NationStates Jolt Archive

TIN's chat show-Megas XLR special!

Hi and welcome to the show. We have a special guest today, Warmaster Gorath of the Glorft! He has kindly agreed to answer any of your questions today!

I sure have! Just remember to return those photos for me doing this...

Ok now Warmaster Gorath will be here all morning, answering any queries you may have about the Glorft or their battles.

Yes, you may ask me how I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

First question?

:fluffle:

"I seem to be having terrible difficulties with my lifestyle, could you advise me Warmaster?"
~A. Dent

Foolish Earther scum. You have no lifestyle! Soon you will bow before the Glorft, as our slaves! But until then... perhaps you just need to get out more. Talk to people about your problems. Perhaps it's your job. Try and look into a better employment. I'm sure it'll pay off in the end. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR FUTURE MASTERS!

Warmaster Gorath, how would you go about crushing your foes when a vast armada and horde does not wait to be unleashed on your mighty whim? I'm a villain on a budget...

Warmaster Gorath, how would you go about crushing your foes when a vast armada and horde does not wait to be unleashed on your mighty whim? I'm a villain on a budget...

Now you sound like my kind of Jawblock... even though you are an ugly primative monkey. The 1st step is to try and organise a gang, try some organised crime. Build up a little empire, and start buying the parts of your armada. In no time you'll have the hordes and armada like I do... Just don't make the same mistake as me, or you'll end up with a crew of imcompetent fools! Who can't even recapture a prototype driven by 1 monkey man!

With love, Gorath.

PS: Good luck with your empire.

Dear Warmaster Gorath,

Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

Dear Warmaster Gorath,

Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

My god you are one ugly looking monkeyman. You are as stupid as the rest of these earthers! I WILL ELIMIATE YOU! YOUR DOG WILL BE LIQUIDATED! I Wi-

Err, what Mr. Gorath is saying is, please rephrase that as a question.

O great Warmaster...I just spilt some tea on my carpet. What cleaning products would you recommend to get rid of this unsightly stain?

O great Warmaster...I just spilt some tea on my carpet. What cleaning products would you recommend to get rid of this unsightly stain?

Your carpet is irrelevant! Use steel floors like on our battlecruisers! Even blood does not show up on it! And so easy to clean! The best cleaner for this job is Flash All purpose.

Great and All Powerful Warmaster,

What is the bset look for the up and coming evil genius/dictator? Shiny military uniform? Smart casual? Black, Blue, Tartan? Perhaps a monocle?

Oh i just can't decide!

Warmaster Gorath,
My horde of evil minions is unacceptably effeminate. What shall I do?

Also, my hollowed-out volcano lair has a nest of pigeons in the attic. What course of action should I take?

well hello there Mr Gorath, can I take you out for a beer? ;)

Great and All Powerful Warmaster,

What is the bset look for the up and coming evil genius/dictator? Shiny military uniform? Smart casual? Black, Blue, Tartan? Perhaps a monocle?

Oh i just can't decide!

There is only one outfit that works. And only the almighty Glorft wear it! Green skin, Mechanical armour, and whit! Tremble before me!

There is only one outfit that works. And only the almighty Glorft wear it! Green skin, Mechanical armour, and whit! Tremble before me!

No monocle?

Warmaster Gorath,
My horde of evil minions is unacceptably effeminate. What shall I do?

Also, my hollowed-out volcano lair has a nest of pigeons in the attic. What course of action should I take?

Give us the co-ordinates of your lair. I SHALL DESTROY IT! Also for pigeons try to paint the attic with animal repellent. Weedkiller is also suprisingly effective at killing them. If you're looking for a cheap alternative, feed them rice. Just be prepared for a mess. By my Jawblocks you Earthers are the dumbest things that exist!

well hello there Mr Gorath, can I take you out for a beer? ;)

Sorry my primative monkey dear, but I only drink a mixture of vitamins and energy tablets dissolved in putrid green slime. If you could obtain some beer capsules I would gladly join in. THEN I WOULD DESTROY YOU!!!

