NationStates Jolt Archive


This Is Awesome: Unitarian Jihad

Resquide
15-04-2005, 09:37
Because: 1. I just had to post something that wasn't a poll involving sex or politics
and
2. You guys all just HAD to see this, because it's very, very cool.

"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution."

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL
Potaria
15-04-2005, 09:39
I will say this, and only this: What the fuck?
Resquide
15-04-2005, 09:53
I think it's something along the lines of the Invisible Pink Unicorn, only less sarcastic. It also has a bit more message than IPU.
Niccolo Medici
15-04-2005, 11:24
Dang, they have good religious names. All of 'em.

I'm fairly sure I would support the terrorist acts they describe, the random acts of reasonability, the sudden strike of centrism, the rampant destuction of partisan hackery. And the trout-wearing...so long as they were not merely converted fur suits.
Daistallia 2104
15-04-2005, 16:00
As a Buddhist brought up in the UU faith, I am signing on.

From this day forth, I shall be known as Brother Assault Rifle of Enlightenment.
Ekland
15-04-2005, 16:17
Apparently my name is Brother Immaculate ICBM of Joy. o_0
East Canuck
15-04-2005, 16:46
I have signed up too.

You may henceforth refer to me as Brother Gatling Gun of Moderated Discussion.
Andaluciae
15-04-2005, 16:48
I'm confused *weeps*
Ecestan
15-04-2005, 16:52
Did you ever hear about the unitarian vigilante group? They marked their enemies' lawns with burning question marks.
Dobbs Town
15-04-2005, 17:03
We of Dobbs Town would like to extend our support to our former associates in the Unitarian Jihad. Soon America will not tremble with fear (unless it really wants to, so long as it doesn't hurt anybody else)! America will instead tremble with coffee (unless it takes decaf, provided it's organic and "fair trade" coffee)!

The time for talk is now! Or, possibly later on after coffee.

The streets won't flow with the blood of the non-believers!





-Aieeeeeeeeeeee! Hallelujahgobble! Hallelujahgobble!
Daistallia 2104
16-04-2005, 10:55
Andaluciae and Potaria, you might want to look up some information on Unitarianism. (Then again you might not, and that's cool to. All up to you. :fluffle: )

-Brother Assault Rifle of Enlightenment
Resquide
24-04-2005, 11:22
http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html

Is where you get your Unitarian Jihad name.

-Sister Cruise Missile of Patience
New Sancrosanctia
24-04-2005, 11:31
i emailed that to my mother, who is, in fact, a UU minister, and she has yet to stop laughing.i think she might die, actually, cuz that was, like, two days ago.

--Brother Rail Gun of Compassion
Greedy Pig
24-04-2005, 12:00
Lol thats pretty funny.
Daistallia 2104
24-04-2005, 17:20
http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html

Is where you get your Unitarian Jihad name.

-Sister Cruise Missile of Patience


Harumph! I kindly do not accept that. I will comtinue to proffer names I like. :D
-Brother Assault Rifle of Enlightenment
Dimmimar
24-04-2005, 17:26
The reciting proust part is from Monty Python's Flying Circus...
Eutrusca
24-04-2005, 17:35
As a Buddhist brought up in the UU faith, I am signing on.

From this day forth, I shall be known as Brother Assault Rifle of Enlightenment.
ROFLMAO! :D
Eutrusca
24-04-2005, 17:37
i emailed that to my mother, who is, in fact, a UU minister, and she has yet to stop laughing.i think she might die, actually, cuz that was, like, two days ago.

--Brother Rail Gun of Compassion
Kewl! Have her mail me some literature about Unitarianism? I've always been intrigued by it. :)
New Sancrosanctia
24-04-2005, 17:39
Kewl! Have her mail me some literature about Unitarianism? I've always been intrigued by it. :)
gimme your email, and i'll see if i can't get her to throw some tree-huggin, hippy, joojoo gobledygook your way.
Eutrusca
24-04-2005, 17:40
http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html

Is where you get your Unitarian Jihad name.

-Sister Cruise Missile of Patience
Eutrusca = Brother Katana of Enlightenment :D
Radclyffe
24-04-2005, 17:42
Hoping to sign up (if Me, Myself and I can reach concensus).

A highly amused UU,
Sister Cattle Prod of Courteous Debate

:D
Daistallia 2104
24-04-2005, 17:46
Kewl! Have her mail me some literature about Unitarianism? I've always been intrigued by it. :)


The UUA is always a good starting point: http://www.uua.org/

(I do ahve to post this one too, even though I'm more of a trad. Buddhist: http://www.uua.org/uubf/)
New Sancrosanctia
24-04-2005, 17:58
Kewl! Have her mail me some literature about Unitarianism? I've always been intrigued by it. :)
it is done.
Eutrusca
24-04-2005, 18:09
A highly amused UU,
Sister Cattle Prod of Courteous Debate

:D
ROFLMAO!!!! Hahahahahaha!

Eeep! Watch where you swing that thing! :D
Squirrel Nuts
24-04-2005, 18:17
effing mother of hilariousness! that was a ROFL. I have to forward that to my UU friend. I noticed something funny on the name picking website.
"Inspired by Jon Carroll's column in the Chronicle..." Jon Carroll = my boyfriend's name. Unfortunately, unless he has a secret life he does not write for the Chronicle.

-Sister Sabre of Desirable Mindfulness
Resquide
26-04-2005, 11:55
Incidentally, there is a Unitarian Jihad lj community.

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=unitarian_jihad

-Sister Inexplicable Croquet Mallet of Desirable Revolution
who can't quite dec ide on a name
Glenham
26-04-2005, 18:56
Harumph! I kindly do not accept that. I will comtinue to proffer names I like. :D
-Brother Assault Rifle of Enlightenment

I confess - I used the link (err, a few times...) to come up with a decent name! ;)

I'm not Unitarian but I identify strongly with UU - any recommendations? I know there's a local group, just haven't gotten around to dropping in. (Buddhism is my strongest spiritual inspiration, though, so the name I came up with is nice :))

Brother Katana of Enlightened Compassion
Glenham
26-04-2005, 18:59
Eutrusca = Brother Katana of Enlightenment :D

:D

Brother Katana of Enlightened Compassion
Resquide
27-04-2005, 07:24
I've dropped the croquet, but I like my mallet. At some point you have to settle down wth a unique name :P I didn't use the generator for this one. We'd have to go into numbers with that eventually, considering how popular this is getting.

- Sister Inexplicable Mallet of Desirable Revolution.
Delator
27-04-2005, 08:13
Argh...I can't decide...

Should I be...

"The Howitzer of Warm Humanitarianism"

or,

"The Nail Gun of Sweet Reason"

:confused:
Resquide
27-04-2005, 10:24
Argh...I can't decide...

Should I be...

"The Howitzer of Warm Humanitarianism"

or,

"The Nail Gun of Sweet Reason"

:confused:

The Howitzer of Sweet, Sweet Reason. I like it :)
Murmurmur
27-04-2005, 10:56
Sister Boot Knife of The Short Path.. LMAO!