NationStates Jolt Archive

EDIT: I neglected to add to my original post that this came to me in an email, as has been gleefully pointed out to me by several purists ( none of whom, of course never, ever post anything without a source! :rolleyes: ). I just thought the damned thing was funny and wanted to share it with the forum, never expecting that a source was needed for something so trivial. My most humble apologies! :rolleyes:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I always figured that meant men are like big hot red balls with no substance and women are pretty, but full of toxic gasses.

Otherwise, it's best not to try to figure it out. :)

I always figured that meant men are like big hot red balls with no substance and women are pretty, but full of toxic gasses.

Otherwise, it's best not to try to figure it out. :)
It means women are from the planet of beauty (for Venus was the goddess of beauty, you see), and men are from the planet of... *Googles real quick* war. (Because Mars was the god of war.)

It means women are from the planet of beauty (for Venus was the goddess of beauty, you see), and men are from the planet of... *Googles real quick* war. (Because Mars was the god of war.)

I like mine better. :p

snip
i honestly don't recall ever laughing that much at anythin on these boards. well played, aside from the lack of sex.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.

ROFL!!!

YES! Beautiful! :D

Thank you sir, that has made my day!

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
Well, Venus and Mars have different orbital radii and velocities, so the gravitational interactions between them and Earth alters the Lagrange points around Earth oh-so-slightly and.... Oh, nevermind, it's too complicated.

--The Jovial States of Cogitation
NationStates Self-Proclaimed Court Jester

...

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
Okay, first I'll state that I have no firsthand experience with this sort of thing and I have not studied the subject scientifically. I also have no psychoanalytical training whatsoever.

That said, my best guess is: She needs to feel secure with you, she needs some reassurance that the relationship holds more meaning than just sex. Perhaps just being intimate with you without actually getting it on reassures her of that.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.
Interesting parallel. My first thought is that it makes sense, that it tries to convey to her that you feel that you've been slighted. However, I know that there's something deeper at work, here, but I just can't see it, yet.

Real life calls. I have to cut this short. But, I will be thinking on the following questions: Why do some women like to go shopping so much? Is there a parallel between that and a kid going to a toy store? What's going through her head, emotionally, as each event transpires?

"Think about it for a moment."


I always figured that meant men are like big hot red balls with no substance and women are pretty, but full of toxic gasses.

Otherwise, it's best not to try to figure it out. :)
Actually, Venus is hot enough to melt lead because of all those greenhouse gases. Mars is cold.


--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.


LMFAO! class :D

and yes I am a woman :P

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=394447 ;) :D

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=394447 ;) :D
DAMN EUTRUSCA'S MISLEADING HIDE!

DAMN EUTRUSCA'S MISLEADING HIDE!
Huh? How did I "mislead???" :confused:

I didn't know someone else had already posted that or I wouldn't have posted it. Sorry.

Actually, Venus is hot enough to melt lead because of all those greenhouse gases. Mars is cold.


Oops ... well ... Astronomy class was a long time ago. Ok ... so men are a big cold rock (still hotter than Earth, though :p ) with no substance.

Huh? How did I "mislead???" :confused:

I didn't know someone else had already posted that or I wouldn't have posted it. Sorry.

heh, that was posted over two months ago, though ;)

Huh? How did I "mislead???" :confused:

I didn't know someone else had already posted that or I wouldn't have posted it. Sorry.
i honestly don't care. i jsut felt like the damnation of someones flesh. though it is a little dissapointing that it didn't happen to you.

I've gotten that countless times in my inbox...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=394447 ;) :D

O_o

Bolol demands an explanation for this bullshit!

j/k :D

I would venture a guess that shopping had something to do with issues of control and worth, like many other addictions.

http://www.the-gateway.net/fun/no-sex-tonight.jpg

Thats was clever and entertaining. I needed a laugh.