No monocle?

NO YOU FOOL! Eye implants are so much more comfortable. And more beneficial. But you will never get to try one because I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Sorry my primative monkey dear, but I only drink a mixture of vitamins and energy tablets dissolved in putrid green slime. If you could obtain some beer capsules I would gladly join in. THEN I WOULD DESTROY YOU!!!
I just love it when you talk dirty

How would one go about creating a doomsday device?

I just love it when you talk dirty

GAH! Are you humans so primatively stupid!?! Do you not see when you have been insulted! You do not deserve that planet! Surrender to the Glorft!

With love, W. Gorath

PS: What do you like most about me?

dear warmaster gorath, whats the best way to dispose of a dead body without being caught? its, er... for a school project.

How would one go about creating a doomsday device?

It's simple. Put one very stupid human behind the wheel of our prototype, and sit back while he destroys his own world and several others! Alternatively I can supply you with one for a minimum fee of 9,000 Yazneks. We accept all major credit cards, except discover and Transformer. Paypal is also acceptable.

dear warmaster gorath, whats the best way to dispose of a dead body without being caught? its, er... for a school project.

Simple, shoot it with your Disintigrator ray at it's highest setting!

GAH! Are you humans so primatively stupid!?! Do you not see when you have been insulted! You do not deserve that planet! Surrender to the Glorft!

With love, W. Gorath

PS: What do you like most about me?

I'd surrender to you any day baby ;)


:fluffle:

you have a cute smile

I'd surrender to you any day baby ;)

:fluffle:

you have a cute smile

Hmm... this Earther Female is very perculiar. But women from all over the galaxy have falled for my smile, so i'm not suprised. Here's a postcard from the crew.

http://hosenpants.com/resume/images/lb03lg.gif

What type of genetic manipulation is best for cute smiles, o Warmaster?

What type of genetic manipulation is best for cute smiles, o Warmaster?

Definatly the Hormonal extract of the Tyranian Slug. It's scent makes women fall for you no matter how small your Jawblocks are.

Hmm... this Earther Female is very perculiar. But women from all over the galaxy have falled for my smile, so i'm not suprised. Here's a postcard from the crew.

http://hosenpants.com/resume/images/lb03lg.gif
OMGWTF!!! pr0n!!!!! *swoons* *drools*

OMGWTF!!! pr0n!!!!! *swoons* *drools*

Hmm note to self... avoid washing in Slug hormones before comming to future interviews.

Are you interested in selling me some of this Hormonal extract of the Tyranian Slug?

you know if Skoffy (Zwange) sees you writing in red she won't be too pleased

Sorry, but ya can't get it cheap. Them animals are extinct now, and they were more advanced than you. I can give you a jar for 2000 Yazneks and a Time Drive control module. Again, We accept all major credit cards, except discover and Transformer. Paypal is also acceptable. Enjoy it while you can Earther, for I WILL CRUSH AND DESTROY YOU!

you know if Skoffy (Zwange) sees you writing in red she won't be too pleased

Meh. It's a free internet.

Meh. It's a free internet.
yeah, but the spawn of satan doesn't take too kindly to people stealing her writing

yeah, but the spawn of satan doesn't take too kindly to people stealing her writing

I played golf with Satan last week. He doesn't mind.

I played golf with Satan last week. He doesn't mind.
but Skoffy is the spawn of satan and she will!

Enough Earthers! Quit your discussion of fictional Religious characters and get back to questioning me! It's bad enough I must view your hideous faces, I want to get out of here!

I found the corpse of a mule in my closet. How do you think it got there?

Also, do you suffer from vertigo?

I found the corpse of a mule in my closet. How do you think it got there?

Also, do you suffer from vertigo?

We saw the whole thing through satalite! You slaugtered the Mule! You think you can fool me! Stupid Earther, clear up your own mess!

For the love of Slime where do you find these people?

EDIT to answer new question: I command the most feared armada in the Universe! I FEAR NO-ONE! I FEAR NO THING!

What is a warmaster gorath?

