont like men's cologne

May 28, realise peeing standing up isnt that great

May 29, miss my femail thothes dreadfully, decide to wear makeup to cheer my self up and the security guards disregard all my advice 'cos i'm clearly a "Tranny".

May 30, cry all day

May 31, write a long article for a national newspaoer about how awful men treat women (most of knowledge coming from security guards and my own experience as a woman)

June 1st. Thank the lord this was only for a month. Being a considerate guy full time could get me killed by those who dont want to be considerate.

Though the coming so easily was fun.
*LOL* :D

I'm a girl now?!

I chose July.

Week 1: Freak-out period, getting used to body, and acceptance.

Week 2: Experimentation period (i.e sex, clothing, "girly things")

Week 3: PARTAY!

Week 4: Go about normal business, get period, experience how much it sucks.

Week 5: Transition back to normal male life (might be kinda hard after living as a girl for 30 days).

Whoa, what's with all the topics on gender suddenly?
At least they're a hell of a lot better than gay marriage threads!
:D

Go on a month long killing spree, at the injustice of it all.

the only disturbing thing about this is that if you still have you old brain there is a good chance you are attracted to yourself

Lol!

Aight. Here goes:
Days 1-31: Same old, same lod with the addition of boobs. :D

day 1 look under shirt and in pants then laugh
day 2-20 wear baggier clothing so as to hide my new feminine parts
day 21 buy tampons and stay quiet so as not to apear bitchy
day 32look under shirt and in pants then laugh

Jan 1st - Jan 31st - Masturbate constantly

Feb 1st onwards - repeat January's activities as nessecary :)

i am a guy now? here is the short list of the activities i will relish most this month,.

-touching, grabbing and shifting my genitals. in public. all the time.
-sex will rule. i vow to NEVER let her orgasm first.
-i will forget to call everyone back,even if they are making big plans, while meanwhile, i sit on the couch, play video games, and gripe over the fact that i have nothing to do.
-i am drinking a twelve pack a day, and never worry if i am getting a belly. i will, however, grab my girlfriends ass, and make a comment about "extra cushion." but i like it. really. ooowwww!!!!
-i am forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, and funerals. " i have a WHAT to go to? you didnt tell me!"
-porn and lots of it.
-last , but not least, i NOT act like i understand what she is going through when she has PMS, headaches, thinks i am a slime, or has a bad hair day.
i am a guy,after all.

I find i'm not enough of an asshole to write something as insulting about women as have alrady been written about men. Not all men are inconsiderate slobs! Please stop the thinly vieled sexist insults.

Uhh.,, okay.

Dec..1. Wake up: Playing with myself is suddenly a lot more interesting :).

Dec. 1.5 Novelty wears off.

Dec. 2. Cry a lot, because men just don't understand.

Dec. 3. Register with an online dating service.

Dec. 4. Get to work late, spend three hours discussing why my breakfast danish sucked. Spend another three hours complaining that my thighs are 'too fat'. When my boss complains that I use the office as an extension of my social life, threaten him with a lawyer.

Dec. 5. The world is just made for men. Why can't I get ahead? Sexism, that's why!!!!!! :mad:

Dec. 6. The big day!!! I have two pints of haagen-dazs, and watch some gay movie that no-one cares about. Though really, it was fun because I made this guy who has been in love with me since college come over and suffer thorugh them because he is my 'best friend'. What a loser.

Dec. 7. X-mas is coming; what am I going to get for presents?

Dec. 8. Hurrah, my first date from the online service. He was good for dinner at Daniel. Sucker. Then I went and got drunk after I ditched the loser and blew some guy in the bathrooms of Opel.

Dec. 9. Cry, because I am a slut: But I don't cry on my own, I make sure everyone else is on my side first about how abused an misunderstood I am.

Dec. 10. I can't believe my being a woman is nearly a third over. The total lack of responsibility is overwhelming.

Dec. 11. Guy who took me to daniel calls, I tell him, let's just be friends. What a dick! Anyway I think I want to have sex with the guy who delivers stuff from the deli. He has that hot latin thing going - at least that's what my co-workers tell me, so he must be hot.

Dec. 12. Some women just don't understand. Yes, she might be a VP in this organization, but she only got that way be fucking over other people. Honestly, she's a total bitch. She's no better than me. She should be less of a 'man' and start thinking about the problems we women have to put up with in the workforce. She's only out for herself. You know she only got the job by sleeping her way to the top. I know this because my friend Dees in the cubicle just over told me.