Could that be called "Shoppus Interruptus" ?

http://www.the-gateway.net/fun/no-sex-tonight.jpg

Awesome! :D

Eutrusca, You are my hero

Eutrusca, You are my hero
Perhaps you didn't read all the posts? :p

Perhaps you didn't read all the posts? :p

You're my hero for this: http://www.the-gateway.net/fun/no-sex-tonight.jpg

:D

Sex is like Shopping guys go in to get the stuff they want and when its done they leave! :D

You're my hero for this: http://www.the-gateway.net/fun/no-sex-tonight.jpg

:D
Why is that, pray tell?

Why is that, pray tell?

Because you try to pass these things off as your own. If you're going to post them, admit you got it from a chain e-mail. It's extremely disingenuous to allow these people to commend your wit when you merely copy/pasted it from your inbox.

Because you try to pass these things off as your own. If you're going to post them, admit you got it from a chain e-mail. It's extremely disingenuous to allow these people to commend your wit when you merely copy/pasted it from your inbox.
Anyone who knows anything at all about me knows I live alone. So I neglected to say I got it from an email that was sent to me ... so have me shot. I just thought the damned thing was funny. :(

Its true though!

Its true though!

Well, I see the vultures are gathering. Have fun, boys and girls.

Well, I see the vultures are gathering. Have fun, boys and girls.
:(

Hmm, if i hadnt seen a variation on that joke before (maybe 3 times), i'd probably be laughing now.

I'm not. :rolleyes:

Okay, Eutrusca made an honest mistake. Let's not further persecute him for it.

Eutrusca: To avoid confusion in the future, you should probably use a QUOTE box for anything you're copying-pasting. In any event though, you should explicitly state whether or not it's your original work, because people will get confused. Not a Moderator order, just an official suggestion.

--The Modified Democratic States of Cogitation
NationStates Game Moderator

...

Gah! I had this nice hypothesis worked out for what was going on in Eutruscas' girlfriends' mind. Now, I find out that it's just another chain E-mail joke. Now, nobody's going to take my hypothesis seriously.

Bah! :p

Well, I'm going to post it anyway. I like my hypothesis. Please note that I speak of general tendencies; I know there are exceptions, but I want to consider the kind of woman portrayed in the anecdote.

I'm taking it as a given fact that women tend to require more emotional bonding/intimacy than men. By "intimacy", I also include non-sexual aspects of intimacy. As a matter of fact, it is the non-sexual aspects that specifically concern us, here. I'm fairly confident about this assumption, but if it doesn't hold true, then the rest of the argument falls apart.

I'm guessing that women like shopping and dressing up because they like to feel beautiful. I don't mean "look beautiful", it seems to go just a little bit deeper than that. It's also not necessarily to attract men (or, for lesbians, attract other women). Maybe a self-image/self-esteem issue?

For a woman, dressing up might also be a kind of hobby and, like any hobbyist, maintains a collection of tools and materials relevant to the hobby. People who like building stuff will have a collection of power tools, screws, wood planks, whatever. People who take an interest in automobiles (beyond what's strictly necessary for their day-to-day life) maintain a large collection of car-related tools. Model ship builders will have a scalpel, paint, a display rack for their work, et cetera. Star Trek fans will have a collection of trading cards, perhaps a collection of playing decks for the Customizable Card Game, and have all the episodes of The Original Series on DVD. Well, at least, I do. Trek fans more extreme than myself will also have StarFleet or Klingon uniforms and be able to speak Klingon (yes, Klingon is an actual language, in case you did not know).

So, women who like to dress up do it as a hobby. They have cosmetics, dresses, shoes, and a wide variety of each. ...and, like any hobbyist, they enjoy discussing their hobbies with those who share their interests. This would explain why one sometimes sees a small group of women enthusiastically discussing a new dress or a new pair of shoes.

This leads me back to the point about emotional bonding and intimacy. My guess is that women like to include their significant others in their shopping activities because women want to share their interests with the men they love. "This is what I take an interest in, I'm proud of my hobby, please let me show it to you." This is why women get excited when a man takes an active interest in one of her hobbies: it's building another bond in the relationship, one that isn't based on sex.