You are permitted to ask more than one question you know.

You are permitted to ask more than one question you know.

Are you talking to me? There's question number two. And, I can't really ask anymore until I know what a Warmster Gorath is.

What is a warmaster gorath?

I am supreme commander of the Glorft! Your future ruler! I am the ultimate! I have never been defeated! You will bow before the Glorft!

(Click the "Chicks dig giant robots" Link in my siggy, and watch the fun!)

I am supreme commander of the Glorft! Your future ruler! I am the ultimate! I have never been defeated! You will bow before the Glorft!

(Click the "Chicks dig giant robots" Link in my siggy, and watch the fun!)

Bow? I don't bow to anyone. :confused:

Bow? I don't bow to anyone. :confused:

Bah. Puny Earther.

Err mr. Gorath? Please don't be rude to my guests.

I WILL DO WHAT I WANT!

Bah. Puny Earther.

Err mr. Gorath? Please don't be rude to my guests.

I WILL DO WHAT I WANT!

Well I suppose I would I have could have a cool name like you?

What is your current financial status, Mr. Warmaster Gorath?

How did you get to be that ugly? It really is disturbing!

What is your current financial status, Mr. Warmaster Gorath?

I own every scrap of money in the Glorft Imperium! I am the richest Glorft in the universe!

What currency do the Glorft use? And how much is it worth in Jagonian Unars?

Oh, and by the way, we aren't from Earth.

How did you get to be that ugly? It really is disturbing!

Have you looked in the mirror lately Earther Monkey? You're race is the most primative and ugly type in the Universe! You make the slime monsters of Khallos VI look like the Dancing girls of Pleasure Station! When I destroy your planet, I will be sure to target you first, monkey!

Shouldn't be hard. Just look at people and it'll kill them. May I recommend a makeover, make you look less like a frog/slug/glob of slime.

What currency do the Glorft use? And how much is it worth in Jagonian Unars?

Oh, and by the way, we aren't from Earth.

Nice to see a non-monkey face. We use the Yaznek, which is worth 2 Unars for every Yaznek. Are there any monkeys that need to be conquered in your sector? Because we can help!

Shouldn't be hard. Just look at people and it'll kill them. May I recommend a makeover, make you look less like a frog/slug/glob of slime.

I admit Earth monkey, your tactics to enrage me are strange and cunning... But mostly strange! It changes nothing! The glorft will rule over you! You have no chance of defeating us! We have never lost a battle!

We do require some cleanup with rebels in the south of our Empire. Stupid rebels!!! They say evil dictatorships are wrong? Pah!

We do require some cleanup with rebels in the south of our Empire. Stupid rebels!!! They say evil dictatorships are wrong? Pah!

I hear that. A group of Glorft fools tried to defy me and seize power... Their jawblocks are now on my mantlepeice!

You seem like you know how to deal with traitors. Why not drop by? You get to crush scum!!! Your help will not go unnoticed.

You seem like you know how to deal with traitors. Why not drop by? You get to crush scum!!! Your help will not go unnoticed.

Best not. When I attack it's to capture the entire sector. If I attack I will most likely conquer your empire too... and I like you too much.

All right then. Guess the killings just for us.

I admit Earth monkey, your tactics to enrage me are strange and cunning... But mostly strange! It changes nothing! The glorft will rule over you! You have no chance of defeating us! We have never lost a battle!
Not surprising, if the rest of you are as ugly as you are. No way you can lose, make people run away from you screaming.
Me of course, I've seen a person called The Imperial Navy, so I know what ugliness is and I'm used to it! :p

How does it feel to get your ass kicked by a girl?

How does it feel to get your ass kicked by a girl?

I believe you are refering to Kiva, the red headed monkey. SHE HAS NEVER FOUGHT ME WITH HONOR! I will crush her and those two monkeys she stays with! They cannot defeat the Glorft!

Not surprising, if the rest of you are as ugly as you are. No way you can lose, make people run away from you screaming.
Me of course, I've seen a person called The Imperial Navy, so I know what ugliness is and I'm used to it! :p
Hey! I'm still here you know. :mad: I'm giving the interview!