Dec. 13. I decide to cry. It's fun to watch other people freak out.

Dec. 14. Another online date. The problem is that it conflicts with my date with the deli guy. Ah well, I'll take the online loser out and he can buy me dinner, then I will hook up with the deli guy. I really have the hots for the deli guy. I know this because my fellow female co-workers who are secretaries and support staff have told me that he's really sexy.

Dec. 15. My ass hurts. I won't cry though. I think I love him. I call in sick.

Dec. 16. Call in sick again.. My boss asks me if everything is okay. Typical man. All he wants to do is have sex with me. I am undergoing a major life crisis. Jesus - I think that's what his name is - from the deli hasn't called. How can I face work at a time like this?

Dec. 17. Well they said I was late for work. But honestly do you know how the LIRR runs. They don't hold a train if you are a second late. How unreasonable.

Dec. 18. My boss, the pig, tells me that I am going to have to see his boss about my attendence/lateness. I'm not worried though, a short skirt and little flutter of the eyelids always puts him in his place. Whenever I get a little 'raunchy' he always gets quiet and embarrassed. So I'm sure this meeting with his boss is nothing to worry about.

Dec. 19. Jesus (From the deli) still hasn't called. I am desperate. He's the only one for me. Dees, the oldest secretary - who I like to call my second mother - tells me not to worry. True love will find a way. Good old Dees. I can always rely on her. Honestly, the best family you can find is in the cubicle next to you.

Dec. 20. My boss calls me in. What the fuck. He stuttered about my coming in late and the fact that I am a whole month behind on my work. He asked me if there was anything that he could do, or if there are any problems he needed to take into account before the meeting with his boss. What a fucking sexist pig. I told him: if he carries on this way, well then, he can expect to hear from my lawyer.

Dec. 21. Called Jesus. He said I he liked me and all, but he thought it was just a one time thing. I don't know what to think. I can't do anymore work today.

Dec. 22. Well tommorow is the big day. I have that meeting with my boss's boss. I bet I am getting a raise or a promotion or something. I am going to have the girls over for a tequila party,

Dec. 23. I've been fired. I don't know why. It was the worst experience of my life. My boss's boss, some fucking lesbian bitch, called me into her office - out of the blue I may add - and told me that my work was unacceptable. She said that I was lazy, and incompetant. I can't believe it. I even told her hat I had problems with my period, and do you know what the heartless bitch said: "Listen, you idle little whore, everyone has periods, they don't last for three or four months at a time. I am sick of shit like you making women look bad. I am just trying to make my way in the world, and I don't need bad examples like you floating around. How do you think I feel when everyone else jokes about women and they can point to you and your little friend Dees as an example of world class moronic behavior. Grow up little girl. And if you ever repeat this to anyone, who will believe who? Me, or you?" Well I was shocked. Because I could feel my period starting at that point. I am thinking of suing.

Dec.24. The most miserable Christmas eve ever. I have spoken to a lawyer.

Dec. 25. My 'ex' boss called. He wanted to know if I was okay. I taped it, because my lawyer said I should. This is the worst christmas ever since the last one. I hope I get my period soon. I have to go over to my families soon, I hope daddy will give me some money.

Dec. 26. Still no period, Still no job. On a brighter note, my lawyer says that my ex-boss's call almost definitely proves sexual harrasment. So he says they will settle.

Dec. 27. Still no period. Am I pregnant? I could have sworn Jesus only did me in the ass.

Dec. 28. Okay this is not funny, How the hell am I going to get child support from a fuckng mexican deli worker?

Dec. 29. Thank god. Bleeding like the river nile in moses time. Lawyer won't speak to me, but daddy has found me someone who might give me another job.

Dec. 30. Feel a little odd.

Dec. 31. Am suddenly disgusted with myself.

Jan. 1. Holy fuck I am a man again. Let me play with myself.

Jan. 1.5. Novelty has *not* worn off>

Jan. 2. thru rest of life. Go to work, eat shit, take crap, exercise, die anyway,

I find i'm not enough of an asshole to write something as insulting about women as have alrady been written about men. Not all men are inconsiderate slobs! Please stop the thinly vieled sexist insults.

there were no direct insults made towards men. you just assumed so. they might have just wanted to be inconsiderate slobs. it doesn't mean they believe that to be all men or have said, or typed, so. i think you are just paranoid and by saying that these people have offended is offensive and is therefore you are inconsiderate. maybe also a slob... typical

I find i'm not enough of an asshole to write something as insulting about women as have alrady been written about men. Not all men are inconsiderate slobs! Please stop the thinly vieled sexist insults.
and then, there was like, this guy, who like, couldnt like, take a joke , and like, was always whining, like, and was sooooo serious, i was like, omigod!!! this guy needs a clown, or a girlfriend or something. but, then, like , i thought, like, omigod, he sounds really nuts, and like, i hope he doesnt own a gun.