On the flip side, women who take an interest in stereotypically "male" hobbies are exciting to men. Think about it for a moment: how many "home improvement" men would be turned on by a woman who likes power tools and takes an active interest ing knowing how to properly use them? How many of us nerds and geeks would get turned on by a woman who enjoys computer games? Admittedly, the motivations and dynamics are slightly different, but I'm not going to delve into the differences right now. Suffice it to say that you're more likely to get someone's attention if you take an active interest in what they do.

So, finally getting back to this anecdote, when the guy went out with his girlfriend to the mall, he was exhibiting an interest (in this case, though, a false interest) in his girlfriends hobby. That's what I think got her excited (assuming that it's a real anecdote). When he hit her with the punchline "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?", he took her hobby and lowered it to the level of plain old dirty lucre. It's an important hobby to her, so this (in a way) was effectively an attempt to put her down to that same level: plain old dirty lucre. It was basically saying to her "Ha, ha! I don't really care about your hobby! Your hobby is only about possessions and money! Don't you see that?"

...and that's why he wasn't getting any that night, either.

...

So, that's my hypothesis. Opinions?

"Think about it for a moment."

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia

So, finally getting back to this anecdote, when the guy went out with his girlfriend to the mall, he was exhibiting an interest (in this case, though, a false interest) in his girlfriends hobby. That's what I think got her excited (assuming that it's a real anecdote). When he hit her with the punchline "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?", he took her hobby and lowered it to the level of plain old dirty lucre. It's an important hobby to her, so this (in a way) was effectively an attempt to put her down to that same level: plain old dirty lucre. It was basically saying to her "Ha, ha! I don't really care about your hobby! Your hobby is only about possessions and money! Don't you see that?"

...and that's why he wasn't getting any that night, either.

...

So, that's my hypothesis. Opinions?

"Think about it for a moment."

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of AmbrosiaSo could sex for him only be considered as a Hobby?

Gah! I had this nice hypothesis worked out for what was going on in Eutruscas' girlfriends' mind. Now, I find out that it's just another chain E-mail joke. Now, nobody's going to take my hypothesis seriously.

-snip-



That's pretty impressive, Cog. I hadn't considered it like that before.

When I read the first post in this thread, I immediately recognized it as a joke...and got a good chuckle out of it. Now I'm real proud of myself for that because on several occasions folks on here have had to point out jokes and sarcasm that I had taken literally. If nothing else, the tennis bracelet crack made it evident to me. Either way, this thread could easily have gone in other directions...a relationship joke thread, a discussion of male/female relationships, even the difference in male and female psyches. Instead a few folks chose to criticize Eutrusca for over-estimating their ability to recognize humor. It almost looks to me like some of the posters who pride themselves on their quick wits are embarrassed because a joke, obvious to some, went over their heads. To make themselves feel better, they are claiming that the thread was created as a purposeful deception. If that is the case, all I can say is, get over yourselves.

Now, to carry on the discussion following Cog's lead, I don't think that shopping is a hobby to women. Although I am female, most of my closest friends are male. I've found that, when you get a group of women together, they are going to discuss childbirth, relationships, and shopping. All subjects that bore me to tears. (BTW, I hate to shop and my wardrobe shows it. :( ) The only way I can explain the shopping mystique is a game of one-upmanship. Who has the prettiest outfit, who got the best price, who paid the highest price, who is able to hide the most fat, who found the most unique and flattering look. It seems to be some sort of bonding ritual, requiring their peers to remark enthusiastically on their shopping prowess and taste. I have seen women gush over outfits that I wouldn't wear to take the trash to the curb. :confused: (I must also note that it is very seldom that my choice of dress is praised...only so much you can do with a suit or a pair of jeans.) This same comparison and critiquing is done when comparing birth experiences (weight gain, length of labor, complications, baby's dimensions, etc) and relationships (how thoughtful he is, how inconsiderate he is, etc). I can never tell if it is to display their success in life or to state their qualifications for future martyrdom.