Dear Warmaster Gorath,

I come from a very large and powerful space empire. All our citizens are taxed and subjugated for the betterment of our government.

Unfortunately, the current leader doesn't wish to hand the Enlightened Empire over to anyone else. There are no elections (foolish democracies) but he doesn't trust any successor as capable. The cyberbrain in the killing machine body is looking fairly good right now, but is it functional (and attractive)?

Do shiny metal bodies perform better than genetically engineered bioweapons?

Sincerely,

An admiring fan

Nothing beats a good mech. If you want power, get a decent mech (Like our Glorft mechs), and destroy everything! Dominate over them all! So yes, a shiny metal body beats bioweapons any day-unless the weapon eats metal.

Dear Warmaster Gorath,

What is YOUR favourite way of killing? I find rusy breadknives and armies Tanks work a trick, but I was wondering about you.


Respectfully,
Some Dude

Dear Warmaster Gorath,

What is YOUR favourite way of killing? I find rusy breadknives and armies Tanks work a trick, but I was wondering about you.


Respectfully,
Some Dude

Well, primative Earth monkey, a Mech of course! Nothing is more fun than firing a pulse cannon into your foe and ripping the pilot out of his seat. I'll squeeze and sqeeze until he is dead! Then I will laugh like this! HA HA HA! ....Stop sniggering!

Warmaster Gorath,
What is your opinion on Daleks?

Warmaster Gorath,
What is your opinion on Daleks?

They are of poor, flawed design, and even an infant glorft could tear one apart with their bare hands!

They are of poor, flawed design, and even an infant glorft could tear one apart with their bare hands!


But do you not fear their deadly 'sink plunger' weapons design?

But do you not fear their deadly 'sink plunger' weapons design?

Well... I guess they'ed perform well in the plumbing industry... if they'd stop shaking off that belief that they are superior.

Might I be able to see some of these mechs, if any are for purchase? We can develop such things outselves, of course, but it would be an interesting study nonetheless.

Might I be able to see some of these mechs, if any are for purchase? We can develop such things outselves, of course, but it would be an interesting study nonetheless.

These Mechs are for Glorft use only! No outsiders! However I can give you the co-ordinates of a good mech dealer...

I shall be back shortly... damn college lessons.

I would be much obliged then to have those coordinates. It will be a large purchase to be sure, but you can never spend too much on killing machines.


Anyways Warmaster Gorath, wish you the best in conquering and such. Perhaps we will get lucky and not have to destroy each other until far, far into the future. So many weak and anemic democracies to go after first, after all.

Oh rest assured, I will destroy you all. Perhaps not in your lifetime, but I will be victorious.

Warmaster, you remind me of the newsmonster Morbo. Any relation?

Warmaster, you remind me of the newsmonster Morbo. Any relation?

Not really, though I do play poker with him once in a while. PUNY HUMANS! TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE GLORFT!

Hail, Oh mighty Warmaster,

Back to the subject of doomsday devices.

I'm putting the finishing touches on mine as I write this, but I am having trouble with the casing. I realize that this is next to irrelevant as probably nobody but me will ever see it, however I feel planet-destruction is an underestimated art-form, and so need to get this to be perfect. A proper doomsday device should show respect to it's victims however puny they be, so I'd really value your opinion on what screws to use for attaching the casing...

Also just in case the evil masterplan of doomsdaydevicing fails could you share the coords for a mech-dealer? Preferably one who can deliver using unofficial channels (i.e. bypassing of customs) while still being tax-deductible...

And if you could spare a bit of military hardware for a humble monkey I promise to be a good sport and put of fierce resistance when you invade. That way it'll be more fun for everyone.

Thanks.

PS: when you see Morbo next, can you please ask him if I can have my The Advanced Users Guide to Culture Infiltration back. I really need to check some facts, and I can see he's made excellent use of it...

Sorry, but I don't help PRIMATIVE EARTH MONKEYMEN!