Thank you Lacadaemon, the balance to the universe has been restored.

*switch to a Girl...*
ok. I'll be honest... I will 'Explore' this body for understanding on how it works.... yeah... play with myself...

take notes on experiences, feelings and if there are any changes in my thought processes. Also see what girls find attractive in guys.

during my period... probably invent new swear words and spend the whole time in the bath.

Tackle the complexities of the Bra, and accessorizing...

all this time, swear I didn't do any 'Gender Reassignment' procedures...

Revel at being popular for once...

*change back, and hopefully be smarter and wiser when it comes to the Opposite Sex...*

week1:pleasure myself constantly
week2:lesbian bars here i come
week3:hook up with a lesbian
week4:commit crimes and not get caught because i turn back to a guy the next day

December 1st: Wake up with hang over, only to realize I was given a very convincing sex change

December 2nd: Give it a few days, because I think I might still be drunk

December 4th: Okay, I'm calling my lawyer here

December 5th: I take pictures, just so I can prove it in court

December 6-31st: I masturbate until the beginning of the trial

January 1st: I wake up a man.

Wow. Genitals to match my personality and haircut. Fot a whole month.

In no specific order:

Get beaten up for being a mouthy little bastard. :p

Get ejected from my family for being a homersexshul. :(

Pork some nice gay blokes. :fluffle:

Find solace in the fact that it doesn't trickle down my leg now when I piss standing up. :D

1st-"Alone time."
2nd-*events cancelled, alone time extended.*
3rd-*events cancelled, alone time extended.*
4th-Go to arcade. Challenge dudes to racing games. Beat them. Mock them.
5th-Go to classy porn store. Cause now that I'm not a big hairy freak its not creepy.
6th-Apply for all the grants I can that I couldn't as a dude. Try to see if I can finish the projects before I revert back to a dude and get found out.
7th-*events cancelled, alone time extended*
8th-*events cancelled, alone time extended*
9th-Forget that I'm no longer a big hairy freak, walk around in sketchy part of town and actually get scared. Be pissed about that.
10th-Get 'smoke' at 'hot chick prices' (you didn't specify, if I'm gonna be a chick, I wanna be a hot one.)
11th-Start to get frustrated at having a 'shelf' on my torso.
12th-Finally stop adjusting a 'package' that isn't there anymore.
13th-Smoke my cigars, but now instead of being gross I'd be a fetish.
14th-*events cancelled, alone time extended.*
15-20th-Contemplate whether or not it would be twisted to document self for when I return to my old self. For, um, 'alone time.'
21st-Alone time cancelled because now I've creeped myself out.
22nd-Watch Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, and Princess Bride, see if there is any noticable change in reaction.
23-the end. Smoke what I got to get me through the 'hard time,' avoid contact with outside world because I don't know how I'm going to react.

1st of the next month-Pee standing up because it really is that great.

Great thread! All right, let's see... I pick June.

1st: Wake up, realise I'm now a woman. Panic. Curiosity quickly takes over. Look my new body over. Decide this might be fun after all.
Later the same day: Discover that peeing sitting down is less practical, but not that bad after all. Drying this long hair in the morning is annoying, too. So many extra little details I have to put up with as a girl...
Still the same day: Go out, wrap up warmly despite the warm weather, not feeling quite comfortable with showing off my female body yet.

2nd: Wonder what to do different now that I'm a girl. Start meeting people, and flirting around a little to see how it's done as a girl. Still the same old shy me, though.
At night, experiment with my new body, out of curiosity.

3rd: Decide to wear lighter clothes now, feeling less uneasy about the whole thing. Guy starts flirting, seems serious. Decide to take it slow. I don't want to be slutty. Besides, I need time to get used to it...

4th: OK, it *is* more practical to be a guy! Hmm, I don't seem to be putting on weight as a girl either, but I'd better be careful anyway.

9th: Start going out with that guy. Decide it would be interesting to experience sex as a girl, but I'm too shy, and I don't want to invite him straight to bed anyway. Continue to take it slowly.

14th: Damn. Periods. Well, I knew this would come at some point... This is *not* fun! Feel in a bad mood, argue with boyfriend.