I don't think women necessarily dress for men. If they did we would all just run naked. It seems to be a fairly common complaint that husbands/boyfriends seldom notice a new outfit and react to glamour about the same as they react to sweats...unless someone clues them in that they need to do otherwise.

As for the perceptions of men, ever notice that a woman can show up decked out in an absolutely breathtaking new outfit and most of them won't notice. But, change the shape of the headlights on the new model of their favorite car and they are all at attention. What's with that?

Edit: Clue to men: A few weeks ago my husband and I went to Sears to get him some new shoes for work. He ended up in tools drooling over a fancy mitre saw while I went and picked out his shoes. But, last year, when we went to pick out a new suit for him, he spent 2 hours picking out the suit and agonizing over the accessories to go with it. My shopping technique is to find something that isn't too obnoxious looking, will cover my skinny legs, and then see if it is available in my size. 5 minutes maximum.

i'd like to ask a question that may not be necessarily related to the OP, but...

what is the deal with women and shoes?? i seriously don't get it. i have 1 pair of shoes, which is all you need, really. i just don't get it :confused:

i'd like to ask a question that may not be necessarily related to the OP, but...

what is the deal with women and shoes?? i seriously don't get it. i have 1 pair of shoes, which is all you need, really. i just don't get it :confused:

I have 30 or 40 pair of shoes. I have them in a variety of colors and styles to match outfits and seasons. I also have them in different sizes to fit my feet depending on fluid retention. Depending on weather and diet, I can puff up some pretty fat feet.

I have 30 or 40 pair of shoes. I have them in a variety of colors and styles to match outfits and seasons. I also have them in different sizes to fit my feet depending on fluid retention. Depending on weather and diet, I can puff up some pretty fat feet.
You have 30 or 40 pairs of shoes but almost no clothes what so ever? I find your 2 latest posts pretty paradoxal.

You have 30 or 40 pairs of shoes but almost no clothes what so ever? I find your 2 latest posts pretty paradoxal.

I have a walk-in closet full of clothes. They just aren't very unique. My idea of shopping is a couple times a year, go to one store in the mall, pick out several outfits and accessories, including several pair of shoes, check out, and don't go back until I have to. I also hardly ever throw anything out. Eventually they all come back into style again. I just don't agonize over cut, color, and trend. If it's a solid color or not too busy of a print, it covers my legs (and they are sooooooooooooooooo skinny), and they have it in my size, I'm good to go. Shoes are mostly black, brown, tan, and cream, but I pick up a red or blue pair once in a while. That's about as flamboyant as I get.

Helioterra - a couple of years ago clogs started to become really popular again. I dug out an old pair I had from high school and started wearing them. I had more compliments on them...they have actual wooden soles with tooled leather uppers. When people asked where I found them, you should have seen their faces when I said Macy's back in 1967. :p

i'd like to ask a question that may not be necessarily related to the OP, but...

what is the deal with women and shoes?? i seriously don't get it. i have 1 pair of shoes, which is all you need, really. i just don't get it :confused:

You're not the only one. I don't notice women's shoes when they wear them, and don't see why they have so many (typical blokes opinion).
Why does anyone need more than two pairs of shoes! Why!? Shoes don't have to match your outfit!!! Arrrrhhhhhh!

So could sex for him only be considered as a Hobby?
Mmmm.... Not exactly. At least, not for the guy in the anecdote. A big part of the humor of the situation is the lack of mutual understanding, here. The man and the woman probably have different perspectives on the situation and this difference caused the conflict. Thus, the man seeing sex as a hobby doesn't follow from the woman seeing shopping as a hobby.

I've really only analyzed one of the two perspectives in this story; I really should analyze the mans perspective. I'll have to spend some time thinking about it, but I anticipate that the analysis will center around this: Passions were building up in bed the previous night when she unexpectedly decides to stop short. Thus, his anticipation was built up, but then left unsatisfied. So, he figures "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" and decides to express his displeasure by building up her anticipation, and then stopping short.

That's pretty impressive, Cog. I hadn't considered it like that before.
Thank you. :)

Now, to carry on the discussion following Cog's lead, I don't think that shopping is a hobby to women. Although I am female, most of my closest friends are male. I've found that, when you get a group of women together, they are going to discuss childbirth, relationships, and shopping. All subjects that bore me to tears. (BTW, I hate to shop and my wardrobe shows it. :( ) The only way I can explain the shopping mystique is a game of one-upmanship. Who has the prettiest outfit, who got the best price, who paid the highest price, who is able to hide the most fat, who found the most unique and flattering look. It seems to be some sort of bonding ritual, requiring their peers to remark enthusiastically on their shopping prowess and taste. I have seen women gush over outfits that I wouldn't wear to take the trash to the curb. :confused: (I must also note that it is very seldom that my choice of dress is praised...only so much you can do with a suit or a pair of jeans.) This same comparison and critiquing is done when comparing birth experiences (weight gain, length of labor, complications, baby's dimensions, etc) and relationships (how thoughtful he is, how inconsiderate he is, etc). I can never tell if it is to display their success in life or to state their qualifications for future martyrdom.
[Emphasis mine.]

Ehhh.... I would still consider shopping to be a hobby to women. I didn't think of the one-upmanship factor, but the way you explain it makes sense. Indeed, I think that your one-upmanship hypothesis and my hobby hypothesis actually complement each other well.

The concepts of "one-upmanship" and "hobby" are not mutually exclusive concepts; one can have one-upmanship amongst practitioners of a hobby. Who has a better set of golf clubs? Who has a better golf swing? Who has a better playing deck in "Magic: The Gathering" or "Star Trek: The Customizable Card Game"? Who has a better car? WHo has the faster power tools? Who has the better tennis racket?

I don't think women necessarily dress for men. If they did we would all just run naked.
Naaah, you wouldn't. :p There's a certain allure to what you know is there, but you just barely see it, to what's close, but just barely out-of-reach. There's a certain attraction to what's impossible or difficult to obtain. A striptease is more exciting than just starting off naked (or so I've heard; I'm not exactly the Voice Of Experience, here).

It seems to be a fairly common complaint that husbands/boyfriends seldom notice a new outfit and react to glamour about the same as they react to sweats...unless someone clues them in that they need to do otherwise.

As for the perceptions of men, ever notice that a woman can show up decked out in an absolutely breathtaking new outfit and most of them won't notice. But, change the shape of the headlights on the new model of their favorite car and they are all at attention. What's with that?
This goes back to hobbies and interests. The depth of detail that someone notices is related to the depth to which they enjoy studying the subject. An architect will notice changes in structural details. A car enthusiast will notice changes in headlights. A bird watcher will notice changes in the different bird calls as seasons change and populations migrate. Someone who doesn't take an interest in a particular subject (or is distracted) isn't going to notice changes of detail in that subject.

Edit: Clue to men: A few weeks ago my husband and I went to Sears to get him some new shoes for work. He ended up in tools drooling over a fancy mitre saw while I went and picked out his shoes. But, last year, when we went to pick out a new suit for him, he spent 2 hours picking out the suit and agonizing over the accessories to go with it. My shopping technique is to find something that isn't too obnoxious looking, will cover my skinny legs, and then see if it is available in my size. 5 minutes maximum.
Hmmm.... A year is a bit of a long time. Interests can shift over a year.

...and then there are the eccentric days where exceptions apply and not rules.

Why does anyone need more than two pairs of shoes! Why!? Shoes don't have to match your outfit!!! Arrrrhhhhhh!
They do if you raise dressing from a necessity to an art form.

--The Democratic States of Cogitation
"Think about it for a moment."
Founder and Delegate of The Realm of Ambrosia