15th: Boyfriend apologises for argument, is especially nice, offers me various treats and invites me out. Well, this is nice... Feel happier. Still these damn mood swings, though.

16th: Feel unexplainably depressed. Sulk most of the day.

20th: Have a day out with girl friends. Have a great time. Who needs boys, anyway? It's more fun being just with friends.

21st: Wonder what it would be like to go out with a girl, as a girl. Would like to try, but don't want to dump boyfriend, or be unfaithful to him.

23rd: Argue with boyfriend. He tells me I'm too complicated; I don't know why; there's nothing complicated about me. Break up with him, feel depressed about it, go out in the evening. Start flirting with girls.

25ft: Go out with girl. This is weird, but nice.

30th: Still having a nice time, but feeling shy and uneasy at times. Would like to have sex as a girl, but too shy to ask, and it's a little soon anyway. Ah well, I've probably got time.

31st: Feeling the need to be alone. Decide to just have the day to myself, and do whatever I want. Relax.

1st July: Wake up as a guy. Feel weird for a moment. Shrug, decide it's probably best this way. It was fun, though.

kill myself

I'd spend the month wandering around pointing and laughing at all the boys-turned-girls and men-turned-women curled up in agony with their periods. And also attacking them with ice-packs to help them further understand period pain (it's like having molten barbed wire wrapped around your internal organs. YAY!)

I'd also probably have to stay inside the entire time, or else pretend to be scottish, because there's no way in hell I'd know how to go about getting into pants.

If I were to become a woman, then people would most likely be able to easily accept that I want to work with children. Also, I wouldn't stand out so much in my (otherwise all female) childcare classes or at my (otherwise all female) placements. In other words, I'd just be another face in the crowd and that would be awful.

(Also, I wouldn't have a distinct advantage in working with children from families where the father is absent - as at the moment they usually gravitate towards me)

I'd be in the 98% area of nursery nurses, rather than the 2% area. And what's so good about being in the 98%?

Also, it's taken me 25 years to find hairstyle I like and, if I became a woman, I'd have to start looking over again. And a month certainly wouldn't be long enough.

well, i think i'd do what i always do: nothing
at uni i'll get payed out about the fact that "i was a girl already"
oh, and i guess i'd spend alot of time "learning" about my new body
after the month, have to deal with all the jokes about "not changing back to a guy"
will not notice that i haven't learnt anything about girls

So i'm now a girl eh?

Day 1:experiment on my own, with girls, with guys.

Day 2-30: log on to NS and bitch about men, because i really am that boring.

during my period... probably invent new swear words and spend the whole time in the bath.

Unless you like lying in a pool of blood clumps, I suggest you curl up in bed with a hot water bottle and a pad instead.

Showers > baths anyway. Unless the heat makes you faint due to low blood pressure from the period. Hurrah for femininininity, so much fun. And by 'fun' I mean 'constant torture'.

:p

So now I'm a woman. Interesting.

Let's make it November.

This is how I think it would go:

Start with two or three days of being me but female. There are few differences, except I now do not think all bavies look the same. I also believe puppies are cute, kittens are even cuter, and I seem to want to watch romantic comedies for more than just the fit chicks in them and the prospect of getting laid afterwards. All is going well until I discover that my female brain is rebelling against having descent taste in music (i.e. if your ears aren't bleeding, it's too quiet), a healthy appreciation for mindless violence, and gambling. It has also decided I can no longer make fun of old people, stupid people, clever people or small children.

Eventually, I suppose I'd go shopping. Here's what I would buy.

-Shoes. Not just any old shoes. These ones will take me three hours to pick out, and will cost almost as much as all my guy-clothes combined. The only reason they didn't cost more is because they were in a sale. 20% off makes £300 for shoes a good thing. These shoes will have heels that make it impossible to walk for more than five minute without getting blisters. Wearing them for more than an hour gives you ingrowing toenails. Just standing up in these things should be a compulsory part of any tightrope walking course.
-Clothes. I'd probably need at keast one skirt. So lets make it so short it would actually be above my underwear, and, at £60, more valuable per unit volume than gold. Also, some kind of top that starts just above my nipples, and ends just below them. With a picture of a cat on it. I don't know why I want to freeze. This is just my new female brain taking over. At the till, I'll find the pimply dude with glasses and hit on him until he gives me his staff discount. He's never seeing me again.
Food-The female brain takes over again, and I end up buying sixteen tins of beans ("Just in case"), some bicarbonate of soda (even the brain doesn't know why), a family size carton of orange juice, two loaves of bread ("in case one goes mouldy" :rolleyes: ) and a packet of toilet rolls. Once more I find the ugliest male tillmonkey and hit on him to get a discount. In the process, I tell him all about my day, assuming he gives a damn and isn't just trying to find a way to make me bend over so he can look down my shirt. Like the other guy, this loser will never hear from me again, and I won't bend over. if I'm feeling really ambitious, I'll bend slightly so he thinks he's about to get a look, then I'll stop, just to spite him. As I'm about to leave, I remember four items I forgot to pick up. I give a fake laugh and rush off to pick them up. The tillmonkey is left witha growing line of people while I find some overpriced wine that tastes like cat pee, a pointlessly large block of cheese, something shiny, another loaf of bread, and two magazines at seven pounds each (both price and weight) that are full of crappy aerial shots of the home of last years Big Brother second-runner-up, and a footballer who's name, team and position I don't know. These magazines also contain lots of advertsa for shampoo. I read the magazine for a few minutes while the tillmonkey looks at my nipples, then I run off to pick up some shampoo. Apparently "aqua" is latin for liquid silver, because this shampoo, which is full of "aqua" is more per litre than the best champagne. What remains of my male brain is still trying to point out that the own-brand stuff works just as well, but it is overruled. When I finally get back to the checkout, I don't apologise for keeping everyone waiting. Instead, I spend ten minutes trying vainly to find the correct change, before giving up and handing the guy three £20 to pay for £40.41 of goods. It's because I can do that now, without feeling like a complete arse. Once outside, I realise that I don't have the one thing I went for: a cucumber. I go back ina and insit on telling everyone I see this "hilarious" story. When they don't laugh, I look hurt because they did not laugh at mny "amusing" story. When they do laugh, I look hurt because they laugh at me.

Eventually, I end up in school. I now find that maths makes my head hurt, and physics makes me want to go to sleep. English Lit, on the other hand, is no longer boring. I can now listen to a discussion on Chaucer without giving in to temptation and putting my head on my arms to sleep. I don't even feel the temptation. I actually feel compelled to do homework at home, not on the bus or in registration. By the end of the second week, I'm actually doing the extra homework.

However, at the weekend, I am a slut. Remember the clothes I bought? Well, I'm wearing them, and talking only to the cool guys, who are all jerks. The guy part of my brain comes out fighting at this point, telling my female brain that the nice guys are not drinking cheap pints in the shitty local boozer and grabbing a handful of every female ass in sight. But the female part will not listen. "Ooh," it says. "He's got a hairy chest. Look how manly he is, with only half the buttons on his shirt done up. I just know he has to have a large penis." "No," says the guy part. "He's a dumbass who got confused halfway through buttoning up his shirt. And who cares how large his cock is? You know he will just expect you to fuck him with no foreplay or anything afterwards. And he'll tell everyone you wouldn't fuck him, and therefore you shall be a frigid social outcast, unless you fake a minimum of four orgasms and tell him at least six times how large his only-average dick is." The female part isn't listening. Guy-brain is completley overridden. My female body is "treated" to forty seven seconds (guy brain is keeping count) of unsatisfying sex with this jackass, on the stained, stinking backseat of his rusty death trap of a car, which somehow manages to move fast, make a lot of noise at all times, and has very large speakers. Guy-brain was completley right, about everything, and even though I fake five orgasms and repeatedly groan about the size of his cock, the female-brain refuses to admit it was wrong. It instead decides to find a lot of other women and bitch about men, while drinking pointlessly expensive cocktails.

I spend the next day sitting on the couch, watching old episodes of "Will and Grace" and various home-makeover shows. I eat cucumber sandwiches for lunch, nothing else. Guy-brain briefly wakes up at this point to complain that this was not what the cucumber was for, but the female-brain is too busy wondering how many miles it needs to run to burn off the calories from lunch. It can't actually do maths, so it eventually gives up and finds an old episode of "Trisha" on tape. Instead of laughing at the morons on the show, I am compelled to go feel sorry for them.

By the halfway point in the month, I will have found a geeky guy to make friends with. I will persistently flirt with him, but will neglect to tell him that I do not want to ever have sex with him, because he can do up all the buttons on his shirt, does not think it is funny to throw up due to excess alcohol, and will treat me with respect.

After a while, I will convince this bloke to open up to me. He will tell me something he has never told anyone else, like how he dreams of being a poet, or that he is nineteen and still wets the bed. This will be at approximately mindnight. By seven a.m., everyone will know this secret that I swore not to tell. Through strategic flashes of my cleavage, he will be convinced that I had nothing to do with it. This is a lie, because I told everyone personally. Nobody knows how I was able to spread gossip this fast.

At some point, probably around the twentieth of the month, I will cease to be able to drink spirits from the bottle, and I will require mixers of some kind.

I will probably go to a party of some kind, where I will object loudly but in a whingy voice about the volume of the music, and the fact that it is actually good. Guy-brain tries to fight back and defend the hosts taste in heavy metal, but the female brain insists on finding some godawfully pisspoor pop music, sung by a woman with absolutely zero creativity or originality. There will be many songs about men being jerks, and about true love, and about getting laid. Female brain will not notice the inconsistency, no matter how hard guy-brain shouts.

At this party, I will find a moderately attractive nerd-type guy, and I will flirt with him heavily. Eventually he will get the message, but I will not ask him if he would like to go and find somewhere private. Instead, i will wait for him to work up the courage (i.e. down eight bottles of beer and half a litre of cheap vodka) to ask me. I will say yes, and we will go to find an overlooked bedroom. On the way, I will tell him I have slept with many sports playing men, who were all possessing of genitals approximately equal to those of a small horse. I will also tell him that each of them gave me multiple orgasms. This is all a lie, but he doesn't know that. My feamle brain thinks it is all hilarious. These lies make the nerd extra nervous, so he doubles his alcohol consumption for the entire party in the space of five minutes. Consequently, he will be unable to maintian an erection. Nevertheless, he will give me excellent oral sex, leading to two good orgasms, and will provide me with a large amount of foreplay. I will in way attempt to pleasure him, because he is getting enough out of just being allowed to touch me. I will swear him to secrecy, but will proceed to tell all my friends that he couldn't maintain an eraction. He will act like the perfect gentleman, for which my guy-brain will applaud him, but any suggestion of calling him is overruled by girl-brain.
With a hissy fit.

Later in the month, when my PMS strikes, I will yell aat random people for no reason, before giggling and asking them why they are scowling at me. I will cry when they say it is because I shouted at them for no reason, then slap them when they try to stop me crying.

During my period, guy-brain does the smart thing and buggers off to a cabin in the recesses of my mind. Girl-me will instantly turn in to a whiney, annoying little girl, with a non-existant pain tolerance. Anyone and everyone will be told at great length about how much it hurts. Guy-brain will come back to see what all the fuss is about, and will discover that the pain is equivalent to being kicked in the balls. By an ant. A weak ant. With no legs. Nevertheless, girl-me continues to bitch about her period pain for several days. All the other women I meet will be sympathetic, or else the entire lie would be destroyed.

On the day before I turn back in to a guy, guy-brain launches a coup. Frstly, he finds all those bullies that used to make my school life hell and slaps them very hard (or as hard as my weak girlie arms can manage) across the face. I then say, "You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" and flutter my eyelashes. To round off the month, I go home for a few solid hours of masturbation, although sadly no cucumber, only to have my coup abruptly ended. Instead of a self-induced orgasm-marathon, I end up at the house of some moronic airhead, listneing to an endless procession of identical sounding female "singers".

I find i'm not enough of an asshole to write something as insulting about women as have alrady been written about men. Not all men are inconsiderate slobs! Please stop the thinly vieled sexist insults.

Twat. You're just too lazy to try, aren't you?

hmm...

i would be happy for a month, then probably kill myself once i was male again

May 28, realise peeing standing up isnt that great

Yes it is. I'm eternally glad I don't have to sit on public toilets.

apart from masterbate not a lot..
Nah you girls think shopping is fun i might do that!

I would hope that my boyfriend was turned into a girl at the same time, so that we could explore some totally new, or rather - new to us as individuals - experiences.

Otherwise, I'd be all boyed-up and no way to know how boys feel during sex.

LOL

Most boys seem to think that having a penis is rather inconvenient though - so I'd probably get sick of it relatively quickly, while laughing at my boyfriend getting his period for once. =)

I would hope that my boyfriend was turned into a girl at the same time, so that we could explore some totally new, or rather - new to us as individuals - experiences.

Otherwise, I'd be all boyed-up and no way to know how boys feel during sex.

LOL

Most boys seem to think that having a penis is rather inconvenient though - so I'd probably get sick of it relatively quickly, while laughing at my boyfriend getting his period for once. =)

I've always thought mine was rather convenient. Standing is better than sitting...